Ten Things You Will Never Hear In Thailand.........

[IanForbes]

Shoud make a pretty decent cartoon book, if someone could find an illustrator.

I get royalties if it happens ok.

That's actually a dam_n good idea.

[IanForbes]

this is an extremely entertaining thread. big thanks to necronx99 for consolidating!

but... here's a small "counter"episode which happened a number of rainy seasons ago when i was a tourist in Pattaya, age mid 40s, hair completely grey.

venue: Best Friend Bar, Beach Road

weather: drizzle with intermittent heavy rain

time: ~20.00 hrs

me to bargirl: why do you look angry today?

bargirl: habb lain too mutt

me: but rain is nice, much cooler, air cleaner

bargirl: no falang come to bar. stay all hotel.

me: what about me? i'm not falang?

bargirl: oh you same same Papa

me:

the story goes on but i'm not at liberty to reveal more as Mrs Naam reads Thaivisa once in a while.

Good story, Naam. I can relate.

Also, another congrats to necronx99 for consolidating

[theblether]

Necron your a star.....shall we make it into a book then? The Thaivisa handbook......I think we should have a poll

[loong]

Sales assistant - "You bought these shoes 5 minutes ago and the heel has broken off already !? That's terrible, here's your money back"

[StreetCowboy]

Sales assistant - "You bought these shoes 5 minutes ago and the heel has broken off already !? That's terrible, here's your money back"

I didn't even bother trying; instead I went to a shop selling a British brand...

[loong]

Shopper - " I went to look at televisions in Tesco-Lotus today, but there were only 2 sales assistants in the electrical dept and they were busy with the other 2 customers"

Shopper- "I went to Tesco-Lotus today and every check-out was open"

Shopper- "I went to Tesco-Lotus today and not one aisle was blocked by an abandoned shopping trolley/shelf fillers/ staff having a chat"

[GreenSnapper]

Don't use the car - let's go for a walk!

[wana]

its a nice day ,lets wash our own car instead of taking it to the car wash !

[pipo1000]

Yes we have stock and it even looks like we described in the promotion brochure.

[KeyserSoze01]

Necron your a star.....shall we make it into a book then? The Thaivisa handbook......I think we should have a poll

I would dare say that should this thread go on for a while, enough material for several coffee table books would spew forth. Broken down by genre, such as:

Things a Thai policeman would never say

Things a bar girl would never say

101 things to do with a bowl of som tum

[KeyserSoze01]

Condo company - Your new condo will be ready to transfer on the first day of next month.

[theblether]

Oh yea, forgot one.

Wife..."You want some money"

Seriously...........we all joke about the Pattaya Flying Squad, but if your average Thai wife wanted to do away with her farang husband that's all she would have to say.

We would all expire with shock

[Litlos]

Cant find this one already so it is number xxx

BG - No I will not give you my bank account details so you can send me Baht every month.

Cheers

[brit1984]

Where is Piccadilly Circus?

[pattayadingo]

Number xxx (and because I cannot read ALL of them)

Teerak, you walk too slow for me.

Teerak, I walk to shops, I not take m/c.

[mca]

Things a Thai policeman would never say

"Tell you what lads. Instead of sitting on our <deleted> in the police station this evening surfing the internet and stubbing our cigarettes out on the "no smoking" sign let's go out on a foot patrol. "

" Do you think our tight uniforms make us look a bit gay?"

" <deleted> saluting and waving him through this road block. I'm going to pull that bastard in the black S-Class with the dark window tint over and give him a right bollocking for speeding"

"

[BigJohnnyBKK]

WOW! you have such low esteem for Thai people , that is scary! really!

He just said he personally has never seen Thais reading a book. If you hang out in the "right" circles that may very well be the case. I have been in hundreds of relatively poor Thai homes where the only books present are from school.

I don't think anyone seriously thinks "Thais don't read" in the sense of "at all". What we're saying - and I'd be willing to bet a lot this would be born out by objective evidence - is that Thais don't read much relative to our own countries, both purely regarding quantity, and that the "quality" of what they read is generally very low/lightweight/immature.

Of course there are exceptions - out of those who have some level of tertiary education, I'm sure there are somewhat higher proportions. But of course these percentages are also much lower than "back home".

Let's try this - take the top 10% of say the UK in intelligence and education, and compare their reading habits to the top 10% here in Thailand. Are you trying to say that you think they'd be comparable?

Nota bene: This isn't a negative statement about Thais from a genetic or racial POV, just pointing out something that in our opinion needs work if Thailand wants to reach the level of development it desires in the future.

as for the nobel prize nomination of Pira it was in 1990 for his novel moosoon country ... and I doubt it would be written on all his books and biographies if it was not true !

I think it's just blatant marketing promotion myself, and the fact remains that even if it's true, such a nomination isn't a reflection of the quality of his writing, only of the social/academic status of the person with the power to nominate a fellow Thai for national promotion purposes.

I'm not saying they aren't well-written books, just that the claim to "Nobel status" is laughable based on a nomination (which can't even be verified), until the prize is actually awarded.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Oh yea, forgot one.

Wife..."You want some money"

Seriously...........we all joke about the Pattaya Flying Squad, but if your average Thai wife wanted to do away with her farang husband that's all she would have to say.

We would all expire with shock

To be fair, a little bit of reality to counter-balance the exaggerations here:

both I and several of my friends have received outright gifts of money from our female significant other. My ex-wife contributed B20K toward our son's school fees last term, although she has no legal or other obligation to do so - it was out of the blue, I didn't even ask her for it. Every time she comes to visit, she contributes at least 500 or a 1000 toward food (which these days can last us a week).

I have also been repaid loans to Thai girls, even ones on the game (admittedly only a minority of the latter category, and then mostly taken in trade).

I have also borrowed money from bargirls (and of course paid them back).

[carmine]

WOW! you have such low esteem for Thai people , that is scary! really!

He just said he personally has never seen Thais reading a book. If you hang out in the "right" circles that may very well be the case. I have been in hundreds of relatively poor Thai homes where the only books present are from school.

I don't think anyone seriously thinks "Thais don't read" in the sense of "at all". What we're saying - and I'd be willing to bet a lot this would be born out by objective evidence - is that Thais don't read much relative to our own countries, both purely regarding quantity, and that the "quality" of what they read is generally very low/lightweight/immature.

Of course there are exceptions - out of those who have some level of tertiary education, I'm sure there are somewhat higher proportions. But of course these percentages are also much lower than "back home".

Let's try this - take the top 10% of say the UK in intelligence and education, and compare their reading habits to the top 10% here in Thailand. Are you trying to say that you think they'd be comparable?

Nota bene: This isn't a negative statement about Thais from a genetic or racial POV, just pointing out something that in our opinion needs work if Thailand wants to reach the level of development it desires in the future.

as for the nobel prize nomination of Pira it was in 1990 for his novel moosoon country ... and I doubt it would be written on all his books and biographies if it was not true !

I think it's just blatant marketing promotion myself, and the fact remains that even if it's true, such a nomination isn't a reflection of the quality of his writing, only of the social/academic status of the person with the power to nominate a fellow Thai for national promotion purposes.

I'm not saying they aren't well-written books, just that the claim to "Nobel status" is laughable based on a nomination (which can't even be verified), until the prize is actually awarded.

Excellent post if i may say so.

I did make efforts to say my post was not trying to be critical but he was obviously just being a silly little fella.

Edited March 20, 2012 by carmine

[beerchang]

Oh yea, forgot one.

Wife..."You want some money"

Seriously...........we all joke about the Pattaya Flying Squad, but if your average Thai wife wanted to do away with her farang husband that's all she would have to say.

We would all expire with shock

To be fair, a little bit of reality to counter-balance the exaggerations here:

both I and several of my friends have received outright gifts of money from our female significant other. My ex-wife contributed B20K toward our son's school fees last term, although she has no legal or other obligation to do so - it was out of the blue, I didn't even ask her for it. Every time she comes to visit, she contributes at least 500 or a 1000 toward food (which these days can last us a week).

I have also been repaid loans to Thai girls, even ones on the game (admittedly only a minority of the latter category, and then mostly taken in trade).

I have also borrowed money from bargirls (and of course paid them back).

Hello there,

actually my wife owns a large restaurant and 10 apartments that she rents out monthly.She often gives me money. My birthday...full set of Callaway golf clubs...not cheap. Just love this thread and i find it easy to take the p*ss a bit. Sense of humour also helps me along!

Cheers

[beerchang]

Hey! Also BigJ, good on ya for defending the ladies....if you had defended the police my reply would probably got me banned from TV!

[Debothai]

hey you don't have to pay me I go with you for free

[KIWIBATCH]

OK Blether I havent finished yet......just the simple act of my going to and from work observing life in the street awakens my sense of humour and power of observation which I simply have to post in this topic...in fact you have caused me to carry a notebook and pen with me to jot down stuff lest I forget some of the "ten things you wont hear"

You seriously have to consider putting these postings into "coffee table" book form with cartoons......along the "Far Side" theme...but unique to Thailand.

Big thanks to necronx99 for summarising thus far....cheers and thanks.

[Kan Win]

Police officer after an accident on a pedestrian crossing to the driver that hit a street walker:-

"didn't you see "The Zebra Crossing""

Driver

"you are <deleted>-ing me, there are no Zebras crossing the streets of Thailand.

****************************************************

Pedestrian one: I’ve been waiting here for five minutes to cross the road

Pedestrian two: There’s a zebra crossing further down the road.

Pedestrian one: Well I hope he’s having more luck than I’m having!

Win

Edited March 20, 2012 by Kan Win

[KIWIBATCH]

Thai bus driver to his Ticket clicker:

Driver:...Now just put that bunch of flowers in the middle of my window slightly to the right of the centre strip.

Ticket clicker:...yea but hey thats now going to block out your entire forward vision:

Driver: Yes it will.... but what you dont understand is that because of the natural sway of the bus as we travel gaps appear between the amulets, bunches of flowers, other crap thats hanging down, including your handbag, and it provides enough time to allow me to both see and steer this 30 tonne bus...so dont concern yourself.

Thai University Examination Official to student:

..you failed miserably...but I have given you a pass.....

[KIWIBATCH]

Thai Manufacturer of those packaged green mosquito coils:

...yes we acknowledge that it is almost impossible to seperate the 2 coils from each other without breaking them....but rest assured we have our Research and Development team working on a solution.....in fact after 6 months of investigation by our R and D team...we have a solution and will commence packaging the coils individually

[theblether]

To be fair, a little bit of reality to counter-balance the exaggerations here:

To be fair, that's exactly what they are...........exaggerations..........and occasional tall tale.

I once had a bar girl pay me for services rendered as I was so good in bed

[KIWIBATCH]

Thai GF/Wife:

...yes I know its taken me 13 seperate movements to back our car into this 7 metre wide gap...but I simply dont want to scratch or dent our car......

[theblether]

OK Blether I havent finished yet......just the simple act of my going to and from work observing life in the street awakens my sense of humour and power of observation which I simply have to post in this topic...in fact you have caused me to carry a notebook and pen with me to jot down stuff lest I forget some of the "ten things you wont hear"

You seriously have to consider putting these postings into "coffee table" book form with cartoons......along the "Far Side" theme...but unique to Thailand.

Big thanks to necronx99 for summarising thus far....cheers and thanks.

Thanks very much...............keep them coming and I will toss a couple of ideas around in a few days time. We'll see if we can make something of this thread.

[Mosha]

'10. Silence...Silence is a criminal offense in Thailand'

oh yeah?...then those of us that have endured THE SILENT TREATMENT are entitled to prosecute at will...

'silent today are we?...you shall regret that me darling...' (a small, cringing brown woman with a Vincent Price figure towering menacingly...)

http://www.google.co...9QEwBA&dur=4344

'10. Silence...Silence is a criminal offense in Thailand'

oh yeah?...then those of us that have endured THE SILENT TREATMENT are entitled to prosecute at will...

'silent today are we?...you shall regret that me darling...' (a small, cringing brown woman with a Vincent Price figure towering menacingly...)

http://www.google.co...9QEwBA&dur=4344

Longest stretch of silent treatment to date is 1 hour. That's after 10 years together. She cracks 1st then says "Oh I forgot, I now want speak with you" lol