Does Your Thai Wife Do This...

[scorecard]

And I guess your totally logical in everything you do, and your analysis and your reactions to everything is perfect.

[transam]

And I guess your totally logical in everything you do, and your analysis and your reactions to everything is perfect.

Not me, just want to get out of bed and get back into it at the end of the day. .

[LannaFarang]

(1) Wait till she calms down and starts talking to you normally again

(2) After she calms down explain to her that if she exhibits such behaviour again you will kick her a$$ to the kerb

(3) If she does it again, accept that she is damaged goods and kick her a$$ to the kerb

Edited March 5, 2012 by LannaFarang

[NanLaew]

When the incredibly young, stunningly beautiful and superby talented Mrs NL tried pulling that stunt, I commented how much it reminded me of the first Mrs NL. Nipped that sh!t right in the bud that did... or as my late father commented, 'That stopped her farting in church, son.'

[pastitche]

Actualy my wife and i speak to each other properly ,not in pidgeon english

I think the word you want is pidgin; why try to insult other posters? Edited March 5, 2012 by pastitche

[pastitche]

Actualy my wife and i speak to each other properly ,not in pidgeon english

I think the word you want is pidgin; why try to insult other posters?

[pastitche]

Actualy my wife and i speak to each other properly ,not in pidgeon english

I speak in proper English to her. She speaks what she speaks to me, usually minus English articles (a, an, the), mixed tenses, and misplaced adverbs and adjective. But I understand what she is saying, and I like the way she talks. Me? I don't do pidgeon, and I don't recommend that any English speaker do. It's makes one sound....I'm thinking of a word......Stupid! LOL

As stupid as being unable to spell it or type grammatically correct English. I note that you don't speak to her in Thai; if you live here and she is Thai, why is that

[IanForbes]

When the incredibly young, stunningly beautiful and superby talented Mrs NL tried pulling that stunt, I commented how much it reminded me of the first Mrs NL. Nipped that sh!t right in the bud that did... or as my late father commented, 'That stopped her farting in church, son.'

Glad to hear you learned that secret to a happy relationship. Women lose respect for the man the moment he starts catering to her every wish. The sad truth is that women don't want a pussy whipped man. Even though they SAY they want a man who is attentive and caring, the truth is that they don't.

[barefoot1988]

i have a thai gf who cohabit with me. really irritating when she gave me cold shoulders, and often due to some retard reasons. just today earlier she was all cold to me just because i slept in bed refusing to wake up to entertain and play with her.

[Old Croc]

What's with Thai women and all the prayers?

We have all sorts of trinkets, candles and incense sticks on a shelf in my office.

While I'm very busy on Thaivisa trying to work out where the best pizza in Phuket is, the missus enters and declares it to be a Buddha day! (How many of these days are there anyway?)

First she turns off my overhead fan which causes me to slowly start sweating into my leather chair, then she starts several brush fires using a handfull of smelly sticks which she waves around the place before sinking down to her knees to pray.

I do the right thing, I don't interupt, I don't complain, I tap the keys as quietly as possible, I don't talk, even to ask why she doesn't do it all in the backyard in front of the brand new 5000B shrine with all the bells and whistles. I respect her need to talk to her god in silence and I sit there quietly dripping. I know she wouldn't answer if I did say something.

Then it happens! diddle da, da diddle da, da dum! Her bloody phone goes off in the other room!

Instantly she's on her feet, out the door and spends the next hour babbling to a friend on the phone. Me, the fan, the bloody incense and buddha are all forgotten!

Whats the story?

Posted using two empty jam tins and a very long piece of string.

[nocturn]

i quite enjoy being single, and i have never had any problem making that clear.

fortunately, because i enjoy being single, when i end up with someone, it is someone who doesn't play stupid games.

i honestly dont understand the issues here many have, nor do i understand why so many here settle down with a woman just because she will have them.

after many years here, i made an honest attempt at a family and when it went wrong, i ended up with a woman who became one of my best friends and a child who lives with me 5 days a week.

it aint that difficult.

[Ijustwannateach]

This is getting back more to the question of 'why' - though perhaps I am thinking too seriously here. What one sees in the education system here, at the best of times- is frightening, in terms of what kinds of childhoods people are having. Remember that it has only been in the last few generations that any real notion of 'child abuse' has even existed in more 'advanced' countries. It has been even more recent that awareness of the effects of emotional neglect and abuse have begun to be understood. And Thailand is essentially at the beginning of that process at best- if the country is lucky they will at least eliminate routine child trafficking and prostitution within a generation or two; preventing routine poverty will probably be next, and only then (3 or 4 generations ahead) will we see a good start on eliminating abuse in the home. They've only just stopped corporal punishment in the schools, and that hasn't received widespread support everywhere.

Why do I bring this up? A lot of you will be dating women who grew up in situations that were generations less enlightened with respect to how children are raised, than you were in your childhoods, even if they got lucky and received the best opportunities that that generation could give them. For better or for worse, what happens in a long term intimate relationship is that often we recreate important relationships in our past, especially our childhoods. As a result, you (and they) may often be reacting to each other the way you did towards other family members from your past. In their cases, it may be likely that it was not particularly safe to speak out directly or discuss things openly (especially feelings). In some cases, the only safe option for protest was silence and withdrawal. Even though it may not be warranted in your case and as a result of your behaviour, it is how people from some kinds of backgrounds learn to deal with any conflict in a dangerous or intolerant family environment. Since that's the way they dealt with it in the past, that's how they'll deal with it now.

Apart from therapy which may not really be otherwise necessary or helpful, the best advice I can give is to make it repeatedly clear that you are NOT intolerant to their concerns, that you WANT communication, and that it IS safe for them to talk about their feelings directly. That still doesn't guarantee that they will want to or be able to change, but if there is any chance of it that is what I think will probably work.

One of my early partners here was from an abusive past situation that has emotionally scarred him. He would get incredibly angry at me at times for what seemed to me no reason; at first, being confused, I would apologise and try to reason with him- until I realised that it really wasn't about me. Finally I told him that was how I felt: he was punishing me for anger he felt towards other people and though I was willing to be supportive, I wasn't willing to accept abuse, and it was up to him to figure out what was going on. To his credit, he did wind up (on his own initiative, not at my suggestion) seeing a counsellor for a while. Now, he was relatively younger than the women most posters are talking about here, and also not a woman in a society that has been more oppressive in some ways to women, so I don't suggest being as direct as I was. But I hope that my comments have some relevance and will help some posters here, all kidding aside.

[nocturn]

and what if i reckon you are over thinking the issue, though in some isolated cases your thoughts may have merit?

[theblether]

This is getting back more to the question of 'why' - though perhaps I am thinking too seriously here. What one sees in the education system here, at the best of times- is frightening, in terms of what kinds of childhoods people are having. Remember that it has only been in the last few generations that any real notion of 'child abuse' has even existed in more 'advanced' countries. It has been even more recent that awareness of the effects of emotional neglect and abuse have begun to be understood. And Thailand is essentially at the beginning of that process at best- if the country is lucky they will at least eliminate routine child trafficking and prostitution within a generation or two; preventing routine poverty will probably be next, and only then (3 or 4 generations ahead) will we see a good start on eliminating abuse in the home. They've only just stopped corporal punishment in the schools, and that hasn't received widespread support everywhere.

Why do I bring this up? A lot of you will be dating women who grew up in situations that were generations less enlightened with respect to how children are raised, than you were in your childhoods, even if they got lucky and received the best opportunities that that generation could give them. For better or for worse, what happens in a long term intimate relationship is that often we recreate important relationships in our past, especially our childhoods. As a result, you (and they) may often be reacting to each other the way you did towards other family members from your past. In their cases, it may be likely that it was not particularly safe to speak out directly or discuss things openly (especially feelings). In some cases, the only safe option for protest was silence and withdrawal. Even though it may not be warranted in your case and as a result of your behaviour, it is how people from some kinds of backgrounds learn to deal with any conflict in a dangerous or intolerant family environment. Since that's the way they dealt with it in the past, that's how they'll deal with it now.

Apart from therapy which may not really be otherwise necessary or helpful, the best advice I can give is to make it repeatedly clear that you are NOT intolerant to their concerns, that you WANT communication, and that it IS safe for them to talk about their feelings directly. That still doesn't guarantee that they will want to or be able to change, but if there is any chance of it that is what I think will probably work.

One of my early partners here was from an abusive past situation that has emotionally scarred him. He would get incredibly angry at me at times for what seemed to me no reason; at first, being confused, I would apologise and try to reason with him- until I realised that it really wasn't about me. Finally I told him that was how I felt: he was punishing me for anger he felt towards other people and though I was willing to be supportive, I wasn't willing to accept abuse, and it was up to him to figure out what was going on. To his credit, he did wind up (on his own initiative, not at my suggestion) seeing a counsellor for a while. Now, he was relatively younger than the women most posters are talking about here, and also not a woman in a society that has been more oppressive in some ways to women, so I don't suggest being as direct as I was. But I hope that my comments have some relevance and will help some posters here, all kidding aside.

Another excellent post IJWT. We are having serious problems in the UK around the area of emotional neglect. There are hundreds of thousands of children who are being brought up in fractured families due to drugs, alcoholism, mental illness and divorce.

However there are just as many who on the surface are being well looked after physically, but they are being emotionally neglected. Emotional neglect is the hidden enemy, there are plenty of kids who don't know what it is like to sit and have dinner with Mum and Dad, even if Mum and Dad stay in the same house.

The more technology that comes in, the more we are becoming strangers to each other in our own homes. I'm not usually one for banging on about the good old days, but I do miss the whole family sitting watching the same TV shows together. I think that is the operative word. Together.

[Ijustwannateach]

and what if i reckon you are over thinking the issue, though in some isolated cases your thoughts may have merit?

From my previous post:

I hope that my comments have some relevance and will help some posters here,

Your mileage may vary.

[Ijustwannateach]

Blether: Exactly- the tough thing about emotional neglect and abuse is that it is harder to identify (even for the victim) as the problem, because it wasn't about fists & canes which are easily recognised as abusive in physical terms. It is more about ignoring and/or abusing the self. Unfortunately, I have the feeling that even in those bygone days, women's selves were not exactly encouraged by many men. One advantage some people in Thailand (and more people in other countries in the past) have had is access to a bigger extended family to seek help when the direct family were basket cases. As Thailand industrialises and this unrecognised resource vanishes with smaller family sizes (already happening) I have the feeling that overt emotional/mental illness will become more of a widespread, recognised problem here.

[theblether]

Blether: Exactly- the tough thing about emotional neglect and abuse is that it is harder to identify (even for the victim) as the problem, because it wasn't about fists & canes which are easily recognised as abusive in physical terms. It is more about ignoring and/or abusing the self. Unfortunately, I have the feeling that even in those bygone days, women's selves were not exactly encouraged by many men. One advantage some people in Thailand (and more people in other countries in the past) have had is access to a bigger extended family to seek help when the direct family were basket cases. As Thailand industrialises and this unrecognised resource vanishes with smaller family sizes (already happening) I have the feeling that overt emotional/mental illness will become more of a widespread, recognised problem here.

I agree with that, I got into a severe argument on a thread in regards to the effect that urbanization and industrialization would have on the family dynamic here in Thailand.

Some people refuse to accept that Thailand will eventually suffer the same calumnies that befell the West. The West was up until 200 years ago an agrarian society, even after urbanization started to take root poverty demanded families living in close proximity. It was wealth that broke families in the end. Money brings choices, and some people choose their own lifestyle wants in front of family.

Please indulge me this story......it says a lot.

I witnessed a thing four months ago that told me a lot about emotional neglect. I was in a bar in my home town, it was very quiet, I was waiting for a train. I was chatting to a couple of old pals when this guy walked in, and bought a fair amount of drink to take home.

When he was at the bar he asked a friend of mine, do you know a guy called Jimmy X ( made up name I won't name him ). The guy said yes, he's a w*nker, he's blah, blah, blah. I also knew the guy that he was talking about and I know the guy divided opinions in my home town.

The guy first guy seemed to take a succulent pleasure from hearing this highly negative opinion. I sat transfixed, trying to work out where this look of pleasure was coming from, then the penny dropped. I said " Excuse me, I know you, Jimmy X is your father ".

The guy looked at me and after a moment a shocked look came across his face, he recognized me from 30 years ago and realized that he had walked into a Lions Den. So I said to the guy, " I think you should apologize for embarrassing my friend here, why are you asking that question about your Dad, you know he divides opinion? ".

Answer?

" My Dad is on his death bed, he won't survive the night ".

I knew this guy when we were boys, he always fought for his wealthy fathers attention and was always slapped down. Now 30 years later he is spending the Eve of his death savouring the bitterness of his existence.

That's what emotional neglect does, you can drive a big flash car but you better cuddle your son.

[Ijustwannateach]

Problem is that it runs in the family and because it doesn't leave visual marks, by the time anyone can recognise it you've probably already started on the next generation- like the guy you mention in your story above, I'm guessing he's already old enough to have kids and have made his mark on them, too. In that sense, it will probably never be something that the state can do anything about even with the best intentions. It will require open talk by many people to identify their own feelings and then- something which is hard in the best of times- great personal responsibility in addressing one's own demons. 'Loss of face' will make that quite difficult here, especially when many kids still feel like they have to do the JOBS which their parents tell them to do- how to stand up to their parents for themselves?

As you point out, wealth doesn't help- in fact, I would say the most abused students I have known came from very wealthy backgrounds.

[theblether]

Problem is that it runs in the family and because it doesn't leave visual marks, by the time anyone can recognise it you've probably already started on the next generation- like the guy you mention in your story above, I'm guessing he's already old enough to have kids and have made his mark on them, too. In that sense, it will probably never be something that the state can do anything about even with the best intentions. It will require open talk by many people to identify their own feelings and then- something which is hard in the best of times- great personal responsibility in addressing one's own demons. 'Loss of face' will make that quite difficult here, especially when many kids still feel like they have to do the JOBS which their parents tell them to do- how to stand up to their parents for themselves?

As you point out, wealth doesn't help- in fact, I would say the most abused students I have known came from very wealthy backgrounds.

+1

and that is because everything is delivered to them with an ounce of joy and a ton of expectation. What kind of way is that to bring up a child?

One unforseen problem though is over compensation, my father, who I love dearly and I have a fantastic relationship with now, was too directional as a father.

You can point in the right direction, but don't direct.

in my case I was determined to not be directional with my kids, and at this moment they are underachieving.

Write the "Perfect Parent" book IJWT and you'll become a billionaire.

edited to correct the metaphor, i don't want to get in trouble with the teacher!!

Edited March 5, 2012 by theblether

[nocturn]

sorry guys, i see what it is you are on about, but really, how do you bring it back to the OP?

[ALFREDO]

Actualy my wife and i speak to each other properly ,not in pidgeon english

And what does that help?

[ALFREDO]

Actualy my wife and i speak to each other properly ,not in pidgeon english

That's impossible. You couldn't possible know pidgeon English as that is only spoken by the birds in Trafalgar Square in London.

Do you mean Pidgin English?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pidgin

LOL

Edited March 5, 2012 by ALFREDO

[theblether]

sorry guys, i see what it is you are on about, but really, how do you bring it back to the OP?

It's quite easy........

The wife was in the shower and she remembered her father not allowing her to go out and play with water when she was little.......

Then she remembered that the OP prevented her from enjoying Songkran last year........

So the OP got the 5 year olds sulk 50 years later!!

Do keep up Nocturn.

[Ijustwannateach]

Even if Songkran itself were not the issue- and it might well be, considering its importance in families- the reaction to a moment of frustration or insecurity (I'm getting old, I don't have many Songkran's left, I feel bad, it must be someone's fault- it's my husband's fault! (because it's easier to blame it on him dysfunctionally than to accept I am angry about my family, or afraid of getting old)) leading to an old, formerly important but now inadequate response to conflict (I'll sulk because that's safe!)

[ALFREDO]

Actualy my wife and i speak to each other properly ,not in pidgeon english

That's impossible. You couldn't possible know pidgeon English as that is only spoken by the birds in Trafalgar Square in London.

Do you mean Pidgin English?

My God some people are Pedantic......

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

Pedantic?

I think ==thenervoussurgeon== was it with his quote! He speaks right, than should also write right!

Edited March 5, 2012 by ALFREDO

[nong38]

This is getting back more to the question of 'why' - though perhaps I am thinking too seriously here. What one sees in the education system here, at the best of times- is frightening, in terms of what kinds of childhoods people are having. Remember that it has only been in the last few generations that any real notion of 'child abuse' has even existed in more 'advanced' countries. It has been even more recent that awareness of the effects of emotional neglect and abuse have begun to be understood. And Thailand is essentially at the beginning of that process at best- if the country is lucky they will at least eliminate routine child trafficking and prostitution within a generation or two; preventing routine poverty will probably be next, and only then (3 or 4 generations ahead) will we see a good start on eliminating abuse in the home. They've only just stopped corporal punishment in the schools, and that hasn't received widespread support everywhere.

Why do I bring this up? A lot of you will be dating women who grew up in situations that were generations less enlightened with respect to how children are raised, than you were in your childhoods, even if they got lucky and received the best opportunities that that generation could give them. For better or for worse, what happens in a long term intimate relationship is that often we recreate important relationships in our past, especially our childhoods. As a result, you (and they) may often be reacting to each other the way you did towards other family members from your past. In their cases, it may be likely that it was not particularly safe to speak out directly or discuss things openly (especially feelings). In some cases, the only safe option for protest was silence and withdrawal. Even though it may not be warranted in your case and as a result of your behaviour, it is how people from some kinds of backgrounds learn to deal with any conflict in a dangerous or intolerant family environment. Since that's the way they dealt with it in the past, that's how they'll deal with it now.

Apart from therapy which may not really be otherwise necessary or helpful, the best advice I can give is to make it repeatedly clear that you are NOT intolerant to their concerns, that you WANT communication, and that it IS safe for them to talk about their feelings directly. That still doesn't guarantee that they will want to or be able to change, but if there is any chance of it that is what I think will probably work.

One of my early partners here was from an abusive past situation that has emotionally scarred him. He would get incredibly angry at me at times for what seemed to me no reason; at first, being confused, I would apologise and try to reason with him- until I realised that it really wasn't about me. Finally I told him that was how I felt: he was punishing me for anger he felt towards other people and though I was willing to be supportive, I wasn't willing to accept abuse, and it was up to him to figure out what was going on. To his credit, he did wind up (on his own initiative, not at my suggestion) seeing a counsellor for a while. Now, he was relatively younger than the women most posters are talking about here, and also not a woman in a society that has been more oppressive in some ways to women, so I don't suggest being as direct as I was. But I hope that my comments have some relevance and will help some posters here, all kidding aside.

Another excellent post IJWT. We are having serious problems in the UK around the area of emotional neglect. There are hundreds of thousands of children who are being brought up in fractured families due to drugs, alcoholism, mental illness and divorce.

However there are just as many who on the surface are being well looked after physically, but they are being emotionally neglected. Emotional neglect is the hidden enemy, there are plenty of kids who don't know what it is like to sit and have dinner with Mum and Dad, even if Mum and Dad stay in the same house.

The more technology that comes in, the more we are becoming strangers to each other in our own homes. I'm not usually one for banging on about the good old days, but I do miss the whole family sitting watching the same TV shows together. I think that is the operative word. Together.

Yes get the Monopoly out start living a bit more!

[transam]

This is getting back more to the question of 'why' - though perhaps I am thinking too seriously here. What one sees in the education system here, at the best of times- is frightening, in terms of what kinds of childhoods people are having. Remember that it has only been in the last few generations that any real notion of 'child abuse' has even existed in more 'advanced' countries. It has been even more recent that awareness of the effects of emotional neglect and abuse have begun to be understood. And Thailand is essentially at the beginning of that process at best- if the country is lucky they will at least eliminate routine child trafficking and prostitution within a generation or two; preventing routine poverty will probably be next, and only then (3 or 4 generations ahead) will we see a good start on eliminating abuse in the home. They've only just stopped corporal punishment in the schools, and that hasn't received widespread support everywhere.

Why do I bring this up? A lot of you will be dating women who grew up in situations that were generations less enlightened with respect to how children are raised, than you were in your childhoods, even if they got lucky and received the best opportunities that that generation could give them. For better or for worse, what happens in a long term intimate relationship is that often we recreate important relationships in our past, especially our childhoods. As a result, you (and they) may often be reacting to each other the way you did towards other family members from your past. In their cases, it may be likely that it was not particularly safe to speak out directly or discuss things openly (especially feelings). In some cases, the only safe option for protest was silence and withdrawal. Even though it may not be warranted in your case and as a result of your behaviour, it is how people from some kinds of backgrounds learn to deal with any conflict in a dangerous or intolerant family environment. Since that's the way they dealt with it in the past, that's how they'll deal with it now.

Apart from therapy which may not really be otherwise necessary or helpful, the best advice I can give is to make it repeatedly clear that you are NOT intolerant to their concerns, that you WANT communication, and that it IS safe for them to talk about their feelings directly. That still doesn't guarantee that they will want to or be able to change, but if there is any chance of it that is what I think will probably work.

One of my early partners here was from an abusive past situation that has emotionally scarred him. He would get incredibly angry at me at times for what seemed to me no reason; at first, being confused, I would apologise and try to reason with him- until I realised that it really wasn't about me. Finally I told him that was how I felt: he was punishing me for anger he felt towards other people and though I was willing to be supportive, I wasn't willing to accept abuse, and it was up to him to figure out what was going on. To his credit, he did wind up (on his own initiative, not at my suggestion) seeing a counsellor for a while. Now, he was relatively younger than the women most posters are talking about here, and also not a woman in a society that has been more oppressive in some ways to women, so I don't suggest being as direct as I was. But I hope that my comments have some relevance and will help some posters here, all kidding aside.

Another excellent post IJWT. We are having serious problems in the UK around the area of emotional neglect. There are hundreds of thousands of children who are being brought up in fractured families due to drugs, alcoholism, mental illness and divorce.

However there are just as many who on the surface are being well looked after physically, but they are being emotionally neglected. Emotional neglect is the hidden enemy, there are plenty of kids who don't know what it is like to sit and have dinner with Mum and Dad, even if Mum and Dad stay in the same house.

The more technology that comes in, the more we are becoming strangers to each other in our own homes. I'm not usually one for banging on about the good old days, but I do miss the whole family sitting watching the same TV shows together. I think that is the operative word. Together.

Yes get the Monopoly out start living a bit more!

Tend to agree, not so long ago kids had cut up car tyres nailed on their shoes, bread and jam for dinner and a clip round the ear hole for talking. I can remember stuff.

[MediumPaceBowler]

For better or for worse, what happens in a long term intimate relationship is that often we recreate important relationships in our past, especially our childhoods. As a result, you (and they) may often be reacting to each other the way you did towards other family members from your past. In their cases, it may be likely that it was not particularly safe to speak out directly or discuss things openly (especially feelings). In some cases, the only safe option for protest was silence and withdrawal. Even though it may not be warranted in your case and as a result of your behaviour, it is how people from some kinds of backgrounds learn to deal with any conflict in a dangerous or intolerant family environment. Since that's the way they dealt with it in the past, that's how they'll deal with it now.

That really is pure trash. Ever heard of emotional maturity? Ever heard of personal development or character development?

The truth is that some people are emotionally very immature; some people are extremely selfish; some people are petty-minded; some people are incapable of taking responsibility for their actions.

But it is incorrect to attribute character flaws such as these to environmental factors. The flaws stem from the fact that the individual has failed to grow up. To suggest that a childish, sulky and immature wife ought to be forgiven because of the way her father MAY have treated her as a child is absurd.

If a woman has failed to mature into a well-balanced adult then she should be regarded as trash. It is her problem, not yours.

The broader issue, of course, is why foreign men choose to marry trash. But to explore that particular avenue would raise more simple truths than the average Westerner could palette.

[David006]

sorry guys, i see what it is you are on about, but really, how do you bring it back to the OP?

in one mate....most Thai ladies are bloody marvelous....my little sweet talks pidgin sometimes which I love! Any quiet periods are usually my fault ....being an impatient, western old fart sometimes..( three frickin hours lookin at everything from hair lotions to flip flops in Tesco and way past my beer time......get home "sorry dear I forget your marmalade")......I am getting better though honest!

Just have to remember the two week ++ whining, aggressive ongoing frickin nagging left behind in another life.....

[apetley]

Hearing stories like this make me say a silent thanks that wifey dislikes songkran as much as I do.

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