Why Is It So Difficult To Find A Good Friend In Thailand

[David48]

I don't include retirees, long term holiday makers or those here chancing their arms.

Interestingly there is no place for arm-chancers in this forum (other than the jobs and business fora, obviously)

Sorry, I tried googling, what is the meaning of "chancing of arms", particularly as a reason to be in Thailand? Is it an Aussie phrase or UK?

... more a cricketing term

And one that is also attributed to Brian Johnson:

"Lara's chanced his arm, and it's come off."

But again, if Johnson had retired before Holding/Willey, then he certainly wouldn't be commentating Lara (by which time he was surely dead).

http://www.englishforums.com/English/CricketLingo/7/mrmxr/post.htm

[KeyserSoze01]

Well, I'm one of "those" guys that so many detest, as I will start a conversation with anyone, at any time and any place. Doesn't matter if I know them from Adam. I did it this morning while dropping off one of my Dachshunds for spinal surgery. I do it all over the world and have had some of the most interesting conversations that went places I never imagined. It is now part of the reason I travel, for the new experiences and gaining insight to various cultures. If someone blanks me, no harm, no foul. Oddly, or perhaps not, the only people that blank me are from western socities. Seems that we have achieved "progress" by sacrificing a part of our humanity.

[edwinclapham]

Have now fully retired on a generous pension and a healthy bank account, can live with peace of mind in Thailand 100% legal with no concerns or the need to look over my shoulder to see who is watching me. I can walk into Immigration once a year for my visa extension and all done within 20 minutes. I am by no means rich, but do believe I did everything the right way and for this reason I feel quite proud of myself, so I’m blowing my own trumpet here.

You must be using a different immigration office to me, 5 hours wait in the queue to see the immigration officer, 15 minutes for extension.

Thai immigration offices don't generally take kindly to farangs living off their Thai partners.

classic.

[necronx99]

What about Thai friends?

It's been known to happen.

And they don't bite....usually.

He eliminated the possibility of Thai friends in his OP.

Something about them being Thai I believe. Probably a fairly common occurence in Thailand.

[softgeorge]

Well, I'm one of "those" guys that so many detest, as I will start a conversation with anyone, at any time and any place. Doesn't matter if I know them from Adam. I did it this morning while dropping off one of my Dachshunds for spinal surgery. I do it all over the world and have had some of the most interesting conversations that went places I never imagined. It is now part of the reason I travel, for the new experiences and gaining insight to various cultures. If someone blanks me, no harm, no foul. Oddly, or perhaps not, the only people that blank me are from western socities. Seems that we have achieved "progress" by sacrificing a part of our humanity.

Let me guess they call you "Forest Gump" I bet the poor guy was riveted to his seat and couldn't get a word in as he heard the story of your Dachshund from birth to arriving at the vet.

Just teasing.

Edited May 1, 2012 by softgeorge

[softgeorge]

What about Thai friends?

It's been known to happen.

And they don't bite....usually.

He eliminated the possibility of Thai friends in his OP.

Something about them being Thai I believe. Probably a fairly common occurence in Thailand.

There doe's seem to be a lot of Thai's over here....

[samsiam]

Well, I'm one of "those" guys that so many detest, as I will start a conversation with anyone, at any time and any place. Doesn't matter if I know them from Adam. I did it this morning while dropping off one of my Dachshunds for spinal surgery. I do it all over the world and have had some of the most interesting conversations that went places I never imagined. It is now part of the reason I travel, for the new experiences and gaining insight to various cultures. If someone blanks me, no harm, no foul. Oddly, or perhaps not, the only people that blank me are from western socities. Seems that we have achieved "progress" by sacrificing a part of our humanity.

Let me guess they call you "Forest Gump" I bet the poor guy was riveted to his seat and couldn't get a word in as he heard the story of your Dachshund from birth to arriving at the vet.

Just teasing.

Some guys really lurv their sausage dogs.

[bangkokburning]

There are indeed visa snobs - this board is unfortunately littered with people that have huge disdain for those who choose to run as opposed to obtain an O visa. The ED visa might rank a bit higher than running, but it seems to be still thought of as a poor man's method of remaining in the kingdom. This is perhaps used as a counterweight to the length of time and experience they have with the country. They are usually but not always the noobs.

Another bit of snobbery is the new arrival pension/retirees. They could not find Thailand on a map ten years ago. Or maybe, MAYBE visited a few times in their boring life. Now, they have divorced, sold up and cashed out - they come here and tell us how it is. They do everything thru services and rarely experience the vagaries of the expat living local. If you don't like it - leave; the constant refrain. You will find them in the bar buying drinks for a bunch of bar girls (so they will stick around), but not a beer for the guy on the next stool. If you can't afford it, you don't belong. *As long as someone is not committing criminal acts or mooching money off of anyone else - everyone has a right to give it a go here.

Football is a bore, Whore mongers are a total bore.

Edited May 2, 2012 by bangkokburning

[nocturn]

There are some interesting observations here regarding striking up conversations with other farang you see around.

The obvious question is 'why?'

You wouldnt initiate conversation with random men back home, so why do it here, simply because they are the same race as you. It's no different from saying that you should initiate contact and strike up a conversation with people wearing the same colour teeshirt.

I'd take it further. If anyone randomly strikes up conversation with me, I make it a point to be very wary. If they are farang in Thailand, even more so.

Go away people. Leave me alone. Simply having fair skin and blue eyes does not give you the right to invade my life.

.

Maybe some of us are more civilised and polite and see nothing wrong with a friendly hello. That friendly hello is not an interrogation. No-one is applying thumbscrews to force you into a conversation.

Don't do it back home? Why ever not?

It is not an invasion of their lives or of their privacy. People do not have to partake in a conversation if they do not want to do so. And they definitely do not give private information either unless they want to.

I bet Bendix could play Moses in a crowd quite well.

Either that or he is quite friendly and outgoing in appropriate circumstances where he is likely to meet like-minded individuals, and naturally reserved when meeting random individuals and on anonymous fora.

I have made some excellent long lasting friends here in Bangkok without approaching random people based upon their nationalities or the colour of their skin.

Rather, the friends I have made are through work, sport, my child's school or through existing friends. Friendship occurs naturally. It is not a matter of simple geography but rather common interests

In addition i have many long standing friends that travel the region frequently and touch base when they are here.

Friendship is a two-way street, you have to bring something the table as well.

[samsiam]

Friendship is a two-way street, you have to bring something the table as well.

I do....once I cooked up a special spaghetti bolognese with extra herbs.......made lotsa friends that night.

Unfortunately they all forgot me next day.....one even forgot what country he was in.

[brit1984]

OP, some suggestions...

- consider making friends with Thai people (that will increase the number of potential friends in your village by c.10,000%)

- don't spend all your time in the pub or drinking (many of the guys you describe as "knobs" may be better company when they are sober; and many people just don't enjoy such activities here)

- don't talk about other men's wives as if they are the enemy (some guys enjoy spending time with their wives/families so maybe you should think about how to include them in your social activities rather than complaining when your acquaintances choose them over you)

- allocate some time each day to calling/skyping your family or friends back home (given your difficulties in finding new friends over here it would be a shame to lose contact with those you are already bonded with)

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I don't include retirees, long term holiday makers or those here chancing their arms.

Interestingly there is no place for arm-chancers in this forum (other than the jobs and business fora, obviously)

Sorry, I tried googling, what is the meaning of "chancing of arms", particularly as a reason to be in Thailand? Is it an Aussie phrase or UK?

... more a cricketing term

And one that is also attributed to Brian Johnson:

"Lara's chanced his arm, and it's come off."

But again, if Johnson had retired before Holding/Willey, then he certainly wouldn't be commentating Lara (by which time he was surely dead).

http://www.englishfo.../mrmxr/post.htm

Thanks for the attempt, and sorry I'm so thick, but I still have no idea what it's intended to mean.

Please explain it as if I'm five years old.

[ravip]

Most of the Falang who come to live in Thailand are not the cream of the crop of society, this would explain why it is so hard if you are a decent person to find good friends . Luckily for me I have never really enjoyed having male friends, and am happy enough in the company of my girlfriend, other ladies or myself.

"...not the cream of the crop of society" - 100's of posts seem to prove this correct. Sad situation.

[transam]

Most of the Falang who come to live in Thailand are not the cream of the crop of society, this would explain why it is so hard if you are a decent person to find good friends . Luckily for me I have never really enjoyed having male friends, and am happy enough in the company of my girlfriend, other ladies or myself.

"...not the cream of the crop of society" - 100's of posts seem to prove this correct. Sad situation.

[samsiam]

Most of the Falang who come to live in Thailand are not the cream of the crop of society, this would explain why it is so hard if you are a decent person to find good friends . Luckily for me I have never really enjoyed having male friends, and am happy enough in the company of my girlfriend, other ladies or myself.

"...not the cream of the crop of society" - 100's of posts seem to prove this correct. Sad situation.

101... hey

[necronx99]

Thanks for the attempt, and sorry I'm so thick, but I still have no idea what it's intended to mean.

Please explain it as if I'm five years old.

It means to try something you are not generally acknowledged as an expert in.

Just give it a go and see what happens. To take a risk or punt.

In cricket it means for a player who who is not a recognized bowler to bowl the ball, (chancing or taking the risk that his arm will get the job done.)

Edited May 2, 2012 by necronx99

[David48]

Extending on necronx99 comments above.

In cricketing terminology there are a few possibilities.

When something is new to you, but you think that you have a modicum of talent you might 'chance your arm' ... try something new but familiar to you.

For example a batsman, nearing the twilight of his/her career, might try medium paced bowling in Cricket to improve the chances of staying in the team longer ... same but different.

The other subtle situation is when you are batting and you hit the ball and score some runs and you are undecided about how many runs to try for ... you might try the equivalent of a 'poker bluff' and 'chance his arm' that the fielder might not be able to return the ball to the wicket before you have completed the 'extra' run.

Geeze, I hope you understand Cricket and then will understand ... if not the next post will be very long indeed!

Edited May 2, 2012 by David48

[MediumPaceBowler]

I don't include retirees, long term holiday makers or those here chancing their arms.

Interestingly there is no place for arm-chancers in this forum (other than the jobs and business fora, obviously)

Sorry, I tried googling, what is the meaning of "chancing of arms", particularly as a reason to be in Thailand? Is it an Aussie phrase or UK?

... more a cricketing term

And one that is also attributed to Brian Johnson:

"Lara's chanced his arm, and it's come off."

But again, if Johnson had retired before Holding/Willey, then he certainly wouldn't be commentating Lara (by which time he was surely dead).

http://www.englishfo.../mrmxr/post.htm

I saw that live on (I guess) BBC2.

How about ............ Lillee caught Willey bowled Dilley? Saw that live, too.

Also watched live as Lara went past Len Hutton and Gary Sobers.

[chrisinth]

Most of the Falang who come to live in Thailand are not the cream of the crop of society, this would explain why it is so hard if you are a decent person to find good friends . Luckily for me I have never really enjoyed having male friends, and am happy enough in the company of my girlfriend, other ladies or myself.

"...not the cream of the crop of society" - 100's of posts seem to prove this correct. Sad situation.

101... hey

I think if I was to have an evening out with the alleged "cream of the crop of society" in a bar, in an attempt to make friends, there may be a bit of difficulty in the conversation levels.

I would probably expect much more from them than they could provide.....................

Bored sh1tless springs to mind.

[Lite Beer]

Posts discussing another member have been removed.

[Koratpat]

As for speaking Thai, that really does not improve your situation IMHO. You simply have zero in common and trying to have a discussion proves to be challenging and actually adds frustration.

Tish and piffle.

Talk about football, family, food and women and you're talking all night with your average Thai bloke.

The geezer has said he's not short of a few bob so why not spring for a few ales for the lads? A few hundred baht isn't going to cripple him and most Thais, even lowly paid ones, have enough pride to at least buy a few back your way.

Where is that emotion with the the circle with the line through it with some leeches in the center. No need to be taken advantage of and made out to be a sucker by some Thai drunk.

I can remember years ago meeting a stunner for a dinner date. She showed up with 3 Thai girls and 3 Thai blokes (if they could even possibly qualify for being called men). We ordered food and the 6 leeches sat about ordering beer towers and sea food. They were quite shocked when the 2500 baht bill came and I paid for my date and I and left.

Edited May 2, 2012 by Koratpat

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Extending on necronx99 comments above.

...

Geeze, I hope you understand Cricket and then will understand ... if not the next post will be very long indeed!

Thanks to you both for the "English English" lesson, certainly no interest in the sport but I now do understand the meaning intended, along the lines of "winging it".

[bendix]

As for speaking Thai, that really does not improve your situation IMHO. You simply have zero in common and trying to have a discussion proves to be challenging and actually adds frustration.

Tish and piffle.

Talk about football, family, food and women and you're talking all night with your average Thai bloke.

The geezer has said he's not short of a few bob so why not spring for a few ales for the lads? A few hundred baht isn't going to cripple him and most Thais, even lowly paid ones, have enough pride to at least buy a few back your way.

Where is that emotion with the the circle with the line through it with some leeches in the center. No need to be taken advantage of and made out to be a sucker by some Thai drunk.

I can remember years ago meeting a stunner for a dinner date. She showed up with 3 Thai girls and 3 Thai blokes (if they could even possibly qualify for being called men). We ordered food and the 6 leeches sat about ordering beer towers and sea food. They were quite shocked when the 2500 baht bill came and I paid for my date and I and left.

Ahhhhhh one of the oldest TV yarns which i doubt is true but if it is there were in fact seven leaches, and did she leave with you and was there a second date ?

Edited May 2, 2012 by bendix

[bangkokburning]

I get the feeling that most of the guys I see around in the day around my place are noobs or just weirdo's. They act sheepish and appear to be lost or uncomfortable. Like one poster commented - they look at the floor. I saw some guy in Big C yesterday staring about the mall for about half hour. When I went up he was staring about and when I came down - there he was.

Then there are the guys who might want to feel in with the in-crowd, but they are clearly (sex) tourists. Dress, demeanor or the dark skinned girl in 4inch heels is sort of a giveaway. I do not need this association. There is absolutely nothing this person can do for me aside from handing me cash money.

The guys hanging out in the food court. Nothing wrong with lingering after a meal - just don't pull up a chair and your laptop and make it your office.

Seems that a lot of farang have found my GREAT (4250) apt in the last year. We come and go at different times, I don't see half of them I bet. Those that I have run across - we never exchange smiles or pleasantries. One old guy and his girl are gone now, another new guy and wifey have come in and we have a few single men - all freshies, all shaven and shorn for the night out. Checking their mobiles, in a hurry to Nowhereville.

The guys that are obviously headed out to the bars. Despite being here only a year or two, they are too hip to acknowledge me. I am just the guy slogging bags back from Tops on foot in 40C heat. They are players!

When I size up another guy I think - is this person interesting? Would they have anything to offer me intellectually or creatively? Does it appear that we have the common bond of being here a long time or do I have to hear a bunch of stories I had lived literally twenty years ago. These days, call me old but I seem to have more in common with the guy with wifey and a kid in tow than the urban hipster.

I've been here a long time. I have not much interest in meeting new arrivals for a variety of reasons. Having said that, I just as easily and often do strike up a conversation with a lot of foreigners while traveling and have met some great people and some duds.

After slagging tourists (really sex tourists), I have met lots of people while camping who were straight up tourists - and a teacher couple. Some come every year, some a one off.

If you want to buy a person a beer, great, Maybe it should be reciprocated if the other person remains in the bar. One thing that is really not American culture that does seem to be UK, OZ, NZ is trading the purchase of rounds back and forth. Not saying it does not happen, it is just sort of not our culture. I think what has happened years ago is that we learned there are loads of freeloaders and rather than being the one always out of pocket - it is simple best to "go Dutch" and pay your way. Separate checks please. I recall once offering to take a "friend" to lunch in university, before ordering he asked - you're paying right? That was the last time I spoke with him.

I have long since thought that someone should start a farang social club for guys in Bangkok / Thailand. Another idea would be a website that would allow us to get acquainted online and build social networks according to activities. A foodie club, a camping club, a beach junkies club, a diving club, a kart club, a motorcycle club, a travel club, a club for newbies, gardening club, farming club, a welcome-wagon club. Meeting people in bars is very limiting.

Edited May 3, 2012 by bangkokburning

[StefanBBK]

I get the feeling that most of the guys I see around in the day around my place are noobs or just weirdo's. They act sheepish and appear to be lost or uncomfortable. Like one poster commented - they look at the floor. I saw some guy in Big C yesterday staring about the mall for about half hour. When I went up he was staring about and when I came down - there he was.

Then there are the guys who might want to feel in with the in-crowd, but they are clearly tourists. Dress, demeanor or the dark skinned girl in 4inch heels is sort of a giveaway. I do not need this association.

The guys hanging out in the food court. Nothing wrong with lingering after a meal - just don't pull up a chair and your laptop and make it your office.

Seems that a lot of farang have found my great apt in the last year. We come and go at different times. We never exchange smiles or pleasantries. One old guy and his girl are gone now, another new guy and wifey have come in and we have a few single men - all freshies.

Then there are the guys that are obviously headed out to the bars. Despite being here only a year or two, they are two hip to acknowledge me. I am just the guy slogging bags back from Tops on foot in 40C heat. They are players!

When I size up another guy I think - is this person interesting? Would they have anything to offer me intellectually or creatively? Does it appear that we have the common bond of being here a long time or do I have to hear a bunch of stories I had lived literally twenty years ago.

I've been here a long time. I have not much interest in meeting new arrivals for a variety of reasons.

If you want to buy a person a beer, great, Maybe it should be reciprocated if the other person remains in the bar. One thing that is really not American culture that does seem to be UK, OZ, NZ is trading the purchase of rounds back and forth. Not saying it does not happen, it is just sort of not our culture. I think what has happened years ago is that we learned there are loads of freeloaders and rather than being the one always out of pocket - it is simple best to "go Dutch" and pay your way. Separate checks please. I recall once offering to take a "friend" to lunch in university, before ordering he asked - you're paying right? That was the last time I spoke with him.

I have long since thought that someone should start a farang social club for guys in Bangkok / Thailand. Another idea would be a website that would allow us to get acquainted online and build social networks according to activities. A foodie club, a camping club, a beach junkies club, a diving club, a kart club, a motorcycle club, a travel club, a club for newbies, gardening club, farming club, a welcome-wagon club. Meeting people in bars is very limiting.

You are so right. Nothing to add.

Like the Idea of social club. I would sign up fo it.

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[nocturn]

after 16 years here, I agree with alot BB has to say here. Except i dont go camping or to Big C.

Edited May 3, 2012 by nocturn

[rott]

I agree with much of what BB has to say, but, in my experience if you offer to take someone to lunch it is generally understood that you are offering to pay.

Regarding koratpats experience, I remember a good 10 years ago taking my now wife's sister and her mate out with us, they asked could their other friends come, which was OK except that they turned up with their husbands and one more couple. So I spent an evening watching an endless parade of large Heineken and plates of food flash past, while I was stuck in a corner with a handshaking Thai drunk whose only English was ''Liverpool -- very good''. My head was ringing by the end of it.

When the bill came it somehow totalled under 25 quid, OK it was more than 10 years ago, at the time of the Asian currency crisis. But anyway it has never happened since.

[TommoPhysicist]

I agree with much of what BB has to say, but, in my experience if you offer to take someone to lunch it is generally understood that you are offering to pay.

In my experience if you offer to take a Thai lady out to lunch it is generally understood that you are offering to pay, and she is agreeing to sex after.

Edited May 3, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[Pseudolus]

Has the OP found his special person yet?

[StreetCowboy]

Has the OP found his special person yet?

I hate it, when you can't remember where you buried someone...

SC