How Do Parents Feel When Their Son ( Or Daughter ) Is Gay

[duiter]

How do parents feel when they know that their son ( or daughter ) is gay ?

Do they accept their kids are gay ?

Do their parent force them to marry girl ( or a boy for gay woman )?

Do parents feel embarrassed to their big families ?

Thanks

[brit1984]

Why?

[Ijustwannateach]

Worth reading for anyone with children:

http://www.huffingto..._b_1381573.html

I don't see how a father, or any parent, can look at their son, the one they've loved since before the child was even born, and upon hearing him say, "Dad, I'm gay," turn their back on him. The comments from men much older than me telling stories just like that break my heart. My wife always wants to adopt the teenage kids who write to her; I want to adopt the 60-year-old men who cry when they read that I tell my son how awesome he is. I don't care if they are as old as my father; they deserve love just as much as anyone else.

[Ijustwannateach]

One of the last guys I dated would call his dad on the phone (I would listen in). The dad would ask him the usual general stuff, then ask him about 'Pi Ton', his older associate at work who is also gay, who goes out with him out drinking sometimes at gay pubs. Dad knows they're all gay, and he isn't worried about that- but he gives his son advice about not going out too often or drinking too much- truly loving, concerned stuff. It amazes me; wish I'd had family like that.

[isanbirder]

Some do, some don't. In a really loving family, I guess the answer is, most do. Mine never knew for certain, though they must have guessed when I brought a boyfriend home to stay with us! Nothing was said.

My Thai parents-in-law to be have two gay sons, two straight ones. They don't seem to mind; in fact, they are pushing my partner and I to contract a civil partnership.

[Naam]

years ago a horrible experience for one of my friends who revealed crying and sobbing the "shame" to me. today he is very proud of his two sons who are extremely successful lawyers.

[isanbirder]

years ago a horrible experience for one of my friends who revealed crying and sobbing the "shame" to me. today he is very proud of his two sons who are extremely successful lawyers.

This can happen. A former boyfriend of mine, Chinese, everybody would know, got married for family reasons, and now has two sons he's immensely proud of.

[TommoPhysicist]

If I only had one child, the prospect of no grandchildren would make me sad.

If I had more than one child, it wouldn't matter at all.

Currently I have three (and counting), so no worries from me, you kids can do whatever you like, with whoever you like.

Make sure to bring the cute ones home for me to have a look at, male, female or ladyboy, no worries.

Edited April 3, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[Jingthing]

If I only had one child, the prospect of no grandchildren would make me sad.

If I had more than one child, it wouldn't matter at all.

Currently I have three (and counting), so no worries from me, you kids can do whatever you like, with whoever you like.

Make sure to bring the cute ones home for me to have a look at, male, female or ladyboy, no worries.

Yeah, I can relate to that. This is what my parents had to deal with. My Dad blamed it on pot smoking.

[scorpio]

Wouldnt matter a dam_n to me, you love your kids with all your heart no matter if they are gay or not, anyone who would have a problem with that would be a very very sad individual indeed.

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

[tombkk]

I have met people in Taiwan who were kicked out of their family home because they were gay. I have met people in the same country who brought their boyfriends home to live with them.

Having grown up in a very tolerant city in Europe, I have never had a problem. However, I was an active member in a gay support group for young people coming out to their families, and what a poster said above is also my experience: Most parents want to have grandchildren. If you tell them after they are grandparents already, they are really cool about you being gay. If you are an only child, it is much harder on them, but I never saw anybody kicked out from his family there for being gay.

[endure]

I used to know a couple one of whom was a Sikh. When his folks found out he was gay they kidnapped him and held him hostage at the other end of the country. We had to call the police in to get him released.

When I told my Mum she said 'I know - make us a cup of tea'

Edited April 3, 2012 by endure

[tombkk]

I used to know a couple one of whom was a Sikh. When his folks found out he was gay they kidnapped him and held him hostage at the other end of the country. We had to call the police in to get him released.

When I told my Mum she said 'I know - make us a cup of tea'

My mother's reaction was similar to yours', but she asked why I thought I had to wait so long to tell her...

[namoi]

my Son lived with his mother after we had the big bust up and being a typical white aussie thing that she is kept him away from me, anyway eventually found out that he is gay and being my only child was dissapointed to say the least, mainly as he never botherd to tell me even though I picked it up when he was allowed to start visiting me at about age 12/13. He has now moved to Canada at age 40 and married his partner there, even though I never hear from him and find everything out 2nd hand, I wish them both all the best, I WAS HURT at the time, but time also heals, just have to think sometimes what a wast of a good 20/30 mins.

[Ijustwannateach]

The fact that as 'your only child' it meant you were 'disappointed', makes it clear enough to me that your child would have picked up enough signals from you to know not to tell you. What child wants to be the instrument of his parents' disappointment? Of course, that wouldn't be his fault- it's your character flaw- but children blame themselves. When you have recognised your own failings in love you may approach being the kind of parent that he would want to talk with about his life. And what does it mean, 'wast of a good 20/30 mins'?

[tombkk]

my Son lived with his mother after we had the big bust up and being a typical white aussie thing that she is kept him away from me, anyway eventually found out that he is gay and being my only child was dissapointed to say the least, mainly as he never botherd to tell me even though I picked it up when he was allowed to start visiting me at about age 12/13. He has now moved to Canada at age 40 and married his partner there, even though I never hear from him and find everything out 2nd hand, I wish them both all the best, I WAS HURT at the time, but time also heals, just have to think sometimes what a wast of a good 20/30 mins.

I hope you'll have a chance to reconcile with your son. Please do make an effort, let him know you have changed your mind.

It'll be worth it.

Also remember that today is better than tomorrow, because you never know what will happen. One of you might be gone at any time.

[MrBrad]

The fact that as 'your only child' it meant you were 'disappointed', makes it clear enough to me that your child would have picked up enough signals from you to know not to tell you. What child wants to be the instrument of his parents' disappointment? Of course, that wouldn't be his fault- it's your character flaw- but children blame themselves. When you have recognised your own failings in love you may approach being the kind of parent that he would want to talk with about his life. And what does it mean, 'wast of a good 20/30 mins'?

I may be wrong, but I understand him to say that 40+ years ago when he impregnated his son's mother, it was good sex for 20 or 30 minutes. But, now--and since his son was a boy--he considers his fathering that boy a waste of time.

Truly he ought to be ashamed of himself, and apparently he is. Even after 40-some years the father wishes that his son had not been born. And any father who thinks like he does needs to stay out of his son's life.

[MrBrad]

[phuturatica]

I wouldn't have an issue at all if my children were gay. My father is quite homophobic as he comes from a traditional Polish background where being gay is frowned upon and he always told my little brother that he would beat the living daylights out of him if he ever came out as gay. My brother always scoffed and said "yeah whatever" and has always been very masculine and bought home girls etc. However I did recently find out that he was bisexual and my parents have absolutely no idea about it.

As soon as my brother found out that I knew he said "You're not gonna tell Dad are you?" I just laughed and told him not to be silly. I don't care what sexuality my little brother is, I'm proud of him for who he is. However seeing as I know what my father is like, I will do the dutiful good sister thing and not mention it to my Dad. I think it is just best not to in this instance.

I'm sure one day, my brother will come out but when he is ready. I will respect that, even if he never comes out to my parents. At least he has his sister to confide in if he needs anything. He's only 19 years old now so he's still young.

[Ijustwannateach]

Good older sister!

[Jingthing]

Ouch. That brings up a bad memory for me. My mother kind of asked me directly, so I told her but I asked her not to tell my Dad right away. She did the same day. Kind of a betrayal.

[samsiam]

My adopted daughter likes girls....tomboy.

If my daughter was gay no real issue from me....but my son.....nope, no way jose.

Edited May 15, 2012 by samsiam

[Jingthing]

My adopted daughter likes girls....tomboy.

If my daughter was gay no real issue from me....but my son.....nope, no way jose.

So you would do what? Disown him?

It's intolerant attitudes like yours that leads to high rates of suicide, drug use, depression, etc. among gay youth. If you can't count on unconditional love from your own close family, that's pretty grim!

Edited May 15, 2012 by Jingthing

[samsiam]

My adopted daughter likes girls....tomboy.

If my daughter was gay no real issue from me....but my son.....nope, no way jose.

So you would do what? Disown him?

It's intolerant attitudes like yours that leads to high rates of suicide, drug use, depression, etc. among gay youth. If you can't count on unconditional love from your own close family, that's pretty grim!

How predictable was that response.

Perhaps it is people with weak minds and no self control that lead to suicide, drug abuse...yadda yadda

[cardholder]

My adopted daughter likes girls....tomboy.

If my daughter was gay no real issue from me....but my son.....nope, no way jose.

So you would do what? Disown him?

It's intolerant attitudes like yours that leads to high rates of suicide, drug use, depression, etc. among gay youth. If you can't count on unconditional love from your own close family, that's pretty grim!

How predictable was that response.

Perhaps it is people with weak minds and no self control that lead to suicide, drug abuse...yadda yadda

I bet you eat red meat and drink pints of XXXX.............

[samsiam]

My adopted daughter likes girls....tomboy.

If my daughter was gay no real issue from me....but my son.....nope, no way jose.

So you would do what? Disown him?

It's intolerant attitudes like yours that leads to high rates of suicide, drug use, depression, etc. among gay youth. If you can't count on unconditional love from your own close family, that's pretty grim!

How predictable was that response.

Perhaps it is people with weak minds and no self control that lead to suicide, drug abuse...yadda yadda

I bet you eat red meat and drink pints of XXXX.............

I cook the meat and don't drink beer....I do like red sparkling wine though.

[Jingthing]

My adopted daughter likes girls....tomboy.

If my daughter was gay no real issue from me....but my son.....nope, no way jose.

So you would do what? Disown him?

It's intolerant attitudes like yours that leads to high rates of suicide, drug use, depression, etc. among gay youth. If you can't count on unconditional love from your own close family, that's pretty grim!

How predictable was that response.

Perhaps it is people with weak minds and no self control that lead to suicide, drug abuse...yadda yadda

In my view, a parent with that attitude is guilty of CHILD ABUSE. Such people should not have children. Mental abuse is as bad as physical abuse.

[samsiam]

Where is the return chute then....I should give mine back

[Ijustwannateach]

Sounds like a bad case of projection, there, Samsiam- your son's eventual sexual identity doesn't say anything about you personally any more than your daughter's. Some go one way, some go the other. If you wanna fight and fuss about it, you're gonna damage your kids and ultimately, by losing them, yourself.

[samsiam]

Who's fighting and fussing ??.....seems to be you guys making the fuss, not me.

I am not concerned about my son, he dislikes girls at school...which is normal for his age...he and I do boyz stuff all the time, last night we caught a rat and had 'rat races' ...he held the dog while I held the cat and then released the rat.....we nailed a dead bat to a plank the other day and put it in the sun to dry....we searched the river bed the other day at our farm and found dead dog bones and teeth...he sells them at school as tigers teeth and bones....