Don't Tell Mates The Thai Truth

[Dancealot]

I wouldn't want anyone to tell me if my wife was messing around.

I wouldn't want anyone to tell my wife if I was messing around.

Mind your own business!

In which twisted reality is this acceptable? You don't really mean that, right?

[cdmtdm]

i am very happy the OP posted this, as i have been dwelling on how to vent what has just recently happened to me ..first off yes u did the right thing 100% ...

I recently had the same scenario but as fate would have it , i did not get to tell my friend the truth ...he was an American and worked on deep sea fishing boats , i dont warm to yanks generally but he was a good guy , anyway he had been in a relationship with my wifes girlfriend for nearly a year , he came back and forth every few months , meanwhile she had a restaurant and worked away at that , we frequented the place while he was away and most of the time everything seemed normal , she spoke of her love for him and showed of the gold and goodies he purchased for her , they apparently planned to marry buy land on the island etc etc ... anyway my wife spotted a Thai guy floating around more and more at the restaurant , when questioned she dismissed it as an old friend , meanwhile my wife returned to the farm and i stayed alone and continued to eat there , i watched her become more familiar with tourists ,it began to puzzle me why would she do this ? she has a business , money , a good guy and a future ... then one night i was sitting alone and an english guy asked to join me at the table , on holidays he had met the lady in question a month prior and had been living with her for two weeks ...i thought <deleted> ,,,, i was polite finished and left the place , rang my wife told her , she could not believe it .... when she rang and questioned her the next day it was denial denial denial....... anyway i decided when he came i would tell him the truth ... so as it turned out the day he arrived i flew out , i waved to him and told him i would return in two weeks , that week a party was held at the restaurant to celebrate one year of business , he got smashed beyond belief ,rode his scooter home alone and collided driving on the wrong side of the road with two Thais on another scooter , he died instantly , one of the Thai also died , the other is basically disabled for life ... i cannot condone anyone drinking and driving and killing innocent people .... however at the party he found out about his love cheating on him not just with one guy , but with 4 !!!! that would tip anyone over the edge ... the cold hearted bitch carried on life as usual with the odd crocodile tear , but one by one her friends deserted her as did we ... the crunch came for me when the guy from england contacted me on FB ... shortly after the event .. i asked him ..hey do u realise what has happened over here with your female friend ? he said no , i spoke with her on the phone yesterday and she seemed fine ..so i told him the truth ... i hunted down the other 3 and told them the same ... the sad thing is his body remained unclaimed and was cremated at the temple and she did not even attend ... i hate to say this but please guys when it comes to Thai ladies enter at your own risk ..this caused a huge trust issue in my own relationship and things may never be the same ... i feel very sad not too have told him, but i figured it was better face to face, i just did not get the chance .... anyway thats my story ..i have much more to add but why bore u ...

[Carib]

OP; You did well by telling him, your only mistake was that you `thought` he was a mate. You didn't lose a mate, you lost someone not worthy of that title.

Had he been my mate I would have told him too, that is what mates or friends do, friends don't sit and just watch the other person being taken to the cleaners. Friends care for each other.

[ozzy111]

Funny how thats his reaction at you especially from a grown man. Sometimes maturity doesnt start at any particular age. Surely its just his way of dealing with it in the beginning. I would have done the same and told him. Gotta ask how did you know his mrs was cheating?

Now lets see how many would say you should have minded your own business.

When he would leave for Australia the boy friend would just move back I,d drive the house most days and the boy friend and his mate would drink etc out the front.

[ozzy111]

i am very happy the OP posted this, as i have been dwelling on how to vent what has just recently happened to me ..first off yes u did the right thing 100% ...

I recently had the same scenario but as fate would have it , i did not get to tell my friend the truth ...he was an American and worked on deep sea fishing boats , i dont warm to yanks generally but he was a good guy , anyway he had been in a relationship with my wifes girlfriend for nearly a year , he came back and forth every few months , meanwhile she had a restaurant and worked away at that , we frequented the place while he was away and most of the time everything seemed normal , she spoke of her love for him and showed of the gold and goodies he purchased for her , they apparently planned to marry buy land on the island etc etc ... anyway my wife spotted a Thai guy floating around more and more at the restaurant , when questioned she dismissed it as an old friend , meanwhile my wife returned to the farm and i stayed alone and continued to eat there , i watched her become more familiar with tourists ,it began to puzzle me why would she do this ? she has a business , money , a good guy and a future ... then one night i was sitting alone and an english guy asked to join me at the table , on holidays he had met the lady in question a month prior and had been living with her for two weeks ...i thought <deleted> ,,,, i was polite finished and left the place , rang my wife told her , she could not believe it .... when she rang and questioned her the next day it was denial denial denial....... anyway i decided when he came i would tell him the truth ... so as it turned out the day he arrived i flew out , i waved to him and told him i would return in two weeks , that week a party was held at the restaurant to celebrate one year of business , he got smashed beyond belief ,rode his scooter home alone and collided driving on the wrong side of the road with two Thais on another scooter , he died instantly , one of the Thai also died , the other is basically disabled for life ... i cannot condone anyone drinking and driving and killing innocent people .... however at the party he found out about his love cheating on him not just with one guy , but with 4 !!!! that would tip anyone over the edge ... the cold hearted bitch carried on life as usual with the odd crocodile tear , but one by one her friends deserted her as did we ... the crunch came for me when the guy from england contacted me on FB ... shortly after the event .. i asked him ..hey do u realise what has happened over here with your female friend ? he said no , i spoke with her on the phone yesterday and she seemed fine ..so i told him the truth ... i hunted down the other 3 and told them the same ... the sad thing is his body remained unclaimed and was cremated at the temple and she did not even attend ... i hate to say this but please guys when it comes to Thai ladies enter at your own risk ..this caused a huge trust issue in my own relationship and things may never be the same ... i feel very sad not too have told him, but i figured it was better face to face, i just did not get the chance .... anyway thats my story ..i have much more to add but why bore u ...

Wow heavy story thanks for sharing that mate

[patongphil]

OP; You did well by telling him, your only mistake was that you `thought` he was a mate. You didn't lose a mate, you lost someone not worthy of that title.

Had he been my mate I would have told him too, that is what mates or friends do, friends don't sit and just watch the other person being taken to the cleaners. Friends care for each other.

Couldn't agree more. A mate is just that and should be prepared to side with you. I have told a few people in the past and suffered the consequences but will still continue to do so - my sense of right and wrong just cannot let me keep quiet.

[brewsterbudgen]

God that you told the truth i know of many a sponsored girl that messes around even if she lives full time with a guy.

Friend of mine has a few of those girls that he ses. Personally i dont see it as a problem as the girls are offering it he does not set out to find these kind of girls but where he lives there are many.

Too many fools around thinking they are in high demand while it is their money.

A sponsored girl who plays around is rather different to an unfaithful wife.

There must be hundreds of cases of western marriages where one partner is being unfaithful, and a friend finds out and has to decide whether to tell their friend. This isn't a uniquely Thai issue, although the way some think, it's only Thai girls that play around or are unfaithful!

Edited February 4, 2013 by brewsterbudgen

[Kaoboi Bebobp]

I just don't understand the mentality of guys who won't accept the bad news about their "girl" and get angry. I would want to know. If I find out that a real friend has kept the truth from me, that would be a serious breach of trust, as others point out. I would hope, too, that my friend understands me well enough that he knows I would accept the truth of the matter. Now, I would add that anything my friend tells me needs to be founded on the certainty of the situation. Given that qualification, I would, upon being told, thank him, and remove myself from the relationship. I don't get angry with him and I don't get angry with her. I just walk. Yes, I mean that because I understand how loose things are in this environment. I'm not condemning ALL Thai girls. It has to be said, Thai girls and farangs are equally untrustworthy, with few exceptions, in my experience. Thai girls, especially those from the bar world, learn soon enough that farangs are hardly pillars of piety.

The real answer in avoiding this kind of cuckolding situation, as much as possible, is in a tough-minded vetting procedure early on. I can hardly hold out myself as good example (having made some minor mistakes), but it took me nine years of visiting and living in Southeast Asia before I had my first (current) Thai GF. Of course, that's no guarantee of a happy future. But it gives one a good start.

At the same time, if I have a GF or wife, I do not play around. But many Thai girls know farangs, who see their girl off on an upcountry visit, turn right around and (shamefully) head for the short-time streets. So it's a two-way street. Both sides have to earn trust. I think trust and honesty reap a fair share of reward.

[ozzy111]

I just don't understand the mentality of guys who won't accept the bad news about their "girl" and get angry. I would want to know. If I find out that a real friend has kept the truth from me, that would be a serious breach of trust, as others point out. I would hope, too, that my friend understands me well enough that he knows I would accept the truth of the matter. Now, I would add that anything my friend tells me needs to be founded on the certainty of the situation. Given that qualification, I would, upon being told, thank him, and remove myself from the relationship. I don't get angry with him and I don't get angry with her. I just walk. Yes, I mean that because I understand how loose things are in this environment. I'm not condemning ALL Thai girls. It has to be said, Thai girls and farangs are equally untrustworthy, with few exceptions, in my experience. Thai girls, especially those from the bar world, learn soon enough that farangs are hardly pillars of piety.

The real answer in avoiding this kind of cuckolding situation, as much as possible, is in a tough-minded vetting procedure early on. I can hardly hold out myself as good example (having made some minor mistakes), but it took me nine years of visiting and living in Southeast Asia before I had my first (current) Thai GF. Of course, that's no guarantee of a happy future. But it gives one a good start.

At the same time, if I have a GF or wife, I do not play around. But many Thai girls know farangs, who see their girl off on an upcountry visit, turn right around and (shamefully) head for the short-time streets. So it's a two-way street. Both sides have to earn trust. I think trust and honesty reap a fair share of reward.

Well said

[candypants]

Im curious as to why "The Truth" need have a nationality.

[candypants]

All these divorced westerners talking about thai infidelity and incompatibility.............

[klikster]

All these divorced westerners talking about thai infidelity and incompatibility.............

You seem to associate "divorced westerners" and "infidelity". Infidelity happens in every culture. Divorce happens in virtually every culture where the concept is legal. Maybe I misunderstood your point?

[candypants]

i spoke of divorced westerners condemning THAI infidelity as if such things were unique to Thailand.

[klikster]

This isn't a uniquely Thai issue, although the way some think, it's only Thai girls that play around or are unfaithful!

Well, this forum is about Thailand. Maybe you can point out those who think. "..it's only Thai girls that play around or are unfaithful!"

[klikster]

i spoke of divorced westerners condemning THAI infidelity as if such things were unique to Thailand.

See my comment to brewsterbudgen.

[swissie]

This all relates a bit to my thread "Statistics-or the lack of them".

Indeed, before this becomes epidemic and as a matter of rule ( = It's becoming common knowlwdge amomg a large number of Thai-Ladies of a certain kind, that "Falang can do very little in case things turn sour"), I believe it should be normal behaviour for a farang to signal "Gold-Digging" activities an intentions to a fellow farang. If this would save only a handful of farangs from personal and financial disaster, it would have been worth it.

If this continues, will the Farangs eventually have to form something like a "Farang-Defence-League" against this form of exploitation with a basically criminal intent in the first place?

I hope, it will never have to come to that.

I can't imagine that any Thai-Governement could see it as an Image-Improving-Situaton for the country, when it becomes an International Newspaper Issue and the headlines would read somethin like this: "Foreighners becoming increasingly victims of shaky real-estate deals, initiated mostly by Thai-Female-Nationals."

If this should ever happen, the governement may actually have to adress this problem and (Buddha willing), find a solution.

Cheers.

[TommoPhysicist]

I wouldn't want anyone to tell me if my wife was messing around.

I wouldn't want anyone to tell my wife if I was messing around.

Mind your own business!

In which twisted reality is this acceptable? You don't really mean that, right?

I think infidelity in Thailand is accepted by everyone as normal behaviour.

So no point in rubbing your partner's face in it or vice versa.

[ozzy111]

This all relates a bit to my thread "Statistics-or the lack of them".

Indeed, before this becomes epidemic and as a matter of rule ( = It's becoming common knowlwdge amomg a large number of Thai-Ladies of a certain kind, that "Falang can do very little in case things turn sour"), I believe it should be normal behaviour for a farang to signal "Gold-Digging" activities an intentions to a fellow farang. If this would save only a handful of farangs from personal and financial disaster, it would have been worth it.

If this continues, will the Farangs eventually have to form something like a "Farang-Defence-League" against this form of exploitation with a basically criminal intent in the first place?

I hope, it will never have to come to that.

I can't imagine that any Thai-Governement could see it as an Image-Improving-Situaton for the country, when it becomes an International Newspaper Issue and the headlines would read somethin like this: "Foreighners becoming increasingly victims of shaky real-estate deals, initiated mostly by Thai-Female-Nationals."

If this should ever happen, the governement may actually have to adress this problem and (Buddha willing), find a solution.

Cheers.

This has got me thinking does anyone know of any falang women doing the village life in Issan/ had husdand problems etc

[spacemand]

I just don't understand the mentality of guys who won't accept the bad news about their "girl" and get angry. I would want to know. If I find out that a real friend has kept the truth from me, that would be a serious breach of trust, as others point out. I would hope, too, that my friend understands me well enough that he knows I would accept the truth of the matter. Now, I would add that anything my friend tells me needs to be founded on the certainty of the situation. Given that qualification, I would, upon being told, thank him, and remove myself from the relationship. I don't get angry with him and I don't get angry with her. I just walk. Yes, I mean that because I understand how loose things are in this environment. I'm not condemning ALL Thai girls. It has to be said, Thai girls and farangs are equally untrustworthy, with few exceptions, in my experience. Thai girls, especially those from the bar world, learn soon enough that farangs are hardly pillars of piety.

The real answer in avoiding this kind of cuckolding situation, as much as possible, is in a tough-minded vetting procedure early on. I can hardly hold out myself as good example (having made some minor mistakes), but it took me nine years of visiting and living in Southeast Asia before I had my first (current) Thai GF. Of course, that's no guarantee of a happy future. But it gives one a good start.

At the same time, if I have a GF or wife, I do not play around. But many Thai girls know farangs, who see their girl off on an upcountry visit, turn right around and (shamefully) head for the short-time streets. So it's a two-way street. Both sides have to earn trust. I think trust and honesty reap a fair share of reward.

For me it would not be a friend if he did not tell me if my wife screwed around. If someone had knowledge about something like that and did not tell me, they are not my friend and I would never talk to them again.

What I would do I would trust my friend (friend not some nut case just trying to stir up shit) and then confirm it on my own.

The OP story where he asked his friend and he asked because he know things were going on and then turn the friend, what a wanke_r.

[MAJIC]

Isn't it interesting that most of these stories come down to one thing.

Clever Thais, stupid Westerners.

What's clever about being devious,untrustworthy and being a thouroughly nasty piece of work?

[macksview]

to my morals, one would have to tell the cuckold, friend or not, but from most of the thais i know, it is keep the secret and just gossip about it.

mia farangs are an easy target of gossip,many up-country are from the p4p industry, so that always add fuel to the rumours, not minding if it is true or just malicious gossip.

thai with thai extra marital affairs, always seems to be much gossip, and until the husband gives her a beating after finding out, other people just seem to gossip about it.

[bergen]

OP; You did well by telling him, your only mistake was that you `thought` he was a mate. You didn't lose a mate, you lost someone not worthy of that title.

Had he been my mate I would have told him too, that is what mates or friends do, friends don't sit and just watch the other person being taken to the cleaners. Friends care for each other.

[Kaoboi Bebobp]

I wouldn't want anyone to tell me if my wife was messing around.

I wouldn't want anyone to tell my wife if I was messing around.

Mind your own business!

In which twisted reality is this acceptable? You don't really mean that, right?

I think infidelity in Thailand is accepted by everyone as normal behaviour.

So no point in rubbing your partner's face in it or vice versa.

The trouble is, among many things, a wife's or girlfriend's ramblings with a Thai man or another farang exposes the husband to some potentially nasty STDs. So Tommo, you still don't want to know?

[Kilgore Trout]

i am very happy the OP posted this, as i have been dwelling on how to vent what has just recently happened to me ..first off yes u did the right thing 100% ...

I recently had the same scenario but as fate would have it , i did not get to tell my friend the truth ...he was an American and worked on deep sea fishing boats , i dont warm to yanks generally but he was a good guy , anyway he had been in a relationship with my wifes girlfriend for nearly a year , he came back and forth every few months , meanwhile she had a restaurant and worked away at that , we frequented the place while he was away and most of the time everything seemed normal , she spoke of her love for him and showed of the gold and goodies he purchased for her , they apparently planned to marry buy land on the island etc etc ... anyway my wife spotted a Thai guy floating around more and more at the restaurant , when questioned she dismissed it as an old friend , meanwhile my wife returned to the farm and i stayed alone and continued to eat there , i watched her become more familiar with tourists ,it began to puzzle me why would she do this ? she has a business , money , a good guy and a future ... then one night i was sitting alone and an english guy asked to join me at the table , on holidays he had met the lady in question a month prior and had been living with her for two weeks ...i thought <deleted> ,,,, i was polite finished and left the place , rang my wife told her , she could not believe it .... when she rang and questioned her the next day it was denial denial denial....... anyway i decided when he came i would tell him the truth ... so as it turned out the day he arrived i flew out , i waved to him and told him i would return in two weeks , that week a party was held at the restaurant to celebrate one year of business , he got smashed beyond belief ,rode his scooter home alone and collided driving on the wrong side of the road with two Thais on another scooter , he died instantly , one of the Thai also died , the other is basically disabled for life ... i cannot condone anyone drinking and driving and killing innocent people .... however at the party he found out about his love cheating on him not just with one guy , but with 4 !!!! that would tip anyone over the edge ... the cold hearted bitch carried on life as usual with the odd crocodile tear , but one by one her friends deserted her as did we ... the crunch came for me when the guy from england contacted me on FB ... shortly after the event .. i asked him ..hey do u realise what has happened over here with your female friend ? he said no , i spoke with her on the phone yesterday and she seemed fine ..so i told him the truth ... i hunted down the other 3 and told them the same ... the sad thing is his body remained unclaimed and was cremated at the temple and she did not even attend ... i hate to say this but please guys when it comes to Thai ladies enter at your own risk ..this caused a huge trust issue in my own relationship and things may never be the same ... i feel very sad not too have told him, but i figured it was better face to face, i just did not get the chance .... anyway thats my story ..i have much more to add but why bore u ...

Nice story but "I generally do.t warm to yanks"

What a stupid thing to say

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[JDGRUEN]

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life

Never make a pretty woman your wife

So from my personal point of view

Get an ugly girl to marry you

A pretty woman makes her husband look small

And very often causes his downfall

As soon as he marries her then she starts

To do the things that will break his heart

But if you make an ugly woman your wife

you'll be happy for the rest of your life

An ugly woman cooks meals on time

And she'll always give you peace of mind

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life

Never make a pretty woman your wife

So from my personal point of view

Get an ugly girl to marry you

[JDGRUEN]

God that you told the truth i know of many a sponsored girl that messes around even if she lives full time with a guy.

Friend of mine has a few of those girls that he ses. Personally i dont see it as a problem as the girls are offering it he does not set out to find these kind of girls but where he lives there are many.

Too many fools around thinking they are in high demand while it is their money.

A sponsored girl who plays around is rather different to an unfaithful wife.

There must be hundreds of cases of western marriages where one partner is being unfaithful, and a friend finds out and has to decide whether to tell their friend. This isn't a uniquely Thai issue, although the way some think, it's only Thai girls that play around or are unfaithful!

One time I advised one of my buddies to have a paternity test on his kids. He didn't take offense - but he didn't do it. Seems his wife had one kid after another beginning about two years AFTER trying for 7 years to have a child (paying $40,000 over several years for artificial insemination). The two year gap didn't bother my friend. Nor did the coincidence bother him that the first pregnancy started after she got a cushy bank job - rising to be top assistant to the CEO. All this time she was working long hours - got enormous raises and benefits - went on many business trips with the boss... But my buddy liked 'his' kids a lot - stayed home and took care of them ... To each his own I suppose.

[Farma]

I guess it's a bit late now to tell the other farang in my village. Ive never met him but heard lots over the years. Watched as his wifes family went from pig farmers to beauty salon owner to rice harvester owner. All this comes from the village gossip.

He comes and goes, but no sooner does he leave and his wife's love interests appear. His wife even convinced her parents he was dead and needed money to travel to Europe to collect her share of the estate. Parents put the farm into hock to give daughter travel money.

Now the farang has miraculously returned to life. Unfortunately he's now sharing his house with wife, daughter and wife's latest love interest. Even the daughter is confused, when asked how her dad is she asks which one.

[Kilgore Trout]

I guess it's a bit late now to tell the other farang in my village. Ive never met him but heard lots over the years. Watched as his wifes family went from pig farmers to beauty salon owner to rice harvester owner. All this comes from the village gossip.

He comes and goes, but no sooner does he leave and his wife's love interests appear. His wife even convinced her parents he was dead and needed money to travel to Europe to collect her share of the estate. Parents put the farm into hock to give daughter travel money.

Now the farang has miraculously returned to life. Unfortunately he's now sharing his house with wife, daughter and wife's latest love interest. Even the daughter is confused, when asked how her dad is she asks which one.

These are people we are talking about, saying "the farang," "the farang" only leads to people being thought of as less than human; dont fall into the same type of thinking you are complaining about

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[Farma]

KT you seem to have a problem with the word farang. I don't. I've lost count of the number of times I've been addressed as naa farang today.

Back on topic.. I had the same decision to make as the OP years ago. Only it was one of my best mates and also a brother in law at the time. He went into denial then anger at my telling him. We still say hello but the mateship has gone.

[brewsterbudgen]

I guess it's a bit late now to tell the other farang in my village. Ive never met him but heard lots over the years. Watched as his wifes family went from pig farmers to beauty salon owner to rice harvester owner. All this comes from the village gossip.

He comes and goes, but no sooner does he leave and his wife's love interests appear. His wife even convinced her parents he was dead and needed money to travel to Europe to collect her share of the estate. Parents put the farm into hock to give daughter travel money.

Now the farang has miraculously returned to life. Unfortunately he's now sharing his house with wife, daughter and wife's latest love interest. Even the daughter is confused, when asked how her dad is she asks which one.

These are people we are talking about, saying "the farang," "the farang" only leads to people being thought of as less than human; dont fall into the same type of thinking you are complaining about

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Why? I am a farang! And my farang friends and I all tend to use the word farang to refer to other farangs!