TommoPhysicist Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 ( There is no smoke with out any fire) I dont think this is a one off incident ?? I might be wrong , but am i right in saying , when they come to live in the UK on a settlement visa it is for 2 years ?, Then they have to apply for a definite stay to remain visa ? until that visa is granted, then I think they are screwed, Happened to a mate of mine, she was coming home later and later, going out with there friend to party, ETC, when she got the 2 settlement visa and she left him, It's 5 now, but it was 3 for the OP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welsh1 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 ( There is no smoke with out any fire) I dont think this is a one off incident ?? I might be wrong , but am i right in saying , when they come to live in the UK on a settlement visa it is for 2 years ?, Then they have to apply for a definite stay to remain visa ? until that visa is granted, then I think they are screwed, Happened to a mate of mine, she was coming home later and later, going out with there friend to party, ETC, when she got the 2 settlement visa and she left him, For a younger model I might had, some one her own age Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welsh1 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Rene 123 , She worked for 20 years in the same job in Bangkok, and she actually paid for the construction of `our` house in her village at a cost of 2 million baht, As for her staying with friends overnight occasionally , they are all female , and yes , I have met most of them , some with `falang` husbands , its just a `Thai thing` ladies meet , eat ang gossip , for me its no big deal , I trust her implicitly ! Thai ladies will ALWAYS cover one another. Spot on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wooloomooloo Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Blimey, you lot seem to know a bunch of people who've never read the signs. This isn't my experience. I'm glad to know a lot of UK husbands and their Thai wives who are very happy and have been for years. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 ( There is no smoke with out any fire) I dont think this is a one off incident ?? I might be wrong , but am i right in saying , when they come to live in the UK on a settlement visa it is for 2 years ?, Then they have to apply for a definite stay to remain visa ? until that visa is granted, then I think they are screwed, Happened to a mate of mine, she was coming home later and later, going out with there friend to party, ETC, when she got the 2 settlement visa and she left him, Yep, I know folk don't want to read this stuff but it is true. And where have you been W1 ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trembly Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) That's slightly insulting to Thai's, particularly Thai ladies, Trembly. The ladies I know in the UK are well aware of the requirements and do care about their immigration status and relationships with their husbands.Happens to be true according to my experience. A great deal of Thais are so used to playing cat and mouse with the law in their own country that they have a very casual contempt for laws in any country, unless of course they clue themselves up on the benefits of adhering to certain laws. Not all of them are going to do that though, not least because of the language barrier (to say nothing of the cultural barrier). Edited February 24, 2013 by Trembly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wooloomooloo Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 ( There is no smoke with out any fire) I dont think this is a one off incident ?? I might be wrong , but am i right in saying , when they come to live in the UK on a settlement visa it is for 2 years ?, Then they have to apply for a definite stay to remain visa ? until that visa is granted, then I think they are screwed, Happened to a mate of mine, she was coming home later and later, going out with there friend to party, ETC, when she got the 2 settlement visa and she left him,It's 5 now, but it was 3 for the OP.That's what I said, but you're not concentrating, Tommo. Just going for the poor guy's jugular. Give him a break. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Blimey, you lot seem to know a bunch of people who've never read the signs. This isn't my experience. I'm glad to know a lot of UK husbands and their Thai wives who are very happy and have been for years. Perhaps you have learned something today. Lots going on out there and the No.1 is a UK passport. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mickylonster Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 Wooloomooloo, She has already sat and passed the life in the UK test , after 3 atempts , so is already prepared for the ILR visa , which she would apply for in Oct. 2013 , but hey now with thing up in the air so to speak , I`m not sure at this time , whats gonna happen in October 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post TommoPhysicist Posted February 24, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted February 24, 2013 ( There is no smoke with out any fire) I dont think this is a one off incident ?? I might be wrong , but am i right in saying , when they come to live in the UK on a settlement visa it is for 2 years ?, Then they have to apply for a definite stay to remain visa ? until that visa is granted, then I think they are screwed, Happened to a mate of mine, she was coming home later and later, going out with there friend to party, ETC, when she got the 2 settlement visa and she left him,It's 5 now, but it was 3 for the OP.That's what I said, but you're not concentrating, Tommo. Just going for the poor guy's jugular. Give him a break. We are being cruel to be kind, but don't worry, he won't listen ......... he already said his one is different. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besth Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 OP, is there any reason why you can't/won't go to her place of work to see if she is there and try to talk to her? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wooloomooloo Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) Happens to be true according to my experience. A great deal of Thais are so used to playing cat and mouse with the law in their own country that they have a very casual contempt for laws in any country, unless of course they clue themselves up on the benefits of adhering to certain laws. Not all of them are going to do that though, not least because of the language barrier (to say nothing of the cultural barrier). Your associates appear to demonstrate even a basic understanding of Thai culture if you know so many, Trembly. Edited February 24, 2013 by wooloomooloo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arthurwait Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Rene 123 , She worked for 20 years in the same job in Bangkok, and she actually paid for the construction of `our` house in her village at a cost of 2 million baht, As for her staying with friends overnight occasionally , they are all female , and yes , I have met most of them , some with `falang` husbands , its just a `Thai thing` ladies meet , eat ang gossip , for me its no big deal , I trust her implicitly ! Why would she spend 2 million on a house in Thailand if she is settling in the UK, why not spend that on a joint house in the UK ? With Thai building standards it won't be very good by the time she retires. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post jambco984 Posted February 24, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted February 24, 2013 Not to sound crappy mate but get off TV and get yourself to the shop and ask where she is. Or get to one of her friends houses and find her. Technology is great at 2 things, staying in contact and ignoring who you want to ignore. Best of luck and hope you resolve your issues. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Rene 123 , She worked for 20 years in the same job in Bangkok, and she actually paid for the construction of `our` house in her village at a cost of 2 million baht, As for her staying with friends overnight occasionally , they are all female , and yes , I have met most of them , some with `falang` husbands , its just a `Thai thing` ladies meet , eat ang gossip , for me its no big deal , I trust her implicitly ! Why would she spend 2 million on a house in Thailand if she is settling in the UK, why not spend that on a joint house in the UK ? With Thai building standards it won't be very good by the time she retires. It's the norm, goes pear shaped, home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post aTomsLife Posted February 24, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted February 24, 2013 I would never trivialize someone else's relationship, much less their marriage -- but without knowing any other details than what's been shared, the lady is in need of a ticket back to LOS, preferably one with 3 layovers. It does indeed take 30 seconds to text someone, so as small a thing as that may seem, it speaks to a larger issue, not just one of respect but of caring at all. PARTICULARLY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY! Come on, man. Furthermore, that you allowed your wife sleepovers is ridiculous. What is she seven? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mickylonster Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 Tommo , your such a bundle of fun , not ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozziebloke Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Looks like TV on this thread has a stutter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post HardenedSoul Posted February 24, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted February 24, 2013 For most - NOT all - older guys bringing a significantly younger Thai wife to their homeland, the risk that they'll be binned for a younger man who still goes out having fun is an ever clear and present danger. 55+ year old bloke with 25+ year old exotic rocks up in UK, Europe, US etc; she gets bored and takes a job; younger, better-looking and seemingly more fun guys tired of corned beef-skinned heifers become attracted to her novelty; she's flattered and emboldened by all the attention from the type of guys she never saw in Thailand and that's pretty much the end of the game. If the tables were turned, what young guy wouldn't do the same? 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welsh1 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 .... and another one bites the dust. Next thing that will have to occur is comments like: My Thai-Wfe/ GF will never act in such a manner. Nevermind. Cheers. Time for a song ,,,Queen another one bites the dust 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post TommoPhysicist Posted February 24, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) @OP Your wife was given a VISA to the UK for one reason, and one reason only, to live with you as your wife. Now she no longer wants to be your wife (moved out and not answering calls), she no longer has any justification at all to remain in the UK. Do your duty to your country and all other legitimate settlement applicants, and report her to immigration, withdrawing your permission for her to remain. Many of us would like our wife's to have a chance of UK settlement, but this sort of behaviour, and the husband letting it happen just spoils all our chances. Edited February 24, 2013 by TommoPhysicist 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Tommo , your such a bundle of fun , not ! He is honest. Seen it. Me too, which we hope helps in a sad way, but we know the set up. Really hope your prob is not so but open your eyes to anything. Believe me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welsh1 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 ( There is no smoke with out any fire) I dont think this is a one off incident ?? I might be wrong , but am i right in saying , when they come to live in the UK on a settlement visa it is for 2 years ?, Then they have to apply for a definite stay to remain visa ? until that visa is granted, then I think they are screwed, Happened to a mate of mine, she was coming home later and later, going out with there friend to party, ETC, when she got the 2 settlement visa and she left him, Yep, I know folk don't want to read this stuff but it is true. And where have you been W1 ? Still here TS, having been posting for a while, been keeping a low profile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancealot Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I would never trivialize someone else's relationship, much less their marriage -- but without knowing any other details than what's been shared, the lady is in need of a ticket back to LOS, preferably one with 3 layovers. It does indeed take 30 seconds to text someone, so as small a thing as that may seem, it speaks to a larger issue, not just one of respect but of caring at all. PARTICULARLY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY! Come on, man. Furthermore, that you allowed your wife sleepovers is ridiculous. What is she seven? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aTomsLife Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 This might surprise you... She probably thinks you are the one being selfish. Why? Because you didn't keep your emotions in check. And, in her eyes, you hurt the relationship. Not her. Direct communication is very important to westerners. But, for Asians, it is not. What is 'not said' is sometimes more important than what 'is said'. And it's not easy to read the signals! Asians are focused on being. Westerners are focused on doing. Her job and her friends are part of her being. Just as you are. When you question (lambast) any of those things, you are putting her down. Am I an expert? Hell no! I've known my Thai wife for 40 years. And I still suck at reading the signals. But, I do know how to apologize. Even, when I think I'm right. And so far it's been worth it! This is interesting, as I started a thread about this yesterday. The difference being that because I live in Thailand I'm trying better to understand the Asian way of things. But this lady is in the UK, and should be falling in line with the customs of the land. Besides, she left the guy hanging on his birthday.... if that doesn't say it all, then I don't know what will. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancealot Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) .... and another one bites the dust. Next thing that will have to occur is comments like: My Thai-Wfe/ GF will never act in such a manner. Nevermind. Cheers. Time for a song ,,,Queen another one bites the dust You could be more tactful... Edited February 24, 2013 by Dancealot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mickylonster Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 aToms life , when she first came to the UK , she had funds of her own ,£5.000 + so If she wanted to , she could return to Thailand at any time ,and as for letting her stay over with friends , for me that is not a concern, I have no wish to keep her on a short lead , I have much more respect for than you imply ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 @OP Your wife was given a VISA to the UK for one reason only, to live with you as your wife. Now she no longer wants to be your wife (moved out and not answering calls), she no longer has any justification to remain in the UK. Do your duty to your country and all other legitimate settlement applicants, and report her to immigration, withdrawing your permission for her to remain. Many of us would like our wife's to have a chance of UK settlement, but this sort of behaviour, and the husband letting it happen just spoils all our chances. My mate did that. End of story. She now lives in a shed in LOS and CANNOT get a visa to be with the ''Richer'' farang she ''pleased''. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancealot Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 This might surprise you... She probably thinks you are the one being selfish. Why? Because you didn't keep your emotions in check. And, in her eyes, you hurt the relationship. Not her. Direct communication is very important to westerners. But, for Asians, it is not. What is 'not said' is sometimes more important than what 'is said'. And it's not easy to read the signals! Asians are focused on being. Westerners are focused on doing. Her job and her friends are part of her being. Just as you are. When you question (lambast) any of those things, you are putting her down. Am I an expert? Hell no! I've known my Thai wife for 40 years. And I still suck at reading the signals. But, I do know how to apologize. Even, when I think I'm right. And so far it's been worth it! This is interesting, as I started a thread about this yesterday. The difference being that because I live in Thailand I'm trying better to understand the Asian way of things. But this lady is in the UK, and should be falling in line with the customs of the land. Besides, she left the guy hanging on his birthday.... if that doesn't say it all, then I don't know what will. And i fine thread indeed http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/621316-thais-and-emotional-suppression/#entry6142107 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
473geo Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 There is something else you need to consider, why have her friends not enouraged her to contact you and make an attempt to patch things up, especially if they know she really loves you but has been hurt by your reaction, in an ideal situation mutual friends would be at least encouraging communication in an attempt to heal the rift.....so what do they know that you do not? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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