Bagpipes

[Jai Dee]

Q. How do you get two bagpipers to play in perfect unison?

A. Shoot one.

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Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.

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Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?

A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

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Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?

A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.

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Q. What's the range of a bagpipe?

A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.

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Q. Why are bag pipers fingers like lightning?

A. They rarely strike the same spot twice.

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Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?

A. Someone is blowing into it.

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Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?

A. To get away from the sound.

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Q. What's the definition of "optimism"

A. A bagpiper with a beeper.