Differences In Religion With Thai Partner

[Soju]

I'm wondering how many of you were of had different religious beliefs when you first met your partner, and how many of you converted to your partner's religion, or your partner converted to your religion. And what problems have you had with differences in religion or what problems were there in one of you converting to the other's religion? What about a devout Buddhist moving to another country where there aren't any nearby Buddhist temples - has this created any problems for any of you?

For myself, I'm set in my own beliefs but am trying to learn about my partner's beliefs. She told me that if I wanted her to, she would convert to my beliefs. It kind of shocked me at first when she said that, and I replied that I didn't expect anyone to convert to my beliefs just because they are my partner. They should only convert to my or any beliefs if and only if that is what they truly believe with their heart.

So far we got along fine as I totally respect her beliefs and she totally respects my beliefs.

[wamberal]

My wife was a Buddhist before we met. After we met she started to attend a Christian church with me, and was baptised. We play an active role in our local Christian congregation.

She has visited a couple of Buddhist temples here in Sydney.

She asked my advice on whether she should go to a temple here, or when she is back in Thailand. I told her that, provided she prayed to God only, there is no conflict. Visiting a temple, and showing respect to the Lord Buddha is compatible with my beliefs, and her baptismal vows.

Without wishing to start a fight, I think it is fair to say that Thai Buddhism can be compatible with a Judeao-Christian belief, precisely because Thai Buddhism is not about God.

Obviously, the Thai interest in animism is in conflict with conventional religious beliefs. It is probably also in conflict with Buddhism.

At the end of the day, it is surely not too difficult to respect the beliefs of the other, especially when the other is a person we love and live with.

[leisurely]

Don't have a Thai partner but do have a religious one. When he and I married many many moons ago, we did it in a church (for him). I have no problem if he wants to believe a made up story. He trots off every sunday morning to Rumrudi and takes the girls to sunday school. I respect him for his depth of belief but had no intention of pretending to belive in one holy catholic and apostolic church for anyone. However, I would liek the girls to be given a grounding in the faith of their father. That way they can make their own mind up later on. In my opinion you can only decide if you 'believe in God' if you have been exposed to it.

Respect is the key in my opinion.

[billd766]

My wife was a Buddhist before we met and still is. I was christened and confirmed as a Protestant.

Not only do I respect her beliefs but I am slowly trying to learn more about her religion as I feel that as I haven't been to a church since I was married the first time if I were to go now it would be hypocritical. When I get to know more of Buddhism that will be the religion of my choice as well.

Our son will be brought up as a Buddhist.

If he wishes to know more about another religion I will help him learn to the best of my ability but let him make the choice as I did myself.

[Ijustwannateach]

Depending on which version of Christianity you are, and which version of Buddhism they are, there may be no problem at all. It's my impression, for instance, that Catholic priests are not forbidden from visiting Buddhist sites because Buddhism has been declared a philosophy rather than a theology by official church doctrine.

And the problem is much more likely to be on the side of the partner with the more restrictive religion- for example, Christianity or Islam. I know of one marriage between a Buddhist and a Muslim partner- the children are being raised under Islam.

"Steven"

[cdnvic]

When we met we were both buddhists. She was basicly Thai buddhist but was influenced alot by the Chinese buddhist and animist beliefs of her parents. I followed (imperfectly) Zen buddhism. If anything the differences enriched the relationship as we constantly learn from each other's outlook on life.

Her family used to ask me if I want to go to church on christian holidays, like they didn't really believe I was a real buddhist as I didn't follow the same rituals of "praying to the buddha" which to a Zen practitioner is bizzare. As of late though I've found myself wai'ing buddhas though, so some of the Thai ritual is growing on me I guess.

cv

[Mighty Mouse]

My partner is a practicing Buddhist. When in Thailand she visits the monks and goes through her religious rituals.

I usually go along with her but just as an observer.

In Australia, she sometimes attends the local Thai temples.

We don't have a Thai Spirit House but in our kitchen she regularly places out a bowl of food as an offering.

Her spirits must have a sweet tooth because she always offers one of my cream biscuits along with rice and a glass of juice.

Whenever I leave anything sweet on the kitchen work benches, I get an ant invasion. For some strange reason the ants never go near her food offerings.

I find the Buddhist religion facinating.

[PeaceBlondie]

In many cases of inter-faith marriages, it depends on how devout each partner is. Surely many people of European heritage aren't devout Christians, and I wonder how many Thais are devout Buddhists. Here in the land of mai bpen rai, it may not matter.

For example, if neither partner is devout, religion's not an issue. If only one partner is devout, they can practice their faith (mostly without the partner's help) without problem.

[Boon Mee]

In many cases of inter-faith marriages, it depends on how devout each partner is. Surely many people of European heritage aren't devout Christians, and I wonder how many Thais are devout Buddhists. Here in the land of mai bpen rai, it may not matter.

For example, if neither partner is devout, religion's not an issue. If only one partner is devout, they can practice their faith (mostly without the partner's help) without problem.

My wife and her family are very devout. My father-in-law was a Monk for >30 years.

I was raised in a Protestant household but have accepted the Buddhist tenets wholeheartedly.

Never been a problem...

Edited January 13, 2006 by Boon Mee

[camerata]

Her family used to ask me if I want to go to church on christian holidays, like they didn't really believe I was a real buddhist as I didn't follow the same rituals of "praying to the buddha" which to a Zen practitioner is bizzare.

I've had a similar experience. When I mentioned I was meditating, my physiotherapist looked at me like I was some kind of fundamentalist fanatic and asked if I went to the temple to pray.

As of late though I've found myself wai'ing buddhas though, so some of the Thai ritual is growing on me I guess.

Said to be an excellent antidote to pride, cv...

[camerata]

When I get to know more of Buddhism that will be the religion of my choice as well.

Our son will be brought up as a Buddhist.

If he wishes to know more about another religion I will help him learn to the best of my ability but let him make the choice as I did myself.

I've noticed quite a few TV members have expressed a desire to become Buddhists in the future, even without yet knowing a lot about Buddhism. I wonder why the idea of Buddhism inspires so many expats, especially when on the surface Thai Buddhism seems to be mostly making merit and paying respect to Buddha images.

[Heng]

No issues. My wife is a local Catholic. I was raised a Buddhist. We're not terribly stringent with either religion. We go to mass at Christmas time, and we also attend when a family member goes through the whole monkhood routine. Jesus and Buddha statues in the same room of each home we own. Was a junior monk for a summer in my teens in the US, but have opted out for the full house monkhood because of a lack of interest.

[pnustedt]

There used to be one of those shrines outside my office, with a Buddha and red light, etc. and most days offerings of fruit and other food were made.

Well, I used to take the fruit and eat it - after a while I started taking some for the Christian girl who worked with me. One day she asked me where I got the fruit from - a look of horror came over her face, even though she was Christian.

[thaihome]

My wife and her family are devout Buddhists, along with all the Thai animist beliefs as well. She does her chanting and meditation for an hour or so just about every day after I go to work and before she starts her day. About every 2 or 3 months she goes to a wat near Sara Buri for week of intense meditation. That is the only other wat she will go to other then the one at her mother’s house that she grew up with. Living in several other countries, she never went to a temple, but continued with her daily rituals. I admire her devotion.

I have attended many merit making ceremonies at the village and accompany her for our monthly trip to the Erawan Shrine for merit making.

In truth, I think I find Buddhism and it philosophy much more tolerable then Christianity.

TH

[Khutan]

I am an Athiest, and my wife is a less than devout Animist / Buddhist.

The amount of effort / annoyance it causes me would be about an hour a year and about half a bottle of Whiskey.

Beyond that one hour a year we don't discuss beliefs, My wife has bareley has any and I have none.

You could almost qoute home like this :

Do you have any thoughts about this (belief) matter, I don't have an opinion

No I don't, would you like to borrow my phone to call someone who might care

No Thanks, it isn't really my story any way

[Boo]

My husband pratices his beliefs within himself (no actual routine), he has some amulets given as gifts through his life & a few small statues which he has placed on a small shelf in our home & occasionally makes offferings of whiskey & food too.

He light incense on special days (his dad b'day & date of his death etc) & we go jointly to the temple about once a year (if that). He doesn't need to go to the temple to be a buddhist as it is just in him & he lives it. I am agnostic & happily go to the temple with him if he wants me to & copy his rituals whilst there (out of respect) but he doesn't expect me to follow anything at home. Apart from not touching things with my feet or stepping over his head it isn't something we talk about or think about.

[chanchao]

> I'm wondering how many of you were of had different religious beliefs

> when you first met your partner, and how many of you converted to

> your partner's religion, or your partner converted to your religion.

Well... for both of us religion of any kind is a complete non-issue.. Not saying we're atheists or anything, at least when you're atheist at least you care enough to think about these things. :-)

So here's a big 'whatever!' for you all.

> And what problems have you had with differences in religion or what

> problems were there in one of you converting to the other's religion?

As it happens we had a religious conflict between the missus and her mum yesterday. Mum is a devout animist and mrs got so fed up when the hocus pocus talk went on longer than usual that she needed to vent on MSN with me. So to her I said again: WHATEVER! Jeez, grow up, understand that there's an apparent need for imaginary friends, just let them.

Cheers,

Chanchao

[astral]

I have never found any conflict between my Christian beliefs and those of my wife, who is Buddhist.

I attend the Wat with her, for funerals and the like,

and have stated in my will that a Buddhist cremation will be fine when I pop my clogs.

[suegha]

As a devout Christian I must agree with the posts advocating respect and tolerance. We should never expect anyone to believe what we believe. Each individual must want, and then seek, and then find the truth - may we be blessed in our pursuit.

[gburns57au]

I am not particulary religious and nor is my Buddhist girl....I took her to the temple here and she looked around but that was all

I have a tendency to respect Buddhism more than the religion I was brought up with.

[qualtrough]

Wife is Thai Buddhist. It is mostly ritual with her, go to the temple for this and that. I was raised Christian but no longer believe in it so I would call myself an agnostic. We have been married 10 years and religion has just not been an issue for us at all. I have no problem attending the ocassional local ceremony and we had a Buddhist wedding ceremony, but a few go a long way for me. We have two kids. They are obviously learning about Buddhism from Mom and school and just living here. I probably will inform they about Christianity and the other religions at some point for their edification, but not attempt any type of conversion . Must say I have a lot of respect for many aspects of Buddhist philosophy as preached by the original Buddha, not much for the local variant which seems to have gone far astray from the original intent-like all other religions in this world.

[sonthaya]

I am not particulary religious and nor is my Buddhist girl....I took her to the temple here and she looked around but that was all

I have a tendency to respect Buddhism more than the religion I was brought up with.

I'm just like you not very religious, born and raised as a Protestant, but it doesn't appeal to me, my wife is a devoted Thai Buddhist and I must admit that her faith appeals more to me than my own, I follow her to the Temple and I respect the way the Buddhist live.

At home she has a couple of small shrines for Buddha and whenever she makes rice , a couple of small portions are place at the shrine together with a small gals of water.

Edited January 14, 2006 by sonthaya

[p_brownstone]

There used to be one of those shrines outside my office, with a Buddha and red light, etc. and most days offerings of fruit and other food were made.

Well, I used to take the fruit and eat it - after a while I started taking some for the Christian girl who worked with me. One day she asked me where I got the fruit from - a look of horror came over her face, even though she was Christian.

Off topic I know; I find that one of the most despicable and shameful contributions I have ever read on this Board.

Patrick

[Boon Mee]

There used to be one of those shrines outside my office, with a Buddha and red light, etc. and most days offerings of fruit and other food were made.

Well, I used to take the fruit and eat it - after a while I started taking some for the Christian girl who worked with me. One day she asked me where I got the fruit from - a look of horror came over her face, even though she was Christian.

Off topic I know; I find that one of the most despicable and shameful contributions I have ever read on this Board.

Patrick

Maybe he thought the food was like a Catholic Priest giving the Host?

Agree though...pretty ignorant

[Ulysses G.]

There used to be one of those shrines outside my office, with a Buddha and red light, etc. and most days offerings of fruit and other food were made.

Well, I used to take the fruit and eat it - after a while I started taking some for the Christian girl who worked with me. One day she asked me where I got the fruit from - a look of horror came over her face, even though she was Christian.

Off topic I know; I find that one of the most despicable and shameful contributions I have ever read on this Board.

Patrick

Maybe he thought the food was like a Catholic Priest giving the Host?

Agree though...pretty ignorant

This may be wrong, but people have told me that it is actually OK to eat this food after it has been offered to Buddha. You don't have to just throw it away.

Sounds VERY Buddhist to me!

[snoophound]

Truly ignorant poster.

Saw a pratt in soi pattyaland nick a banana from the offerings outside mistys,he was lucky to leave in one piece...maybe it was him.

Anyway

My missus and sis go temple once a week here in Sydney.

Its a social thing,and always entertaining when new girl arrives with poor falang in tow...tongues wag ,falang looks uncomfortable.

I remember my first time ,kneeling watching the blessings ,faced wrong way ,got cramp

Special days can get expensive with the offerings ,but hey if it makes them feel better.

I think the younger generation have less respect as all do.

My missuses daughter is 21 and been here 10 years now....we have all the shrine stuff in our hallway and daughter is quite scared of it for some reason.

Daugthers boyfriend who is a recent student arrival shows the appropriate reverence and respect.

There used to be one of those shrines outside my office, with a Buddha and red light, etc. and most days offerings of fruit and other food were made.

Well, I used to take the fruit and eat it - after a while I started taking some for the Christian girl who worked with me. One day she asked me where I got the fruit from - a look of horror came over her face, even though she was Christian.

Off topic I know; I find that one of the most despicable and shameful contributions I have ever read on this Board.

Patrick

Maybe he thought the food was like a Catholic Priest giving the Host?

Agree though...pretty ignorant

This may be wrong, but people have told me that it is actually OK to eat this food after it has been offered to Buddha. You don't have to just throw it away.

Sounds VERY Buddhist to me!

[camerata]

I think the younger generation have less respect as all do.

My missuses daughter is 21 and been here 10 years now....we have all the shrine stuff in our hallway and daughter is quite scared of it for some reason.

Daugthers boyfriend who is a recent student arrival shows the appropriate reverence and respect.

Thais who send their kids to international schools often find the kids end up with no real religion and without any particular feelings of reverence for Buddha images.

[TAWP]

My wife is Thai-christian, and I believe in myself.

Since she followed her friends and I believe it was a way of her to act out against her very strict parents, I don't think it really matters to much to her in the end...

She get anoyed when I talk about Buddah and other issues however, even if I'm more interested in the concept from an historical point of view.

[pnustedt]

Off topic I know; I find that one of the most despicable and shameful contributions I have ever read on this Board.

Patrick

So sorry to offend your sensibilities but the odds of Buddha actually enjoying those offerings were similar to a baby being born to a tourist virgin in Bethlehem and Santa personally delivering your Xmas pressies from Lapland!

To clean up the leftovers from these shrines we employed cleaners to dump the crap in the canteen leftover skip but I know the chickens and wet stuff was fed to the dogs that roam around our factory. Now we've been able to skip the shrines as we find that the burning of insense violates our non-smoking policy!

Edited January 15, 2006 by pnustedt

[gburns57au]

To clean up the leftovers from these shrines we employed cleaners to dump the crap in the canteen leftover skip but I know the chickens and wet stuff was fed to the dogs that roam around our factory. Now we've been able to skip the shrines as we find that the burning of insense violates our non-smoking policy!

So he offered the girl leftover food that is normally fed to dogs...or chucked out....no wonder she was offended

it is considered offensive to take the food from the shrines....