Going To Esaan To Meet The Family

[Crazy canadian]

I'm going to esaan (surin) to meet my Thai girl and have to meet the family big dinner plans already. So what kinda things do I need to know I'm a bit worried, any help would be appreciated.

[rics21]

U r a farang. U have the right to behave like one. Be normal.

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[PomRakBKK]

Money, whisky and cigarettes.. and lots of money.. oh dont forget the money.. and yeah bring some cash dude!

[LuukKoeyKorat]

Start working out the size of the sin sot. A formal invitation to meet the folks at home is as good as a marriage proposal. ;-)

[farang000999]

I don't know her family but I would expect you to arrive at noon, see a bunch of people sitting around and getting pissed, which is not on account of you showing up but just the daily regimen. Find out that they are all her family and then wonder how she could have so much family in one place. A lot of laughing and pointing and animated expressions. Your gf will be presented with any bills that come along and your gf will hand out a lot of (your) money. Then after she hands out a lot of money people will ask her for more money and tell her how there is not enough of everything and that she has a farang and should get more money from you and stop being so selfish.

[TheWalkingMan]

I suggest bringing a couple of good books. Typically most in the village (if you are going to a village) will not speak English. Your girlfriend might get weary of translating or you might get weary of having her translate. If you are bringing a laptop, load up with whatever movies, television shows you enjoy watching and load up some good podcasts, audio books etc. Do not forget your earphones.

Don't be too flashy with cash and buy everything for everyone. They might get the idea that you will always do that.

Have fun!

[thenervoussurgeon]

If it has not already been mentioned ,take lots of money ,the guest always pays ,so dont forget the money

did i mention take lots of money?

[NeverSure]

Don't listen to these guys. You don't need any cash or have to worry about the sin sot. Just give them your ATM card and the pin #.

[farang000999]

I google image seached Isaan Dinner Party

That about sums it up.

[mrtoad]

Dont forget your wallet

[mrtoad]

Start working out the size of the sin sot. A formal invitation to meet the folks at home is as good as a marriage proposal. ;-)

Heard about one bloke recently who went off to Issan to meet the family, when he got there he had arrived at his wedding, not that he knew until then.

[isawasnake]

Wai a lot and shut your mouth.

[metisdead]

Moved to the Isaan forum.

[mogandave]

Remember, just because it's in a bowl, does not mean it's edible .

[jpinx]

Buy everybody some food and beer, then retreat to a quiet corner. They'll forget you're there until the beer runs out again. I hated it, I don't drink and I don't sit on the floor - so I didn't hang around. Gf wasn't too impressed but I told her I am farang, not same same.....

[tullynagardy]

1) Diarrhea - Theres a near certainty a party will be thrown in your "honour." I use honour loosely as you will be expected to pay for it and crowds will soon build for free food and drink. If, like me, you take a drink, you will convince yourself you can eat the local food and end up shitting in the worst toilet imaginable whilst wearing a miners light to see.

2) Phanum Rung - Not far form Surin, worth a visit and will get you away from the village.

3) Paranoia - People will laugh at you and point at you, the only word you will understand is farrang which will be every 6 words on average. You wont know whether they are saying "o isnt he handsome" or (more likely) "get the farrang to buy more whiskey."

I say all tongue in cheek. I love going to the misses village, whilst I would not live there its great for a few days. You will be expected to pay for everything but most of the people are very hospitable and nice. Good luck!

Edited November 15, 2012 by tullynagardy

[arch77778]

From the outset ask the family to address you by your Christian name and not Farang.Otherwise be yourself.

In my case my GF spoke very little English but fortunately her sister who is a teacher helped out.A good experience all the same but i could never live in the village.

Edited November 15, 2012 by metisdead
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[topt]

I remember reading on another forum this experience - so not sure how tongue in cheek but seemed genuine -

Went with his gf by plane for a casual visit (he thought). Met at airport by "family" in two or more pick ups. Drove to the local Lotus where they proceeded to fill several trollies full of various items. All looked to him as they went to the checkout. he patted his pockets and said just got to go to the ATM to get some cash. He rushed outside, got a taxi and had it take him straight back to the airport!

It all depends on how the scene is set before you go - I hope you have discussed with your Thai gf?

The first time I went I paid for some food and beers but nothing exhorbitant and had some great food cooked for me and was genuinely made to feel welcome. Sort it out with your gf and have a good time.

[metisdead]

A post containing multiple profanities has been removed.

[Jezz]

All depends on what your intentions are, what your GF's intentions are, and what her family expect or hope for. A 'big dinner' plan suggests her family are either happy to splash out on it, or you have agreed to foot the bill. Without more background info it's hard to advise what to expect. So many factors to understand . . . like how long have you known your lady? What is her background? What does she expect from you? Does she know a great deal about your financial status? If you're looking at the possibility of a long-term relationship but are only setting out on that road, go with caution and courtesy. Be genial, listen and look around you. See what reaction you get from all quarters. Take it nice and steady, make up your own mind about what you feel comfortable with or not. Most importantly, don't try to impress by flashing credit cards or cash around.

Edited November 15, 2012 by metisdead
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[jpinx]

From the outset ask the family to address you by your Christian name and not Farang.Otherwise be yourself.

In my case my GF spoke very little English but fortunately her sister who is a teacher helped out.A good experience all the same but i could never live in the village.

As a general rule Thai's will only use your name if they think it's your nickname, but a thai who calls you "farang" to your face is just being disrespectful and deserves to be ignored, if not actually shunned. Having said that - the level of education in the villages hovers around zero, so it pays to be persistent and keep telling them your nickname. If they really like you, they will catch on and use it. If you don't have a nickname - now's a good time to make one up for yourself

[kennedy]

Don't believe everything you read above.I've never had these problems going to a village. It seems that some people attract flies, while others don't.

[farang000999]

Don't believe everything you read above.I've never had these problems going to a village. It seems that some people attract flies, while others don't.

A lot of guys also just fit in well at the village cause they drink their breakfast.

[SteeleJoe]

I just finished typing out a fairly long and reasonably coherent post on this and then moved my mouse the wrong way and wound up on a sponsor's site with the post gone…so now to do a quicker and more slapdash effort before bed:

Some of you are, to my mind, remarkably bitter and contemptuous about this whole thing. In my 30 years experiencing this country, I’ve made the Isarn trip with a few different Thai GFs. I’ve never experienced the worst of what was described above and indeed found the experience far more pleasant than not.

I’ve made the trip without sufficient funds to be even a little bit generous and was treated with warmth and generosity. On occasions when I had more money, I never offered myself up to be exploited, was not visibly expected to, and received no ill treatment as a result of that (rather was again, treated well).

I hesitate to say this, and even apologize for doing so, but I can’t help but feel that the more extreme sorts of things some of you had happen is very possibly an indication of something about your behavior or choices and/or the woman whom you accompanied. I personally would never allow myself to be disrespected in such ways nor would I spend any time with a woman who allowed me to be or was actively complicit in it.

Were there ever any instances of behavior by relatives, neighbors or hangers on that I found unpleasant or even intolerable? Absolutely (mostly; though not exclusively, confined to inordinate and downright rude scrutiny and objectification). But my displeasure was quickly picked up on by the woman I was with or I spoke of it to her in a diplomatic and discrete way and it was dealt with.

I always had a good time. It never cost me a lot (and no more than I was willing and able to spend – which, trust me, aint all that much).

Edited November 15, 2012 by SteeleJoe

[rics21]

I just finished typing out a fairly long and reasonably coherent post on this and then moved my mouse the wrong way and wound up on a sponsor's site with the post gone…so now to do a quicker and more slapdash effort before bed:

Some of you are, to my mind, remarkably bitter and contemptuous about this whole thing. In my 30 years experiencing this country, I’ve made the Isarn trip with a few different Thai GFs. I’ve never experienced the worst of what was described above and indeed found the experience far more pleasant than not.

I’ve made the trip without sufficient funds to be even a little bit generous and was treated with warmth and generosity. On occasions when I had more money, I never offered myself up to be exploited, was not visibly expected to, and received no ill treatment as a result of that (rather was again, treated well).

I hesitate to say this, and even apologize for doing so, but I can’t help but feel that the more extreme sorts of things some of you had happen is very possibly an indication of something about your behavior or choices and/or the woman whom you accompanied. I personally would never allow myself to be disrespected in such ways nor would I spend any time with a woman who allowed me to be or was actively complicit in it.

Were there ever any instances of behavior by relatives, neighbors or hangers on that I found unpleasant or even intolerable? Absolutely (mostly; though not exclusively, confined to inordinate and downright rude scrutiny and objectification). But my displeasure was quickly picked up on by the woman I was with or I spoke of it to her in a diplomatic and discrete way and it was dealt with.

I always had a good time. It never cost me a lot (and no more than I was willing and able to spend – which, trust me, aint all that much).

Guess u didn't spend enough during those issan trips.

Maybe that's y u had to go there with different gfs.

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[scorpio]

ive been to surin a few times, just relax, by all means buy a crate of beer or 1 bottle of whiskey but dont go mad, you will get the locals asking you for whiskey etc just let on you dont understand. if the villiage bores the tits off u then head into the town, near bus station there is a lot of farang bars and a couple of hotels, new hotel there ( forget its name ) has swimming pool etc for around 800 b a night, yea better you stay in a hotel in town first then if you like the villiage then stay there next few nights.

good luck

[farang000999]

general theme: alcohol and money.

sounds about right.

[cheechoo]

all you people saying you need to offer cash and gifts are assuming gilfriend is a bargirl........................hahaha.

Shame on all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The Pundit]

To the OP,congratulations,you are about to see the REAL Thailand!

Not the diluted,tourist traps like Bangkok,Phuket and the other overdeveloped,overpriced and mafia run island monstrosities!I don't include Chaing Mai and Chaing Rai as I believe them to be authentic Thailand also and near to some spectacularly beautiful places like Phitsanulok and Loie.

I've been to many places in Isaan and have never found the locals there to be anything but the nicest,friendliest,warmest and most genuine people I have ever met anywhere on this planet and I've travelled extensively.

Whenever I'm in Isaan I walk around with a masssive grin on my face because I love it and the locals seem to appreciate that and take me to their hearts!

It's hot,dirt poor with nothing but rice and dust but I guarantee you that you will not forget the experience,they seem genuinely happy to see you there,even in the big cities like Khon Kaen,you'll have a fantastic time there.

Just make sure you come back on here to let us know how it went!

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Just be yourself, keep smiling and don't feel you have to eat everything offered to you, "gin mai bpen"'s perfectly OK. If you're not flexible enough to sit on the floor with everyone, then ask for a chair but sit off to the side so you're not towering over everyone. Observe the way they duck when passing, don't have to go overboard but make a bit of an effort, try to not point your feet toward people, don't pat anyone on the head etc like I'm sure you already know.

I'd advise booking a room at a place with aircon to retreat to when you feel like it, don't worry about offending too much as long as you've spent a couple hours hanging out with the tribe they'll understand.

Or as another poster said, bring some reading material, they'll be happy to run a fan out to the shaded wooden platform, ask for a couple of pillows and bob's your uncle, just sit up and wai as the various elders are brought from around the village to be introduced to you.

It is customary to pass out a few small bills to the younger members of the household when you leave, maybe a couple of thousand to help cover food costs to mum if they're poor, but ignore all the tossers about throwing big money around funding a lot of drinking etc that's only "necessary" at the more formal ceremonies. Personally I just say drinking is against my religion and I didn't allow it at any of mine, paid for lots of soft drinks and an extra pig instead.

They will assume you're courting and in fact if you're not intending that you might want to clarify things for your teerak as she's making a major step wrt her home community and will want to minimize the number of such visitors that show up or they might think the wrong thing about her. If she is a BG get your stories straight about how you met, very unlikely the truth will be openly discussed even if some of her relatives know the truth I bet Dad won't.

If the time comes up to actually negotiate a sin sot, it is customary to bring along an "elder" representative to do that for you so you don't offend yourself playing hardball. Obviously that person should speak Thai if not their first language.