Don'T Hush A Word Living Next To Domestic Vilolence

[MEL1]

So he came back last night, at 3 am. Usually, of course, I am in bed but only hear it awaken me.

It was my mam n dad's diamond wedding anniversary last night, or the earlier hours of this morning, big party in Liverpool, and I was invited to skype on a big screen as a surprise. Job done, logged out of skype, and decided a quick e-mail check before hitting the sack.

I was awake during his return, through his gates - yes, town house, but nevertheless there is never a squeak no boo hoo after 10pm here.

Neighbours gossip about him, but nothing is 'SAID' 555.

Through the gate, 3am, slammed his wife's head against the wall. Thud, that thud, was enough to get my adrenalin going.

Bamboo stick, puppy dog, he hit so hard the poor little guy was whimpering all night afterwards.

-----------------------------------

Well I did the wrong thing, didn't I?.... I got off my chair and stood up, and he leered at me. I am sure he was more than pissed, like Yaba or more encrystaled.......

I shouted, "Mia dai, mai dee, khun mai sa mad." - "Niab, krap".

He went fkn nuts, threatened me with his stick, told me he hates farang, and lifted his dog (which likes me, cos I feed it), by one hand by the neck and said, "get you".

Then he, after KICKING his wife thru the door, glared at me thru the fence, picked up his phone and said, " --- my home number, address, come shoot, kill ---"

Then in English, he said , "good luck!"

and off he went to bed, with a dog whailing with a broken leg all night, and more bumps and shunts from their bedroom and squeals of pain from his wife, which were not sexual.

I WAITED.... an air of expectancy, with my Galaxy cam, beside my laptop cam, all running and recording for 50 mins........ my cams covering the road, lights that were available and my home gates.

Nothing came - he was full of shit with regard to his threat with me being shot, and his threat of being hard...... his words were empty.

His actions to his wife are not though. He is a wife batterer. She rarely goes out, and when I see her hanging clothes out, she sure has facial bruises and swellings.

--------------------------------------

My wife said to me I did wrong. I cannot tell a neighbour to stop hitting his wife, as this is Thailand.

OK, I understand to some degree of not invading another's place, but when he smacked her head - because he felt empowered by his whatever usage, I felt I had to stand up, and I did.

My wife went nuts - saying I have now caused war between us forever. In Thailand you cannot interfere, even if a woman is being killed by a neighbour - it's not your business!

....

Well sorry, but where I come from, if a woman is being mistreated I will for sure ensure she is safe.

So can somebody please 'really' explain to me this Thai culture thing of it's ok to batter your wife, as nobody else will say a word.

God forbid Calling the Police - that is an apparent price on your head by the abuser's families.

What is this shit please........ I've been here 7 years now, and still can't get my little head around this don't interfere shit.

This next door neighbour was gushing from her forehead after his impression act, and his dog has a broken leg.... tell me what I did wrong please......... please.

I really want answers from those who can tolerate and ignore this situation I experienced last night, and have lived here for 15 years or longer, as for would you still ignore this kind of situ? If you do, then you know why. Enlighten me, and many readers please.

-mel

[BookMan]

Mix alcohol + Angry bitter man and you get the cowardly wife beater.

Anything u say to him, he will take it out on the wife or dog and make like it is your fault.

A nasty situation for you to have to witness, and a nastier situation for the woman.

[rucus7]

Regarding calling the police, my wife feels it could very possibly help the battered woman. However, she feels your wife is concerned over your personal safety. My wife believes Thailand is changing and your wife is taking a position that is somewhat old fashioned. Not getting involved.

You are there, and are the best judge of any real threat to you.

[Murgatroyd]

A man with two broken arms and two broken legs can't hit his wife or his dog. Wear a ski mask when you use the big hammer.

[MEL1]

Please keep posting, as I know this matter is going to re-arise probably over this weekend.

I appreciate the words I have read so far, olde world wife, new frontiers, possible police intervention or just go and kick off his knee caps..... the latter would likely end me in trouble - so logicals would be advisable.

Can more of you speak to your wives please?..... get better views of when or when not to interfere in this kind of continued event.

Threats to myself I care not about.... I care about a battered woman, and dog - despite my jokes in the eating dog general.

Should I just go and <deleted> this bastard, next time he threatens me?

-mel.

[Lakegeneve]

This is a very tricky situation. 30-40 yrs ago or more, most people in many western countries would have taken a similar view that one should not get involved. It is too easy and cowardly to turn a blind eye when the risk of death is real, however it is also easy to exacerbate the situation potentially causing more liability and risk for the victim though intentions are obviously good.

The issue has to be how to get some urgent official intervention in this situation whilst also distancing yourself from the violent coward lest you blame you in the future - which he will.

Thailand has very good domestic violence laws. As usual with domestic violence the problem is enforcement. Forget the local police who will usually be hopeless, there is a Womens and Childrens Protection Division within the police force, there are in many provinces. You don't state where you live but the impression I have is a major city so you should be right.

There are numerous womens rights advocates and NGOs in the country. I'd suggest you contact one of these closest to you - either through your wife or another Thai woman that you know well - and brief them on the situation. Better your wife can if she is willing. They will know the best course of action in the circumstances and they may well contact the Womens and Childrens Protection Division as a matter of urgency.

I'd suggest you record a log of incidents for your your purposes especially anything that involved interaction between yourself and the husband - if he threatens you I'd be making a statement for future ref. with a lawyer who can then advise you whether or not, and the pros and cons of both options, to make a criminal complaint at some point.

Good luck.

[silsburyhill]

Your wife is wrong (as are so many posters' wives are but the farang husbands seem to believe they are the fount of all knowledge/wisdom here, ...) Many people in their own countries are ignorant of resources available to them and exactly the same applies here.

There was very recently a Thai TV campaign against domestic violence, and so it is most certainly not 'Thai culture'. 'Kreng jai' comes into it. But that's just another word for cowardly inaction.

As to the dog, believe it or not you can lodge a complaint with the relevant department, I believe it comes under 'Livestock', but your local government office will give you the relevant department. This is a FACT as advised to me when I could no longer stand the sadistic abuse of a farang neighbour and his Thai wife directed towards their two dogs.

As to the wife beating, that is as difficult but, no more, no less, than in your home country. The complaint must be lodged by the victim. These 'domestics' are notoriously difficult as the woman will usually back down and withdraw the complaint. I remember reading somewhere that there is an agency/agencies for the victims of domestic abuse in Bangkok. Women's Welfare Foundation or some such. Perhaps a note with the relevant address slipped to the wife might help. Then it really is up to her.

Don't believe everything you read on here regarding this being the wild wild East. Most posters hardly ever come into contact with that side of life here, outside their own countries. And good for you for sticking up for your weaker neighbours.

[LuckyLew]

Personally I would kick the <deleted> out of him

I do not care where you are, you do not hit a woman

I do not care what the nay sayers say .... man up

The guy is gonna hit his wife if you do nothing

The guy will hit his wife after he recovers from the beating you give him

Every time you hear or see him be violent to his wife, kick the crap out of him

Just my opinion

[MEL1]

This is a very tricky situation. 30-40 yrs ago or more, most people in many western countries would have taken a similar view that one should not get involved. It is too easy and cowardly to turn a blind eye when the risk of death is real, however it is also easy to exacerbate the situation potentially causing more liability and risk for the victim though intentions are obviously good.

The issue has to be how to get some urgent official intervention in this situation whilst also distancing yourself from the violent coward lest you blame you in the future - which he will.

Thailand has very good domestic violence laws. As usual with domestic violence the problem is enforcement. Forget the local police who will usually be hopeless, there is a Womens and Childrens Protection Division within the police force, there are in many provinces. You don't state where you live but the impression I have is a major city so you should be right.

There are numerous womens rights advocates and NGOs in the country. I'd suggest you contact one of these closest to you - either through your wife or another Thai woman that you know well - and brief them on the situation. Better your wife can if she is willing. They will know the best course of action in the circumstances and they may well contact the Womens and Childrens Protection Division as a matter of urgency.

I'd suggest you record a log of incidents for your your purposes especially anything that involved interaction between yourself and the husband - if he threatens you I'd be making a statement for future ref. with a lawyer who can then advise you whether or not, and the pros and cons of both options, to make a criminal complaint at some point.

Good luck.

Thank you.

[eek]

Agree with lakegeneve, go down the womans aid/ngo route. Admire your sense of justice, but dont put yourself at risk too..or your wife/family. Its too late now, but shame you didnt go down that route before the incident, only because an ngo etc turning up would point back to you.

Does her husband go out during the day? If the womans group knew this, they could go talk to the wife only, and offer to help her get away from him. That way, he doesnt even need to know about it. ..just a thought.

Again, admire your sense of justice, thank goodness there are people like you. But please do keep yourself safe too..there will be other ways where you can still stay safe.

[chinook]

record the sounds and any graphics.......youtube it.......post it to the Thai press....let it go viral........change address.

[UKJASE]

not too sure what the right thing to do is bud, but i know ignoring it is the wrong thing to do

big respect for standing up to this jerk off...... maybe if he starts to realise his dirty secret is out in the open, he may start to seek help for it

maybe 3 or 4 blokes from the neighbourhood all going to the door in unison and saying "look, if this goes on any longer we will throttle you", may be enough to make him give up the booze or something..... it may too make him angrier and more aggressive to the wife....

tough call Mel1, but kudos to ya mate

maybe emailing a professional organisation back in europe / US may be able to advise you......

[WilliaminBKK]

Call the Police, don't let the bastard win

For your own protection go all the way to get rid of this scum bag

Get him arrested, get him out of the house and save the poor wife & puppy-it wont get any better

Stuff the silent routine

Keep your camera charged don't publish it (defamation law) show the Police, Womens Groups, Humane Society

Stay safe

[Nisa]

Personally I would kick the <deleted> out of him

I do not care where you are, you do not hit a woman

I do not care what the nay sayers say .... man up

The guy is gonna hit his wife if you do nothing

The guy will hit his wife after he recovers from the beating you give him

Every time you hear or see him be violent to his wife, kick the crap out of him

Just my opinion

PM the op, I am sure he'll give you the address. Let us know when you have taken these actions.

(disclaimer: not encouraging violence, simply pointing out what is likely a keyboard warrior and comments that help nobody)

[Nisa]

Call the Police, don't let the bastard win

For your own protection go all the way to get rid of this scum bag

Get him arrested, get him out of the house and save the poor wife & puppy-it wont get any better

Stuff the silent routine

Keep your camera charged don't publish it (defamation law) show the Police, Womens Groups, Humane Society

Stay safe

I am not sure how well that route will go. The wife would have to cooperate. I am also pretty sure it would probably be classified as a simply battery case if she did and the guy wouldn't be taken away. I believe there are groups now you can call in Thailand to help these types of women but am not sure if they would come out if the women didn't call herself .... but worth checking into.

[hgma]

similar situation 3 years ago.

Threats......bottle trowing.....until i had enough.

No point in going to the police.

In fact i went to the public health office, and since there were children involved primarily focused my official complaint about the Child protection act.

It took the NongKhai bureau exactly 1 week to survey the family involved and had the culprits (alcoholics) under 1 years probation clause.

Police is there to pick up the peaces, not to protect and serve BEFORE this sort of things happen.

It is an agencies job.

regardless of what self inflicted myths Thai spouses come up with, follow your guts and honor and you will feel like you are.......

an Honorable MAN.

[Semper]

Personally I would kick the <deleted> out of him

I do not care where you are, you do not hit a woman

I do not care what the nay sayers say .... man up

The guy is gonna hit his wife if you do nothing

The guy will hit his wife after he recovers from the beating you give him

Every time you hear or see him be violent to his wife, kick the crap out of him

Just my opinion

And then it could be very possible that the man is coming with the gun. Stay out of it, or call the police. It's not your business.

Just my opinion.

[Murf]

I love a good key board warrior!

[dksharron]

Can you find a way to make contact with her family?

[besth]

I agree with the many who have already said it is not true that there is nothing you can do.

Even the police would act if you called them whilst an episode like the one you described is happening (if they showed up, you can't count 100% on that).

The law is clear: http://thailaws.com/law/t_laws/tlaw0403.pdf (Domestic Violence Victim Protection Act)

You have the legal obligation to report it (plus your own moral duty, which you have already proved you are more than willing to fulfill). Having said that, the wife has the same legal obligation to report it. I haven't seen anything in the law that provides for penalties for failing to report it.

According to the same law, you definitely should not publish any material you may have (videos/pictures). As someone has said before, even if it is all true and obvious, you would still be liable to defamation. Supplying that material to police/NGOs would be the right thing to do legally.

Unfortunately the law isn't very strong, taking into it quite a lot of the "family issue" approach, with low penalties/prison terms and emphasizing a lot more the theory of trying to improve the situation at home.

If your comment about him being more than just drunk, yaba/meth were true, you would have a better chance to get him taken away

The "break his legs" keyboard warrior approach - understandable as a reaction to such cowardly acts from that lowlife - could easily escalate to far too dangerous levels for you and your family and it is obviously to be avoided by all means, except in an immediate life/death situation.

I hope you are able to get the authorities to pay attention to the situation before it is too late. From what you have explained, this is a murder waiting to happen.

[Tywais]

Paveena Foundation for Children and Women

[MEL1]

Thank you all, gentlemen.

I will take the path of calling a help agency to see if they will come out and observe.

Best regards,

-mel.

[MEL1]

Paveena Foundation for Children and Women

Thank you. Done! Contacted!

-mel.

[MEL1]

Well I am so sorry to update with this bad news, but he killed the dog.

I was informed by neighbours 1 hour ago, as they came to talk to me saying they have also been watching.

He took the dog out early this morning in his car, and they were all witness.

Their concern too now is for his wife. They also agree he takes something, and have all said if they hear a peep they will be calling the police, and not to take it all onboard myself as they hear the abuse also and know we must hear worse thru the walls.

It is not isolated to me and my wife now, and the neighbourhood is disgusted with the puppy's death.

Hopefully now, with neighbourly words to the team I called, they can come to bear witness and get this sod arrested and jailed once and for all.

mel.

[simple1]

A while back one of my Thai neighbours was beating his son with a cable & I stepped in verbally and he stopped. Thai wife said don't interfere. So I walked up the road to a GP/Doctor and she said she will report to the Thai Police. Maybe that's a path to take that will get you personally out of the revenge loop; give it a try as their will be evidence. How are you going to feel if in the coming hours/days this man actually permanently injures or kllls his wife . With killing the dog the Thai police will take action if your neighbour reports him. But only max fine of 1,000 baht and maybe one month in prison.

[MEL1]

A while back one of my Thai neighbours was beating his son with a cable & I stepped in verbally and he stopped. Thai wife said don't interfere. So I walked up the road to a GP/Doctor and she said she will report to the Thai Police. Maybe that's a path to take that will get you personally out of the revenge loop; give it a try as their will be evidence. How are you going to feel if in the coming hours/days this man actually permanently injures or kllls his wife . With killing the dog the Thai police will take action if your neighbour reports him. But only max fine of 1,000 baht and maybe one month in prison.

I am not responsible for this man's actions. Of course I would feel incredibly painful if he hurts her beyond how he normally does.

However, I have taken action in reporting him to certain foundations who say they will respond.

I cannot take responsibility if events occur before their correspndence however, unless you are saying I physically interact?

One month in prison, and he comes out even more angry with a revenge and further kill attitude?

I am not Thai..... but I am trying to find solutions.

Immediate solution I have enacted and contacted the personnel who I thought/think from previous posts that are a best bet.

I can't also hold responsibility for neighbours contacting the police or not, surely?

Are you allaying that if this neighbour is mutilated in anyway that it will be my responsibilty for it having occured?

-mel.

Edit: I am upset enough for the dog, that I fed only 2 days ago.

Pls don't tell me I am not doing enough ....

Edited June 16, 2012 by MEL1

[simple1]

A while back one of my Thai neighbours was beating his son with a cable & I stepped in verbally and he stopped. Thai wife said don't interfere. So I walked up the road to a GP/Doctor and she said she will report to the Thai Police. Maybe that's a path to take that will get you personally out of the revenge loop; give it a try as their will be evidence. How are you going to feel if in the coming hours/days this man actually permanently injures or kllls his wife . With killing the dog the Thai police will take action if your neighbour reports him. But only max fine of 1,000 baht and maybe one month in prison.

I am not responsible for this man's actions. Of course I would feel incredibly painful if he hurts her beyond how he normally does.

However, I have taken action in reporting him to certain foundations who say they will respond.

I cannot take responsibility if events occur before their correspndence however, unless you are saying I physically interact?

One month in prison, and he comes out even more angry with a revenge and further kill attitude?

I am not Thai..... but I am trying to find solutions.

Immediate solution I have enacted and contacted the personnel who I thought/think from previous posts that are a best bet.

I can't also hold responsibility for neighbours contacting the police or not, surely?

Are you allaying that if this neighbour is mutilated in anyway that it will be my responsibilty for it having occured?

-mel.

Edit: I am upset enough for the dog, that I fed only 2 days ago.

Pls don't tell me I am not doing enough ....

No I am not suggesting you're not doing enough. I was just outlining some potential alternative course of action, based upon one of my experiences as you are concerned. I did read you / your wife have contacted a support organisation, I have no idea how long they take to respond. just suggesting a few other courses of action that may/may not expedite a response from relevant Thai enforcement agency.. Up to you want you do...

[manxninja]

wife beaters are usualy cowards. im afraid its kill or be killed.

[Lakegeneve]

Would appreciate any update/info on an intervention or resolution, if there was one?

[CarlBkk]

We all respond to violence and mistreatment of others in different ways. Personally, if I heard/saw a pet being seriously battered enough to break bones, my instinct would take over and I'd be over there....and the result would be that the animal would go into MY temporary care there and then, resistance or no resistance. Immediate next step would be to contact the women's protection agencies as above.