I Blew Up At The Missus This Evening.

[loong]

I have been with my other half for more than 5 years now. She has a 6 and half year old daughter and a 16 year old son.

Generally, we get on quite well, but it has been a rocky road.

The last time that I really blew up at her, she was gone the next morning, That was about 18 months ago. She apparently went off to cut sugar cane in Korat and I DO believe her, she was really black when she came back. She simply left without a thought for her Kids, she knew that I would not let them suffer.

Although her son can and has taken the piss, to her daughter, I am the only father that she has known. Everytime that we have had serious problems, I have caved in, mainly because I don't want to let this little girl down. She loves me and I love her, I couldn't love her more if she came from my seed.

I should say now that I have given up giving up the smokes and chainsmoking at the mo. Also quaffing beer Chang, a lot more than is usual. Yes, I am weak and when I am feeling miserable I will try to take comfort in the bottle.

My lady is not lazy when she goes out to work for money. Of course, her money is hers and my money is ours.

When she has no work, she will spend her time chatting with friends, very rarely she will clean the house. When she is working, I do all the housework and take care of the children. I also take care of a plot where I grow vegetables for the family. The garden is a passion, I really enjoy that, but I am really tired all of the time.

The current problem is when she comes home from work. More often than not, when she gets home, she will go out to chat with the locals. Usually she comes home while I am cooking food for the evening. Am I expecting too much for her too simply walk into the house and say hello?

Today, I was cooking food and looked out and saw that she had once again parked up and gone out. It made me feel angry. I went out to the shop and I could hear her calling me, but I ignored her.

When I spoke to her later, I asked her if it was really too much trouble for her to come and say hello too me when she came home. Of course it was my fault according to her. because I ignored her.

I put up with a lot of crap because I want to take care of her/my daughter. She IS my daughter as far as I am concerned.

I really want to pack it all in, but I cannot abandon this little girl who loves me so much.

I welcome any comments cruel or kind

[Bpraim1]

Maybe she doesn't like the smoke and booze, rather stay outside.

Maybe she just needed to know that you didn't like it that she didn't run into say hello to you first.

If that is the worst of your problems, your doing fine.

Sounds as if the roles of the house have changed hands.

[LucidLucifer]

I can't help feeling you should be thinking about getting out of there, I doubt things will change. Put in some sort of provision for the little girl, pay her school fees etc....but unless you can live like that for the rest of your life, make like the shepherds.

Best of luck to you.....

[TommoPhysicist]

Take a little holiday every-time she 'disrespects' you, just walk out with your passport and anything you really want to keep, stay away for a couple of nights somewhere. Return a few days later with no explanation.

If she leaves again call the police and hand over the kids she deserted.

Not your kids, not your problem.

You say your home ..... her house, your house, you rent, she rents ...... makes a difference.

The car ..... your car, your name, her car, etc ...... makes a difference.

PS

After five years, things only ever get worse, you sound a bit of a doormat.

Edited June 13, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[villagefarang]

As long as you are playing wife while she is acting like the man of the house I don’t see much hope for improvement.

[arch77778]

Lack of communication.Sit down and have a chat with her.You will soon find out what the problem is and take it from there.

[Soutpeel]

I think the old saying Familarity breeds contempt may be appropriate in this case......or a case of being taken for granted....you have backed down on things in the past and therefore she is of the opinion that she can do what she wants and there is no consequence....you need to break the status quo on this....you obviously dont want to be erupting while under the influence...

I would change things up....go on holiday by yourself for while

[robblok]

Lack of communication.Sit down and have a chat with her.You will soon find out what the problem is and take it from there.

Good idea talk first see if you can solve it.. breaking it up is only the last thing you should do. But i do believe you are right that you want here to come home and have a chat with you.

[zzaa09]

Sorry...I don't seem to have my fiddle handy at the moment.

Redundancy....

[mjj]

Are you asking too much? No. But did you ask? The reason I say this is that sometimes you need to say what you appreciate and why. You may find, she just says ok, leaving you thinking why didn't I say that before.

Never assume someone knows something until you have told them.

Maybe it's time for some basic home rules regarding the cleaning etc. Be polite and nice, don't say what you do for her and that it is unbalanced - ask her if she thinks it's fair.

If all else fails have one simple question for yourself.

Do I want to live like this?

[transam]

I have seen this ''taken for granted'' thing a few times. Some take the piss cos they KNOW the hubby says nothing. You want a quiet life, etc. You need to show some balls and really put your foot down with threats of going your own way. See what happens.

[loong]

I thakyou for your honest replies so far.

I can't disagree with those who say that I am a doormat. I will put up with a lot in order to make my daughter's life the best that I can give.

[transam]

I thakyou for your honest replies so far.

I can't disagree with those who say that I am a doormat. I will put up with a lot in order to make my daughter's life the best that I can give.

It will be played on. Believe me.

[Soutpeel]

I thakyou for your honest replies so far.

I can't disagree with those who say that I am a doormat. I will put up with a lot in order to make my daughter's life the best that I can give.

Ok....but you have consider what would be ultimate cost to yourself in putting up with a "lot".......you have already said it yourself....Quaffing chang more than usual..., what happens if in putting up with things this becomes your escape and you become a piss head.....how is that going to affect your daughter seeing "daddy drunk all the time"

Yes you want to look after your daughter, but you also have to look after yourself....get out of there for a while

Edited June 13, 2012 by Soutpeel

[edwinclapham]

I thakyou for your honest replies so far.

I can't disagree with those who say that I am a doormat. I will put up with a lot in order to make my daughter's life the best that I can give.

You badly need some "me" time.. get yourself down to your local Gym, knock the ciggies on the head along with the booze for a while and do something for yourself.

Solace in the bottle only exacerbates anger imo .

Unfortunately the lack of respect your wife is showing you is very contagious .. think about it!

I wish you luck.

Eddie

[pattayadingo]

It is obvious from the post that you do seem to care a lot. Often the one that cares is the one that is taken for granted and it happens in so many relationships around the world.

Leave her and walk out on a family you love? Whatever for, not at the moment anyway. Talk first, tell her you feel you are being taken for granted and see what her reaction is. Then if there is no improvement, tell her and the daughter, especially the daughter, that you are going on holiday for a while. Go on that holiday. Recharge your batteries and relax. Let her do the chores and take care of the children.

While you are away I understand you will miss the daughter and maybe other aspects of your current lifestyle, but keep in touch, let your SO be aware that you are enjoying yourself. No need to be nasty about it, this just a way to let her know she cannot take you for granted.

When you come back, see if there is a change in the attitude of your SO. If there is not, then you have deeper decisions to make.

Sometimes WE care too much and others do not. That is not a good thing IMHO.

Whatever you do decide on, good luck for the future

[Rsquared]

I can understand your sentiments, you just want things to go along smoothly as we all do.

Unfortunately your wife appears to have other ideas which only you can find out by sitting her down and talking about it.

Also reading your post I get the feeling that the spark has gone out of the relationship.....for the sake of your daughter you may need to re-ignite the fire somehow.

Good Luck.

[harrry]

It is obvious from the post that you do seem to care a lot. Often the one that cares is the one that is taken for granted and it happens in so many relationships around the world.

Leave her and walk out on a family you love? Whatever for, not at the moment anyway. Talk first, tell her you feel you are being taken for granted and see what her reaction is. Then if there is no improvement, tell her and the daughter, especially the daughter, that you are going on holiday for a while. Go on that holiday. Recharge your batteries and relax. Let her do the chores and take care of the children.

While you are away I understand you will miss the daughter and maybe other aspects of your current lifestyle, but keep in touch, let your SO be aware that you are enjoying yourself. No need to be nasty about it, this just a way to let her know she cannot take you for granted.

When you come back, see if there is a change in the attitude of your SO. If there is not, then you have deeper decisions to make.

Sometimes WE care too much and others do not. That is not a good thing IMHO.

Whatever you do decide on, good luck for the future

That seems a very good and fair way to handle it.

[edwinclapham]

Excellent post dingo.. apologies my "likes" has been on overtime today!

[soi41]

So you don't want to clean, you don't want to cook, you don't want to take care of the garden. But you want to get pissed and chainsmoke. Maybe you should have a good look in the mirror and change a few things about yourself !

[transam]

So you don't want to clean, you don't want to cook, you don't want to take care of the garden. But you want to get pissed and chainsmoke. Maybe you should have a good look in the mirror and change a few things about yourself !

What a load of crap, again from you.

[edwinclapham]

So you don't want to clean, you don't want to cook, you don't want to take care of the garden. But you want to get pissed and chainsmoke. Maybe you should have a good look in the mirror and change a few things about yourself !

Has nothing entered into the grey matter?

Edited/ spelling

Edited June 13, 2012 by edwinclapham

[vtjforyou]

Just leave for a new one (plenty available) and see who regrets who :-)

You can keep paying everything for the lil girl even if you are away.

[Hostile17]

As long as you are playing wife while she is acting like the man of the house I don’t see much hope for improvement.

I thought he was my gf talking about me

My god , grow some balls. You sounds like a whiney little girl.

[theblether]

As long as you are playing wife while she is acting like the man of the house I don’t see much hope for improvement.

+1

It's time for a holiday loong, not a stroppy " I've had enough of this " screaming match holiday, "chasing women and punishing everyone because you're miserable holiday", just a real honest to god loong time holiday.

When was the last time you had a "loong time" holiday? Get the brochures out and do a bit of planning, a wee bit of day dreaming, then off you go. Sometimes the daily grind just wears you down and if you end up feeling imprisoned and taken for granted it makes it even worse.

Make it positive thing, don't go heading off on holiday muttering to yourself about how miserable you are, go and do something you enjoy and haven't done for a long time. You'll come back refreshed, and happier, and hopefully reconnected to what makes you happy rather than what makes you feel obligated.

We all need a bit of me time.......when you forget about "me" and feel taken for granted explosions of the type you described occur.

[soi41]

So you don't want to clean, you don't want to cook, you don't want to take care of the garden. But you want to get pissed and chainsmoke. Maybe you should have a good look in the mirror and change a few things about yourself !

What a load of crap, again from you.

Thank you darling, I love you too! (sorry Kelvin)

[transam]

So you don't want to clean, you don't want to cook, you don't want to take care of the garden. But you want to get pissed and chainsmoke. Maybe you should have a good look in the mirror and change a few things about yourself !

What a load of crap, again from you.

Thank you darling, I love you too! (sorry Kelvin)

Who the F... is Kelvin ?.

[KeyserSoze01]

Has anyone here ever had a reasonable resolution to any problem by sitting down with their Thai SO and having a discussion about YOUR issues? I know I haven't. It's like talking to a wall. Once a Thai has something set in their mind -or- you take them to task on YOUR issues, it's always the same result, for me anyway. I get the dead-eyes look as if I am the one that is crazy.

Sorry to be negative, but the OP needs to put himself first, then his extended family. Including the step-daughter.

If your wife just ups and disappears after an argument, without so much as a goodbye, then that speaks volumes. I suggest that the OP do the same. I would tell the step-daughter that dad has to go away for a while and that mom will take care. Then just leave for an indefinite length of time. It will give both you and your wife time to decide what is important. If when you return there is no improvement in your wife's behavior, then for your own sake it's time to move on, no matter how painful. It only gets worse from here.

[lkc121]

Is she the breadwinner of the house at the moment? I know you may have your pension and what not, butclearly, she has started to draw her boundary of what she likes to do when she comes home. The others may be right by telling you to have some time for yourself. But in the case of a daughter whom you love very much in involved, you owe it to both you and the little girl to talk it out first with the iron maiden! All the best!

Mark

Sent from my GT-P6200 using Thaivisa Connect App

[TommoPhysicist]

Has anyone here ever had a reasonable resolution to any problem by sitting down with their Thai SO and having a discussion about YOUR issues? I know I haven't. It's like talking to a wall. Once a Thai has something set in their mind -or- you take them to task on YOUR issues, it's always the same result, for me anyway. I get the dead-eyes look as if I am the one that is crazy.

Sorry to be negative, but the OP needs to put himself first, then his extended family. Including the step-daughter.

If your wife just ups and disappears after an argument, without so much as a goodbye, then that speaks volumes. I suggest that the OP do the same. I would tell the step-daughter that dad has to go away for a while and that mom will take care. Then just leave for an indefinite length of time. It will give both you and your wife time to decide what is important. If when you return there is no improvement in your wife's behavior, then for your own sake it's time to move on, no matter how painful. It only gets worse from here.

You're totally right.

The Thais all seem to take 'serious talk' as an act of war. I learned pretty quickly never to do it.