Westerners Behaviour Towards Thai Women In Public.

[Mudcrab]

If no-one was allowed to ever ask a woman if they have a BF then how would the world ever get any population??

The other option would be to not mention anything about BF or GF and just to keep sweet talking..then you would be more angry

ther bride wears a wedding ring (we aren't married in the traditional sense )so that farangs do not hit on her....and there ain't many farangs around these parts believe me!!!!

[Mudcrab]

Some guys, it seems, just cannot help themselves, maybe through immaturity and inexperience, and maybe through some form of social maladjustment.

I opened a thread yesterday on almost the same topic in the CM thread, (but unfortunately the trolls came to play and it was closed down). There is a guy in CM who keeps hitting on my gf and can't seem to take 'no' for an answer. I think there are some guys who really cannot understand why women don't immediately swoon at their feet. I am so irritated now (especially about the creep in CM) that I am leaning towards the opinion that they are social inadequates, who believe that they are God's gift and that their inept attempts to make contact with females is somehow doing them a favour.

You ask how do I react? So far, I have not reacted at all, but I guess I'll have to do something soon.

Sheesh!

Some guys just regard "No" as a challenge but most of them get the message eventually and move on.

Still, going on what I recall from your thread in the CM forum, I'm sure your Thai GF has more than enough experience to know how to deal with unwanted attention. I'm not saying that she's reluctant to deploy that experience on account of, perhaps, actually being flattered but a fair number of Thai women won't take as much shit off foreign guys as they will off their Thai counterparts.

The only justification for you getting involved would be if he gets physical with her.

Frankly, I doubt you've really got anything to worry about.

Frankly, I doubt you've really got anything to worry about.every

​I hope everybody understood I did not worry at all, not one second! Me and my wife were not the subject in fact. It was generally speaking. It seems (thought I) some men once they have crossed the Thailand border, see almost every woman female, as a potential hooker. Understandable in some places. I gave an example in a birthday party, the Russian saw she was not alone, however managed to ask if he could see her later on. My education forbid me to behave like that with an other guest to whom I have talked to in a party, it was not a bar but a restaurant not open this very night to the public. Maybe he would have done the same in his home country ? Maybe it's me ? I prefer the old school behaviour but won't change

yes me old son...its called manners in English...or don't do as you would to like not to be done to yourself. Not sure if the Russian connection is relevant but there seems to be a lot of comment re the Russians and their ways these days...not a lot of it good either.

[NoshowJones]

Some guys, it seems, just cannot help themselves, maybe through immaturity and inexperience, and maybe through some form of social maladjustment.

I opened a thread yesterday on almost the same topic in the CM thread, (but unfortunately the trolls came to play and it was closed down). There is a guy in CM who keeps hitting on my gf and can't seem to take 'no' for an answer. I think there are some guys who really cannot understand why women don't immediately swoon at their feet. I am so irritated now (especially about the creep in CM) that I am leaning towards the opinion that they are social inadequates, who believe that they are God's gift and that their inept attempts to make contact with females is somehow doing them a favour.

You ask how do I react? So far, I have not reacted at all, but I guess I'll have to do something soon.

Sheesh!

I assume this guy is a Farang, If this guy can't take no for an answer, do you really need some advice on what to do? I would think it should be obvious.

[NoshowJones]

some foreigners sometimes try to strike up a conversation, having in common the same question coming jokingly after a short time " Do you have a boy friend?"

In a Western country one could hardly ask bluntly such a question to a woman utter stranger, I mean in a super market or in the street.

As long as they remain polite and friendly, I think this is rather a good thing and nothing to be shy about.

I don't know why it is so complicated in Western countries and can't see any advantage in making it complicated.

I am sorry but I said bluntly , it has nothing to do with complicated but with politeness, if asked tactfully latter on no problem ...of course, but presently they are behaving no better than a buffalo

"asked tactfully later on"

and when is "later on"?

In 99% of cases, there is no later on for chance encounters - personally I think asking for contact details is more indiscrete than asking if someone has a boyfriend.

And I don't understand why asking about a boyfriend is impolite.

Quite the contrary, it gives the lady a chance to stall the discussion right there. If she says that she has no boyfriend, that is an invitation for the guy to offer meeting her later for dinner or a drink, whatever, and to ask for contact details.

What would be your advice to a guy who sees a hot lady at a mall for example?

Try and catch her eye, if she smiles at you, then smile back, after that, her body language should give you an idea whether she is worth approaching, in a very nice way of course.

[rct99q]

I think your wife is trying to build up an alibi. Sort of like when you get back and people start whispering that they saw her with 'someone" or you see her on the phone whispering quietly or that "guy" waves at her while you are standing in line at the supermarket. You ask - who was that!

She says, remember I told you guys kept asking me all the time if I had a boyfriend and I had to talk to them a little bit to get rid of them.

Not judging, just wondering out loud.

[patfaure]

Hello TchoopTip

Hmmm... Guess all of that depends on culture and education. Sure, most of french people (in general) have more subtle ways to approach women, but I have seen so many french peope behaving like rats that it is more probably linked to Education.

We all know what lonely tourists coming to Thailand look for ! So, one cannot expect a different behavior. As for local (lonely) Westerners, they are also here for the 'easy life".

As for Thai women, they are considered same as Russian women or African women : interested by money... becoz they can be very poor in their country.. and money means security.. So, people with little money feel like having quite an edge... or think they can behave roughly... can be rude.. and consider women like "commodities".... StraussKahn being also a good example of that..

So let's tell i that way.... behavior depends on culture, education, religion, money, power.... Nothing new here... Behavior will always depends on each one Values....

Unfortunately, Personal Individual Values have been disappearing so quickly in our World and civilization... I guess nothing to do with Thailand (only).

P

PS : I guess you are French.. I am too. Could you give me yr email ? Would be interested in connecting with you, if you agree

[473geo]

If the question to your significant other "do you have a boyfriend" worries you guys some, buy her a T shirt with "Yes I have a boyfriend" printed on the front..........then all you have to worry about is why she does not wear it every day....

[davidrkw]

Being a foreigner I wouldn't speak to a Thai woman unless it was mandated (I had too), immigration for instance. Any that spoke to me without due cause, I just ignore. I don't think they are 'easy' or care if they are.

[hughben]

A Taiwanese female friend told me when she used to travel to Thailand for business (a few years ago), she was propositioned a fair few times by sex pests. In no way did she indicate she was 'available'. Ome time a guy pulled a wad of cash out in an elevator and shook it at her.

She was disgusted with them.

So it is not only Thais that suffer.

[manarak]

A Taiwanese female friend told me when she used to travel to Thailand for business (a few years ago), she was propositioned a fair few times by sex pests. In no way did she indicate she was 'available'. Ome time a guy pulled a wad of cash out in an elevator and shook it at her.

She was disgusted with them.

So it is not only Thais that suffer.

That's disgusting - she should have taken it and told the guy to get lost.

[LongTimeLurker]

"In a Western country one could hardly ask bluntly such a question to a woman utter stranger, I mean in a super market or in the street.If the woman accepts a drink for instance, it would be different."

So what you're saying is that you would have no problem asking a stranger out for a drink not caring if she had a boyfiend, fiance, or husband? but you have a problem with someone who does care to find out before he makes a proposition?

Edited January 20, 2013 by LongTimeLurker

[LongTimeLurker]

I find it particularly offensive on Beach Road, in Pattaya where unfortunately the vast majority of the area appears to have been taken over by individuals who are indeed 'up for sale/rent'. This, however, should not mean that respectable women who are there innocently should be subjected to requests such as 'how much for short time?' This from personal experience when carelessly leaving my wife unattended for about 10 minutes whilst going to buy some ice creams, during this time she was propositioned in this kind of manner no less than 4 times!

I think the area was taken over about 10 years ago if memory serves me correctly. While you were there looking at all of the working ladies who make Beach road home didn't you think another place may have been more appropriate for a family outing?

Ahem,.....where he decides to take or not take his family is irrelevant... I can see nothing wrong with taking the missus and kids to the beach for an ice cream. Its been many years since I've been to Southend or Blackpool...is this behaviour towards a married woman acceptable there these days? I will qualify this this with a visit during daylight hours... after dark I guess things change somewhat

Pattaya Beach Rd. is a well known hang out for prostitutes any time of the day so completely different from Southend or Blackpool. So if he left his wife standing there he was very stupid to think that anyone would recognise that she is the only female of the 100 stood there that is not a prostitute,

[LarryBird]

Men flirting with women... The horror!!!

[LarryBird]

PS, she likes the attention and is trying to make you jealous.

[MrHammer]

Not to sound arrogant or anything but given that many men on this forum came here because they couldn't pull back home, I think I'd take the majority of these opinions on what is or is not acceptable when approaching women with the proverbial pinch of salt.

'Pulling' in my country is significantly easier than in Thailand (not counting hookers). Just go to a bar, get drunk, find a girl who wants to get laid, feign interest next day. No dating needed at all. However, the same country is devoid of everyday flirting and even smiles. Flirting with a stranger just innocently, even sending a smile, is so rare, people may think you're crazy.

The fact is that Thais in general are very flirtatious people, open, sociable and talented at small talk. I think some foreigners may mistake this everyday flirting banter as an actual invitation to pursue, when in most cases it's just for fun and a bit of confidence booster for both. I love that part of Thai culture. Adds massive everyday life quality. The Philipines is similar, they also like to playflirt all the time.

Common sense should be used. Do you look good and presentable? Are you charming and witty? If not, the chances of a random, strange woman being interested in an approach is low. Could you score in a similar way, with a similar woman in the west?

I'm going to agree that there are a lot of socially challenged people with too big egos.

[TommoPhysicist]

Common sense should be used. Do you look good and presentable? Are you charming and witty? If not, the chances of a random, strange woman being interested in an approach is low. Could you score in a similar way, with a similar woman in the west?

I thought the really great thing about Thailand was that nobody either needs or shows any common sense at all.

I estimate the chances of a random strange woman being interested in investigating my wallet me further is about 1 in 5. Of course it might be significantly less for you.

Edited January 20, 2013 by TommoPhysicist

[LongTimeLurker]

This thread is stating to remind me of a Kevin Bloody Wilson song,

Edited January 20, 2013 by LongTimeLurker

[Scully]

Being a foreigner I wouldn't speak to a Thai woman unless it was mandated (I had too), immigration for instance. Any that spoke to me without due cause, I just ignore. I don't think they are 'easy' or care if they are.

You sound like fun.

[StreetCowboy]

Being a foreigner I wouldn't speak to a Thai woman unless it was mandated (I had too), immigration for instance. Any that spoke to me without due cause, I just ignore. I don't think they are 'easy' or care if they are.

You sound like fun.

He could be the next Stan Laurel

Edited January 20, 2013 by StreetCowboy

[Rob8891]

Common sense should be used. Do you look good and presentable? Are you charming and witty? If not, the chances of a random, strange woman being interested in an approach is low. Could you score in a similar way, with a similar woman in the west?

I thought the really great thing about Thailand was that nobody either needs or shows any common sense at all.

I estimate the chances of a random strange woman being interested in investigating my wallet me further is about 1 in 5. Of course it might be significantly less for you.

Surely that should read 2 in 5, Tommo??

[Fishenough]

I walk to work everyday in Bangkok and see the way Westerners and Thais talk to women. I also work in an environment where it is 50/50 Westerners/Thais. From what I've witnessed in Thailand for a couple of years -- and Southeast Asia for close to ten years -- is quite the opposite.

From what I see everyday, Westerners tend to be very polite to Thai women. However, I've also seen Thai men curse at women, proposition women, and in general act pretty badly. Not every Thai guy is like this, most are polite as the next person. But as there are a lot more Thais than Westerners -- and a heck of a lot more Thai men hanging out on the corner or on motorbikes -- it stands to reason that one would see worse behaviour more often by local men than by foreign men.

But there is an inherent difference with Westerners as they are foreign and with that comes a degree of curiosity for both them and Thai women. Thai women flirt a lot with Western men. Sure, you can say "That's their culture, it’s just how they are," but that's not true and everyone knows it. Thai women don't flirt as much with local Thai men as often as they do with Western men. Part of it is the exotic factor which cuts both ways, and part of it has to do with the fact that foreign men tend to treat women better than their Thai counterparts.

I guess it really depends on where you hang out. If you stand around Cowboy and watch people come and go then I'm sure you will see poor behaviour by Westerners; but you will also see a lot of bad behaviour by Thais (both men and women). If you hang out elsewhere you will see something different. As foreigners we stand out and are under tighter scrutiny. So while 10 Thai guys could do something offensive and no one would bat an eye, if one Westerner does the same thing then its “All foreigners are bad people.”

That said, I have known several Western women who won't go out at night by themselves -- even in public -- for fear of being groped or worse. Somehow that never seems to get the same press for some reason. Perhaps the subject of your next question should be, why do some people complain about Western men being friendly, even flirtatious, towards Thai women but completely ignore the far worse behaviour by Thai men towards women of all nationalities?

Good post and observations similar what I witnessed in 5 years in Thailand. It is a complex issues, and the points made can be applied to other countries.

Example from a few travels;

• Mistakenly taking my pretty, very blond, teen daughters to Mexico and all intense, and very forward, attention from local men which put a damper my visit.
  

• Same daughters with very blond hair in Japan, plenty of attention, and many requests for pictures, but all very polite, yet creepy, given my girls were young teens at the time, and the men were always in older and in business attire.
  

• Cuba, where the men can so regularly be very muscular and fit, the women still so often give their tongue clicking approval to a pale hairy westerner with his shirt off.
  

• Goa, where drunk national male tourists show absolutely no restraint, or discretion, with attempts to grope western women in clubs and bars.
  

• South Bali beaches different orientation of the sex trade there, where weirdly I found some (assumed) bali cowboys making efforts to befriend a 40ish male.
  

• Philippines, and even Isaan, were well traveling alone I received many offers to help me find a wife.
  

• And of course Chiang Mai, where women I barely knew, found out I'd be separated for quite some time asked me out (shockingly back in northern Canada I'm finding that attractive 30'ish women are not asking me out)
  

Each example goes against some westerners moral and behavioral code. But it brings up what my son used to describe his fellow international school classmates; there are those always looking for what is different, and there are those looking at what the enjoy and like, where the differences don't matter. Same kid has overheard older Farang men discuss how best to lie, and cheat, on there Thai wife's and GF's.

Ok ok, some of the morals with some of my examples above are so wrong, but honestly; what the heck is wrong with a overweight over aged farang being extra charming and sweet around the Thai ladies? - not just that stereotype for that example, because I know some non overweight, super charming intelligent 'mature' chaps... As long as it is within the cultural boundaries there should be nothing wrong with it, right?

Edited January 21, 2013 by Fishenough

[MrHammer]

Above post and quote wraps it up.

[rene123]

Above post and quote wraps it up.

X2

Very good post, fishenough.

And, by the way, DO you fish enough? My father and I enjoy fishing but my older sister never liked it.

[stoli]

Don't be worried, and don't be jealous. As long as your wife lets others know that she is not interested, and it seems like she does do that, there is not a problem. Not every male is here to steal someome else's wife or girlfriend. But if a gentleman is looking at a pretty lady, and does not know her circumstances, he has to ask to find out if she is taken. If the answer is yes, he firmly moves on. If the answer is no, he can then see if there is a common interest to continue talking. It is just talk at this point to see if there is a possibility to date a single, unattached woman. Good luck, but don't let it cause sleepless nights. Your wife has it under control; she was just telling you about her day.....

[BradinAsia]

Well my point dance is that it's s function of the place just as much as the men ...... Vacationers in general act differently , vacationers in Vegas different than ones in Apsen.

I guess I would say that it's hard to turn Thailand into the Sex Capitol of Asia , and then complain because the men you attract are looking for dates.

I am saying the blame if your looking for it, is not really on the people coming to get what you made for them, but on yourself for making it.

When I walked down the road in Parpong and was asked frequently if I wanted to see the .... fish in pussy show ...... I wasn't embarrased as much for the men seeing it but for the people putting it on for them.

I think this represents a very common poor judgement of some farangs in Thailand.

A bit of common sense and travel experience should make us all aware that, yes, many places in the world have hooker areas -- whether it's Frankfurt or London or San Francisco or Bangkok or Pattaya or Machida, Japan. HOWEVER, for farangs in Thailand to conclude that any Thai lady is fair game because you are in Thailand demonstrates very poor judgment and extreme lack of basic common sense.

Considering the fact that Thailand (or your own country) has it's share of hookers, how can any rational person conclude that this somehow reflects on the morality of all the other ladies in those countries?

Based on my 50+ years traveling the world, I must conclude that -- Humans are human everywhere. You find some differences in such incidentals as language, customs, skin color, fashion, and diet. But, the commonalities are far greater than the disparities. Deep inside, the majority of humans the world over have the same basic wants and needs and aspirations. I emphasize majority because every nationality or ethnic group has a wide continuum, from low-life scumbags on one extreme to outstanding folks of high integrity on the other. And of course, everything in between. This is the definition of human beings, pure and simple.

Some may denigrate Thailand and all Thais based on the "fish in pussy show" in Patpong, but, I think a bit of honest reflection is called for. Based on my own personal observation, there is a long list of other countries (including Western countries) where very similar degrees of debauchery are available.

[tingtongtourist]

If the question to your significant other "do you have a boyfriend" worries you guys some, buy her a T shirt with "Yes I have a boyfriend" printed on the front..........then all you have to worry about is why she does not wear it every day....

may i suggest better printed on the back of the shirt..we dont want to give them the excuse to ogle the kahoonas

[IsaanUSA]

One of the first questions I ask a lady is if she has a boyfriend. I do this anywhere in the world. If she says yes, then I just move on.

Caution, foul language:

Edited January 22, 2013 by IsaanUSA

[SparklingCascades]

Have never seen men flirt with women and definitely not in Thailand. Have seen lots of Thai women get aggressive and flirt with men as part of a merit-making process for the after life, I am told. LOL

[wilcopops]

Thailand a hub for "hitting on"?

I think it is more likely that Thailand is a hub for the kind of person who considers this behaviour OK. misogyny and the objectification of women is rife amongst the expat community. They bring this attitude with them. (see above).

THis is one of the reasons for the use of the title "Ms." in English.

Edited January 23, 2013 by wilcopops

[muythai2013]

my father was around when jesus played soccer for israel.

he shuffles along on his walker in his newly purchased nappy that he wears as he often will not make it to the toilet.

he has been mobbed by thai ladies, they say he is a handsome man, nappy or no nappy.