kevvy Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 MMMM I have been married for quite a few years now to a wonderful lady. We have a great marriage and are happy. "each day should be like the day before " Thats the way we think and it works great for us . The only problem is her parents . When I first met them I took them out to dinner with the rest of the family , and they did not try to talk to me , even though I try so much to talk to them .In the years we have been married they haven't said more than 10 words to me , and did not come to our wedding . My wife has been married before to a thai man. I am now ready to just give up on them Yes , I I have helped them financially Does anyone else have this problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kipperthai Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 ^count yeself lucky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post The Smithy Posted October 25, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 25, 2012 Why do people help out financially,people who refuse to acknowledge them,I cannot understand it?Would you do that back in your own country? My advice is the more you help them the more they'll despise you for it,stop now! 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevvy Posted October 25, 2012 Author Share Posted October 25, 2012 They only get the government pension each month , so we give a little bit of money to them , they are the parents of my wife and payed for her education and I feel we should help them with some comforts , Yes my father in Australia was a real prick and when he got old I helped him as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
h90 Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I wouldn't help them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WebBangkok Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 lol man.... You treat people how they treat you. If I got a mate anyone who is an asshol_e to me, I treat them like an asshol_e. Simple problem here. Why didnt they go to your wedding? Was it a legitimate excuse? Or was it like "sorry I have to go watch so and so on tv" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
h90 Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 lol man.... You treat people how they treat you. If I got a mate anyone who is an asshol_e to me, I treat them like an asshol_e. Simple problem here. Why didnt they go to your wedding? Was it a legitimate excuse? Or was it like "sorry I have to go watch so and so on tv" Actually most people would be more than happy if the In-Laws wouldn't speak with them as they feel to speak friendly with them is extremely boring..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post GarryP Posted October 25, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 25, 2012 Mine don't speak to me either. But then they have a valid excuse, they're both dead. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cobalt60 Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 Mine don't speak to me either. But then they have a valid excuse, they're both dead. Best plan I reckon, both mine passed when she was 7 yrs old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
candid Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I wouldn't help them. Why not? Do you know them? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scotto Posted October 25, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 25, 2012 Parents do not talk mate i would be so happy, my inlaws do not talk to me either but i could not give a toss! i only go and see them because the missus wants me to go,when we got married they were at the wedding because it was at there house but they are both very nice to me trying to help me fit in with the thai way of life So i have been lucky i guess but in the end you are not married to them so do not worry about its the best way to be. But i would not give them 1 baht if they were rude to me and did not acknowledge me in some way after all you are now taking care of their daughter they should have the decency to acknowledge you in some way especially when you are donating baht to them! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
h90 Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I wouldn't help them. Why not? Do you know them? why help someone who isn't friendly to me? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arminbkk Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I wouldn't help them. Why not? Do you know them? why help someone who isn't friendly to me? +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post CharlieH Posted October 25, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) I wouldn't help them. Why not? Do you know them? why help someone who isn't friendly to me? Its called respect, you may not really know them you may not particularly like them but at the end of the day they are your wifes parents and she probably loves them dearly, for that reason alone they deserve a little help if needed. (in my opinion). My in-laws dont say much, they do try, I speal a little Thai so we do communicate a little, a nice smile can say it all at times, they often buy me little treats from the local market and if something is needed I take care of them, we get along fine and have mutual respect. Before anyone jumps on it, NO I dont and didnt give them any huge amounts of money, they never even got a sinsod. BUT if they need something or have health issues I'm there, as I would be for my own parents, why ? because they are now my family too. Edited October 25, 2012 by CharlieH 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris2004 Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I don't think they can tell the difference between me and a piece of furniture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post robblok Posted October 25, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 25, 2012 I wouldn't help them. Why not? Do you know them? why help someone who isn't friendly to me? Its called respect, you may not really know them you may not particularly like them but at the end of the day they are your wifes parents and she probably loves them dearly, for that reason alone they deserve a little help if needed. (in my opinion). My in-laws dont say much, they do try, I speal a little Thai so we do communicate a little, a nice smile can say it all at times, they often buy me little treats from the local market and if something is needed I take care of them, we get along fine and have mutual respect. Before anyone jumps on it, NO I dont and didnt give them any huge amounts of money, they never even got a sinsod. BUT if they need something or have health issues I'm there, as I would be for my own parents, why ? because they are now my family too. Respect is earned, the guy is married to their daughter if they dont respect him or treat him friendly why would he have to treat them friendly. His daughter loves him dearly too. Your arguments are crazy, easy to reverse them. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrTuner Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 My in-laws treat me very well, same as any member of the family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post samuiseagull Posted October 25, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 25, 2012 How did the In laws treat me?? The Father looked at me as if I was something stuck on the end of his shoe and the brother in-law pulled a machete out on me. Hence to say....thank God our paths no longer cross...or the Ex-Wifes anymore!!! Samui Locals......they ALL think they are on the set of The Soprano's!!!! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robblok Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I think i get treated ok, i have no problems with them. Talk a bit with the MIL when she is here. No problems with sisters or brothers. Don't see them much but no problems Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Songhua Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 Mine don't speak to me either. But then they have a valid excuse, they're both dead. +2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigJohnnyBKK Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 Mine are ex- in-laws, and despite the fact that their daughter won't have much to do with her own kids, the rest of the family loves them to death, takes them in upcountry for school holidays and spoils them rotten. Never asked for anything even when I should have chipped in, in fact they've lent me money when I've needed it, and are constantly trying to persuade me to take her back, all while bad-mouthing her for leaving us in the first place. Love them to death, salt of the earth, wonderful people, 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevvy Posted October 25, 2012 Author Share Posted October 25, 2012 i think its is called respect .. respect for my wife as well . It is hard to think of the way some thai people think ... oh well , i still have a great wife and we are both happy . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fuschia Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 kevvy , sorry but you are about to get screwed silly . Run Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigJohnnyBKK Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 i think its is called respect .. respect for my wife as well . It is hard to think of the way some thai people think ... oh well , i still have a great wife and we are both happy . It's completely part and parcel of the deal here, by marrying the girl you take on some of her obligation to help support her parents. As long as it's a reasonable amount, you can consider it part of what you give to her to support her, and IMO as long as you're getting good value for your outlay no harm's done. But it's true that you can leave yourself wide open to being abused if you play the sucker, so decide in advance what you're willing to shell out and stick to your guns. Obviously life-threatening illness etc may change your mind, but don't endanger your own nuclear-family unit's future security if you can't afford to help much more than the other family members. Of course you have to be willing to let go of the missus if push comes to shove, but that's part and parcel of the game here too. AFAIC whether they show gratitude or are even civil to you are not are besides the point, this is just part of your supporting her, nothing to do with what you might get back from them directly. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post geriatrickid Posted October 25, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 25, 2012 In 4 years, I have successfully avoided the "family". A couple months ago, I had a bit of a rough ride when I refused to attend the family road trip to multiple temples. No way I was going to get stuck in a car and all the costs of 5 people making merit before their various idols over 3 days. I indirectly support the mother as I know that the money I give is siphoned off. It was an intrinsic cost I suppose. Some people are blessed with good inlaws, and others are cursed with leeches. No one says you have to give the bloodsuckers your blood. It's their loss, not mine. I know that I am at the bottom of their priority list, behind the soi dog, so F-em. I have my own family and I don't ask the Thai family to send money to my family. Cconsidering the fact that my father was the one that paid for my education and helped me, and it is my family that has been more supportive and helpful than the Thai family, why would I behave any differently? They are cruel to animals, and contemptuous of foreigners. I don't even understand why these people of a much lower socio economic and education level than my origins are so full of themselves. On the other hand, my friend from Issan's family are poor rice farmers. Uneducated and at the bottom of Thailand's caste system. And yet, I get along well with them, respect them and find that I have more in common with them because of their inherent decency and generosity. I do understand why many foreigners gravitate towards "poor working families" rather than the Thai middle class with their greed and sense of entitlement. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverSure Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I'll bet if you cut off the money their attitudes would change. There's one thing I learned a long time ago about human nature that's proven true in every culture I've been in. It's impossible to like someone you don't respect. First, get respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ripstanley Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I wouldn't help them. Why not? Do you know them? why help someone who isn't friendly to me? Its called respect, you may not really know them you may not particularly like them but at the end of the day they are your wifes parents and she probably loves them dearly, for that reason alone they deserve a little help if needed. (in my opinion). My in-laws dont say much, they do try, I speal a little Thai so we do communicate a little, a nice smile can say it all at times, they often buy me little treats from the local market and if something is needed I take care of them, we get along fine and have mutual respect. Before anyone jumps on it, NO I dont and didnt give them any huge amounts of money, they never even got a sinsod. BUT if they need something or have health issues I'm there, as I would be for my own parents, why ? because they are now my family too. Charlie well said My MIL helps my wife with our new born 2.5 months. She and I get on well. Her English is very limited. My Thai is also limited but we can communicate in other ways. My FIL does not speak to me but now and then we have our moments where smiles and gestures are exchanged. This morning we were both looking after my son. No talk but there was mutual respect. Our son looks very much like a farang but they both show that they love him. Each situation is probably unique to your own situation. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigJohnnyBKK Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 Charlie well said My MIL helps my wife with our new born 2.5 months. She and I get on well. Her English is very limited. My Thai is also limited but we can communicate in other ways. My FIL does not speak to me but now and then we have our moments where smiles and gestures are exchanged. This morning we were both looking after my son. No talk but there was mutual respect. Our son looks very much like a farang but they both show that they love him. Each situation is probably unique to your own situation. Well said you too. But (minor point I admit) note that your son looking like a farang is a big plus in their books, one of the main reasons all those TGs want babies with us - if he'd come out dark with no bridge to his nose they'd probably have been upset. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeavyDrinker Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 In the early years of my marriage my in-laws lived just outside Leeds and every now and again I had to translate Yorkshire into plain English for them.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Smithy Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I wouldn't help them. Why not? Do you know them? why help someone who isn't friendly to me? Its called respect, you may not really know them you may not particularly like them but at the end of the day they are your wifes parents and she probably loves them dearly, for that reason alone they deserve a little help if needed. (in my opinion). My in-laws dont say much, they do try, I speal a little Thai so we do communicate a little, a nice smile can say it all at times, they often buy me little treats from the local market and if something is needed I take care of them, we get along fine and have mutual respect. Before anyone jumps on it, NO I dont and didnt give them any huge amounts of money, they never even got a sinsod. BUT if they need something or have health issues I'm there, as I would be for my own parents, why ? because they are now my family too. But what sort of parents put their own daughter in such an embarassing position of losing face with them or her husband,blackmailing her emotionally in such a way?They are behaving disgracefully! You have to draw a line in the sand somehow,they are the ones who are forcing the OP's hand after all! It is up to the daughter to say look,this ends one way or another,money and respect or goodbye.It's not nice in any way but they will hate the OP more if he continues to give them money without acknowledgment! It doesn't have to be much but just be civil and polite,nothing more...OR NO MORE MONEY!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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