I'm Still Just The Falang

[candypants]

Thats a easy task

1) you say Farrang Mai Supap,

excellent advice. you have just told the family you never speak to that you are impolite.

which is true

[AnotherOneAmerican]

It is disrespectful, and you should say something to your g/f.

After 5 years you dont speak any Thai? I have been here about the same amount of time and can at least hold a basic conversation. Try learning the language, if for nothing else but personal growth. If I was back in the USA and had a daughter with a foreign boyfriend who didnt even attempt to speak English I may lose some respect for him as well.

If he were to buy a new car and house in her name, pay all her expenses without her having to work, build you a house and give you enough money to live on for the rest of your life. Would you care that he didn't attempt to speak English?

Or would you be attempting to communicate like I would?

Me casa es tu casa, amigo!

Edited April 23, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Saan]

You might have left it a bit late having not protested for 5 years it might be ingrained.

I can get the gist of a Thai conversation but am far from fluent. In the early days my wife's family would speak in Issan in front of me. I protested to my wife that it would be polite if they spoke Thai when I was around. Still they spoke in Issan and occasionally I heard the word falang. On one occasion I pulled out my phone, pressed a couple of buttons and placed it between us. My wife asked what I was doing and I explained I was recording the conversation so I could later ask an Issan speaking friend what was being said. That brought the conversation to a stop and I never heard the word falang being used again. In the end they actually found it quite amusing. Didn't stop the Issan conversation all the time but an effort was made. Every now and then I would pop the mobile into the shirt pocket to keep them on their toes. It might or might not earn you a bit of respect but it will certainly make your in-laws choose their words more carefully.

[livil]

correct

farang comes from farangset which means french whom where prominent in south east asia a while ago

all who knows me can call me oli without any problem , only reffered as farang from people i do not know to which i reply , may chai kon farang , phom pen kon boksida ..... ( isan / lao term for farang ) makes everybody laugh ....

farang is mostly used from people whom do not know your name but used as well as a rude word from people whom you get in an argument with and plain racist pricks ....

It's my understanding that falang/farang is interpreted as Westerner, not as Foreigner.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

correct

farang comes from farangset which means french whom where prominent in south east asia a while ago

all who knows me can call me oli without any problem , only reffered as farang from people i do not know to which i reply , may chai kon farang , phom pen kon boksida ..... ( isan / lao term for farang ) makes everybody laugh ....

farang is mostly used from people whom do not know your name but used as well as a rude word from people whom you get in an argument with and plain racist pricks ....

Why do ignorant people insist on spreading their ignorance?

[livil]

correct

farang comes from farangset which means french whom where prominent in south east asia a while ago

all who knows me can call me oli without any problem , only reffered as farang from people i do not know to which i reply , may chai kon farang , phom pen kon boksida ..... ( isan / lao term for farang ) makes everybody laugh ....

farang is mostly used from people whom do not know your name but used as well as a rude word from people whom you get in an argument with and plain racist pricks ....

Why do ignorant people insist on spreading their ignorance?

do a little bit of research before insulting people .

[Chao Lao Beach]

Just change your nickname to ATM, problem solved.

[h5kaf]

Henly, try a few words of Thai to make the effort. You be a star in no time.

Not a bad idea. I would say: My name is Henly ... A LOT. Rub it in.

BTW, there really is no doubt, they really ARE dissing you big time by calling you f-rang after all these years.

You really have hurt me with this post. My name is Farang and I have been under the impression that there are many here with the same very popular name. Furthermore I have been delighted that so many Thai people are so friendly as to call me by my first name, even those who don't know me. Strangely the only one who doesn't call me by my name 'Farang' is my wife who calls me by my nickname 'John'.

Its not a nice feeling to have one's bubble burst in such a public manner.

[SteeleJoe]

do a little bit of research before insulting people .

I agree that there's no need to insult but with all due respect, you yourself might want to do some research rather than just echo a worn out and frankly simplistic cliche:

France and Farang have the same origin but the latter is almost certainly not derived from the former. The Portuguese preceded the French and they were called Farang (they also probably brought the guava). The word (with slight variation) exists in a dozen or more languages of the Indo-European family.

[joboss]

Henry is not that difficult for most thais to say, …….”hen-lee” (trust me)

May be they just don’t like you for some reason….or May be they don’t like their daughter living/sleeping with you, without getting married by now…ects

But the fact that they don’t want to call by your first name after 5 yrs…it is a sign of disrespect. In addition to your GF’s excuse of them not being able to pronounce it, I think it’s just nonsense really.

The real root issue here between YOU and them…is much deeper than their inability to say “hen-lee”, I’m pretty sure. if you’re being honest to yourself and start thinking back all these past 5 yrs of all the interactions between you and them, I’m pretty sure there must be a clue or two somewhere, as for the probable cause of their disgruntle.

Easy test, OP pull your wallet out and flash some cash as see how quick they can say your name properly...

Tell you got no money and ask for a loan/handout ... see what they call you then..

Be prepared to sleep alone ,, for your own safety.

[candypants]

well, in the spirit of the post above and the last 2 comments therein, if we are going to resort to ATM and money cliches, i would say next time don't marry down, but if i were to be honest, i really dont think the the family are the only ones at fault here

Edited April 23, 2013 by candypants

[norrona]

If you as the OP pay for absolutely everything, the roof over their heads, the car/motorbike they drive around, the leo beer they quaff of a night then I say they should call you sir....

If there is no monetary investment as in monthly payments then think yourself lucky and let them call you what they want!

[SteeleJoe]

If you as the OP pay for absolutely everything, the roof over their heads, the car/motorbike they drive around, the leo beer they quaff of a night then I say they should call you sir....

If there is no monetary investment as in monthly payments then think yourself lucky and let them call you what they want!

Oddly enough, I've found over 31 years that it's not hard to find people who will treat you with respect even without having to spend any money on them. So, call me demanding, but I expect courtesy (and give it) AND expect to not have to allow myself to be exploited and refuse to have anything to do with people who would expect to exploit me or for me to attempt to purchase their good will - and I've managed to achieve that without much difficulty.

Choices. Plain and simple. Don't choose to be in such a situation or do choose it.

Oh, and if you pay for absolutely everything, the roof over their heads, the car/motorbike they drive around, the leo beer they quaff of a night then I too say they should call you "sir" - I also say you are a muppet and they have little reason to respect you and aren't likely to.

Edited April 23, 2013 by SteeleJoe

[laislica]

They will find it very disrespectful that you haven't learned their language. If you can't speak Thai you don't know what they'rw talking about. Maybe they are talking about guavas. Maybe they're talking about farang food.

ONce you adopt to their cultures and language, they will start calling you by your real name.

you dont even need to adopt, you could just adapt a little.

i would be hard pressed to expend any effort on someone who after 5 years I still can have even a simple direct exchange with

Of course I don't know anything about you or your circumstances so I don't want to judge too much but IMHO, not trying to speak Thai, presumably because your g/f speaks good English is maybe a big part of the problem.

There are enough free websites that will help you learn, it just takes a bit of effort.

I am learning Thai with Learn Thai Podcast, not expensive and very good. (even cheaper if you catch a special offer).

Try asking your g/f to speak half in Thai and half in English.

Once you've learned a few words, when she's chatting with family, ask what she is talking about.

Family will notice. But as Joe said above, never let on just how much you know!

Anyway, the best of luck and may your life improve.

You know, you have been given some great advice in many of the posts

So much so that I decided to snip out a few of the bits of advice that look especially good (or funny):

Henly, try a few words of Thai to make the effort. You be a star in no time.

Not a bad idea. I would say: My name is Henly ... A LOT. Rub it in.

The real root issue here between YOU and them…is much deeper than their inability to say “hen-lee”.

I like the idea of adopting a Thai nickname though.

If I was back in the USA and had a daughter with a foreign boyfriend who didnt even attempt to speak English I may lose some respect for him as well.

Why not fine your gf 100bht every time one of her family call you the 'f' word.

"Darling, please give me 500bht to go shopping, certainly teerak, here is 500bht minus the 100 for your brother calling me F, .......

Even the cousins two year old daughter calls me farang.

What's there to do for a Farang? Only 2 avenues open: Accept this fact under the motto "TIT" or go into denial. No more, no less.

"Once farang always a farang

Good luck with getting them to change - but don't get hung up on it.

Tell GF to get them to learn your name and use it, and show some respect before any more money is forthcoming for the Family/Farm/ Buffalo/ Etc. .....See how fast they learn it then!

'the falang' is the OP's biggest issue living with or near a Thai (or Lao) family, he's doing pretty well!

Just tell them and your girlfriend, that the falang don't have any money....But Henry have,

I promise, they learn your name very quick.

Change your name to Lee as in Henlee- no ploblem!

I've got more profound considerations in life than what others think about me, or don't, as the case might be.

And practice, practice, practice your Thai. Trust me the more you speak it the slightly easier it becomes. And family are great. Mine had great patience and they were proud of being the "teacher".

I let it all slide I donot know their names either,I call them pee or nong.

Grunted at? I just get grunted about.

Watch what family members do when they walk past you. Do they bow their head a little, just a little bob of the head?

OP, what you need is pink earplugs.

Don't get mad because uneducated thai people call you farang.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

If you as the OP pay for absolutely everything, the roof over their heads, the car/motorbike they drive around, the leo beer they quaff of a night then I say they should call you sir....

If there is no monetary investment as in monthly payments then think yourself lucky and let them call you what they want!

Oddly enough, I've found over 31 years that it's not hard to find people who will treat you with respect even without having to spend any money on them. So, call me demanding, but I expect courtesy (and give it) AND expect to not have to allow myself to be exploited and refuse to have anything to do with people who would expect to exploit me or for me to attempt to purchase their good will - and I've managed to achieve that without much difficulty.

Choices. Plain and simple. Don't choose to be in such a situation or do choose it. If you pay for absolutely everything, the roof over their heads, the car/motorbike they drive around, the leo beer they quaff of a night then I too say they should call you "sir" - I also say you are a muppet and they have little reason to respect you and aren't likely to.

I agree, too many foreigners on this forum attempt to explain away rude and disrespectful behaviour as some sort of Thai cultural norm.

It isn't, so don't allow people who behave like that in your home or in your life. No matter what their nationality.

[SteeleJoe]

I agree, too many foreigners on this forum attempt to explain away rude and disrespectful behaviour as some sort of Thai cultural norm.

It isn't, so don't allow people who behave like that in your home or in your life. No matter what their nationality.

Spot. On.

[Eesat]

correct

farang comes from farangset which means french whom where prominent in south east asia a while ago

all who knows me can call me oli without any problem , only reffered as farang from people i do not know to which i reply , may chai kon farang , phom pen kon boksida ..... ( isan / lao term for farang ) makes everybody laugh ....

farang is mostly used from people whom do not know your name but used as well as a rude word from people whom you get in an argument with and plain racist pricks ....

Why do ignorant people insist on spreading their ignorance?

do a little bit of research before insulting people .

Farang comes from the word 'Farangi',which I believe is Persian/Farsi in origin and means foreigner.It's nothing to do with French,I suggest you do your research!

[arthurwait]

I agree, too many foreigners on this forum attempt to explain away rude and disrespectful behaviour as some sort of Thai cultural norm.

It isn't, so don't allow people who behave like that in your home or in your life. No matter what their nationality.

Spot. On.

Yep. Why do people still continue to associate with people like this ?

[norrona]

If you as the OP pay for absolutely everything, the roof over their heads, the car/motorbike they drive around, the leo beer they quaff of a night then I say they should call you sir....

If there is no monetary investment as in monthly payments then think yourself lucky and let them call you what they want!

Oddly enough, I've found over 31 years that it's not hard to find people who will treat you with respect even without having to spend any money on them. So, call me demanding, but I expect courtesy (and give it) AND expect to not have to allow myself to be exploited and refuse to have anything to do with people who would expect to exploit me or for me to attempt to purchase their good will - and I've managed to achieve that without much difficulty.

Choices. Plain and simple. Don't choose to be in such a situation or do choose it.

Oh, and if you pay for absolutely everything, the roof over their heads, the car/motorbike they drive around, the leo beer they quaff of a night then I too say they should call you "sir" - I also say you are a muppet and they have little reason to respect you and aren't likely to.

you American?

My post was littered with sarcastic tones by the way.....

[belg]

change your name to BART ... but it will be pronounced BAHT

hey, look, the BAHT (walking ATM) is here

[SteeleJoe]

correct

farang comes from farangset which means french whom where prominent in south east asia a while ago

all who knows me can call me oli without any problem , only reffered as farang from people i do not know to which i reply , may chai kon farang , phom pen kon boksida ..... ( isan / lao term for farang ) makes everybody laugh ....

farang is mostly used from people whom do not know your name but used as well as a rude word from people whom you get in an argument with and plain racist pricks ....

Why do ignorant people insist on spreading their ignorance?

do a little bit of research before insulting people .

Farang comes from the word 'Farangi',which I believe is Persian/Farsi in origin and means foreigner.It's nothing to do with French,I suggest you do your research!

Well the origin of the Persian word goes back further but yes they were likely the ones who spread (their version) of the Arabic word...again, it's a case of all these words - France, Farang, Ferengi and so on - coming from a common origin that well predates France/ the French.

EDIT to correct odd auto correction

Edited April 23, 2013 by SteeleJoe

[SteeleJoe]

If you as the OP pay for absolutely everything, the roof over their heads, the car/motorbike they drive around, the leo beer they quaff of a night then I say they should call you sir....

If there is no monetary investment as in monthly payments then think yourself lucky and let them call you what they want!

Oddly enough, I've found over 31 years that it's not hard to find people who will treat you with respect even without having to spend any money on them. So, call me demanding, but I expect courtesy (and give it) AND expect to not have to allow myself to be exploited and refuse to have anything to do with people who would expect to exploit me or for me to attempt to purchase their good will - and I've managed to achieve that without much difficulty.

Choices. Plain and simple. Don't choose to be in such a situation or do choose it.

Oh, and if you pay for absolutely everything, the roof over their heads, the car/motorbike they drive around, the leo beer they quaff of a night then I too say they should call you "sir" - I also say you are a muppet and they have little reason to respect you and aren't likely to.

you American?

My post was littered with sarcastic tones by the way.....

It was obvious to me it was a joke - in fact at first I laughed and was going to "like" it. However, sarcasm is by definition meant to convey a point, is it not? To me, there was a point made there - or an implicit assumption - that I wanted to address. Sorry if it annoyed you (or was too American - I won't bother to ask why anyone would bring that into it because the reason almost certainly going to be pretty dumb at best).

[norrona]

If you as the OP pay for absolutely everything, the roof over their heads, the car/motorbike they drive around, the leo beer they quaff of a night then I say they should call you sir....

If there is no monetary investment as in monthly payments then think yourself lucky and let them call you what they want!

Oddly enough, I've found over 31 years that it's not hard to find people who will treat you with respect even without having to spend any money on them. So, call me demanding, but I expect courtesy (and give it) AND expect to not have to allow myself to be exploited and refuse to have anything to do with people who would expect to exploit me or for me to attempt to purchase their good will - and I've managed to achieve that without much difficulty.

Choices. Plain and simple. Don't choose to be in such a situation or do choose it.

Oh, and if you pay for absolutely everything, the roof over their heads, the car/motorbike they drive around, the leo beer they quaff of a night then I too say they should call you "sir" - I also say you are a muppet and they have little reason to respect you and aren't likely to.

you American?

My post was littered with sarcastic tones by the way.....

It was obvious to me it was a joke - in fact at first I laughed and was going to "like" it. However, sarcasm is by definition meant to convey a point, is it not? To me, there was a point made there - or an implicit assumption - that I wanted to address. Sorry if it annoyed you (or was too American - I won't bother to ask why anyone would bring that into it because the reason almost certainly going to be pretty dumb at best).

my point was if the OP is paying for the privilege of being mugged off by peasants then he didn't need to travel all the way to Thailand...

would have saved a whole lot of typing if you had just clicked like in the first place

[retell]

correct

farang comes from farangset which means french whom where prominent in south east asia a while ago

all who knows me can call me oli without any problem , only reffered as farang from people i do not know to which i reply , may chai kon farang , phom pen kon boksida ..... ( isan / lao term for farang ) makes everybody laugh ....

farang is mostly used from people whom do not know your name but used as well as a rude word from people whom you get in an argument with and plain racist pricks ....

Why do ignorant people insist on spreading their ignorance?

do a little bit of research before insulting people .

Farang comes from the word 'Farangi',which I believe is Persian/Farsi in origin and means foreigner.It's nothing to do with French,I suggest you do your research!

Well the origin of the Persian word goes back further but yes they were likely the ones who spread (their version) of the Arabic word...again, it's a case of all these words - France, Farang, Ferengi and so on - coming from a common robin that well predates France/ the French.

ferengi ??? really ? learn something everyday

[SteeleJoe]

correct

farang comes from farangset which means french whom where prominent in south east asia a while ago

all who knows me can call me oli without any problem , only reffered as farang from people i do not know to which i reply , may chai kon farang , phom pen kon boksida ..... ( isan / lao term for farang ) makes everybody laugh ....

farang is mostly used from people whom do not know your name but used as well as a rude word from people whom you get in an argument with and plain racist pricks ....

Why do ignorant people insist on spreading their ignorance?

do a little bit of research before insulting people .

Farang comes from the word 'Farangi',which I believe is Persian/Farsi in origin and means foreigner.It's nothing to do with French,I suggest you do your research!

Well the origin of the Persian word goes back further but yes they were likely the ones who spread (their version) of the Arabic word...again, it's a case of all these words - France, Farang, Ferengi and so on - coming from a common robin that well predates France/ the French.

ferengi ??? really ? learn something everyday

Sorry. "Farangi". I was thinking about all the variations (among them "feringhi") of Frank and inadvertently typed a whole new word!

[retell]

correct

farang comes from farangset which means french whom where prominent in south east asia a while ago

all who knows me can call me oli without any problem , only reffered as farang from people i do not know to which i reply , may chai kon farang , phom pen kon boksida ..... ( isan / lao term for farang ) makes everybody laugh ....

farang is mostly used from people whom do not know your name but used as well as a rude word from people whom you get in an argument with and plain racist pricks ....

Why do ignorant people insist on spreading their ignorance?

do a little bit of research before insulting people .

Farang comes from the word 'Farangi',which I believe is Persian/Farsi in origin and means foreigner.It's nothing to do with French,I suggest you do your research!

Well the origin of the Persian word goes back further but yes they were likely the ones who spread (their version) of the Arabic word...again, it's a case of all these words - France, Farang, Ferengi and so on - coming from a common robin that well predates France/ the French.

ferengi ??? really ? learn something everyday

Sorry. "Farangi". I was thinking about all the variations (among them "feringhi") of Frank and inadvertently typed a whole new word!

they are actually inhabitants from the ferenganar homeworld as first showed in startrek ds9 is think

[SteeleJoe]

correct

farang comes from farangset which means french whom where prominent in south east asia a while ago

all who knows me can call me oli without any problem , only reffered as farang from people i do not know to which i reply , may chai kon farang , phom pen kon boksida ..... ( isan / lao term for farang ) makes everybody laugh ....

farang is mostly used from people whom do not know your name but used as well as a rude word from people whom you get in an argument with and plain racist pricks ....

Why do ignorant people insist on spreading their ignorance?

do a little bit of research before insulting people .

Farang comes from the word 'Farangi',which I believe is Persian/Farsi in origin and means foreigner.It's nothing to do with French,I suggest you do your research!

Well the origin of the Persian word goes back further but yes they were likely the ones who spread (their version) of the Arabic word...again, it's a case of all these words - France, Farang, Ferengi and so on - coming from a common robin that well predates France/ the French.

ferengi ??? really ? learn something everyday

Sorry. "Farangi". I was thinking about all the variations (among them "feringhi") of Frank and inadvertently typed a whole new word!

they are actually inhabitants from the ferenganar homeworld as first showed in startrek ds9 is think

I haven't watched any Star Trek since the days of reruns with Shatner and Nimoy but now that you mention it, I think I've heard that somewhere and it just popped up from my subconscious...

[bonobo]

One thing I have noticed is that Thais seem to disregard names regularly. It is usually "my friend," "your friend," "my sister," etc. I've often wondered if this is some cultural thing as I hear it regularly.

It gets confusing when someone pops up with, "You know my friend, she just got in a fight with her husband."

"Which friend?"

"You know her, my friend."

Even when speaking with my good friends who have been educated in the US, while they call me by my name, when they are talking about me to others, I can hear them refer to me as "farang."

[transam]

One thing I have noticed is that Thais seem to disregard names regularly. It is usually "my friend," "your friend," "my sister," etc. I've often wondered if this is some cultural thing as I hear it regularly.

It gets confusing when someone pops up with, "You know my friend, she just got in a fight with her husband."

"Which friend?"

"You know her, my friend."

Even when speaking with my good friends who have been educated in the US, while they call me by my name, when they are talking about me to others, I can hear them refer to me as "farang."

Or, farang trans.

[chrisartist]

Calling you a farang is disrespectful at best and racist at worst. To put the boot on the other foot, how do you think you would be received if you were to call all Europeans "the European" or all southeast asians "the southeast Asian"?

If you wish to treat like with like, I suggest referring to each member of your girlfriend's family as "kek noon" while pointing. "Kek" is what the Thais like to call their putatively inferior dark-skinned neighbours from places such as India. Given that most Thais are dark-skinned as well, they are keks from the European perspective. (Obviously, if your girlfriend and her family are white-skinned Thais or use whitening cream a lot, this won't work.)

If you wish to sort the problem, adopt a Thai name, such as "Gop" or "Moo" (just joking: Pichet or Phaiboon would be better) and insist that the family call you by it. If they refuse, well, do you really want to be treated like s**t for the rest of your life?