What To Do When You Live In A Sterile Marriage

[simon43]

Guess you sleep with other girls...

No, never - I have been completely faithful to my wife since our marriage 3 years ago. I do not go to any go-go bars, very rarely go to a beach bar for a drink, no nights out with the 'lads'. I stay at home and work hard on our joint businesses, but unfortunately with zero appreciation from my wife, especially in the bedroom

These issues really came to bug me after I started to do some voluntary work in Myanmar, teaching English for free to the kids during my regular visa runs. I purchased some small school supplies (books, crayons etc) from my own funds, but my wife refused to help in any way or even to spend 100 baht on helping the kids. Even my ex-wife donated some colouring books for a few hundred baht.... My wife said to me 'Why do you want to help them when you do not get any money for it'?

That single sentence made me realise that her and my thinking was light-years apart.

3 failed marriages to your credit ...

Oh be fair Sheryl - the credit is all down to my female partners

Should she become pregnant by someone else while still legally married to you, you are legally the father

As you know, I encountered that situation before, but it works both ways - I can sue her and the father for adultery...

I should emphasize that I'm not abandoning my business nor Thailand. My new employment schedule in Myanmar allows me to visit my wife and hotel every few months - and to manage the marketing/booking side of the business remotely.

Perhaps my absence from the family home and business will bring my wife to her senses, so that she recognises the efforts that I've made to provide for her. (But I'm not expecting any miracles in this department...)

Simon

Edited July 14, 2012 by simon43

[Livinginexile]

Please correct me if I'm wrong here...

You say you have been married for several years but going through your past posts, isn't it only a year or so hasn't it?

I remeber reading your posts of your horrific split with wife number 1 only a year and a half ago!

Edited August 5, 2012 by Livinginexile

[Livinginexile]

I have a suspicion your wife will find it difficult to resist the temptation to under report the profit.

Happily, that is not possible All room bookings come from online agents, with funds paid directly into my bank account. I manage the agent booking systems with passwords that only I know.

As my ex found out with my previous hotel, trying to cut me out of the business is doomed to failure...

The plus point about my work is that it can be performed via the internet from any location. I find the hotel customers and my wife/hotel staff simply have to look after them during their stay. So living/working alone away from my wife and Thailand will not impact the hotel occupancy level

Simon

Really?!!!

Change the name and open another website.

How hard can that be?

[nocturn]

But, still surprised nobody said to first sit down and have a heart to heart with your wife that you are not happy. Maybe others assumed you have done this.

Most of us have Thai women, and know better than to 'sit down and discuss' anything with them, our ladies would likely see this as a declaration of war.

i would say that that is an indicator you have chosen poorly and are now experiencing the consequences of your lack of judgement.

i never cease to be amazed at the sheer volume of our resident thai experts that are trapped in <deleted> relationships.

At least the OP realizes he wants out and is seeking an amicable solution.

one of the biggest issues i have seen here over the years is that so many men get shot of one nightmare only to move another in in a matter of months.

is it that hard to live alone? to date for a while while retaining independent lodgings?

i've managed 15 years with only one live in partner. we bore a child and when it didnt work we shared custody and remained friends.

you can tell pretty quick if it has a shot or not, the moment you start ducking phone calls or waiting for her to leave on a sunday afternoon (perhaps even inventing an excuse to shuttle her out), its time to be honest and move on.

most of the women i have dated have remained my friend, and many have introduced me to others they think i may get along with.

while i am specifically not speaking about hookers, if they are , then i really cant see the problem, in my estimation, no matter how sweet a working girl may be, she is treated with respect and paid to leave.

Edited August 5, 2012 by nocturn

[lizardtongue]

Get out and take what you can now!!

It only needs your wife to take a Thai 'boyfriend' who sees the benefits of you not being around permanently and you could so easy become another statistic.

Which would not help you or more to the point the charitable work that you do.

As for the no sex thing I think most men would have decamped after 6 months

[Rik325i]

Ahhh, a man after my own heart, i have found myself in a similar position on a couple of occasions in life albeit without the amount of money invested in business that you do, the first time i was married and we had kids together, i tried to be nice during the split, not wanting to see the kids hurt any more than they were already being hurt by losing their father etc etc, similar reasons for the split and ensuing divorce, she had no more interest in bedroom antics, romance, nothing worked and i tried for 5 years to make it work, she also had problems with me helping mates with low income out with various vehicle and home repairs/renovations etc

She took me to the cleaners and got everything !

second long term relationship went bad after 9 years but i didnt get married and there were no kids involved and no, they wernt the reason for the relationship going south .

Both times i tried to find the best and most comfortable solution to the split, i have always tried to stay friends with my ex's it never works at first, it takes years to bury the so called hatchet and the more you try to be nice about it the more they will try to use that to their advantage when the split is fresh

If it was myself in your position, i would take as much money out of the business fairly as i could as quickly as i could, file for divorce( why stay married to a woman who doesnt want to be your wife and has told you so ??) you are leaving her half a business and more than shes given you in goodness knows how long

Move on with your life mate, do you really want to be constantly looking over your shoulder to make sure that everything in the hotel is above board, if you keep going down the i dont want to hurt her route you are leaving yourself wide open to all sorts of eventual problems that could seriously drop you in the s..t

get out clean mate, be as fair as you can but get out, you dont owe her, havnt you already given her enough ??