Ten Things You Will Never Hear In Thailand.........

[pauljones]

Yellow Shirt:

Let's change the our name from Peoples Alliance For Democracy to Peoples Alliance Against Democracy.

That would be honest.

[pauljones]

Yellow Shirt:

The Red Shirts platform is based on inequality/double standards.

We need to prosecute the people that closed down the airport & bring them to Justice.

It's only right.

[pauljones]

Thai Reporter:

Let's print both sides of the story and forget about the possible 15 years in jail.

[autan]

Songkran reveler:

You know, throwing a bucket of icewater at passing motorcyclists could be dangerous.

Drink spittingly good. Award winning post.

[pauljones]

Military:

After Dan Rivers investigated (caught us) towing the Rhoyinga people out to sea (left to die) and his reporting on Thai politics, we thought it best to railroad him out of the country.

[autan]

Thai Chef: Time is money, I use the same knife on raw and cooked chicken.

[autan]

Patong Beach Jet Ski Owner : That Jet Ski was damaged two years ago. I charge for it everyday.

[autan]

TGF: I want to wait until I am married before I have sex.

[pauljones]

Yellow Shirt to friend:

Do you think it's "old fashioned" to have my staff crawl to serve me?

[pauljones]

Democrat;

It's amazing, in this day and age, we can gun down 90 or more of the opposition and get away with it and at the same time, evict the elected PM for cooking on a Sunday TV show.

[pauljones]

Jet Ski Owner:

The scratch on the fiberglass repair will be 300 Bt., not 80,000 Bt.

[pauljones]

Democrat/Army:

Stacking the Court with Thaksins enemies after the coup was a stroke of genius.

I mean, that land deal was as transparent as can be and they paid fair market value at an auction, outbidding the others.

Amazing the sh*t we get away with.

[maidu]

Thai lady on first date with farang: "I'll order nine dishes and eat half of one dish. The farang is rich, so he doesn't mind paying for all the wasted food."

Thai masseuse: "It's fun to inflict pain on a farang man's body."

Thai lady cooking meal, first time, for farang boyfriend: "it's fun watching the tears well up in his eyes after he eats super hot food."

[pauljones]

Masseuse:

You want the special? We don't do that here.

[Thaddeus]

Democrat;

It's amazing, in this day and age, we can gun down 90 or more of the opposition and get away with it and at the same time, evict the elected PM for cooking on a Sunday TV show.

After your last dozen or so posts, I can see a trend forming. I suspect this was intended as a light hearted thread .... why don't we try and keep it that way eh?

[xthAi76s]

Any Hardened Thai Shopper at Tesco Lotus:

"Eeww. See that? There are roaches crawling all over the open meats. That's disgusting. I'm going to raise the issue with someone of authority here or just shop somewhere else."

[maidu]

Thai on speeding public bus: "I'm going to ask the driver to slow down."

Thai on loud bus: "I'm going to ask the hostess to please turn the volume down from very loud to loud."

Bus company exec: "I'm going to put loudspeakers only in the front of the bus, so the those who might not want blaring katoy TV shows can have the noise a bit less than very loud in the rear of the bus."

Thai Restaurant owner: "Let's place the hi-fi speakers toward one section, for people who want very loud music, and leave the other section for those who can tolerate just loud music."

"Thai bus operator: "let's ask passengers whether they want the temperature frigid or just very cold."

Thai movie house manager: "Why are farang so squeamish? Everyone should like frigid temperatures while watching a movie."

Thai movie goer or bus passenger to manager: "could you please turn the air.con down a bit. It's quite cold."

7-11 manager: "maybe 72 one-meter flourescent lamps are a bit too much for one small store. Perhaps I'll see about getting a skylight built in the roof."

Operator of business which makes roof shingles. "Instead of only dark colors for roof tile choices, perhaps we'll offer white or light yellow - which would reflect the sun's rays, and help keep houses cooler in hot climates."

Thai maker of cinder blocks: "Maybe the farang are right about making two-hole blocks 8" x 8" x 16". they would make much stronger walls for only a bit more material. Plus rough plumbing and electric conduit could be easily channeled through them. They're excellent for making stong corners, without the need for posts. They interface with the thin wimpy blocks we currently make, and single hole half blocks are ideal for making posts."

Thai entrepreneur: "Grease monkeys currently use detergent powder or petrol to clean their blackened hands - both of which are bad for skin. Maybe we could do what the farang do, and sell mechanic's goop. It's also good for taking off the myriad stickers attached to all appliances."

Thai builder: "for the townhouses at either end, let's put in a few windows, instead of having just large blank walls."

Apartment Builder: "Instead of building 100 small units, each just a bit bigger than a double bed, let's build 50 units, each twice as big as the one-size-fits-all standard that all other builders build. Some families might want an added room, and would pay more, accordingly."

Thai Builder: "how about we design the house with a kitchen bigger than a bathroom, and put a few nice windows in it?"

Thai builder: "Let's try putting a nice window in the bathroom on the second floor. The only things looking in, to see your naked wife, might be geckos or birds."

Thai airways and VIP bus operators: "Instead of offering snacks made from powdered sugar and denatured flour, let's offer our customers snacks which are at least a tiny bit nutritious."

Any Thai on a microphone: "because my voice is amplified, I don't need to shout."

Edited April 8, 2012 by maidu

[jpinx]

..........

Bangkok Governor:

....I meant to say all the klongs and waterways will be dredged and cleaned by May of next year.......

Now THAT'S funny !!!

[balo]

Thai mom and 3 kids driving a motorbike ,she is the only one wearing a helmet

I will protect my kids with a helmet , we need to protect them incase of an accident.

Edited April 8, 2012 by balo

[Thaddeus]

Sorry.

[arthurwait]

Sorry.

It is the hardest word.

[StreetCowboy]

unless you listen

[Thaddeus]

Sorry.

It is the hardest word.

Well, it isn't heard very often, but if a lack of spaces makes it make a single word, then it has to be...

กรุงเทพมหานคร อมรรัตนโกสินทร์ มหินทรายุธยามหาดิลก ภพนพรัตน์ ราชธานีบุรีรมย์ อุดมราชนิเวศน์ มหาสถาน อมรพิมาน อวตารสถิต สักกะทัตติยะ วิษณุกรรมประสิทธิ์

Or, Krungthepmahanakhon Amornrattanakosin Mahintharayutthaya Mahadilokphop Noppharat Ratchathaniburirom Udomratchaniwetmahasathan Amonphiman Awatansathit Sakkathattiyawitsanukamprasit

which translates into English as

The city of angels, the great city, the residence of the Emerald Buddha, the impregnable city (of Ayutthaya) of God Indra, the grand capital of the world endowed with nine precious gems, the happy city, abounding in an enormous Royal Palace that resembles the heavenly abode where reigns the reincarnated God, a city given by Indra and built by Vishnukarn.

I doubt that you will hear that in full, ever, even from a Thai.

Apart from this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXmYNbcaaaU

[maidu]

Sorry.

It is the hardest word.

Well, it isn't heard very often, but if a lack of spaces makes it make a single word, then it has to be...

Or, Krungthepmahanakhon Amornrattanakosin Mahintharayutthaya Mahadilokphop Noppharat Ratchathaniburirom Udomratchaniwetmahasathan Amonphiman Awatansathit Sakkathattiyawitsanukamprasit

which translates into English as

The city of angels, the great city, the residence of the Emerald Buddha, the impregnable city (of Ayutthaya) of God Indra, the grand capital of the world endowed with nine precious gems, the happy city, abounding in an enormous Royal Palace that resembles the heavenly abode where reigns the reincarnated God, a city given by Indra and built by Vishnukarn.

I doubt that you will hear that in full, ever, even from a Thai.

Thanks Thaddeus, for posting that translation. Interesting that the last few words reference Indian/Hindu tradition. Similarly, Thai Buddhism is heavily influenced by Hinduism, as evidenced by the many Sanskrit words and the painting styles adapted by Thai Buddhism and heard/seen in and around every temple here. Even the name for the city 'Ayuttaya' (and Siam's former capital) comes from the Sanskrit 'Ayodya' which is the abode of the Hindu pantheon of Gods.

To further this thread.....

Thai head monk: "Sure, Buddhism in Thailand is infused throughout with Hindu symbolism and Sanskrit words. Interesting, isn't it?"

Thai scholar: "The Thai King who preceded the current King was named 'Ananda' which, in Sanskrit, means' 'bliss'"

[maidu]

Jet Ski Owner:

The scratch on the fiberglass repair will be 300 Bt., not 80,000 Bt.

I've mentioned that before. A bit of epoxy, a bit of sandpapering will fix any dent. Probably cost closer to 45 baht. The jet ski extortionists are a black stain on Thailand. So sad that Thai authorities are testicaless to do anything.

Maybe it's because they are in the two cities (Phuket and Pattaya) which probably have the highest % of population with surgically removed you-know-whats in the world, that they are unable to muster the courage to do anything about the daily extortions on their beaches.

Mayors of Phuket and Pattaya: "Yes, we have mobs on the beach which extort hundreds of thousands of baht daily from tourists, but we can't do anything about it. I've thought of directing the police captains to do their jobs, but for some odd reason, they don't want to raise a finger. Maybe they're afraid of the mobs, or simply too weak to take action. I don't know, but I've got a golf date in a few minutes, and after that, I need to check up on my mia noi. Enjoy Thailand, bye."

Edited April 9, 2012 by maidu

[maidu]

Head monk: "Let's sell all these buddha statues and give the money to the poor squatters scratching out a living just outside our walls. I doubt the Buddha would have advocated keeping statues of himself all over the place. Where, in the original sutras, is there any mention of worshiping crafted images?"

[Payboy]

I am going to dig this booger out after my shift at the kitchen is over.

[Payboy]

Just because I'm in charge of this cosmetics counter doesn't mean that I have to be making up my face all the time.

[onionluke]

You will never here a soi dog say, "sausages" , in Thailand .

[canuckamuck]

Just because I'm in charge of this cosmetics counter doesn't mean that I have to be making up my face all the time.

You could remove the word cosmetics.