Ten Things You Will Never Hear In Thailand.........

[Payboy]

As I work in the customer service dept, it is my responsibility to give all customers the best possible service.

[autan]

This car park is full.

Expat Driver : There are no spaces in the car park, I will just have to park elsewhere.

Thai Driver : I will abandom my car in the middle of car park, but I will leave the hand brake off so people can move the car, if they want to get out.

[autan]

Waiting to be served in McDonald's.

Thai Person : These Ex-pats cant speak Thai, so I will simply walk to the front of the queue and order.

Expat: Am I stood here for the good of my health or what ?

[autan]

Moped Rider : Sorry !

[autan]

Taxi Driver : It was my fault.

[autan]

Expat in Pattaya : I've had enough

[autan]

Pilot losing control of a Plane in Ko Samui : Jesus

[autan]

Thai Girl in Pattaya: Come with me. You wont forget tonight Mr.

Expat : Hey <deleted> your a bloke.

Thai Girl in Pattaya: Told you Mr. . . Unforgettable.

[autan]

Last one from me here.

Expat in Pattaya : I only came to Thailand for a bit a fun and good food. Now I have a Pregnant Girlfriend and a new Mother-In-Law. I had better tell the Wife back home, I'm leaving her.

[pauljones]

Bargirl:

Would you like to meet my 5 kids?

[pauljones]

Songkran reveler:

You know, throwing a bucket of icewater at passing motorcyclists could be dangerous.

[pauljones]

7-11 cashier:

Excuse me but that gentleman behind you was in line first.

Please take your place in the back of the line.

[maidu]

" won't park in the third lane out from the curb, as that would likely block dozens of already-parked cars for the whole time I'm at the festival. I'll park further away, and walk 200 meters to the festival."

"I won't double park in busy traffic, while simply leaving my parking lights blinking, as that would probably cause a major traffic jam."

"I'll ask the waiter not to put MSG in my childrens' food, as I've heard MSG ('pom churot' in Thai) jangles brain cells and causes irritableness and headaches, and may be a factor in why my kids aren't doing as well as they could with their school assignments."

Thai mother: "I won't bundle the new baby in multiple layers of clothing, including booties and knit cap, just because it's one degree cooler than ideal temperature. Better to let the child's skin breathe. I might even allow a few rays of the sun to grace her skin once in awhile. Naw, just kidding."

Chinese-Thai mother "I'll allow my three year old toddler to feel what its like to touch his feet and knees on a floor rather than holding him every moment he's not sleeping."

Thai university girl: "I'll do an experiment to see which, if any whitening creams work. I'll put dabs of each of the forty three different creams at specific places on my arms, while making a chart to keep track. After a few weeks, I'll see whether any of the creams have any affect, and then publish my findings."

Thai University girl: "I'd like to get my apartment paid for, and for that I'll find a nice older man, but I won't use a katoy to assist with the initial meeting."

Thai University girl: "Sure, I know my shirt is too tight. All the most popular girls do it, and they always get dates for the week-end."

[StreetCowboy]

""

Thais often leave things unsaid, and sadly, we so rarely hear what was unsaid... perhaps we should listen more carefully

SC

[pauljones]

Suttisan District Police Chief:

We are grateful that Chuwit exposed the casino operation in my district.

[pauljones]

Thai politician or General:

We should reconsider encroaching on national park land and building vacation homes.

It's not right.

[pauljones]

Thai Customs Service:

There won't be any under the table payments necessary to pick up your belongings.

[pauljones]

Land Department:

I can do that right away sir. No backhanders necessary.

[pauljones]

Thai Airport Immigration Official:

Welcome to Thailand.(smiles) We are so happy to see you.

[pauljones]

Let's apply some logic to the situation.

[xthAi76s]

Polite (or asexual) Thai Male:

"I know there are 6 sweet, young ladies with extraordinarily short skirts on going up the escalator in front of me, and, rather than almost standing on the escalator backwards or keeping my head down the entire ride, I AM going to look at their gorgeous, young, soft legs and/or @ss because god-darnit, I've got a p3nis, and I'm a man!"

[Payboy]

I dont mind losing face on this matter, I am just happy to do the right thing.

[pauljones]

Upcountry Thai wife to farang husband:

That man is not my brother. He's my husband. He lets me sleep with you until I can transfer your wealth to my account.

[xthAi76s]

Farang twice the size of average Thai dudes:

"Yeah, I know I weigh twice as much and am twice as tall as the average Thai guy, but there's just something about their skin tight pants, cartoonish anime haircuts, white makeup'd faces, effeminate voices and boy-like musculature that just scares the shiFt outta me, so I avoid making eye contact with them."

[pauljones]

Farang:

I got into an altercation with a Thai guy and none of his friends joined in.

[pauljones]

TukTuk Driver to tourist:

On the 10 Baht city tour, I will pass you off from one scammer to the next.

[pauljones]

Thong Lor Police Chief:

What? My officers are trolling the hotel district and randomly pulling tourists out of taxies, searching them?

I'll put a stop to that immediately!

[pauljones]

Thai Newspaper Editor:

Some stories I print and some stories I leave out. It all depends on how much they pay.

[pauljones]

English Hooligan:

Maybe its not right to go on a sex crazed, drunken rampage through other peoples country.

[xthAi76s]

Farang to his Farang buddy about a young (but legal-age) Thai hottie:

"Listen, I have a daughter her age, so, NO, I won't. It's just wrong, y'know? Right? I mean, am I right??"