Moving To Thailand With Children

[thantawan]

ooohhhhh cautiously excited as we are contemplating a move to Thailand with our lovely family.

My partner is Thai although now has a british passport as came to the UK as a teenager when his mother remarried. His mum is now back in Thailand along with most of his large family and we are seriously thinking of going over for the forseeable future.

We would be looking to settle in Ubon Ratchathani and I'd be really grateful to hear from anyone else that may have done this with their Thai husband. And possibly children? Ive visited Thailand before and ive travelled quite a bit of the world. What difficulties did you face? How much of an expat community is there in Ubon? What are the schools like? Would I be able to find work? What sort of rent would we pay on a 3 bed house? How easily can children adapt? Mine are 3 and 4.

Many thanks for any advice

[sbk]

Hi Thantawan and welcome to the forum. You might want to consider two separate threads. One here about adapting to life in Thailand and a separate one in the Isaan forum asking about costs, schools etc.

[farang000999]

One thing to consider, since you have a family, is that men are much more likely to be unfaithful in Thailand. There is a brothel on every street corner. While the collective notion is that if someone will cheat in Thailand they will cheat in the UK, pretty young women are much less available in the UK than they are here where the minimum wage in Isaan is a couple of pounds per day. The vast majority of men, both farang and Thai, are unfaithful in Thailand.

The other side of the coin is that you can get cheaply maids, nannies and any other form of human labor is inexpensive. I do not have first hand knowledge of the quality of schools in UR. You will probably need to start a topic in the Isaan section of this website to better answer that question.

As to the expat community, there are plenty of honest normal expats all over the country. That said, probably not a whole lot of farang women in UR.

[thantawan]

Obviously I'm aware of the sex trade in Thailand but maybe wasn't so aware that it's at the top of everymans to do list. Are you saying then that farang men with Thai wives are also frequent brothel visitors? Makes you wonder why they bother with the whole marriage thing then. Apart from needing to get their washing done.

[mike123ca]

Hi,

I also moved to Ubon because this is the wife's family hometown. We also have two children ages 6 and 3 years old. There is a small ex-pat group here, mostly retired people and English teachers. As for foreign women, they are very few when compared to the number of foreign men. I did see a couple of older ladies maybe they are the wives of the retirees. There are a couple of young ladies (20 to 30 years old) but I think they are with the big Mormon church in town.

I think you should enjoy it here, many new appartments are being built, but unfortunately Thai style which means it is small and most likely a one room. Can your children speak Thai? If not get your husband to start right away. Thai children don't speak English.

[simple1]

Obviously I'm aware of the sex trade in Thailand but maybe wasn't so aware that it's at the top of everymans to do list. Are you saying then that farang men with Thai wives are also frequent brothel visitors? Makes you wonder why they bother with the whole marriage thing then. Apart from needing to get their washing done.

Hopefully I don't sound condesending, but I suggest on the top of your "to do" list is to ascertain the facilities/activities you and your family will have access to meet your lifestyle expectations. Home location is very important for obvious family security needs, also basically their is minimal or no noise or pollution law enforcement in Thailand. I would have thought that work opportunities for you in Ubon Ratchathani would be limited. In the longer term you may want to consider planning to return to the U.K. for your childrens education. Unless you have already come across this URL you might find it a good starting point

http://www.weloveubon.com/.

As you know prostitution is endemic in Thailand and quite a few westeners, married or with GF, do use their services. Others are of course in long standing stable relationships, so...

if you decide to move to Thailand I wish you and your family success & happiness

[impulse]

The vast majority of men, both farang and Thai, are unfaithful in Thailand.

You and I must hang out with a different crowd. In a year in Thailand, I have not come upon a single foreign male I know who was out cheating on his wife.

I don't have enough statistics to refute your statement, but it's not been my experience. Of course, most of the guys I know are from work (oilfield) so the stats may be different for short term and perpetual tourists, retirees and unmarried scoundrels.

And I do have a tendency to stay away from the places where people practice that kind of behavior...

Edited May 31, 2012 by impulse

[PattayaParent]

There is a brothel on every street corner.

I must be living in the wrong place then, where do you live?

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Obviously I'm aware of the sex trade in Thailand but maybe wasn't so aware that it's at the top of everymans to do list. Are you saying then that farang men with Thai wives are also frequent brothel visitors? Makes you wonder why they bother with the whole marriage thing then. Apart from needing to get their washing done.

It's not just the sex trade, Thais only consider it "prostitution" if they're walking the streets or actually working in a full-on brothel. The dozens of contexts for "grey areas" like golf caddies, hair salons, coffee shops etc. are often functionally "sex work" but provide deniability for girls to keep their self-respect.

Bottom line is if a man has money there will be plenty of normal young beautiful girls looking to seduce him, get put up in a flat as a part-time mia noi, sponsored for their tuition fees etc. This will include bank clerks, office workers, cashiers at shops, just chatting up while out walking around.

Basically monogamy is unrealistic long-term, men need variety to get full sexual satisfaction. Best IMO to just accept that fact and do your best to remain secure in your relationship by having some sort of open arrangement with clear guidelines so that you can remain completely honest with each other. As long as the outside liaisons are for fun only and not allowed to progress seriously on an emotional level, and of course don't use up too much of the family's financial resources it can be a win-win situation.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

You and I must hang out with a different crowd. In a year in Thailand, I have not come upon a single foreign male I know who was out cheating on his wife.

And in my 12 years here the only ones I know that don't have multiple partners (not necessarily cheating when the wife knows about it) are those that I don't know well enough for them to let me into their confidence about it.

The only exceptions are **some** of those still in the initial "in love" honeymoon period, usually lasts 18 months, sometimes three years.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Education is of a very poor standard here.

If you are confident and wealthy enough to home-school I'd advise that, up to about 10-12 should be fine.

After that consider returning or sending them overseas to boarding school.

There are some (IMO 5-7) decent international schools, but all in Bangkok and cost over half a million per year per child.

Very rarely do any other private schools deliver good value for money, unless you are a teacher there yourself and do a lot of supplementary work in the evenings.

Also note you will be very isolated socially in Ubon, very little to do out and about if you're not working, hope you enjoy spending a lot of time online and watching movies.

Exceptions - if you're fluent in Thai and gregarious, throw yourself into the local community, eg charity work, teaching, Buddhism, and are very open-minded you may well find a place among the locals great friendships at an emotional level are easy there, just don't expect much intellectual stimulation.

[TommoPhysicist]

The only exceptions are **some** of those still in the initial "in love" honeymoon period, usually lasts 18 months, sometimes three years.

I have never cheated on my wife, but I am in the 'too old to be all that bothered about sex' category that you missed off your exceptions list.

I disagree with you on Thai educational standards, the government schools ideally fit children into Thai society. If they are going to live their entire life in Thailand, best to put them there. Speaking good English will be advantage enough.

I do agree, a young woman will be totally socially isolated in Ubon, you will be bored out of your mind.

3 bedroom house rental about 4000 to 6000 bht a month. Add in utils total 8000bht pcm at the very most.

(assuming you don't go air-con crazy)

Edited June 3, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[bina]

her partner is thai, not farang, and i dont see how worring about extra marital sex has anything to do with what she asked aobut, which is raising her kids there... her husband may have a more difficult time then her if he was raised in UK but looks thai, thais will expect him to BE totally like all the others around them, and he will most likely have more of a culture shock even than she, as it will be unexpected. as for sex... i could see that many thai girls would go for an ex pat thai returned home, but that could just as easily happen among the thai expat communities in the UK...

as for schools and such, good parenting can help make up for poor schooling for the most part if the schools are down right horrible; i expect you should be thinking more about hubby's family/connections/interferance/help in relation to you and your kids (where are your in laws? cousins, pi/nong, how is their financial situation and will they be helpful to you or bug you? )

three and four year olds can be very flexible or very overly sensitive to change, it depends on their personality and also on how you deal with new unusual/ difficult/challenging situations...but definately easier then teenagers. one thing i guess i would add: if u suspect that your kids have any learning difficulties etc, it might be better to get testing and info gathering while still in UK... from the various posts over the years here, ti seems that that was one of the most troublesome challenges for parents, in dealing with children with special needs - since thailand is not as advanced as many countries are in teaching, diagnoses, whatever. i guess it depends if you will be living out in the boonies or in a major city also.

isolation can also be relative: some women here reported feeling isolated because they were first time mothers and they felt nervous without their support network from home; others seem to really like where they are. some were bored stiff, some fought with their in laws constatnly... what used to be problematic like illnesses etc are now less so since internet is great for info, and even remote villages are not that remote anymore....

how much support do u get from your own family or hubby's UK family for the move? how much help/suggestions/info?

bina

israel

[Carry]

Wow big Johnny, you either hang out with only a few unfaithful bastards or in a world I cant even imagine, in 10 years of Thailand, Ive come across many couples either mixed or Thai and I am sure tat the majority was not cheating i.e. having sex with other people outside of the relationship/marriage they were in nor did they think that was ' normal; to do so...its incredible you state that that is such a common thing, it will give people a wrong impression about how the vast majority of people think/live in Thailand...

I cant believe the first things people warn the op for is the risk of her husband cheating?!?! Seriosuly?! Nice one.

I would be a bit concerned bringing your kids, so have a good look into schools you want to put your kids in to and prepare them well obviously.

[impulse]

You and I must hang out with a different crowd. In a year in Thailand, I have not come upon a single foreign male I know who was out cheating on his wife.

And in my 12 years here the only ones I know that don't have multiple partners (not necessarily cheating when the wife knows about it) are those that I don't know well enough for them to let me into their confidence about it.

The only exceptions are **some** of those still in the initial "in love" honeymoon period, usually lasts 18 months, sometimes three years.

I guess I hang out with a bunch of pansies.

[ExpatJ]

The vast majority of men, both farang and Thai, are unfaithful in Thailand.

You and I must hang out with a different crowd. In a year in Thailand, I have not come upon a single foreign male I know who was out cheating on his wife.

I don't have enough statistics to refute your statement, but it's not been my experience. Of course, most of the guys I know are from work (oilfield) so the stats may be different for short term and perpetual tourists, retirees and unmarried scoundrels.

And I do have a tendency to stay away from the places where people practice that kind of behavior...

I have to agree with Farang- many of the married farangs i know cheat here (if you count a massage with a happy ending ++ type activities cheating??)- and i have to say oil and gas farangs tend to cheat more than others (comes with the lifestyle i guess of one month working one month partying/relaxing).

Edited June 20, 2012 by ExpatJ

[ExpatJ]

Wow big Johnny, you either hang out with only a few unfaithful bastards or in a world I cant even imagine, in 10 years of Thailand, Ive come across many couples either mixed or Thai and I am sure tat the majority was not cheating i.e. having sex with other people outside of the relationship/marriage they were in nor did they think that was ' normal; to do so...its incredible you state that that is such a common thing, it will give people a wrong impression about how the vast majority of people think/live in Thailand...

I cant believe the first things people warn the op for is the risk of her husband cheating?!?! Seriosuly?! Nice one.

I would be a bit concerned bringing your kids, so have a good look into schools you want to put your kids in to and prepare them well obviously.

I have to agree with farang- i would say that for 90% of the thai/farang couples i know the thai partner (male or female) is cheating and the the farang male partner often but less so. Unfortunately, in my experience its the female farangs in relationships with thai men who get the short end of the stick as they do tend to be faithful while their thai male partner comes from the gik/mia noi culture and don't see cheating as bad per se.

[Chestnut]

Wow, someone asks about info on how to move/live in Thailand and all we get is a bunch of generalizations about (Thai) men. Do we really need that? I'd say no. She'll know her husband best.

[dksharron]

Thai men. These are not generalizations. These are facts here. Her husband may be a different story, but for Thai men here, the above information is 100%.

The main question is????

What future do you see for yourself in Ubon? Do you have a career back home?

What if things do not work out, would you be able to take the children out of the country with you?

Do you have a career to return to?

What are his plans for earning an income here?

Ubon is not Bangkok.

It is a lot better to have plans if things do not work out, than to be surprised.

Best of luck to you. It will be a significant change in lifestyle.

[phuturatica]

What a positive way to reply to a thread guys! Jeez.

Good luck on your move hun! I don't know Ubon at all so I have no advice about the place but I hope you enjoy your time here!

[mike123ca]

Thai men. These are not generalizations. These are facts here. Her husband may be a different story, but for Thai men here, the above information is 100%.

The main question is????

What future do you see for yourself in Ubon? Do you have a career back home?

What if things do not work out, would you be able to take the children out of the country with you?

Do you have a career to return to?

What are his plans for earning an income here?

Ubon is not Bangkok.

It is a lot better to have plans if things do not work out, than to be surprised.

Best of luck to you. It will be a significant change in lifestyle.

If she comes to Thailand, her husband is citizen and she is foreigner. She cannot do anything legally without his permission ( His country, their rules) He has home field advantage.

I live in Ubon and all the Thai male relatives earn a small wage here. Only some of the Thai females are working and some are looking for work. Unless her husband is wealthy,well-connected

or has a good job-skill, I would say take a pass on Ubon.

[eek]

Geez..after reading this thread, have a strong urge to swear..but i wont.

Just want to say good luck thantawan.

sorry about the W_ _ _ _ R's. There seems to be quite a lot of them in Thailand. Its like Australia all those years ago, when convicts were shipped off to there.

Now its Thailand, but instead of convicts, we get W_ _ _ _ R's.

[swlondonmum]

thantawan hi I'm new to the forum and have just posted a long rant about the problems I am having since I moved here with my Thai husband and our son after living in the UK since we met. It would be great to hear how you got on if you did move - hopefully it went well as I am in need of some positive stories right now :-)

[krisb]

One thing to consider, since you have a family, is that men are much more likely to be unfaithful in Thailand. There is a brothel on every street corner. While the collective notion is that if someone will cheat in Thailand they will cheat in the UK, pretty young women are much less available in the UK than they are here where the minimum wage in Isaan is a couple of pounds per day. The vast majority of men, both farang and Thai, are unfaithful in Thailand.

The other side of the coin is that you can get cheaply maids, nannies and any other form of human labor is inexpensive. I do not have first hand knowledge of the quality of schools in UR. You will probably need to start a topic in the Isaan section of this website to better answer that question.

As to the expat community, there are plenty of honest normal expats all over the country. That said, probably not a whole lot of farang women in UR.

Ridiculous to say men are more likely to be unfaithful in Thailand. What a joke to then say the vast majority will be!!!!

OP_, dont listen to that ridiculous statement. As a male, Im offended and Im sure I can speak for alot of others also.

[krisb]

Geez..after reading this thread, have a strong urge to swear..but i wont.

Just want to say good luck thantawan.

sorry about the W_ _ _ _ R's. There seems to be quite a lot of them in Thailand. Its like Australia all those years ago, when convicts were shipped off to there.

Now its Thailand, but instead of convicts, we get W_ _ _ _ R's.

What the hecks that meant to mean?? I read a thread in the general section posted by a lady regarding how men talk to much junk about drinking beer and bar girls etc. So ive jumped over to the ladies section to have a look at how much better it is. Its not!

Especially a troll comment like yours eek.

[krisb]

What a positive way to reply to a thread guys! Jeez.

Good luck on your move hun! I don't know Ubon at all so I have no advice about the place but I hope you enjoy your time here!

Yeah well said phuturatica! Nice to see theres still some positive people on here.

theres way to many negative sad sods on this forum. What is it, jealousy? just angry at the world perhaps?

[sbk]

Geez..after reading this thread, have a strong urge to swear..but i wont.

Just want to say good luck thantawan.

sorry about the W_ _ _ _ R's. There seems to be quite a lot of them in Thailand. Its like Australia all those years ago, when convicts were shipped off to there.

Now its Thailand, but instead of convicts, we get W_ _ _ _ R's.

What the hecks that meant to mean?? I read a thread in the general section posted by a lady regarding how men talk to much junk about drinking beer and bar girls etc. So ive jumped over to the ladies section to have a look at how much better it is. Its not!

Especially a troll comment like yours eek.

That "troll" is the one who posted the thread about guys talking about women and beer and its not in general, its here. I would think twice before calling eek a troll, she is a long time member of good standing and retired mod. So suggest you re-think your attitude and drop the name calling. cheers

[regine]

Thai men. These are not generalizations. These are facts here. Her husband may be a different story, but for Thai men here, the above information is 100%.

55555555555555

Facts!? Ha! I'd love to see that study. I really would. Can you please tell me where you got your information from? Should be easy enough to provide because as you said, "these are facts".

Go climb back under your rock, or bridge. Whatever you prefer.