gray42 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I live at a small restaurant and bungalows owned and operated by my girlfriend's family. In high season there's lots of tourists and she works at the bar serving drinks and mingling. We've been together for about 4 months. With high season upon us, I'd like to know if anyone has been in a similar situation and has some advice. There's not too many girls here for the tourists, so anytime there's a pretty girl and they're looking to get laid, they see her as an opportunity. She's very polite, friendly and smiles a lot and many people mistake that for flirting. She has a really hard time ending a conversation if someone keeps talking to her. I've told her she needs to be more blunt when she doesn't want someone hitting on her, but it's very hard for her. That's where my roll comes in. The problem is by nature I'm not a very confrontational person and I'm not exactly threatening in appearance, but if I know someone is going too far I have no problem saying something. What I'm nervous about is since I'm not confrontational by nature, sometimes I don't know how far I should take it and I don't want to start any fights at my girlfriend's family's resort. If I just say "hey man, that's my girlfriend" he'll probably say he wasn't hitting on her and then keep hitting on her all night. If I say "stop hitting on my f*****g girlfriend" obviously there's a chance that could escalate. I can't stay by her side all the time, so if I see someone hanging around her too much I need to step in. In America I'd have a much easier time with this, but with all the different nationalities it's different. Hell, I've met some people who think saying "hi" to them is confrontational. Anyway, what I want to know is has anyone else been in a situation where they have a good girl who is subjected to constant hitting on by tourists? How did you handle it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mahtin Posted October 9, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 9, 2012 Hire a new barmaid, take her out of the bar. It's the only way. 23 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NangrongJ Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I've had a similar problem with my wife both here and when we worked abroad, in Oman. When the beautiful Thai smile changes quickly to an icy stare, it tends top work wonders. No one is hurt, no one is offended and everything goes back to normal. You have to understand the expectations of the tourist. He's probably had a few drinks and sees the other girls flirting. Probably best that you limit her roles and activities to more of a supervisory role. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post uptheos Posted October 9, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) What exactly is it you are afraid/unsure of, the horny tourists or your g/f? Is this how you plan to spend your life? If so stock up with some nerve pills. Edited October 9, 2012 by uptheos 23 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post yummypizza Posted October 9, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 9, 2012 You're never gonna prevent that my man, regardless where you are, let them have their fun and enjoy their time at your place,as long as they don't grope her or touch her, all is fine, it's her job to be nice to guests and customers and it's our job to grin and bare it, or get out of the business,that simple! I know my girl is flattered when tourists and non tourists hit on her, she smiles and laughs and i huff and puff (sometimes) but in the end, it's all harmless,unless there is that twinkle in the eye that they can give!! good luck. 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post vediovis Posted October 9, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 9, 2012 If really she is in a public position, and can't repeat the same again and again, you might consider a tshirt telling for her: "NO, I'm NOT free" , "I already have a boyfriend" , "I have everything I need" , "Don't even think about it", etc... You can even try the fun way : "My boyfriend is better than you" , "I'm not a social worker" or "The girls are next door, not here {with a map to the night life in the back}". I cannot guaranty the result, but at last you will have fun doing it 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Vale Tudo Posted October 9, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 9, 2012 Is she dancing around a pole at work,could give the wrong impression? 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post kblaze Posted October 9, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 9, 2012 Work the problem from the side that you have the most control; your g/f. You wont be able to control the horniness of the constant stream of tourists, its always going to be there, there will always be another horny tourist coming next week. So focus on your g/f's approach to them, or move her out of the bar area to limit interaction, but then that may hurt drink sales... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Payboy Posted October 9, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 9, 2012 One of the very reasons why I would never marry a movie star. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meom Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Jealousy is a bitc.h ain't it You have to stay out of it basically and let your gf deal with it as she sees fit. As long as it's only talking no big deal really and it comes with the job. Only when people start touching her against her will it's probably time to step in and start rumbling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post rattler Posted October 9, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 9, 2012 My Wife meets a lot of men in her job, she leads them on a bit to make a sale , when they ask "have you got a boyfriend" she says "no" pauses a while then says "I've got a husband"....... which usually puts and end to it. 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gray42 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 The reason I brought it up is my girlfriend and her brother asked me for my help. I'd typically be more inclined to let them talk and if he goes too far (touching, groping, etc.) to step in and let the harsh words/fists fly, but she just doesn't like guys talking to her for 15, 20, 30 minutes at a time. I'm gonna talk to her more and give her some tips for getting rid of them, but I know it's uncomfortable for her. I'd definitely like to get her out of the bar, but her mom works in the kitchen and her brother waits the tables, so it would be hard to get someone else to do that. Oh and my girlfriend IS basically the supervisor here, but they all have multiple roles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thai at Heart Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Don't let her serve drinks. My mate used to moan about guys hitting on his girlfriend while watched him play pool in the local bar. Good girls don't play pool at 2 am 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post phuturatica Posted October 9, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) I had this problem with an ex boyfriend of mine. I worked in a bar in the UK and guys would get drunk and hit on me. My boyfriend didn't actually work in the bar but he did voice his concerns about guys hitting on me. At the end of the day, it all boils down to whether you trust your girlfriend or not. Guys may look and stare at a woman but its whether she reels them in - that's the key. When a guy hit on me when I was serving drinks, I wasn't impolite. I would smile and be flattered but that's it, it ended there. You have to remember that if you put yourself in a woman's shoes... She cannot stop doing her job just because someone is flirting. It would be bad for business. Unless you hire and pay someone else to work in the bar in her place so she is not so much in the public limelight but if you was to do something like that to me I would see you as very controlling and I would be wary. (She might be fine with it but I like to make my own decisions) If you trust her, you should be able to smile and be flattered that people find your girlfriend hot. Your jealousy is your own problem, not anyone else.. Edited October 9, 2012 by phuturatica 32 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uptheos Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I had this problem with an ex boyfriend of mine. I worked in a bar in the UK and guys would get drunk and hit on me. My boyfriend didn't actually work in the bar but he did voice his concerns about guys hitting on me. At the end of the day, it all boils down to whether you trust your girlfriend or not. Guys may look and stare at a woman but its whether she reels them in - that's the key. When a guy hit on me when I was serving drinks, I wasn't impolite. I would smile and be flattered but that's it, it ended there. You have to remember that if you put yourself in a woman's shoes... She cannot stop doing her job just because someone is flirting. It would be bad for business. Unless you hire and pay someone else to work in the bar in her place so she is not so much in the public limelight but if you was to do something like that to me I would see you as very controlling and I would be wary. (She might be fine with it but I like to make my own decisions) If you trust her, you should be able to smile and be flattered that people find your girlfriend hot. You're jealousy is your own problem, not anyone else.. Excellent points, especially the last one. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
p_brownstone Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 If she's "mingling" with Customers in the Bar - and not more safely ensconced behind the Bar pouring drinks or being the Cashier for example then - sorry - she will appear as "available" to the majority of your Customers. All you can do is observe and if, in your opinion, the situation is getting a tad too intimate, move in and say something non-confrontational like "Hi dear, would you introduce me to your new friend". Patrick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard_smith237 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 If she's attractive guys are going to be hitting on her if you are there or not. You can't re-educate the world. She needs to learn how to handle it, or learn to give off colder signals. It's not a problem if you both don't let it get to yourselves. But, if it's causing a problem you both perhaps need to look into yourselves and relationship security. If its simply upsetting her, she need ls to change her job. If its upsetting you but not her, it's only your issue. Try getting her to wear a ring on the wedding finger and telling guests you are Married!!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post pauljones Posted October 9, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) I have made some crass, cash offers to non working girls, got turned down but was surprised they took it as a compliment. Get her to wear these fake-teeth-b-bob-jethro-28021-sml.jpg Edited October 9, 2012 by pauljones 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post farang000999 Posted October 9, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 9, 2012 Sorry but it is obvious that your gf is enjoying the conversations and having the horny tourists hit on her. if she wasn't, she would simply not work in the bar and she would change her body language towards the horny men she enjoys talking with. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post uptheos Posted October 9, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 9, 2012 All you can do is observe and if, in your opinion, the situation is getting a tad too intimate, move in and say something non-confrontational like "Hi dear, would you introduce me to your new friend". Or better still go for a walk! I would imagine the girl might get fed up and embarrassed with that somewhat nauseous statement after a while. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gray42 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 All good comments. Thanks. This is not because of my own jealously, it's just her asking me to help her fend off the guys. Obviously the first thing I said to her was that she can end the conversation herself, but she said it's hard. I just want to help her out without being an a-hole. She's pretty good at taking advice, so I'll talk to her again about taking care of herself when I'm not around. phuturatica, as a girl do you have any advice I could give her? My advice was to tell the guy she's busy and can't talk, but that's a tough claim when she's behind the bar and no one is buying any drinks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farang000999 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 My Wife meets a lot of men in her job, she leads them on a bit to make a sale , when they ask "have you got a boyfriend" she says "no" pauses a while then says "I've got a husband"....... which usually puts and end to it. Is that what she told you. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arthurwait Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 My wife has the same problem as you everywhere we go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gray42 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 Sorry but it is obvious that your gf is enjoying the conversations and having the horny tourists hit on her. if she wasn't, she would simply not work in the bar and she would change her body language towards the horny men she enjoys talking with. I'm sure she enjoys it. I enjoy it when Thai girls hit on me, so I can't blame her. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uptheos Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Sorry but it is obvious that your gf is enjoying the conversations and having the horny tourists hit on her. if she wasn't, she would simply not work in the bar and she would change her body language towards the horny men she enjoys talking with. I'm sure she enjoys it. I enjoy it when Thai girls hit on me, so I can't blame her. Then take off your jealous hat and let her enjoy herself. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinfoilhat Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 im guessing you managed to meet her somehow? How do you differ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stiggy Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Basis of any solid long term relationship is trust plain and simple. Trust her, stop acting like a little lovestruck teenager makes you look silly and probably causes her embarrassment.Think to of the family, they will hardly be on side when jealous BF is scaring of the money spending tourists due to his own in securities. Anyhow good luck As for this post "I have made some crass, cash offers to non working girls, got turned down but was surprised they took it as a compliment." makes me want to vomit, what give you the right to assume all are for sale? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gray42 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 Sorry but it is obvious that your gf is enjoying the conversations and having the horny tourists hit on her. if she wasn't, she would simply not work in the bar and she would change her body language towards the horny men she enjoys talking with. I'm sure she enjoys it. I enjoy it when Thai girls hit on me, so I can't blame her. Then take off your jealous hat and let her enjoy herself. You probably didn't read all my replies, but what I said a couple times is she asked for my help with this. Her talking to other guys isn't a problem. Her being uncomfortable with someone talking to her too much is a problem, but it seems like the best advice is she's just gotta deal with it herself as long as it doesn't get out of hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arthurwait Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 All good comments. Thanks. This is not because of my own jealously, it's just her asking me to help her fend off the guys. Obviously the first thing I said to her was that she can end the conversation herself, but she said it's hard. I just want to help her out without being an a-hole. She's pretty good at taking advice, so I'll talk to her again about taking care of herself when I'm not around. phuturatica, as a girl do you have any advice I could give her? My advice was to tell the guy she's busy and can't talk, but that's a tough claim when she's behind the bar and no one is buying any drinks. If this is the real problem then you really need to hire someone else because the customers will never going to change. There will always be drunk, horny tourists and people who just want to talk to the locals especially on holiday in foreign countries. As Richard has said try a wedding ring or get a next order bell so someone can ring it when she can't get away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BEENTHEREDONETHAT Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Tell her to speak Thai to them that will shorten the conversations. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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