GuestHouse Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 (edited) So there was I minding my own business, actually getting ready for a cycle training run, slowly riding along the road checking my setting up my cycle computer and preparing to turn around and head back in the other direction for a timed ride. I was alone. Out of the blue my assailant came screaming up the road and leapt at me, arms flailing hell bent on doing me some serious damage. I just managed to dodge the attack, but then I'm the wrong end of a dead end road and need to go past my attacker to get to my car. My assailant standings square in the middle of the road waiting for me to return. After a quick search I pulled a bloody big piece of wood out of the hedge and armed with this set off back to get past the vicious little b@stard. When I got closer it turned into a real stand-off, but sense got the better of him, or rather the obvious intent I had to beat his brains in got the better of him. Once past, I went on my ride, ticked off but thinking that was the end of it. I was wrong. When I got back to my car (which was a good 200 meters away from where this attack occurred and directly opposite a manned security post) - My attacker spots me putting my bike away and runs down the road towards me - I only just got into the car before he arrives, thumping on the door and window. The security people came over and chased him off but his intent and the fact that he really has got it in for me was very clear. I'm not about to put up with this - within the next couple of days I'm gong back and I'm going to kill him. So folks, what's the best way to kill a monkey - poison, a cross bow, beat the <snip> with a big stick? Edited August 21, 2012 by metisdead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arthurwait Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post arthurwait Posted August 21, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted August 21, 2012 Don't go back he might be tooled up as well. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 I don't know your physical stature but your two hands will do the job if you are motivated, BUT, big but, if the kid is pissed off and he knows you have pissed him off then all may not be forgiven and he will come back mob handed. Change your exercise venue for a while. Are you near me l wonder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetCowboy Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Perhaps discretion should be the better part of valour in this instance... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CharlieH Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 gotta be a troll. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuestHouse Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 gotta be a troll. Upon evidence what do you come to that conclusion? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 gotta be a troll. You don't read this forum enough chum to know the respect the OP has. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evadgib Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Seconded, I've been in his fanclub for years:) BTW GH, I expected the punchline/culprit to have been a soi dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrtoad Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Good story GH, maybe just take some Bananas with you next time 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post nottocus Posted August 21, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted August 21, 2012 Spank the monkey of course. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuestHouse Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 I've had dogs all my life, I've never ever had a problem with dogs, even out riding they might bark and occasionally give a half hearted chase, but I've never had a real nasty dog attack to deal with. This monkey attack was viscous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisinth Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 gotta be a troll. You don't read this forum enough chum to know the respect the OP has. . Just lost a lot of my respect running from a monkey.................. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David48 Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 gotta be a troll. You don't read this forum enough chum to know the respect the OP has. . +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisinth Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Second thoughts GH, respect regained. Apparently been spotted on the p1ss before the prices go up tomorrow. You be carefull out there...... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary A Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Speak softly but carry a big stick. If you are relatively fit he will likely back off. If you have doubts about winning, then it is time to hire a policeman. What is his problem with you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brit1984 Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 GuestHouse... I always imagined you to be more the coercive diplomacy type of guy.... Anyway, do you still have the co-ordinates of the location on your bicycle computer? If so, report this suspected terrorism to the US embassy so they can organise an air-strike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuestHouse Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 What is his problem with you? I don't know, even after nearly 7000 posts on TV I still don't speak 'Monkey'. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetCowboy Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 I've had dogs all my life, I've never ever had a problem with dogs, even out riding they might bark and occasionally give a half hearted chase, but I've never had a real nasty dog attack to deal with. This monkey attack was viscous. Treacly 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post StreetCowboy Posted August 21, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted August 21, 2012 gotta be a troll. I'm pretty sure GH could tell the difference between a monkey and a troll. If it had been a troll, he could have quite simply answered the question or paid the toll to get past... SC 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 What is his problem with you? I don't know, even after nearly 7000 posts on TV I still don't speak 'Monkey'. Many do straight off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brit1984 Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 What is his problem with you? I don't know, even after nearly 7000 posts on TV I still don't speak 'Monkey'. Well they do say most attackers know their victim... maybe this wasn't unprovoked after all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetCowboy Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 What is his problem with you? I don't know, even after nearly 7000 posts on TV I still don't speak 'Monkey'. Well they do say most attackers know their victim... maybe this wasn't unprovoked after all You reckon it could be a family feud? Or maybe GH has been up to monkey business? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poanoi Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 One of these cost around 500 baht at sunday/tuesday market (talat nat) http://www.weapons-universe.com/Personal_Defense/Expandable_Batons.shtml they have a holster that fit to your belt 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BEENTHEREDONETHAT Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 GH don't monkey around with it, get a can of pepper spray. Easy to carry and use and will discourage any future return attacks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arthurwait Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 GuestHouse... I always imagined you to be more the coercive diplomacy type of guy.... Anyway, do you still have the co-ordinates of the location on your bicycle computer? If so, report this suspected terrorism to the US embassy so they can organise an air-strike Does the phone have a modern pulse tone or go ling ling ? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
payak Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 did you sleep with his sister or something, monkeys a firey little bastards. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elliss Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 gotta be a troll. You don't read this forum enough chum to know the respect the OP has. . i second that. what were the motives for this attack ? have you fallen out with somebody , revenge , jealousy ,etc from what you say , he was too fired up , for just a random confrontation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scully Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 I got attacked in Gibraltar many years ago by a little hairy git. My fault for smiling at it apparently as it thought I wanted a fight. I was a kid at the time but still remember the power of its bite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris1dna Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 What's a troll? Seriously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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