What Would Thai Wife Do If She Found Out Her Thai Husband Is A Gay ( Or Bisexual ) ?

[duiter]

Hi there,

I was sitting in Starbuck when an effeminate guy suddenly moved near me, and started talking ,and, to my surprise, he asked me to "top" him at his home.

He said his" wife" was not at home and so we could have "fun"

He said that he was with this "female girl " for 13 years when they were senior high school student and started living together in his parents house from that time but now they live in separate room ( they used to stay in one room ) in his parents house and still have sex, no official marriage record, no wedding party , he just gives her money if asked by her "female" friend and his female friend does not pay rent either. He confessed that he felt he was gay several years ago ( around7-8 years ago ) after living together with his female friend

Do you think that this is a true story ?

What would his Thai wife do if she found out that her Thai husband is gay ?

Does Thai wife like "outing" her gay husband if they divorce ?

How common is this kind "arrangement" in Thai between Thai man and Thai woman ?

Do they still live together because they want to save "parents' face" ?

Edited September 4, 2012 by duiter

[LeCharivari]

Do you think that this is a true story ?

No - there are some obvious inconsistencies, not least of which is that his "home" is a room in his parents' house. Not a well thought out "story" at all.

Maybe your post would be better in the Ladies Forum - after all, this is the Gay Forum and you will probably find considerably more wives (Thai or otherwise) to ask there than you will here.

[duiter]

In many Asian language, a home exactly means a house and vice verse

I know the meaning this difference between those words

http://answers.yahoo...d=1006052022660

Edited September 4, 2012 by duiter

[endure]

So you were sitting in a Starbucks and a total stranger walked up and ask you to shag him? Sounds like wishful thinking to me.

[LeCharivari]

In many Asian language, a home exactly means a house and vice verse

You've missed my point entirely - its "his parents" home, house, abode, residence, whatever, not "his". How much "face" do you think his parents would lose if their son took a total stranger (and a farang, to boot) back to their house to "top" him?

That's a purely rhetorical question, by the way.

Byeeee ....

[KED]

As a side note, I find the wording in title insulting :

"What Would Thai Wife Do If She Found Out Her Thai Husband Is A Gay ( Or Bisexual ) ?"

This sounds much less offensive

"What Would a Thai Wife Do If She Found Out Her Thai Husband is Gay" NOT "a gay"

is this just me that is bothered by this?

[asanee]

IF it were a real-female wife-and the man=her husband would practice same-sex: then she would be relieved as she would have to give less nocturnal service to him.

Same reason for young Thai ladies to marry older farang men: easier done, less turns to do.

Are not the Thai an immensely practicle thinking race?

[duiter]

As a side note, I find the wording in title insulting :

"What Would Thai Wife Do If She Found Out Her Thai Husband Is A Gay ( Or Bisexual ) ?"

This sounds much less offensive

"What Would a Thai Wife Do If She Found Out Her Thai Husband is Gay" NOT "a gay"

is this just me that is bothered by this?

Is there any significant difference between .......husband is gay ( adjective ) AND A gay ( noun ) ?

I see at online dictionary, there is NO difference

http://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/gay_13

http://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/gay see definition number 1

[endure]

Gay is rarely used as a noun in English English. It's almost always used as an adjective.

[KED]

Perhaps it's just in American English that "a gay" sounds awkward - also, this phrasing is used in the U.S. primarily by prejudiced people, in my experience.

[pigeonjake]

well did you top him,,lol were all in susspence??????????

sorry couldnt resist

[Gaccha]

Perhaps it's just in American English that "a gay" sounds awkward - also, this phrasing is used in the U.S. primarily by prejudiced people, in my experience.

No. The Guardian Newspaper reference guide specifically says it should be used as an adjective unless absolutely necessary. Of course, using it as a noun is offensive, since it implies there is nothing else.

A joke by a famous British comedy duo perfectly makes this point.

A man is led away from a court house. A journalist breathlessly says "the gay murderer Harold Evans was....", before he is interpreted by Evans. " No. I am a murderer who just happens to be gay".

The more right wing the newspaper, the more likely they will use it as a noun.

[Fookhaht]

Back on topic...ahem.....

I don't doubt the OP's story AT ALL.

It is MUCH more common in Asia for married men who are "bi" and "gay" to have a B/F or same-sex sexual activity outside the marriage bond. I personally know three with wife and children. Two of the three wives are well-aware of their husband's activity. One "tolerates" it, and the other is reasonably comfortable with it as he brings his B/F right into their home in the wife's presence, and all three (husband, wife, his B/F) socialize openly together outside the home, around quite-tolerant friends. Incidentally, the latter individual is a high-ranking police officer in a nearby city, so quite well-known (as are his sexual preferences.). Often new, young handsome police recruits become his temporary boyfriends.

Probable reasons:

1. It's definitely "saving face" for the parents if the son gets married to the opposite sex, no matter what his orientation.

2. Thai ideas of heterosexuality/homosexuality are much more fluid than in the west. Things that surprise westerners are commonplace here. Many Thai straight men commonly have homosexual activity before and after marriage. In Thai culture, their behavior doesn't identify them--it's their self image and the image their friends/loved ones have of them that defines them. Hard for westerners to wrap their heads around.

[14 the other side]

Bangkok is an interesting place to live.

Maybe the story is true.

Sometimes we are to quick to judge others.

[scorecard]

Nearly two decades ago I was working with a farang here in Bkk, he was very masculine and he was 'out', he wasn't happy to hide his sexuality , so everybody in the office knew he was gay.

Late one evening he went to Sanam Luang and was approached be a handsome young Thai man who turned out to be a junior policeman who had a girlfriend and was in the process of getting married.

The young policeman spoke good English, I had drinks with him a couple of times and he was very straight forward with his conversation.

His summary was:

- He wanted a wife and he had selected a good girl to be his support and to be the mother of his children,

- He felt no attraction whatever for Thai men, but he found farang men to be very sexy and he wanted to explore.

- He believed that this was not his girlfriends business in any way and she should not have any opinion about this matter.

His work (junior police) colleagues were all fully aware that he was having sex with the farang, a couple of times I had a meal with several of them. None of the others made any advances, one had been once to a gay sauna and was quite OK with another man giving him head but, so he said, he didn't want to return the favor.

They were very open and direct with questions like:

• Are farang men all 'big'?
  
• Is it true that all farang want a boyfriend and a girlfriend?
  

Edited September 22, 2012 by scorecard

[mrdome]

To answer the question, due to the huge loss of face involved all parties would do their utmost to keep up appearances. The wife may tell a very close and trusted friends perhaps but apart from thinking up a nice revenge or pay back strategy, she will probably not do anything.