Thai's Can Give It But Can't Take It

[muythai2013]

As much as I love Thai people one thing has always bothered me, The terrible habit of greeting you with a "how are you, you put on weight, look very fat now", or "you cut hair, look ugly".

My friend had a Baby recently, She recieved a similar comment, have seen dark girls call lighter girls dark and fail to notice their own darkness.

They have a very bad habit of this and it's quite rude, however I noticed my wifes family don't do it so I thought I would test one of the locals as they always claim it's the Thai way.

During a party, sitting in our circle of family and friends enjoying a feed a woman arrived and kindly pointed out I had gained weight, mind you I have only put on 9 kilos as i'm injured and not training at present, time to strike back I thought.

my reply was "I can lose weight, but you will always be ugly" she lost it and that confirmed to me it's give but no take, and not the thai way.

why is it ok to say anything, but expect no comeback.

Time for people to give it back everytime, lack of respect should be pointed out.

Thats my rant for today.

[CobraSnakeNecktie]

You have a point that I agree with but it's not like those two observations are equal.

weight is correctable but ugly is not so easy to change.

Also weight is objective and measurable and pretty/ugly is subjective.

also judging by how Thai's are getting heavier it may not even be a bad thing. They might have thought it was slightly complimentary as it makes one look more prosperous.

Edited March 26, 2013 by CobraSnakeNecktie

[chiang mai]

When Churchill first delievered that line he picked his audience carefully plus he was drunk when he said it! I'm surpried that you delivering that same line to a Thai national didn't see you get a well deserved hiding.

[britgent]

I've noticed this too. They do wrong its all about 'culture' and 'saving face'. We do wring and we care 'bad man'.

[muythai2013]

When Churchill first delievered that line he picked his audience carefully plus he was drunk when he said it! I'm surpried that you delivering that same line to a Thai national didn't see you get a well deserved hiding.

well deserved you say, but they can say whatever they like, fat, ugly, dark, and thats not deserving of a comeback but mines deserving of a hiding.

[chiang mai]

When Churchill first delievered that line he picked his audience carefully plus he was drunk when he said it! I'm surpried that you delivering that same line to a Thai national didn't see you get a well deserved hiding.

well deserved you say, but they can say whatever they like, fat, ugly, dark, and thats not deserving of a comeback but mines deserving of a hiding.

English is your first language so you should know better, for Thai people English is more often not well understood hence allowances have to be made. It's a bit like a farang calling a middle class educated Thai woman, tilac!

[uptheos]

When Churchill first delievered that line he picked his audience carefully plus he was drunk when he said it! I'm surpried that you delivering that same line to a Thai national didn't see you get a well deserved hiding.

well deserved you say, but they can say whatever they like, fat, ugly, dark, and thats not deserving of a comeback but mines deserving of a hiding.

I think the hiding would be for plagiarising Churchill.

[muythai2013]

don't defend it, if you truly know thai people in Thailand you should know its rude.

you can sit there like a stone and grin, or do whats right and tell them to shut the hell up.

[aTomsLife]

I agree with your overall sentiment, but telling the woman she'd always be ugly was too heavy handed in my opinion (although quite hilarious!). Your delivery could have played a factor in the response. Did you say it jokingly?

I truly enjoy life amongst Thais, too; but for all the smiling and laughing, at heart they are an incredibly insecure people.

I once asked my friend's GF -- a recent college grad -- if Thailand had produced a writer culturally equivalent to what Shakespeare is in the English speaking world. I was told that of course Thailand had, but she just couldn't think of any writers at the moment. I then responded that her inability to name such a person proved there wasn't such a person, otherwise s/he would have so much influence and be so famous it would be easy to recall the name. Needless to say, this caused an unintended loss of face.

Sorry if I strayed off topic slightly, but I think there's some relevance. In short, Thais don't like being criticized by outsiders, particularly westerners.

[muythai2013]

When Churchill first delievered that line he picked his audience carefully plus he was drunk when he said it! I'm surpried that you delivering that same line to a Thai national didn't see you get a well deserved hiding.

well deserved you say, but they can say whatever they like, fat, ugly, dark, and thats not deserving of a comeback but mines deserving of a hiding.

English is your first language so you should know better, for Thai people English is more often not well understood hence allowances have to be made. It's a bit like a farang calling a middle class educated Thai woman, tilac!

so they dont really understand when they call you fat or ugly, is that what your saying.

[mr3cho]

Their comment on weight and a hair cut are part of a person's appearance that can be controlled or modified. The dark skin thing can sort-of also be modified. It's not really the same thing as you out right calling someone ugly haha come on now.

umm...you said you had gained 9 kilos and she "kindly pointed out" that you gained weight? wow she was ruthless.

Edited March 26, 2013 by mr3cho

[chiang mai]

When Churchill first delievered that line he picked his audience carefully plus he was drunk when he said it! I'm surpried that you delivering that same line to a Thai national didn't see you get a well deserved hiding.

well deserved you say, but they can say whatever they like, fat, ugly, dark, and thats not deserving of a comeback but mines deserving of a hiding.

English is your first language so you should know better, for Thai people English is more often not well understood hence allowances have to be made. It's a bit like a farang calling a middle class educated Thai woman, tilac!

so they dont really understand when they call you fat or ugly, is that what your saying.

Exactly, they don''t understand the social nuances of how and when the word can/should be used, the word fat just means a large person and has no social conotation attached..

[CobraSnakeNecktie]

I agree with your overall sentiment, but telling the woman she'd always be ugly was too heavy handed in my opinion (although quite hilarious!). Your delivery could have played a factor in the response. Did you say it jokingly?

I truly enjoy life amongst Thais, too; but for all the smiling and laughing, at heart they are an incredibly insecure people.

I once asked my friend's GF -- a recent college grad -- if Thailand had produced a writer culturally equivalent to what Shakespeare is in the English speaking world. I was told that of course Thailand had, but she just couldn't think of any writers at the moment. I then responded that her inability to name such a person proved there wasn't such a person, otherwise s/he would have so much influence and be so famous it would be easy to recall the name. Needless to say, this caused an unintended loss of face.

Sorry if I strayed off topic slightly, but I think there's some relevance. In short, Thais don't like being criticized by outsiders, particularly westerners.

That is something that every expat has to come to grips with.

Thai's are incredibly insecure and failure to accept and cater to that is asking for trouble.

Thai's see a lot of expats as coming from really successful cultures who invent all the stuff they use.

Don't rub salt into a open wound.

[uptheos]

Their comment on weight and a hair cut can be controlled or modified. The dark skin thing can sort-of also be modified. It's not really the same thing as you out right calling someone ugly haha come on now.

umm...you said you had gained 9 kilos and she "kindly pointed out" that you gained weight? wow she was ruthless.

Yes and it's a good job she didn't call you a fat bastard or she might really have got it eh?

[Almera]

Thai's Can Give It But Can't Take It

Absolutely.

I've recently had a bunch of peasant children (menial working Thai men aged 30-50) trying to really have cowardly goes at me. Nails in tires, moving mirrors on my bike, writing highly impolite terms on my license plate etc. etc.

One or two would always come stand behind then begin laughing out loud, when they had done something.

Me, a new, younger foreigner with material possessions they can only dream of at their workplace really made them go crazy.

When their acts were caught on video and the employer told them all that if they go near my motorbike or touch my shit again they are all out of a job, they all totally exploded like 3 year olds throwing their toys, couldn't <deleted> take it all, a foreigner dictating to their Thai boss about what they can and cannot do.

Beautiful society, isn't it.

Edited March 26, 2013 by Almera

[muythai2013]

i should point out for those who like to skip things, many do it, not just her.

and she is often rude, that was toned down for me.

if i'm gonna be super polite, and someones a little rude, i will then be super rude because they had no right or reason.

[chiang mai]

Their comment on weight and a hair cut can be controlled or modified. The dark skin thing can sort-of also be modified. It's not really the same thing as you out right calling someone ugly haha come on now.

umm...you said you had gained 9 kilos and she "kindly pointed out" that you gained weight? wow she was ruthless.

Yes and it's a good job she didn't call you a fat bastard or she might really have got it eh?

That's a good analogy, if a fellow farang had wandered in and said, my God but you've gained wieght you fat barstard, I wonder what the response would have been, methinks it would have been laughed off as being one of those silly things we say.

[muythai2013]

and they know what fat means, lets cut the BS if we are to chat.

[FunFon]

Yes, putting on weight is actually intended many times as a compliment.<br /><br />Just different culture, lighten up about it, I'm perfectly happy to admit I'm fat and old and bald these days, that's what I am so why should someone reminding me of that hurt my feelings?<br /><br />Certainly can't complain if it's objectively true, while opinion about attractiveness will always be subjective.<br /><br />I think that's the root of the problem, our cultural programming is to lie about little stuff to spare people's feelings, but to tell the truth about important stuff even if doing so isn't in our interest.<br />

[uptheos]

Their comment on weight and a hair cut can be controlled or modified. The dark skin thing can sort-of also be modified. It's not really the same thing as you out right calling someone ugly haha come on now.

umm...you said you had gained 9 kilos and she "kindly pointed out" that you gained weight? wow she was ruthless.

Yes and it's a good job she didn't call you a fat bastard or she might really have got it eh?

That's a good analogy, if a fellow farang had wandered in and said, my God but you've gained wieght you fat barstard, I wonder what the response would have been, methinks it would have been laughed off as being one of those silly things we say.

Bingo!

[muythai2013]

ive since noticed no one is rude anymore, so it was a good idea.

[chiang mai]

and they know what fat means, lets cut the BS if we are to chat.

But being fat is cherished in Asia, at least it's not the negative that it is in the West, it's a sign of affluence and wealth because the person is well nourished and has plenty to eat, really.

[aTomsLife]

Thais know damn well what they're saying. They just don't want foreigners coming here and 'disrespecting' them.

It's like the government harping on the need for Thai students to learn English. But when a western teacher tries to explain the conditions in the schools that first need to change, their often told by Thai administrators that the students' lack of diligence is their own fault; that they don't understand Thai culture.

When of course, while in class with a westerner, it should also be the students' responsibility to understand western culture; that after all is inherently part of learning English.

[chiang mai]

ive since noticed no one is rude anymore, so it was a good idea.

I think it's all about proprtional response and you should consider the possibility that you nuked someone who fired a slingshot at you, in error.

[uptheos]

ive since noticed no one is rude anymore, so it was a good idea.

Seriously, you haven't been here long so be careful how you respond to someone male or female.

A wounded Thai is a very dangerous person and you won't see the response coming!

[muythai2013]

Yes, putting on weight is actually intended many times as a compliment.<br /><br />Just different culture, lighten up about it, I'm perfectly happy to admit I'm fat and old and bald these days, that's what I am so why should someone reminding me of that hurt my feelings?<br /><br />Certainly can't complain if it's objectively true, while opinion about attractiveness will always be subjective.<br /><br />I think that's the root of the problem, our cultural programming is to lie about little stuff to spare people's feelings, but to tell the truth about important stuff even if doing so isn't in our interest.<br />

they don't say it because they don't tell white lies, they say it to make themselves feel better, hence dark girls calling my lighter wife dark on occasion.

they do offend each other, i hear them talk, but they dont mention it until the persons gone, kind of like you guys, they sit there, dont like it, and complain after the persons gone.

better to tell them, thats being honest, saying nothing when it bothers you is a white lie, and dont tell me they dont lie.

[muythai2013]

and they know what fat means, lets cut the BS if we are to chat.

But being fat is cherished in Asia, at least it's not the negative that it is in the West, it's a sign of affluence and wealth because the person is well nourished and has plenty to eat, really.

yes and i'm sure the fatter and fatter you get the more pleased the wives will be right.

are all the men on thai dramas fat, no their all good looking because thats what the ladies want.

[CobraSnakeNecktie]

I think the OP has a body composition complex.

Go on a diet and turn what may or may not be an attack into a positive. Go with the flow.

Clearly your not happy about your weight or they would't be tweaking you so easy.

[muythai2013]

so it seems being rude is acceptable in thailand according to people here, if rudeness is right then the more rude you are the more right it is.

next time I will not hold back.

[mr3cho]

Your premise is that Thais can give it but can't take it, thus if this were to go on back and forth for a week or so, there would be all out feuds, fights or societal collapse.

Or perhaps Thais are just too harsh and honest with foreigners?