Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.

[rijit]

I've got to say there's been some really thoughtful and insightful post's on this thread many of which i can v much relate to my own circumstances. Food for thought!!!!

Edited June 2, 2012 by rijit

[samsiam]

How you have described your wife and the situation is my wife and situation exactly and I know of many more like us.

Over the years I’ve just learned to accept the situation for what it is, because there are only two alternatives, either lump it or leave as nothing will change and there is no chance of her becoming a fully supportive, caring, sharing charmer over night, or forever in fact, it`s just not going to happen.

The best way to deal with it is do what I do and that is to just do your own thing and let the wife dwell in her own little world in her own way. But strangely our relationship does work and we are both quite happy in our own ways.

Many years back in the dark ages, I had hopes of marrying a girl, with intelligence, ambition, hopes and of strong character, but somehow I ended up with the opposite. It could be that at first they come across as being so cute, lovely, and vulnerable, than later once you are left with having to take most of the responsibility for everything and do all the thinking, the cute, lovely and vulnerable transpires into a heap of frustration. Yes, I know how you feel, but it`s not so bad.

I have an idea; perhaps we should trade places for a month just to see if we are better off or worse off than anyone else?

PM me a picture of your wife. I will think about it.

I could get into this.

I have been on at my wife for 2 or 3 years to plough the land outside of the fence then move the pineapple plantation out there and use the pineapple land for planting man saparang.

At least the excuses change every year.

Would you like a picture of my wife when I met her 19 years ago or as she is now?

Also is your wife a good cook?

Mine has a fishing boat that I can throw into the deal if I can be included.

[NanLaew]

How you have described your wife and the situation is my wife and situation exactly and I know of many more like us.

Over the years I’ve just learned to accept the situation for what it is, because there are only two alternatives, either lump it or leave as nothing will change and there is no chance of her becoming a fully supportive, caring, sharing charmer over night, or forever in fact, it`s just not going to happen.

The best way to deal with it is do what I do and that is to just do your own thing and let the wife dwell in her own little world in her own way. But strangely our relationship does work and we are both quite happy in our own ways.

Many years back in the dark ages, I had hopes of marrying a girl, with intelligence, ambition, hopes and of strong character, but somehow I ended up with the opposite. It could be that at first they come across as being so cute, lovely, and vulnerable, than later once you are left with having to take most of the responsibility for everything and do all the thinking, the cute, lovely and vulnerable transpires into a heap of frustration. Yes, I know how you feel, but it`s not so bad.

I have an idea; perhaps we should trade places for a month just to see if we are better off or worse off than anyone else?

PM me a picture of your wife. I will think about it.

I could get into this.

I have been on at my wife for 2 or 3 years to plough the land outside of the fence then move the pineapple plantation out there and use the pineapple land for planting man saparang.

At least the excuses change every year.

Would you like a picture of my wife when I met her 19 years ago or as she is now?

Also is your wife a good cook?

Mine has a fishing boat that I can throw into the deal if I can be included.

No she doesn't. We all know it's her brother's fishing boat.

[NanLaew]

Back to the OP. I am sure that somewhere along the line, the OP has 'perjured' himself by signing the chitty at the land office that the land purchase by his spouse has been with funds that were always 100% hers and and that he has no claim whatsoever to the land regardless of their marital status at the time. If he hasn't, this relationship does indeed go down the toilet and she is unwilling to split the family assets per the law, then maybe the OP can 'out' his wife to the Land Office and be hopeful that her land title will be revoked. Sort of som nam nah and petty but 9 rai isn't a petty amount of money to the average up-country lady... especially to one who through her own (in)actions finds herself suddenly farang-less.

I still can't get my head around the assertion that her brother's word has more import than the OP's. Patriarchal societies aside, unless the father is deceased, I cannot comprehend why a grown, married woman would place her siblings word above that of her spouse.

[bendix]

What this thread has revealed to me is how many unhappily married men there are on Thaivisa.

Baffling. Truly baffling.

[rijit]

.

What this thread has revealed to me is how many unhappily married men there are on Thaivisa.

Baffling. Truly baffling.

And your point is? or are we now just waiting for the 'gloat'

Edited June 2, 2012 by rijit

[robblok]

.

What this thread has revealed to me is how many unhappily married men there are on Thaivisa.

Baffling. Truly baffling.

And your point is? or are we now just waiting for the 'gloat'

The point is that if you are in a situation like that you need to take some action to get yourself out of there. I mean life is too short to live it in a bad way.

Believe me i have been there and when it was all done and i took back control and had a divorce i was cursing myself for not doing it earlier. (of course you first test if the relation is saveable). But if your unhappy for so long it probably is not.

[edwinclapham]

What this thread has revealed to me is how many unhappily married men there are on Thaivisa.

Baffling. Truly baffling.

Actually the thread "My Thai Wife Is Lovely" brought out many a happy member out of the closet.

What large percentage of unhappily married men are you seeing on this thread Bendix, because you are clearly seeing something I am not?

Baffling.. truly baffling!

Edited June 2, 2012 by edwinclapham

[cooked]

...reading through this thread for the first time I get the impression that the question of land rights is maybe not quite as clear cut as the OP's wife makes out.

Secondly, maybe a declaration that you have to go home for family matters for two weeks, then quite simply not coming back and waiting to see what reaction you get is one possibility? That's what I feel I would do any way.

[TomTao]

Seems to be the thing with Thai wives to ignore their farang husbands, mine asks my advice then does her own thing or just does what she wants without asking at all, I have a freind whose wife could probably change places with yours and you probably wouldn't see too much difference.

Sent from my GT-I9003 using Thaivisa Connect App

[BigJohnnyBKK]

...reading through this thread for the first time I get the impression that the question of land rights is maybe not quite as clear cut as the OP's wife makes out.

Secondly, maybe a declaration that you have to go home for family matters for two weeks, then quite simply not coming back and waiting to see what reaction you get is one possibility? That's what I feel I would do any way.

I'm guessing that would suit her just fine.

[Beetlejuice]

I’m British, so have a right to moan. The Aussies don`t call us whinging poms for nothing.

We’re never satisfied with our lot, but it doesn’t mean that deep down we are not happy. It`s a man’s right to moan and gripe sometimes, even if they`re is nothing to moan about, otherwise life would get boring and at least on Thai visa the poor sods on here are a captive audience.

I think the moral of this thread is; be careful out there, don`t become entrapped and always leave yourselves a bolt hole to escape if things don`t work out.

My old granddad was a wise old sod. My boy he said to me; be as sly, selfish and as cunning as all the others, put your own interests first and never let the bastards grind you down, or in other words; don`t take things for granted. One can still be kind and be shrewd, but at all times cover ya own ass.

[473geo]

...reading through this thread for the first time I get the impression that the question of land rights is maybe not quite as clear cut as the OP's wife makes out.

Secondly, maybe a declaration that you have to go home for family matters for two weeks, then quite simply not coming back and waiting to see what reaction you get is one possibility? That's what I feel I would do any way.

I'm guessing that would suit her just fine.

Indeed, very much an example of the 'up to you' attitude, this I feel is the understanding element that many people miss on the forum. The women in your lives all survived before you came along, possibly due to their family, friends and community being there when they required assistance. The husband then asks why the Thai female puts family first, in the same breath threatening to walk out......

[bendix]

.

What this thread has revealed to me is how many unhappily married men there are on Thaivisa.

Baffling. Truly baffling.

And your point is? or are we now just waiting for the 'gloat'

No gloat. Just a statement of fact expressed by assessing so many bizarrely personal revelations.

[yogi100]

For some..."sorry" really is an impossibility.

I pity such people. Mostly.

I'm struggling to understand why people think the lady in question has to say sorry for using land she owns in anyway she wants, without being forced into another use simply because a farang voluntarily decided to support her and her son.

The way I read it , it was because the "farang, as you put it) has some foresight and would like to make provisions for their son's university fees in 7 years time!

Quite commendable in my books!

yes, this is the one and only reason. Rather prepare now for his future, she will expect me to shell out the money in 7 years time. I have told her numerous times that I must have 400,000 baht in the bank in order to stay here. It doesnt seem to register with her at all. Many thais are not aware of the hoops we must jump through just to stay here.

I bought her the ground and as such it is both our ground. Not legally I know but decisions on its use should be up to both of us as a unit. All I want to do is to use it to generate funds for the sons university. What is wrong with that ? If it comes to it, I will walk away from everything. I dont care if half the house is legally mine, I dont want it.

Other fellows have mentioned a lack of respect. You are also missing out on other very important virtues necessary to sustain a relationship, loyalty, appreciation, trust and ambition for the future of their family. A couple should naturally have all these virtues but the most important is loyalty. Without loyalty you are on a hiding for nothing and it would seem that it is time for you to make tracks. We are only on this earth for a visit.

The fact that have to ask for advice from strangers on an internet forum speaks for itself, It's really getting you down so make a firm decision ASAP. Let her find another milk cow and in a few months time you'll be glad you made the break.

[bendix]

What this thread has revealed to me is how many unhappily married men there are on Thaivisa.

Baffling. Truly baffling.

Actually the thread "My Thai Wife Is Lovely" brought out many a happy member out of the closet.

What large percentage of unhappily married men are you seeing on this thread Bendix, because you are clearly seeing something I am not?

Baffling.. truly baffling!

When I see half a dozen members opening up in a quasi Oprah Winfrey way about how their wives don't respect them, communicate to them and put their families and face above their husband, it seems a reasonable assumption to make.

If that's the basis for a happy marriage I'm a banana

[zzaa09]

.

What this thread has revealed to me is how many unhappily married men there are on Thaivisa.

Baffling. Truly baffling.

And your point is? or are we now just waiting for the 'gloat'

No gloat. Just a statement of fact expressed by assessing so many bizarrely personal revelations.

Unhappy and clueless.....as a rule.

[thequietman]

What this thread has revealed to me is how many unhappily married men there are on Thaivisa.

Baffling. Truly baffling.

Actually the thread "My Thai Wife Is Lovely" brought out many a happy member out of the closet.

What large percentage of unhappily married men are you seeing on this thread Bendix, because you are clearly seeing something I am not?

Baffling.. truly baffling!

When I see half a dozen members opening up in a quasi Oprah Winfrey way about how their wives don't respect them, communicate to them and put their families and face above their husband, it seems a reasonable assumption to make.

If that's the basis for a happy marriage I'm a banana

Good evening Fife, how the hell are ya ?

Edited June 2, 2012 by thequietman

[BigJohnnyBKK]

so many bizarrely personal revelations.

..

When I see half a dozen members opening up in a quasi Oprah Winfrey way about

Sounds like you think it's inappropriate for people to express their innermost feelings to complete strangers.

Actually perfectly normal and very healthy; being in a relatively anonymous environment makes it that much easier.

In an ideal world we'd all have people we could be completely open with in real life as well, but sadly enough that's often not the case.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Good evening Fife, how the hell are ya ?

Please explain, as if I'm five years old. Only found this.

[pauljones]

Just drop it.

In 7 years when the kids wants school the wife can go harvest the trees.....ooops....there are no trees....o well, being a motorbike taxi driver aint so bad.........

[pipo1000]

What this thread has revealed to me is how many unhappily married men there are on Thaivisa.

Baffling. Truly baffling.

Actually the thread "My Thai Wife Is Lovely" brought out many a happy member out of the closet.

What large percentage of unhappily married men are you seeing on this thread Bendix, because you are clearly seeing something I am not?

Baffling.. truly baffling!

Really,I recall that after more than 100 replies in that topic 4 or 5 different members had posted and I think all of them actually see their wife ones every 6 months.

[samsiam]

Thing is I have never heard of a small plot of gum trees paying for a kids college fees.

[villagefarang]

What this thread has revealed to me is how many unhappily married men there are on Thaivisa.

Baffling. Truly baffling.

Actually the thread "My Thai Wife Is Lovely" brought out many a happy member out of the closet.

What large percentage of unhappily married men are you seeing on this thread Bendix, because you are clearly seeing something I am not?

Baffling.. truly baffling!

Really,I recall that after more than 100 replies in that topic 4 or 5 different members had posted and I think all of them actually see their wife ones every 6 months.

I think you may have miscounted and clearly missed my reply.

[473geo]

What this thread has revealed to me is how many unhappily married men there are on Thaivisa.

Baffling. Truly baffling.

Actually the thread "My Thai Wife Is Lovely" brought out many a happy member out of the closet.

What large percentage of unhappily married men are you seeing on this thread Bendix, because you are clearly seeing something I am not?

Baffling.. truly baffling!

Really,I recall that after more than 100 replies in that topic 4 or 5 different members had posted and I think all of them actually see their wife ones every 6 months.

Obviously works better when the wife can just get on and run things without the husband threatening to leave because he is not respected or cannot get his own way........you think quietman?

Edited June 2, 2012 by 473geo

[473geo]

Just drop it.

In 7 years when the kids wants school the wife can go harvest the trees.....ooops....there are no trees....o well, being a motorbike taxi driver aint so bad.........

The obvious solution but the quietman has stated it is now all about respect, so no good, the damage is done, the man has been disrespected, nobody listens,......there is no solution he must go.....end his misery....pastures new

[zzaa09]

Well....here goes nothing.

"I'm Sorry..."

[thequietman]

Thing is I have never heard of a small plot of gum trees paying for a kids college fees.

9 rai........... 600 trees........... average of 3000 per tree at 6 years old...... total 180,000 baht.

that will easily cover uni fees and other expenses.

These are not rubber trees. please take the time to know what the hell you are talking about before you start hittin the keys.

take care.

[samsiam]

Never heard of a gum tree selling for 3000b...but if you say so.

180k baht for uni ??....how long is the average uni course ?? I thought 3 or 4 years ??

Thats 5000b per month....including schooling and all associated expenses...how long can a bag of sticky rice last if not refrigerated ??

[zzaa09]

I picture Bendix in a dark room, no light besides the dim glare of Thai Visa opened on his web browser, pants around his ankles and only one hand on the keyboard.

I think not...

He's, but a handful, of enlightened souls here.

Yes...might come across negative - but he is real.