Are Farang Supposed To Be Disregarded As To There Sensitivities.

[metisdead]

A vulgar profanity post has been removed.

[DavoTheGun]

A vulgar profanity post has been removed.

Love to have read it!

[BigJohnnyBKK]

First of all, most of that (all of the stuff i italics) was me quoting someone else and they deserve any credit for taking time to put it so well

Thanks. . .

But that line -- that I did write -- should be thais have NO respect for people who allow themselves to be disrespected.

And I did say this was true with most people but maybe even more with Thais.

Yes, in my experience many strong-minded women only respect men who are stronger than them and keep them in the place they realize is appropriate.

Of course the healthy ones with good independent self-esteem aren't like that at all, but to the extent they exist in Thailand I don't think we see many of them, my theory is we get mostly damaged goods that the Thai guys would spot a mile away.

[DavoTheGun]

First of all, most of that (all of the stuff i italics) was me quoting someone else and they deserve any credit for taking time to put it so well

Thanks. . .

But that line -- that I did write -- should be thais have NO respect for people who allow themselves to be disrespected.

And I did say this was true with most people but maybe even more with Thais.

Yes, in my experience many strong-minded women only respect men who are stronger than them and keep them in the place they realize is appropriate.

Of course the healthy ones with good independent self-esteem aren't like that at all, but to the extent they exist in Thailand I don't think we see many of them, my theory is we get mostly damaged goods that the Thai guys would spot a mile away.

I do not think the Thai Guys are smart enough, the ones that I have met are absolute wanke_rs, selfish at that!

[transam]

I must admit in my LOS life l let looooooooads go over my head .

BUUUUUUUUUUUT, there are times when l do take control cos folk try it on, if she or they don't like it they can bugger off, they know if l am not happy, job done. DO NOT be trodden on. FULL STOP.

[weegee]

The Moderators(who run the show) for this forum....You can find how to contact them in the Home page.

It's up to you Davo, I cant offer anymore than I have....IF YOU NEED!!!!! Just stretching out the hand of help...without the bullshit.

But there is no bars near here, and an international Airport is close by......actually bloody quiet here....Thats why I offered....

[metisdead]

And some nonsense trolling posts and replies have been removed.

[TommoPhysicist]

Ha, somebody with some sensitivities, like me, i nursed my now dead wife for 2 Years, have not had a women for 4 Years, thought I had found love again, but hear plenty of cynics to say the least, I do not think I am blameless with all of this crap. but the culture has me very much out on a limb.

Sorry but ......

Girls can spot an easy mark a mile off. I think you are blameless and are being taken advantage.

Until you learn to become a heartless womanizer these women will rip your heart out and stamp on it.

Glad to hear you escaped the last one with only a 200k loss ..... it could have been a lot worse.

Don't let this cleaner take you to the cleaners.

[harrry]

To me the absolute clincher is the way she did not want to bring her clothes back. Leaving to talk to mum etc can be OK.

I am sorry this has happened to you as it seems you care and she probably does too in her way. I got caught that way before too and it did not get better. Fortunately after many years I found someone again but I know I will not make the mistake I made before again.

Hope things work for you.

[Dancealot]

First of all, most of that (all of the stuff i italics) was me quoting someone else and they deserve any credit for taking time to put it so well

But that line -- that I did write -- should be thais have NO respect for people who allow themselves to be disrespected.

And I did say this was true with most people but maybe even more with Thais.

I thought you meant thais have the ability to allow themselves to be disrespected. Which would be good in some cases.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Until you learn to become a heartless womanizer these women will . . .

Not actually become one, but just reserve your good-hearted behavior for those that have proven they deserve it over time.

Otherwise act in a way that PC-brainwashed westerners have had the luxury to condemn as "heartless womanizing" due to the relative rarity of this type of behavior back home.

[geriatrickid]

I would like to join the abuse of the OP, however, I am just getting out of a similar predicament. The only difference is that ours was an almost 5 year relationship and I have made a significant cash payment to get someone to go away. The threats, fights, lies, and manipulation were special..... I'd like to say woe is me, just like the OP, but I am not the only one to experience this and just like the OP, I have to accept that when a relationship runs its course, is over, it is time to move on and to take the end as an opportunity. As much as I like Phuket, my year long soap opera is giving me a chance to start new and to relocate. I am single now and fussy, so now is the time to look and see where I can go. It might be Issan or the south , but all I know is that a change of locale is called for. As long as I am near an airport I will be ok. If someone wants to take advantage, it is good to find out about it asap rather than when one is in a predicament. It thank my guardian angel(s) for helping me out because there is so much opportunity to be happy in the LOS. I suggest to the OP take this event asan opportunity to better your situation. You can do better. I know I can.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I do not think the Thai Guys are smart enough, the ones that I have met are absolute wanke_rs, selfish at that!

Don't believe what the TGs say about them, lots of exaggeration for "boo hoo me poor victim please be my white knight in shining armor" there.

My point is without the language and culture we're at an immediate disadvantage, hard to distinguish between cultural differences and psychopathology as a relatively new arrival.

The fact that a normal healthy Thai guy wouldn't want a short dark skinned poor uneducated peasant girl is IMO irrelevant.

The fact that they would never support another man's child, or marrying a sex worker, maybe not so much - the girls consider us total suckers just for considering that.

But the fact that we put up with the stuff you're talking about - learn from that! The girl herself thinks you're a total wanke_r idiot yourself for doing that, believe it. . .

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I would like to join the abuse of the OP

Great post, but IMO few of us are abusing him, and the mods are doing their usual good work in that regard.

Rest of us, just some honest straight-talking tough love.

[SteeleJoe]

Back from a late dinner and rather surprised to see this:

First of all, most of that (all of the stuff i italics) was me quoting someone else and they deserve any credit for taking time to put it so well

Thanks. . .

But that line -- that I did write -- should be thais have NO respect for people who allow themselves to be disrespected.

And I did say this was true with most people but maybe even more with Thais.

Yes, in my experience many strong-minded women only respect men who are stronger than them and keep them in the place they realize is appropriate.

Of course the healthy ones with good independent self-esteem aren't like that at all, but to the extent they exist in Thailand I don't think we see many of them, my theory is we get mostly damaged goods that the Thai guys would spot a mile away.

It's a smart post in a way and I get what you are saying but you've got me all wrong:

I wasn't referring only to women. Nor was I talking about keeping anyone in place or even one being stronger than the other. I was talking about mutual and earned respect. This includes healthy people with good independent self-esteem -- and such women do exist in Thailand and I don't believe that "we" necessarily rarely come across them.

I simply believe that Thais in general -- and this applies to men and women from all different socio-economic backgrounds and status (I've ranged across the spectrum in my years here) -- are capable of being incredibly and genuinely kind or quite merciless largely dependent on circumstance and one important factor is that respect I spoke of or lack thereof.

I don't think much of your theory, frankly, when you say "we". Myself, just for one example, have known people who are no more (or less) damaged than people I'd meet in my own country or elsewhere and indeed I settled down with one (though in the interest of full disclosure I met her when she was young enough to have been spared). I absolutely reject the idea that Thai guys somehow spot things that "we" are incapable of spotting.

Having said all of that, I think you are spot on about a lot of Farangs in Thailand (including the part where they don't see what a Thai would) and a lot of the women they meet.

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[SteeleJoe]

First of all, most of that (all of the stuff i italics) was me quoting someone else and they deserve any credit for taking time to put it so well

But that line -- that I did write -- should be thais have NO respect for people who allow themselves to be disrespected.

And I did say this was true with most people but maybe even more with Thais.

I thought you meant thais have the ability to allow themselves to be disrespected. Which would be good in some cases.

Everyone has that ability. Not sure about how it would be good but I suppose it might be necessary sometimes.

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[BigJohnnyBKK]

First of all, most of that (all of the stuff i italics) was me I thought you meant thais have the ability to allow themselves to be disrespected. Which would be good in some cases.

Everyone has that ability. Not sure about how it would be good but I suppose it might be necessary sometimes.

Quite useful to strategically play the fool, both as an exercise in disciplining an overweening ego, and when you want to test others capacity for genuine compassion.

"What is most human about you? - To spare someone shame."

- Friedrich Nietzsche

I absolutely reject the idea that Thai guys somehow spot things that "we" are incapable of spotting.

Present company excepted of course 8-)

[SteeleJoe]

First of all, most of that (all of the stuff i italics) was me I thought you meant thais have the ability to allow themselves to be disrespected. Which would be good in some cases.

Everyone has that ability. Not sure about how it would be good but I suppose it might be necessary sometimes.

Quite useful to strategically play the fool, both as an exercise in disciplining an overweening ego, and when you want to test others capacity for genuine compassion.

"What is most human about you? - To spare someone shame."

- Friedrich Nietzsche

I absolutely reject the idea that Thai guys somehow spot things that "we" are incapable of spotting.

Present company excepted of course 8-)

No need to be delicate with me -- I doubt you do exclude me from that! You'd be wrong but I don't expect you to believe it, and that's OK.

There was a time when that was true of me, I'm sure. (Though I think there re plenty of Thai guys who are equally clueless as I ever was -- don't kid yourself thinking that Thai guys don't get done over. But as you know, cultural norms here are such that a Thai is typically not going to be as vulnerable to -- or mistakenly open himself up to --certain things a Farang might). But I went through a whole lot of experience of the sort that most Farangs ever will -- including some really, really bad stuff (including but not limited to life and death sort of stuff) and spent years reading, watching, studying and thinking...Now I'm much smarter, somewhat more cynical, far more skeptical etc etc...

[harrry]

No need to be delicate with me -- I doubt you do exclude me from that! You'd be wrong but I don't expect you to believe it, and that's OK.

There was a time when that was true of me, I'm sure. (Though I think there re plenty of Thai guys who are equally clueless as I ever was -- don't kid yourself thinking that Thai guys don't get done over. But as you know, cultural norms here are such that a Thai is typically not going to be as vulnerable to -- or mistakenly open himself up to --certain things a Farang might). But I went through a whole lot of experience of the sort that most Farangs ever will -- including some really, really bad stuff (including but not limited to life and death sort of stuff) and spent years reading, watching, studying and thinking...Now I'm much smarter, somewhat more cynical, far more skeptical etc etc...

And despite all this will still fall into the same traps we all do

[BigJohnnyBKK]

No need to be delicate with me -- I doubt you do exclude me from that! You'd be wrong but I don't expect you to believe it, and that's OK.

Not at all. I personally prefer to trust by default until proven otherwise. Even if I do get taken a bit more frequently I prefer paying that price to have a positive view of the world.

Being very poor helps keep the scammers away for sure.

But in this case I wasn't talking so much about that aspect as much as mental illness, which is IMO is just as prevalent here as back home, but much less recognized much less treated.

Of course the Venus/Mars thing's has had me discombobulated from the beginning, and IMO its scope transcends the cultural differences, even more baffling figuring out which bits of reality they "get" more than we hapless males.

Ah well, vive la différence all 'round. . .

[SteeleJoe]

No need to be delicate with me -- I doubt you do exclude me from that! You'd be wrong but I don't expect you to believe it, and that's OK.

There was a time when that was true of me, I'm sure. (Though I think there re plenty of Thai guys who are equally clueless as I ever was -- don't kid yourself thinking that Thai guys don't get done over. But as you know, cultural norms here are such that a Thai is typically not going to be as vulnerable to -- or mistakenly open himself up to --certain things a Farang might). But I went through a whole lot of experience of the sort that most Farangs ever will -- including some really, really bad stuff (including but not limited to life and death sort of stuff) and spent years reading, watching, studying and thinking...Now I'm much smarter, somewhat more cynical, far more skeptical etc etc...

And despite all this will still fall into the same traps we all do

Doubt it. Fell into a trap of sorts a couple times between the age of 19 (when I first came) and 21 (when I started making more sensible choices and at the same time became a little less kind -- and went on to have about 7 years of massive fun and no traps or heartbreaks until I settled down for a different kind of fun and happiness).

Given that I'm very committed to one person and have been for more than 20 years...not sure what trap I'll fall into. Even if I haven't always been completely faithful in those years, those days are behind me, and even then I was never in danger of falling into a trap. Just a bit of no strings fun for both parties -- and even when doing THAT one has to be careful about choices of partner.

I can't speak for "we". But me? I reckon I'm safe now.

Edited October 27, 2012 by SteeleJoe

[SteeleJoe]

No need to be delicate with me -- I doubt you do exclude me from that! You'd be wrong but I don't expect you to believe it, and that's OK.

Not at all. I personally prefer to trust by default until proven otherwise. Even if I do get taken a bit more frequently I prefer paying that price to have a positive view of the world.

Being very poor helps keep the scammers away for sure.

But in this case I wasn't talking so much about that aspect as much as mental illness, which is IMO is just as prevalent here as back home, but much less recognized much less treated.

Of course the Venus/Mars thing's has had me discombobulated from the beginning, and IMO its scope transcends the cultural differences, even more baffling figuring out which bits of reality they "get" more than we hapless males.

Ah well, vive la différence all 'round. . .

Great stuff.

We're different on the trust thing, but it's sort of conscious decision for me, just as yours seems to be -- and I get why you make the one you do. But it isn't eve as much about trust for me as it is about having absolutely zero tolerance for any mental issues.

See, I watched someone go quite literally insane. Strapped to a gurney out of their heads batshit insane. That person didn't survive it. My own survival, psychic and physical, was not entirely assured. But before it got to its worst extent, it started with little things -- the kind of things we've all probably seen (tantrums and jealousy, whatever). After that...well, no matter how sweet, beautiful, charming, whatever -- the first sign of any issues and I. Was. Gone.

Once I stopped allowing myself to be drawn into that stuff, I began to meet better people and met a healthy, kind, beautiful person. Of course I couldn't adjust to it (couldn't trust that I had really deserved it) and lost that one through my own fault. Then was miraculously lucky to meet another equally healthy, smart, beautiful and kind person and wised the <deleted> up.

20 years and 2 kids later, I thank the stars every day for my good fortune and the wisdom to recognize it.

[jacktrip]

if you like it stay. i dont care what you do.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

20 years and 2 kids later, I thank the stars every day for my good fortune and the wisdom to recognize it.

And don't forget to thank her too, out loud and directly and frequently. . .

[SteeleJoe]

20 years and 2 kids later, I thank the stars every day for my good fortune and the wisdom to recognize it.

And don't forget to thank her too, out loud and directly and frequently. . .

Oh, I do. Funny thing is she has this crazy notion that she's equally fortunate -- and always did have it (even when we were homeless and didn't know where our next meal was coming from).

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[TommoPhysicist]

20 years and 2 kids later, I thank the stars every day for my good fortune and the wisdom to recognize it.

I did longer time and produced twice as many kids ........ didn't change a thing, was still screwed over. I would suggest, wait until after her menopause until you claim success.

Edited October 27, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[SteeleJoe]

20 years and 2 kids later, I thank the stars every day for my good fortune and the wisdom to recognize it.

I did longer time and produced twice as many kids ........ didn't change a thing, was still screwed over. I would suggest, wait until after her menopause until you claim success.

I don't claim success -- beyond 20 years of mostly happy relationship and two wonderful kids that bring me more joy than every good thing I've ever known. That is based on reality now. Not the future. Menopause can't change what's already been. The future? I'm optimistic -- but we'll see.

The only "claim" I made -- in response to someone's rather odd claim about me -- is that I won't fall into a trap of the sort being discussed as it's simply not possible given my age and situation.

As for another sort of disaster? I'm not going to try and predict the future. Nor am I going to spend any time trying to convince someone who knows nothing about the situation, but with all due respect, probably thinks they do, that I'm assured to not experience what they did. But I seriously doubt (don't know but seriously doubt) that I will. Fact is it's hard to imagine any way I would or could be screwed over even if she wanted to (which given what we've been through and how well we know each other feel rather certain she won't). Not going to explain why. Besides, as long as I have my kids in my life, I'll be just fine. I'd not wish for it, but I could walk away from my marriage tonight.

Sound creepily hard-hearted? I think so too.

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Edited October 27, 2012 by SteeleJoe

[theblether]

OP, you didn't go through the ordeal of nursing your wife and grieving for her to have some scallywag treat you like this.

It's hard to restart after losing a long term marriage, and I believe it would be ten times harder to restart in life after losing your wife as you did. Just find the strength within yourself that you showed for those two years.......this is only a bump in the road.

[spacedcowboy]

"If it' good for the goose its good for the gander" Play em at there own game, it works!

[SteeleJoe]

OP, you didn't go through the ordeal of nursing your wife and grieving for her to have some scallywag treat you like this.

It's hard to restart after losing a long term marriage, and I believe it would be ten times harder to restart in life after losing your wife as you did. Just find the strength within yourself that you showed for those two years.......this is only a bump in the road.

Outstanding. Kudos.

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