Should I Be Scared Of Moving To Thailand?

[mica]

HI,

Me and my boyfriend are moving soon to Thailand.

We have been living together for 2 years

He will be working in an enterprise near bangkok, He is going as an expat

I considere my self as an open mind person, but obviously I think in loyalty as something really important for a couple!

My question is, should I be scared of moving to Thailand?,

I mean, I have done it before, I lived for One year in Canada, two years in France, and I had no problem to adapt my self in different contries or with the language, but now this is not my fear, I know that I will learn Thai, and that I am very happy of knowing a new culture and this country.

But a lot of people had told me that is not strange that the couples start having discussions because infidelity in Thailand.

I don’t know thailand or the life in bangkok, everything is going to be new for me, but you know that people talks, and I have heard thinks about that and I am starting to be afraid of going!

Besides this horrible thaughts, I am very concernend, about me!, what am I going to do there?, is it easy to find a job? , could you please give me some advices? and if you know any languages school where I can study the thai?

I have studies in international business and I can speak English, French and Spanish!

Thanks for your answers

[britmaveric]

Fidelity - ask yourself this would he cheat in the west? If no then I'm quite positive he will be no different in thailand.

-finding a job unless you want to teach english will be quite difficult.

[ayakiawe]

Now temptation is only a problem for some people. I am one of them I know. For me Bangkok is a like a store full of candy for a kid.

Yes you might want to think more about it.

I would think of it from a differnt angle, it could be very fun for you if you can flow with the energy.

[solo siam]

"Fidelity - ask yourself this would he cheat in the west? If no then I'm quite positive he will be no different in thailand. "

I disagree with this statement, In the West its very unlikely that any male has girls flinging themselves at him constantly, regardless of his looks. In Thailand for farangs its a complete tunaround, they will get hit upon on a fairly regular basis. For guys who havent seen that much interest from women in teh past this can often change their perspective.

I;m not saying that this makes everyman cheat, just that it changes the rules a bit. Saying if a bloke hasnt cheated in the West then he wont in Asia is a little short sighted IMHO.

[britmaveric]

"Fidelity - ask yourself this would he cheat in the west? If no then I'm quite positive he will be no different in thailand. "

I disagree with this statement, In the West its very unlikely that any male has girls flinging themselves at him constantly, regardless of his looks.  In Thailand for farangs its a complete tunaround, they will get hit upon on a fairly regular basis.  For guys who havent seen that much interest from women in teh past this can often change their perspective.

I;m not saying that this makes everyman cheat, just that it changes the rules a bit.  Saying if a bloke hasnt cheated in the West then he wont in Asia is a little short sighted IMHO.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Not really if your actually in love, it matters naught how many women throw themselves at you.

[solo siam]

Yeah in Poetry.

[phuketsiam]

well if he is a hansum man prepare for the worst

[Boo]

Re; Fidelity. It will depend on the guy IMO. He will have easier opportunity to cheat, but it wont matter if he is hansum man or not cause if he has a few hundred baht in his pocket he wil be able to score. Fact, sex is cheap in Thailand & only you can know the signs if he decides to play away.

As for work, wait till you arrive, spend some time getting to kow the place & then see what you can pick up. Maybe you will get lucky & find something interesting in your field, if not there are a lot of teaching jobs around, so I am told, whther they are legal or how much they pay are another matter.

Try not to stress too much, come, look, see if you can live & take it from there.

[solo siam]

I mean really, we don't even know anything about the OP or her husband. Maybe he's NEVER even had a woman approach him, ask him for a date,0 for sex etc... How can you know how he will act if he's in quite attractive situations that he's never been or had a chance to be in before.

A better way to put it rather than "Fidelity - ask yourself this would he cheat in the west? If no then I'm quite positive he will be no different in thailand. "

Would be " If one of the hottest/sexiest girls in your city/TV/Magazines came strongly on to your husband what do you think his reaction would be?"

Really we dont know if the husband even leaves the house, frequents bars, has female friends, is attractive etc....

[phuketsiam]

what about the girls in his office tho, (never mind the ho's) they will know he has a good job (money) and some won't care if he has a wife, lets face it the opportunities will be there, its down to him really, nothing to do with the naughty nightlife, but there is that as well

[mica]

Hey there!

thanks for all your promt answers!

I know he is a good guy!, he has respected me and he hasn't cheated on me, as long as I know

I am looking this travel as a new experience in my life, but it bathers me having to deal with this kind of situation "fidelity"

I will try to see this as you say from a different angle; and once there I will see and decide!!!

anyway I am sitill afraid!

--- sometimes I think world sucks!, you can be loyal to some one, but you never know, life changes all the time, WE MUST BE PREPARED,

thanks a lot again

[SK1972]

In order to have a real relationship, there must be TRUST. Without that, it would be difficult. I am sure your guy is a good guy, if not you will not be with him. Don't listen too much to stories, there are positive ones and there are negative ones. It all depends on the couple's strength and relationship.

"Fidelity - ask yourself this would he cheat in the west? If no then I'm quite positive he will be no different in thailand. "

As for the above, I would have to disagree. Not saying that your guy is ugly or anything but the chances of a western guy getting laid in Europe/US/Western country compared to Thailand is less likely than in TH??? Even the butt ugly ones can get a shag in TH. The women in Europe/Western countries are more picky. Moreover, the Thai women are more.....errr....."persuasive" and persistent.

I am likely to get &lt;deleted&gt; for this, but it's quite true if one thinks about it.

Good luck with your move. I moved there 3 years ago and I am out.....and still with the same guy!

sometimes I think world sucks!, you can be loyal to some one, but you never know, life changes all the time, WE MUST BE PREPARED,

I applaud your attitude in life..........very realistic.

Edited December 16, 2005 by SK1972

[britmaveric]

In order to have a real relationship, there must be TRUST. Without that, it would be difficult. I am sure your guy is a good guy, if not you will not be with him. Don't listen too much to stories, there are positive ones and there are negative ones. It all depends on the couple's strength and relationship.

"Fidelity - ask yourself this would he cheat in the west? If no then I'm quite positive he will be no different in thailand. "

As for the above, I would have to disagree. Not saying that your guy is ugly or anything but the chances of a western guy getting laid in Europe/US/Western country compared to Thailand is less likely than in TH??? Even the butt ugly ones can get a shag in TH. The women in Europe/Western countries are more picky. Moreover, the Thai women are more.....errr....."persuasive" and persistent.

I am likely to get &lt;deleted&gt; for this, but it's quite true if one thinks about it.

Good luck with your move. I moved there 3 years ago and I am out.....and still with the same guy!

sometimes I think world sucks!, you can be loyal to some one, but you never know, life changes all the time, WE MUST BE PREPARED,

I applaud your attitude in life..........very realistic.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Quite easy to shag in western europe too if the truth be known (pub/disco for starters and not to mention legalized prostitution) Now if we are talking a relationship you are prob right SK1972.

Definitely in your face and its rather comical when you think about it!!!

[SK1972]

Brit.........Prostitution is not legal in TH?? But I see them everywhere, just that they have a different name for it. They try sooooo hard to deny it and hide it, don't they?

You are right, prostitutes are easy to get but a real relationship is not. Just the other day, I met a guy (nice looking, mid 30s, slim and tall) who told me it was difficult for him to find a gf in Europe because the women were too picky and thought he was not stable enough. I was dumbfounded as if he was in Asia, he would be snapped up like hot pants on sale (pardon my expression, just lightening the mood)

Once again, I stress, it all depends on the strength of the relationship. It always takes two hands to clap.

Definitely in your face and its rather comical when you think about it!!!

Quite right.........it is very comical to see women stumbling, fighting (wrestling in the mud) clwaing at the other, spitting..... to try to get the man's attention! Get a grip already!!!

Edited December 16, 2005 by SK1972

[britmaveric]

Brit.........Prostitution is not legal in TH??    But I see them everywhere, just that they have a different name for it.   They try sooooo hard to deny it and hide it, don't they?

You are right, prostitutes are easy to get but a real relationship is not. Just the other day, I met a guy (nice looking, mid 30s, slim and tall) who told me it was difficult for him to find a gf in Europe because the women were too picky and thought he was not stable enough. I was dumbfounded as if he was in Asia, he would be snapped up like hot pants on sale (pardon my expression, just lightening the mood)

Once again, I stress, it all depends on the strength of the relationship. It always takes two hands to clap.

Definitely in your face and its rather comical when you think about it!!!

Quite right.........it is very comical to see women stumbling, fighting (wrestling in the mud) clwaing at the other, spitting..... to try to get the man's attention! Get a grip already!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Actually I meant in Europe - legal prostitution!!

[seville]

Mica,

I agree with Boo and they say one of the best ways to see if your realationship is solid is to travel to another country with your partner.

You will have a wonderful time being in Thailand!! Now, if your not a city person being in BKK may take a while to get used to and you may have a hard time dealing with that.

There is a lot of things you will be able to do as far as different classes you can take, sight seeing and all that kind of stuff while your Bo is at work.

Take this as a wonderful oppertunity for self growth and discovery for both you and your partner.

[Glauka]

HI,

Me and my boyfriend are moving soon to Thailand.

We have been living together for 2 years

He will be working in an enterprise near bangkok, He is going as an expat

I considere my self as an open mind person, but obviously  I think in  loyalty as something really important for a couple!

My question is, should I be scared of moving to Thailand?,

I mean, I have done it before, I lived for One year in Canada, two years in France, and I had no problem to adapt my self in different contries or with the language, but now this is not my fear, I know that I will learn Thai, and that I am very happy of knowing a new culture and this country.

But a lot of people had told me that is not strange that the couples start having discussions because infidelity in Thailand.

I don’t know thailand or the life in bangkok, everything is going to be new for me, but you know that people talks, and I have heard thinks about that and I am starting to be afraid of going!

Besides this horrible thaughts, I am very concernend, about me!, what am I going to do there?, is it easy to find a job? , could you please give me some advices? and if you know any languages school where I can study the thai?

I have studies in international business and I can speak English, French and Spanish!

Thanks for your answers

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hola

don´t worry to much now, nothing has happened yet...

Get stressed if he ever cheat on you so that you will only suffer once...

[redrus]

I'm a western man with a western GF. I'm certainly not a bad lookin fella, (even if I say so) but, we have no problems cos, we respect eachother and I don't find Asian women particularly attractive. Yes even with them throwing themselves at me, I just have a laugh and another drink and, go along with it. So does my GF.

Your other half may be the same.

Don't worry. If you know him, you know him.

redrus

[BKK90210]

what about the girls in his office tho, (never mind the ho's) they will know he has a good job (money) and some won't care if he has a wife, lets face it the opportunities will be there, its down to him really, nothing to do with the naughty nightlife, but there is that as well

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I agee! The office girls will want him doesn't matter if he's farang expat or not. He would be dressing up nicer than street expats and he seems to have this steady office job.

They're even doing it among thais. I've lived in thailand for 16 years I've seen enough of this. Most of them are nice looking, perfect manner(faking it?), perfect from head to toe, angelic faces....

Doesn't matter if the guys married or not? Worst!...if he's not married. It's so hard to isolate yourself if you can't speak the local language,.....and believe me there're plenty of office girls willing to teach you the local language/custom...and beyond!

temptation...temptation....temptation!

Beware!....unless you two have a very strong relationship!

[Sheryl]

Hey there!

thanks for all your promt answers!

I know he is a good guy!, he has respected me and he hasn't cheated on me, as long as I know

I am looking this travel as a  new experience in my life, but it bathers me having to deal with this kind of situation "fidelity"

I will try to see this as you say from a different angle; and once there I will see and decide!!!

anyway I am sitill afraid!

--- sometimes I think world sucks!, you can be loyal to some one, but you never know, life changes all the time, WE MUST BE PREPARED,

thanks a lot again

You have really 2 separate concerns, both valid.

the first -- and easiest -- is adjusting to life in Thailand. This you can certainly do & enjoy. Make learning Thai a priority and enroll in classess..AUA and Nisa (?Nida) are 2 schools I know of, but the main point is to force yourself t use it. If you get household help, get ones who don't speak English -- will cost less plus force you to use Thai everyday. I've used that approach in several countries and it really pays off. If you have household help who speak English it's too easy to start relying on them to mediate between you and the country.

As for jobs -- besides teaching there are possibilities in the tourist sector. And depending on your level of education (i.e. graduate degree?) you might be able to teach more than English. And if paid employment doesn't work out there are a lot of very rewarding volunteer opportunities, working with slum dwellers, orphans, the environment etc as per your inclination. Go all out on these as besides giving you worthwhile things to do with your time, you'll make friends of your own (Thai and foreign) which is critical in feeling at home. There are also international programs taught in English at several universities, low tuition (in western terms) and could be a chance to further your studies in whatever field interests you. Also a good way to meet people & make friends.

Now for the other, harder problem (no pun intended)..your partner will indeed encounter opportunities to cheat and a level of access to women unlike anything he's encountered before. You and he should have a very frank talk about this before you come. If I were you I'd get a promise in advance to be completely honest with you. I'd also be sure he knows about the very high prevalence of STDs and HIV in Thailand and that cheating on you with a "working girl" (or even ordinary girl) without protection risks not only your relationship but both of your lives. Hence the imperative on honesty...you need to know if he's strayed, even if only once and " it didn't meran anything" so that you can insist on condoms and HIV test to protect yourself.

On the positive side, consider this an acid test of sorts...if he stays faithful in Thailand he'll probably be faithful anywhere. Also, you'll learn a lot about his character in how he responds to the sudden ready availability of women and highly commercialized sex in esthetically pleasing wrapping...some men act like kids let loose in a candy store, others have the maturity to see the underlying social pathos. Likewise, you'll see how he responds to being fawned on by women in general (it's a social status thing...not all of the fawners are making moves on him; particularl among secretaries where he works & the like, they may just ollowing social norms in fawning on a male superior). If it goes to his head -- as it does to many men -- then that tells you soemthing about his ego and maturity. If he's just mildly embarassed by it all, that tells you somthing else.

Aggresisvely establishing a meaningful life for yourself here which is not secondary to or dependent on his will leave you well positioned to handle whatever happens.

[Bangkokbabay]

I agree with what many of you have posted, if anyone wants to play around they can do that anywhere without having to relocate. If you are aware that you are with a guy that has good standards then you should probably not have to worry. Just say the other option "playing" were to happen then you know it's time to move on and find some more of the great guys out there that do exist.

[lovejoy]

I have been reading this thread since it started, and find it very interesting

What I am wondering is do women really have such a low opinion of men, that we have absolutely no control over our actions????

I may be wrong but why should Thailand be different than any other place in the world, if a relationship is solid it should last, right?

I think if you feel that moving to certain area or place will put your relationship in jeopardy. Then your relationship would never last anywhere

I know a lot off men that fall into the category that the op mentions, but I know as many women that do also. But I think that men will brag about there conquests and women will keep it to themselves

I’m not asking who is better or worse.

I’m asking are men less trustworthy than women?

Edited December 17, 2005 by lovejoy

[redrus]

I think I might have been trying to say that, kind of, sort of.

Well said LJ

redrus

[khall64au]

I have been reading this thread since it started, and find it very interesting

What I am wondering is do women  really have such a low opinion of men, that we have absolutely no control over our actions????

I may be wrong but why should Thailand be different than any other place in the world, if a relationship is solid it should last, right?

I think if you feel that moving to certain area or place will put your relationship in jeopardy. Then your relationship would never last anywhere

I know a lot off men that fall into the category that the op mentions, but I know as many women that do also. But I think that men will brag about there conquests and women will keep it to themselves

I’m not asking who is better or worse.

I’m asking are men less trustworthy than women?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Very good point LJ. Relationships break up everywhere but I must say that the 3 years I have lived in LOS, I've seen so many long-term couples break up that it shocks me. Some western couples have been together many years and it is usually the man who strays and ends up with a new partner (but not always with a Thai woman).

This past year has been particularly active on the break up scene in my local expat community. I've seen foreign men leave their western wives for younger Thai women and also for foreign women their own age. Having said that I also know quite a few couples who are as happy and devoted as ever.

It will be a true test of your commitment to each other moving to Thailand as a couple. Each will learn much about themselves and the other in a very short time and can only serve to make you stronger. If you have a solid loving relationship already then that's a great start. You will stay together if that is what both of you really want. It's a great challenge to live here for us all. Enjoy your journey!

[seville]

Lovejoy I think you make a good point, but I don't think it's so much that we have low opinions of males.

I personally think most Westerners are brought up to believe that you find a partner, you are supposed to get married and be faithful.

This is what is the accepted behavior in there society dictates.

A man or women, considering cheating has their own sense of guilt to deal with and the knowledge that the society they live in does not support them in having affairs or visiting prostitutes.

Then they arrive in Thailand...

All the rules have changed, for the men. Their Thai Boss has two mia nois, his co-workers are telling him all the spots they go to have a good time with beautiful women and it's all very normal and not hush hush like back home.

I'm not saying it is okay to break your commitment to someone, BTW.

I think it is far more tempting in Thailand, mainly because it is accepted in Thailand and to take it a step further it is accepted even more in Polite Society then the lower classes.

Having a Mia Noi is considered a sign of means in Thailand.

[samran]

I personally think your husband will have to pretty much go out of his own way to cheat on you. It isn't like you are sitting in your office and the secretary's are throwing themselves at you. You don't get jumped at walking down the street.

Nor does it really matter if there are a tonne of bars everywhere either.

I walk past them all the time. I ignore them, they ignore me.

Trust me, married life goes pretty much as per normal for me here. I manage to have normal grownup conversations (in Thai) with the females at the office and the only person interested in my 'buldging' wallet is my wife

[lovejoy]

Ok the general consensus is that a male will cheat because he can,

Therefore a male in Thailand shouldn’t receive the same amount of trust as he would get in the west.

So is it a matter of trust or insecurity?

Do these two things go hand in hand?

To me it looks like the playing field has been leveled.

In the western world if a man wants to play around he has to go out and look, a woman just has to go out.

[seville]

I would hope that the average married man would not cheat on his wife.

I'm sure there have been all kinds of polls taken concerning that and maybe someone has the data.

I do however, think that if you are a man who has thought about cheating on your partner while in the west and have not yet acted on that impulse; that you are more likely to go through with the impulse to cheat in a country, such as Thailand.

In my opinion, women are naturally more monogamous then men.

For what ever the reason I think this is true.

The society you are raised in is going to dictate a lot of your behavior. There are a lot of people out there that just see sex as sex and makeing love as something different.

However, most of the people out there that see sex as just sex are men. I also think that the average Western Man isn't secure enough in his realationship to say to his wife, " You know, I really want to have sex with ... and I don't want to hurt you, but I don't think this impulse is going to go away."

And Lovejoy you are absolutely correct, women can go out and pretty much pick a guy out of a crowd and go have it off with someone with out too much trouble.

Very few women make a habit of this and if they do, guess what? Why not get paid.

I think trust and insucurity do go hand in hand. The OP is not married and perhaps at that stage in her realationship that she is wondering why her Boyfriend has not asked her to get married. I'm just projecting here.

A move such as this is going to test their realationship on all kinds of levels and is very well going to be the place where they decide if they will get married or part ways.

The one that really gets me is that it's okay for the man in a realationship to have more then one women, but if he finds out his wife is cheating on him, look out!!!

[lovejoy]

Seville

I agree with most of what you have written and you have made some very good points, I don’t totally agree with your view on monogamy, agreed that men see sex as sex a lot of the time, but I would say that women use their sexuality as a tool or sometimes a reward, there for giving it a higher value in a woman’s eye’s.

You also say that our society dictates our behavior which I also agree with, another way to look at that is that society sets our moral standards and boundries I don’t think that a man has less morals than a woman.

Example: - a bar I used to work at had a waitress that told me she made a lot more tips if she wore certain clothes and fixed her hair a certain way.

Morally who is worse the waitress for selling her appearance or the man that is trying to look down her top?

At the end of the day the world is made up of individuals who fall into different catagorys, everybody knows in their heart what is right or wrong, if anybody, man or woman can justify cheating they are really only kidding themselves.

As for the original question, I haven’t got a clue; I guess you play with the cards you are dealt.

Makes very interesting reading though

[khall64au]

Seville

I agree with most of what you have written and you have made some very good points, I don’t totally agree with your view on monogamy, agreed that men see sex as sex a lot of the time, but I would say that women use their sexuality as a tool or sometimes a reward, there for giving it a higher value in a woman’s eye’s.    Please explain!!

You also say that our society dictates our behavior which I also agree with, another way to look at that is that society sets our moral standards and boundries I don’t think that a man has less morals than a woman. Per head of population? Hard to say! Which societies morals are you referring to?

Example: - a bar I used to work at had a waitress that told me she made a lot more tips if she wore certain clothes and fixed her hair a certain way.

Morally who is worse the waitress for selling her appearance or the man that is trying to look down her top? You have given a generalist example here. Everyone has different moral standards. WhenI worked in a bar, I relied on my personality and high service standards to gain better tips. Men appreciate that too! In my experience they appreciated a smiling, genuine face more than tits hanging out of a low-cut top.

At the end of the day the world is made up of individuals who fall into different catagorys, everybody knows in their heart what is right or wrong, if anybody, man or woman can justify cheating they are really only kidding themselves. And the partner they go home to!

As for the original question, I haven’t got a clue; I guess you play with the cards you are dealt.

Makes very interesting reading though Great to hear a male perspective on a neutral gender platform. Thanks LJ!

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