The Folly Of Trying To Help A Local Girl

[cheynewalk]

A couple of points in relation to this story. The girl was genuinely ill, there was no doubt about that. My mate volunteered to give her the money, she never hinted or asked for the money, it was a spontaneous act of generosity on his part. So there was no premeditated scam involved.

If she had just spent the money unwisely that would have been the end of the matter and my friend could have shrugged it off. But, she decided she now had a benefactor whom she had a right to continue to harass for more money. That's what hurt.

It appears that for some people, once you help them they think it is their right to continue to receive your charity.

[StreetCowboy]

A couple of points in relation to this story. The girl was genuinely ill, there was no doubt about that. My mate volunteered to give her the money, she never hinted or asked for the money, it was a spontaneous act of generosity on his part. So there was no premeditated scam involved.

If she had just spent the money unwisely that would have been the end of the matter and my friend could have shrugged it off. But, she decided she now had a benefactor whom she had a right to continue to harass for more money. That's what hurt.

It appears that for some people, once you help them they think it is their right to continue to receive your charity.

Caution: this is not meant sarcastically

What a tremendous critique of unemployment benefit.

SC

[David48]

A couple of points in relation to this story. The girl was genuinely ill, there was no doubt about that. My mate volunteered to give her the money, she never hinted or asked for the money, it was a spontaneous act of generosity on his part. So there was no premeditated scam involved.

If she had just spent the money unwisely that would have been the end of the matter and my friend could have shrugged it off. But, she decided she now had a benefactor whom she had a right to continue to harass for more money. That's what hurt.

It appears that for some people, once you help them they think it is their right to continue to receive your charity.

Caution: this is not meant sarcastically

What a tremendous critique of unemployment benefit.

SC

SC, what a great observation ...

.

[DocN]

Now isn't that sweet...again!

A man helps someone (the keyword is HELPS) who he thinks is in need.

That would be called "empathy"!

Somehow the person who is on the recieving end is not so gratefull, but of course the fellow gets bashed for being so stupid and trying to help!

ThaiVisa at it's best!

I would rather help 10 times - being con'ed 9 times- if that ONE TIME, the help really gets to the right person.

You win some- you loose some.

But it shouldn't keep you from being a nice person or a good human being.

Some things seem stupid, but _imho_ nothing that is done with a good intention, can ever be bad in the end.

[onionluke]

Are there no pawn shops in Pattaya ?

[IanForbes]

Now isn't that sweet...again!

A man helps someone (the keyword is HELPS) who he thinks is in need.

That would be called "empathy"!

Somehow the person who is on the recieving end is not so gratefull, but of course the fellow gets bashed for being so stupid and trying to help!

ThaiVisa at it's best!

I would rather help 10 times - being con'ed 9 times- if that ONE TIME, the help really gets to the right person.

You win some- you loose some.

But it shouldn't keep you from being a nice person or a good human being.

Some things seem stupid, but _imho_ nothing that is done with a good intention, can ever be bad in the end.

I couldn't agree more. I still say that too many people expect to get something in return for their charity... because that is what it is... charity. If financial support is given, while at the same time expecting something in return, then it's also a con job. The women in the "trade" have been used and abused, and lied to so many times that they get hardened just like the guy who was overly generous to a former bar girl who took him for all that she could squeeze. People in survival mode think entirely different from those who were born with a silver spoon in their hand.

As I've said many times, I don't CARE if women are trying to con me. I know that most, if not all of them are trying to support children and parents back home. The money that I give them will filter down to the child sitting at home with gramma.

[Berkshire]

A couple of points in relation to this story. The girl was genuinely ill, there was no doubt about that. My mate volunteered to give her the money, she never hinted or asked for the money, it was a spontaneous act of generosity on his part. So there was no premeditated scam involved.

If she had just spent the money unwisely that would have been the end of the matter and my friend could have shrugged it off. But, she decided she now had a benefactor whom she had a right to continue to harass for more money. That's what hurt.

It appears that for some people, once you help them they think it is their right to continue to receive your charity.

Sorry to be a tad cynical here because I'm sure your friend was well meaning. But....why is it always older farang guys trying to help out young Thai women? Why wasn't he trying to help that poor disabled guy selling lottery tickets in front of Big C or the Airport Central? Well there's always an ulterior motive, isn't there? As Ian mentioned, the giver always wants something in return, whether it's admiration, never-ending gratitude, or something more, shall we say, affectionate.

The fact is he had developed a "role" in the "relationship." His "role" was to give money (and he volunteered for that role). He couldn't be a real friend or confidant because he doesn't speak Thai. Once he reneged on his responsibilities, the relationship is over.

[Wallaby]

All his fault wasn't it.

Sheesh.

[Berkshire]

All his fault wasn't it.

Sheesh.

Yes, I'm sure the story is exactly as the OP described it. This Saint-of-a-man trying to help out this poor little hottie...eh, peasant girl, wanting absolutely nothing in return. The girl, who clearly is the devil reincarnated, shows no gratitude and even ask for more money. I'm sure if you asked the girl you'd get the same story....NOT.

[strollling]

Don't befriend or have anything to do with Thais.

The solution is simple.

[nocturn]

Rarely if ever have i felt the need to adopt a hairdresser, labourer, maid or waitress in financial distress back "home". Same goes for here.

[strollling]

I've worked for my money. And it's all mine.

It's not my fault people are poor. I owe them nothing.

It's always amusing to see the farang knight in shining amour helping the poor unfortunate locals, then being taken for the fool that he is.

Thai rak thai, he should have told her to ask her wealthy Thai customers to help her. Of course we know the answer she would have got, and hence they get the respect of the Thai, not farang idiots.

Edited March 13, 2012 by strollling

[scorecard]

Some might read this and say what a terrible girl. I read it and see a very naive punter who has learned little in his short stay in Thailand. No one to blame but himself.

Plus there's another angle to this. If this girl is really young and naive she will likely be swayed very very easily by the more experienced girls / women in this shop to do things like buy the phone, then plead for more.

Women who work in establishments like this are a nightmare for shop owners.

An example, the Thai wife of a farang acquaintance heard about a massage shop on Sukhumvit Road which was for sale (the business, not the actual premises which is rented).

The Thai wife was in love with the idea of 'owning her own business', but had no previous experience in managing or running a business and in fact she had never worked anywhere herself.

She eventually convinced her husband to buy the business.

Within about 60 days she resold the business. She was shocked in regard to:

- The dishonesty of the massage women

- Serious fighting amongst the staff, planting equipment in the handbags of women they didn't like then telling the boss

- The older ones borrowing (threatening and demanding) money from the younger ones who got more customers. Money never repaid

- Serious theft of towels, creams etc.

- Older women teaching nasty unscrupulous tricks to the younger naive girls

- Threats to the owner to destroy her business, and more.

She was lucky, she recovered most of the initial outlay.

[villagefarang]

Some might read this and say what a terrible girl. I read it and see a very naive punter who has learned little in his short stay in Thailand. No one to blame but himself.

Plus there's another angle to this. If this girl is really young and naive she will likely be swayed very very easily by the more experienced girls / women in this shop to do things like buy the phone, then plead for more.

Women who work in establishments like this are a nightmare for shop owners.

An example, the Thai wife of a farang acquaintance heard about a massage shop on Sukhumvit Road which was for sale (the business, not the actual premises which is rented).

The Thai wife was in love with the idea of 'owning her own business', but had no previous experience in managing or running a business and in fact she had never worked anywhere herself.

She eventually convinced her husband to buy the business.

Within about 60 days she resold the business. She was shocked in regard to:

- The dishonesty of the massage women

- Serious fighting amongst the staff, planting equipment in the handbags of women they didn't like then telling the boss

- The older ones borrowing (threatening and demanding) money from the younger ones who got more customers. Money never repaid

- Serious theft of towels, creams etc.

- Older women teaching nasty unscrupulous tricks to the younger naive girls

- Threats to the owner to destroy her business, and more.

She was lucky, she recovered most of the initial outlay.

The nature-nurture debate is a valid one. Perhaps a certain type of individual is attracted to these jobs in the first place but once in the environment the pressure to embrace the behavioral norms of the senior works is enormous. If they had the strong will necessary to resist they probably wouldn’t be there to begin with.

[IanForbes]

Some might read this and say what a terrible girl. I read it and see a very naive punter who has learned little in his short stay in Thailand. No one to blame but himself.

Plus there's another angle to this. If this girl is really young and naive she will likely be swayed very very easily by the more experienced girls / women in this shop to do things like buy the phone, then plead for more.

Women who work in establishments like this are a nightmare for shop owners.

An example, the Thai wife of a farang acquaintance heard about a massage shop on Sukhumvit Road which was for sale (the business, not the actual premises which is rented).

The Thai wife was in love with the idea of 'owning her own business', but had no previous experience in managing or running a business and in fact she had never worked anywhere herself.

She eventually convinced her husband to buy the business.

Within about 60 days she resold the business. She was shocked in regard to:

- The dishonesty of the massage women

- Serious fighting amongst the staff, planting equipment in the handbags of women they didn't like then telling the boss

- The older ones borrowing (threatening and demanding) money from the younger ones who got more customers. Money never repaid

- Serious theft of towels, creams etc.

- Older women teaching nasty unscrupulous tricks to the younger naive girls

- Threats to the owner to destroy her business, and more.

She was lucky, she recovered most of the initial outlay.

I forgot all about that angle. Thanks for pointing it out. I've seen it happen myself. There is a WHOLE LOT more to managing a business than just putting up the funding. It happens in bars as well. There is often animosity amongst many staff who seem to get the short end of the stick. They don't seem to realize that they are in the wrong trade. Fat ugly girls don't get many customers. It's true the world over. They need to pick another career. There is a REASON why business owners hire a pretty receptionist at the desk. A good manager is worth his or her weight in gold to a business owner.

[scorecard]

Some might read this and say what a terrible girl. I read it and see a very naive punter who has learned little in his short stay in Thailand. No one to blame but himself.

Plus there's another angle to this. If this girl is really young and naive she will likely be swayed very very easily by the more experienced girls / women in this shop to do things like buy the phone, then plead for more.

Women who work in establishments like this are a nightmare for shop owners.

An example, the Thai wife of a farang acquaintance heard about a massage shop on Sukhumvit Road which was for sale (the business, not the actual premises which is rented).

The Thai wife was in love with the idea of 'owning her own business', but had no previous experience in managing or running a business and in fact she had never worked anywhere herself.

She eventually convinced her husband to buy the business.

Within about 60 days she resold the business. She was shocked in regard to:

- The dishonesty of the massage women

- Serious fighting amongst the staff, planting equipment in the handbags of women they didn't like then telling the boss

- The older ones borrowing (threatening and demanding) money from the younger ones who got more customers. Money never repaid

- Serious theft of towels, creams etc.

- Older women teaching nasty unscrupulous tricks to the younger naive girls

- Threats to the owner to destroy her business, and more.

She was lucky, she recovered most of the initial outlay.

The nature-nurture debate is a valid one. Perhaps a certain type of individual is attracted to these jobs in the first place but once in the environment the pressure to embrace the behavioral norms of the senior works is enormous. If they had the strong will necessary to resist they probably wouldn’t be there to begin with.

Agree, good point!

It's also very possible that, if this girl has limited education, comes from a family seen as lower class and sees herself as lower class, that she believes this is 'her lot' in life. Sad but true.

Edited March 13, 2012 by scorecard

[scorecard]

A couple of points in relation to this story. The girl was genuinely ill, there was no doubt about that. My mate volunteered to give her the money, she never hinted or asked for the money, it was a spontaneous act of generosity on his part. So there was no premeditated scam involved.

If she had just spent the money unwisely that would have been the end of the matter and my friend could have shrugged it off. But, she decided she now had a benefactor whom she had a right to continue to harass for more money. That's what hurt.

It appears that for some people, once you help them they think it is their right to continue to receive your charity.

Sorry to be a tad cynical here because I'm sure your friend was well meaning. But....why is it always older farang guys trying to help out young Thai women? Why wasn't he trying to help that poor disabled guy selling lottery tickets in front of Big C or the Airport Central? Well there's always an ulterior motive, isn't there? As Ian mentioned, the giver always wants something in return, whether it's admiration, never-ending gratitude, or something more, shall we say, affectionate.

The fact is he had developed a "role" in the "relationship." His "role" was to give money (and he volunteered for that role). He couldn't be a real friend or confidant because he doesn't speak Thai. Once he reneged on his responsibilities, the relationship is over.

Tangled up in all of this is the belief, amongst many Thais, that all farang are super rich and have endless money, and you can be guaranteed that the massage shop staff would have this belief as solid as a rock.

A different slant of this. My Thai son's in laws have never asked for any money or material goods, but the older brother of my son's wife continuously asks for large amounts of cash. The answer is no but he still asks (also has a severe gambling problem).

He's made strong clear statements many times:

- He is entitled to have a regular cash flow from the farang connection to the family.

- It's the law of Thailand that farang have to give money to Thai people, and he's threatened to go the police to ask the police to take my money.

He's also not very bright.

Edited March 13, 2012 by scorecard

[strollling]

Uneducated Thai: 1

Educated Westerner: 0

Repeat ad nauseam.

[Jawnie]

To use an Americanism: BFD...Big <deleted>' Deal.

It didn't work out...surprise, surprise.

Move on and don't even THINK about looking back.

[Wallaby]

All his fault wasn't it.

Sheesh.

Yes, I'm sure the story is exactly as the OP described it. This Saint-of-a-man trying to help out this poor little hottie...eh, peasant girl, wanting absolutely nothing in return. The girl, who clearly is the devil reincarnated, shows no gratitude and even ask for more money. I'm sure if you asked the girl you'd get the same story....NOT.

Do you have any evidence the story isn't as the OP described it?

Are you saying this sort of thing is rare? Seems to me that most of the people posting on here know about things like this happening quite often so it is entirely plausible, and in the absence of any logical evidence to the contrary I do tend to believe him.

Not everyone is cynical and sad with no thoughts for those less fortunate as ourselves.

I, for one, am glad there are still nice people in the world.

[wana]

A couple of points in relation to this story. The girl was genuinely ill, there was no doubt about that. My mate volunteered to give her the money, she never hinted or asked for the money, it was a spontaneous act of generosity on his part. So there was no premeditated scam involved.

If she had just spent the money unwisely that would have been the end of the matter and my friend could have shrugged it off. But, she decided she now had a benefactor whom she had a right to continue to harass for more money. That's what hurt.

It appears that for some people, once you help them they think it is their right to continue to receive your charity.

Sorry to be a tad cynical here because I'm sure your friend was well meaning. But....why is it always older farang guys trying to help out young Thai women? Why wasn't he trying to help that poor disabled guy selling lottery tickets in front of Big C or the Airport Central? Well there's always an ulterior motive, isn't there? As Ian mentioned, the giver always wants something in return, whether it's admiration, never-ending gratitude, or something more, shall we say, affectionate.

The fact is he had developed a "role" in the "relationship." His "role" was to give money (and he volunteered for that role). He couldn't be a real friend or confidant because he doesn't speak Thai. Once he reneged on his responsibilities, the relationship is over.

He's made strong clear statements many times:

- He is entitled to have a regular cash flow from the farang connection to the family.

- It's the law of Thailand that farang have to give money to Thai people, and he's threatened to go the police to ask the police to take my money.

He's also not very bright.

i would tell him the law of rich farangs states that when someone is threatening you for money ,the money would be better spent having the threat fed to the crocodiles

[h90]

What we can learn from this:

1) Story about the Doctor and something in the blood, after a hangover because of partying all the night: Works!

2) Trying to sell your 2000 Baht mobile phone for additional 5000 Baht does not work.

So next time:

redo 1)

replace mobile phone story with something different.

"My mothers buffalo got sick, without buffalo my mother has no food, so I sent her 5000 Baht for the buffalo doctor"

That buffalo story is well proofed to generate money from walking ATMs.

The mama in hospital story is also proofed to be efficient.

Good luck on further developing the "harvest a farang" methodes.

[transam]

5000 bht is a lot of money, the guy would look like a millionaire to most LOS girls and the ''won the lottery'' bells would be ringing. Think many readers should take this thread on board if in or coming to LOS.

[Berkshire]

All his fault wasn't it.

Sheesh.

Yes, I'm sure the story is exactly as the OP described it. This Saint-of-a-man trying to help out this poor little hottie...eh, peasant girl, wanting absolutely nothing in return. The girl, who clearly is the devil reincarnated, shows no gratitude and even ask for more money. I'm sure if you asked the girl you'd get the same story....NOT.

Do you have any evidence the story isn't as the OP described it?

Are you saying this sort of thing is rare? Seems to me that most of the people posting on here know about things like this happening quite often so it is entirely plausible, and in the absence of any logical evidence to the contrary I do tend to believe him.

Not everyone is cynical and sad with no thoughts for those less fortunate as ourselves.

I, for one, am glad there are still nice people in the world.

I'm not saying it didn't happen--contrary, I'm sure that it happened, but perhaps some of the relevant details were left out. I believe that in every situation, EVERY situation, 100% of the time, there is two-sides to every story. Sometimes the two sides agree, sometimes they completely contradict. Unfortunately, we only get one side on TV and it's almost always the farang side. Are you suggesting that the OP's friend had absolutely no ulterior motive, that it was coincidental that she just happened to be a young, probably attractive, female? Was it really helping out a "friend" in need, or wanting something in return? I don't call this cynical, but rather a real basic understanding of human behavior.

[Beetlejuice]

During the past in several countries I have helped people out who I thought were so called friends or genuine sincere folk in need. And my good deeds came right back at me and hit me in the face.

It`s called life experiences my friends, once bitten twice shy.

[strollling]

5000 bht is a lot of money,

No it isn't it. Some of us make that in a few minutes.

[Beetlejuice]

5000 bht is a lot of money,

No it isn't it. Some of us make that in a few minutes.

I`m really beginning to like you. Will you be my friend because I`m sick of the usual bunch of on the bread line boring losers that are my present circle of friends.

[F1fanatic]

Now isn't that sweet...again!

A man helps someone (the keyword is HELPS) who he thinks is in need.

That would be called "empathy"!

Somehow the person who is on the recieving end is not so gratefull, but of course the fellow gets bashed for being so stupid and trying to help!

ThaiVisa at it's best!

I would rather help 10 times - being con'ed 9 times- if that ONE TIME, the help really gets to the right person.

You win some- you loose some.

But it shouldn't keep you from being a nice person or a good human being.

Some things seem stupid, but _imho_ nothing that is done with a good intention, can ever be bad in the end.

You're wrong.... No good deed goes unpunished is far more accurate.

[BookMan]

Now isn't that sweet...again!

A man helps someone (the keyword is HELPS) who he thinks is in need.

That would be called "empathy"!

Somehow the person who is on the recieving end is not so gratefull, but of course the fellow gets bashed for being so stupid and trying to help!

ThaiVisa at it's best!

I would rather help 10 times - being con'ed 9 times- if that ONE TIME, the help really gets to the right person.

You win some- you loose some.

But it shouldn't keep you from being a nice person or a good human being.

Some things seem stupid, but _imho_ nothing that is done with a good intention, can ever be bad in the end.

wellllll....if that is the case and seeing as you are amenable...I can fill one of those 9/10 slots for you no problem

[F1fanatic]

Some might read this and say what a terrible girl. I read it and see a very naive punter who has learned little in his short stay in Thailand. No one to blame but himself.

Plus there's another angle to this. If this girl is really young and naive she will likely be swayed very very easily by the more experienced girls / women in this shop to do things like buy the phone, then plead for more.

Women who work in establishments like this are a nightmare for shop owners.

An example, the Thai wife of a farang acquaintance heard about a massage shop on Sukhumvit Road which was for sale (the business, not the actual premises which is rented).

The Thai wife was in love with the idea of 'owning her own business', but had no previous experience in managing or running a business and in fact she had never worked anywhere herself.

She eventually convinced her husband to buy the business.

Within about 60 days she resold the business. She was shocked in regard to:

- The dishonesty of the massage women

- Serious fighting amongst the staff, planting equipment in the handbags of women they didn't like then telling the boss

- The older ones borrowing (threatening and demanding) money from the younger ones who got more customers. Money never repaid

- Serious theft of towels, creams etc.

- Older women teaching nasty unscrupulous tricks to the younger naive girls

- Threats to the owner to destroy her business, and more.

She was lucky, she recovered most of the initial outlay.

I forgot all about that angle. Thanks for pointing it out. I've seen it happen myself. There is a WHOLE LOT more to managing a business than just putting up the funding. It happens in bars as well. There is often animosity amongst many staff who seem to get the short end of the stick. They don't seem to realize that they are in the wrong trade. Fat ugly girls don't get many customers. It's true the world over. They need to pick another career. There is a REASON why business owners hire a pretty receptionist at the desk. A good manager is worth his or her weight in gold to a business owner.

"Fat ugly girls don't get many customers" "There is a REASON why business owners hire a pretty receptionist at the desk" ??!

And then followed by "A good manager is worth his or her weight in gold to a business owner" ?!

50% of the population in all countries are women. You seriously think they are impressed by a "pretty receptionist"? Hate to disillusion you, but we far prefer a "good manager"....

As for - "As I've said many times, I don't CARE if women are trying to con me. I know that most, if not all of them are trying to support children and parents back home. The money that I give them will filter down to the child sitting at home with gramma." - It reminds me of the 'trickle down' theory in the West. It didn't work....

Edited March 13, 2012 by F1fanatic