My Gf Is Actually Pregnant - Very Bad

[Sheryl]

P.S. If she really is pregnant, then that is soemthing of an excuse for the "crazies". The hormone flunctiations can truly make even a calm and sane woman a bit bonkers.

[arthurwait]

It sounds to me as though she is trying to get quick money as she knows the baby isn't your's or there is no baby.

[Mike Punter]

Oh

According to my calculation, the maximum possible is 8 weeks pregnant. Getting a test just now is not feasible (I think).

I am sad it has come to this after many good and fun years, but she makes the mad Esan women on Thai daytime TV look mild in comparison these days.

She is irrational to the extreme and it is no longer possible to conduct a conversation on any matter without it turning into her shouting at me. She has irrational, violent jealousy towards my adult child, whom she has met exactly once (last year) and towards whom she behaved absolutely appallingly. This more or less ended my hopes of things being permanent.

Sending her "back home" will not fly. She does not want to be there. Throwing her out will be messy, and I would defniitely need legal hlp with that, otherwise it would turn physically violent, and a farang cannot win in this case.

She is a dreamer and somehow thinks I can be forced to buy her family a farm, house etc.etc (which I cannot afford). She has lost touch with reality.

Mike

Well you obviously have a number of problems to contend with but I suggest you deal with the pregnancy first.

It is perfectly feasible to test for pregnancy at 8 weeks..or even 2. By 8 weeks, home pregnancy testsd are very accurate. Buy one at a pharmacy and have her test in front of you. Fake claims of pregnancy are not unusual.

If it is confirmed she is pregnant, please see the pinned thread on abortion in Thailand ion the Health forum.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/143682-abortion-in-thailand/

If she wants termination, and you are in Bkk, escort her to the PDA Clinic which is, indeed, near the Cabbages & Condoms restaurant. DO NOT DELAY as if she is already 8 weeks, the window for an outpatient clinic procedure will close in a week or so.

If it is confirmed she is pregnant and she does not want a termination (has to be her decision) then get a paternity test on the baby after birth. If yours ,I hope you'll be weilling to seek custody as it does nto sound like she is going to be very good mother material....

With luck it will turn out she isn't pregnant.

I might have been unclear. She is pregnant according to the home tests and the symptoms. This is not the issue.

Paternity tests at this stage are only marginally feasible and quite expensive.

I understand the termination issues and what such a decision entails. My former wife had one when we were first married. It was the correct decsion and we later had a delightful and now successful adult daughter. I am completely in the frame regarding the options and timing.

As for her being a good mother, well I guess she is good when she is around - she is for the most part a nice girl and our relationship was good for many years, but she is a bit footloose and it is easy for her to dump another kid on her mom, especially if good 'ol mike gets saddled with the bill (which he will).

Hormones just exacerbate her basic psychological problems, they are not the cause of them and will unlikely disappear afterwards.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Just walk away. Whatever you have to lose in your apartment is not worth the headache you are about to have if you try to get rid of her.

You are suggesting I just pack and leave?

I could move out and try and sell it from under her to recover something, though I doubt that is feasible.

I will meet my legal obligations to her, but I don't think she has figured out yet that I already pay considerably more to her mom & son now than she is likely to get awarded by a Thai court as child support (3-6K I am told). The best she can hope for by her chosen course of action is to be worse off, and have the extra burden on her and her family of an extra child. I bailed her family out of debt many years ago in order that my gf would not feel obligated to her family to be married off to some rich Thai (yes, this was on the cards). I have made her familiy's lives better, helped her sister through university and helped her other sister when she got married and I do not regret that at all.

The predictable end result here though, is that the family will end in the same position as when I came into the frame, which make me feel like my efforts have all been a pointless exercise.

You currently don't have any legal obligations towards her in Thailand.

You aren't married, the existing child isn't yours.

[David48]

^^ You seem to being honest with yourself ... but making excuses for her.

Perspective and reality check due.

.

[frankold]

^^ You seem to being honest with yourself ... but making excuses for her.

 

Perspective and reality check due.

.

Dilluded doormat springs to mind. The op might want to re-read his first post again.

[yoslim]

Live-in GF in Thailand is such a liability as they mostly all turn into crazy psycho mode once you want them to move on... good luck OP no easy fix in your case

[AnotherOneAmerican]

By the way

You have actually had her do i pregnancy test in your presence?

If not buy one, 60bht, get her to wee on it, watch the test for yourself.

Girls have been known to lie about this sort of thing.

Edited May 20, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Loptr]

Live-in GF in Thailand is such a liability as they mostly all turn into crazy psycho mode once you want them to move on... good luck OP no easy fix in your case

When you boil down the options, I still stand by my solution of just walking away. The OP wants to play nice, but I doubt the GF will be receptive, especially when the exit sign is looming. If he doesn't want a conflict, or the BiB coming round on some trumped up charge, or a group of "cousins" showing up to "discuss" the situation with him, or, or, or, then just make a new plan Stan, get out the back Jack, just get yourself free. You can't reason with bat-shit-crazy Thai women, so best be out of the way of flying articles of destruction. Been there, etc...

[Sheryl]

Oh

I might have been unclear. She is pregnant according to the home tests and the symptoms. This is not the issue.

Paternity tests at this stage are only marginally feasible and quite expensive.

I understand the termination issues and what such a decision entails. My former wife had one when we were first married. It was the correct decsion and we later had a delightful and now successful adult daughter. I am completely in the frame regarding the options and timing.

As for her being a good mother, well I guess she is good when she is around - she is for the most part a nice girl and our relationship was good for many years, but she is a bit footloose and it is easy for her to dump another kid on her mom, especially if good 'ol mike gets saddled with the bill (which he will).

Hormones just exacerbate her basic psychological problems, they are not the cause of them and will unlikely disappear afterwards.

Earlier you said she wanted a termination, if so, move fast; as mentioned she may be nearing the window where it cannot be done outpatient.

I don't know if SNP Microarray testing (non-invasive type of pre-natal paternity test) is available in Thailand. It is fairly new. Otherwise you are left with invasive options that do carry some risk or waiting till birth.

Of course no need to establish paternity if she decides to terminate. So I'd focus on that if she is still of that mind.

[Sheryl]

By the way

You have actually had her do i pregnancy test in your presence?

If not buy one, 60bht, get her to wee on it, watch the test for yourself.

Girls have been known to lie about this sort of thing.

I'm afraid he's right, so if you didn't already, then do.

[Morakot]

By the way

You have actually had her do i pregnancy test in your presence?

If not buy one, 60bht, get her to wee on it, watch the test for yourself.

Girls have been known to lie about this sort of thing.

I'm afraid he's right, so if you didn't already, then do.

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Positive-Pregnancy-Test

[Sheryl]

By the way

You have actually had her do i pregnancy test in your presence?

If not buy one, 60bht, get her to wee on it, watch the test for yourself.

Girls have been known to lie about this sort of thing.

I'm afraid he's right, so if you didn't already, then do.

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Positive-Pregnancy-Test

Good grief.

[rubberduck]

This is not a girlfriend, but an extortionist, a parasite you should get rid of asap.

Putnew locks on the doors of your apt, stick a sign with 'SOLD' behind the window and leave for a couple of months. Change phonenumbers and email
etc. secure your Facebook account and ofcourse never pay a cent to that crook anymore just pretend you are dead.

Relationships with this kind of twisted minds ONLY can get worse and you're not the first one here.

[rgs2001uk]

^^ You seem to being honest with yourself ... but making excuses for her.

Perspective and reality check due.

.

Dilluded doormat springs to mind. The op might want to re-read his first post again.

The OP should head to Bumrungrad hospital and inquire about a spine implant, preferably from a Thai man, I know of no one would would endure this nonsense.

Put her belongings in a box and hand to reception, change all locks on your door, change your phone number and go on holiday for a month or so.

[manarak]

We need to be careful here about comments on abortion as abortion on demand is illegal. Only under certain circumstances is it allowed such as danger to the mother's health. So recommendations for where to have an abortion would be inappropriate and against forum rules.

Just walk away. Whatever you have to lose in your apartment is not worth the headache you are about to have if you try to get rid of her.

You are suggesting I just pack and leave?

I could move out and try and sell it from under her to recover something, though I doubt that is feasible.

I will meet my legal obligations to her, but I don't think she has figured out yet that I already pay considerably more to her mom & son now than she is likely to get awarded by a Thai court as child support (3-6K I am told). The best she can hope for by her chosen course of action is to be worse off, and have the extra burden on her and her family of an extra child. I bailed her family out of debt many years ago in order that my gf would not feel obligated to her family to be married off to some rich Thai (yes, this was on the cards). I have made her familiy's lives better, helped her sister through university and helped her other sister when she got married and I do not regret that at all.

The predictable end result here though, is that the family will end in the same position as when I came into the frame, which make me feel like my efforts have all been a pointless exercise.

If you continue your efforts, you will just extend the duration of the pointless exercise - this is very clear to me from what you posted.

There is no doubt for me that the only viable course of action is to cut your losses.

Regarding child support, I don't know about your religious or personal beliefs/priorities, but I wouldn't want to leave my child with such a mother.

Rather than to hope for a negative paternity test later, I would just offer her an abortion, i.e. 3000 baht for the pills, the process is simple and painless if done early.

If the mediaction is not available to you in Thailand, there are several help organisations of "women on the web" which send the medication by post - it works - "google is your friend".

I won't go into details as per forum rules.

[FDog]

Mate, you are in a pickle aren't you.

IMHO, you should step back and think of what you would tell a friend who was in the same situation.

I'm sure at this time of your life you can do without stress, you just want to relax and be happy and the situation you are in is not very good for you.

I just think you need to keep the emotional baggage of the past and their good times out of it. Look at reality. Find a way to get as much out of the condo as possible, give her some money to go back home and put the condo up for sale.

She will try and dig in for a while but eventually, without the money to survive will eventually leave.

Of course you may worry about it for a few weeks, maybe even a few months but I think in the long run you will end up happier if you are completely out of this situation.

Good luck man, I truly wish you all the best.

[poanoi]

One option is to frame her on those threats, and demand police /court prohibit her from anywhere near your apartment and yourself.

http://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Spycam-Camera-Video-1280x960/dp/B0090E54ZI

Another option is to drink a tall glass of man-up and literally throw her and her junk out of the condo

[Sheryl]

We need to be careful here about comments on abortion as abortion on demand is illegal. Only under certain circumstances is it allowed such as danger to the mother's health. So recommendations for where to have an abortion would be inappropriate and against forum rules.

>

Just walk away. Whatever you have to lose in your apartment is not worth the headache you are about to have if you try to get rid of her.

You are suggesting I just pack and leave?

I could move out and try and sell it from under her to recover something, though I doubt that is feasible.

I will meet my legal obligations to her, but I don't think she has figured out yet that I already pay considerably more to her mom & son now than she is likely to get awarded by a Thai court as child support (3-6K I am told). The best she can hope for by her chosen course of action is to be worse off, and have the extra burden on her and her family of an extra child. I bailed her family out of debt many years ago in order that my gf would not feel obligated to her family to be married off to some rich Thai (yes, this was on the cards). I have made her familiy's lives better, helped her sister through university and helped her other sister when she got married and I do not regret that at all.

The predictable end result here though, is that the family will end in the same position as when I came into the frame, which make me feel like my efforts have all been a pointless exercise.

If you continue your efforts, you will just extend the duration of the pointless exercise - this is very clear to me from what you posted.

There is no doubt for me that the only viable course of action is to cut your losses.

Regarding child support, I don't know about your religious or personal beliefs/priorities, but I wouldn't want to leave my child with such a mother.

Rather than to hope for a negative paternity test later, I would just offer her an abortion, i.e. 3000 baht for the pills, the process is simple and painless if done early.

If the mediaction is not available to you in Thailand, there are several help organisations of "women on the web" which send the medication by post - it works - "google is your friend".

I won't go into details as per forum rules.

Dangerous advise. There are illegal "abortion pills" sold in Thailand but unsafe. And purchasing the equivalent of RU46 by mail would be illegal. (She may also be too far along for that route).

Surgical abortion is legal if doctor determines it to be necessary for the woman's mental or physical health. OP has already been given info on this.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

A couple of people mentioned child support at 3-5K per month.

I spoke with a solicitor today who said that it is pretty much at the court's discretion. There is no "minimum" amount stipulated by law, there is no amount that could be reasonably called "judicial practice" either. I was told it is pretty much whatever she can convince a court that she legitimately needs, and those needs can change over time and the support amount can be adjusted accordingly. Further, even if one enters into a binding agreement for support, she can always petition to have the amount changed due to changed circumstances. The solictor personally had clients that had been dinged for several tens of thousands of THB per month.

None of this sounds encoraging.

Find another solicitor, that one is talking <deleted>. 3-6k, with most awarded 3k, usually their solicitor fees exceed any award they can hope to recover.

And remember enforcement can only be done using funds you earn in Thailand.

If you are a foreigner they have somewhere between little and no chance of getting anything.

Edited May 21, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[AnotherOneAmerican]

@Mike

She probably doesn't know your full name, home address or passport number either.

Any documents with those details on, that she could possible access lose now.

Move somewhere else, change your SIM card, no further contact with her or anyone claiming to represent her

Let her try taking Mike (I think he was) from Canada to court.

Really

You haven't confirmed she is pregnant yet and you are already furnishing a solicitor with all your personal details so it is easier to take you to court later.

Edited May 21, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[manarak]

If you continue your efforts, you will just extend the duration of the pointless exercise - this is very clear to me from what you posted.

There is no doubt for me that the only viable course of action is to cut your losses.

Regarding child support, I don't know about your religious or personal beliefs/priorities, but I wouldn't want to leave my child with such a mother.

Rather than to hope for a negative paternity test later, I would just offer her an abortion, i.e. 3000 baht for the pills, the process is simple and painless if done early.

If the mediaction is not available to you in Thailand, there are several help organisations of "women on the web" which send the medication by post - it works - "google is your friend".

I won't go into details as per forum rules.

Dangerous advise. There are illegal "abortion pills" sold in Thailand but unsafe. And purchasing the equivalent of RU46 by mail would be illegal. (She may also be too far along for that route).

Surgical abortion is legal if doctor determines it to be necessary for the woman's mental or physical health. OP has already been given info on this.

Regarding RU486, it works even several months into the pregnancy - the time limit for use has been put on this medication more for psychological/ethical reasons than anything else, and because of the danger of unsupervised use and the risks of bleeding.

I was involved in the case of a friend (not in Thailand, not my child) where I got extensive in-depth information from a doctor on this subject. The main danger is bleeding, therefore it is necessary to be able to reach a larger hospital in less than about 30 to 45 minutes.

Regarding illegality - I hope everyone follows Thai Law while in Thailand, but personally, I consider a ban on abortion as a breach of the higher ranking human right to dispose of one's own body.

[Sheryl]

Medical abortion has a high failure rate past about the 9th week, for which reason it is not advised. The surgical procedure involved in the 9 - 12 week period is quite simple.

Even prior to the 9th week, 10-15% of women will have retained products of conception and need surgical back-up for it. The earlier in the pregnancy, the better the chances are.

And as has been explained several times in this thread, abortion is not "banned" in Thailand. However, there is no medical abortion product approved for use here (true in a number of other countries as well). The products that are available are illegal, usually just one drug rather than two, and can be very dangerous.

In countries with no restriction on abortion and with both medical and surgical available, you will not find clinics providing medical past the 9th week. It is simply not good medical practice to do so.

[Mike Punter]

OK folks, please calm down. My GF and I have been together for many years, and there is nothing she doesn't know about who I am. Also, I don't appreciate the "spineless" comments, I don't think they are warranted.

In the mean time, normality has been resumed (minus any tantrums) and we are actively seeking a termination on medical grounds (there is history from the first completed pregnancy which I won't go into). She has had a dose of reality and returned to normal, with luck it will stay that way.

We went toalk to the PDA clinic for a chat. Jesus H. Christ - while they offer a service which while safe and doubtless professionally executed, is barbaric and I would not offer it to my worst enemy. I guess for people with limited resources, it is the only viable alternative until the hormonal drugs for termination become legal. Consider having a surgical termination via vacuum method without anaesthetic or any pain killers beyond an aspirin!!!!

[lomatopo]

What birth control method, if any, were you using? You may wish to revisit that topic once the issue of the pregnancy is dealt with.

You mention that you have had infrequent intimate relations, so it may be possible for you to determine if there is any likelihood the pregnancy involved you. Like say if you were outside the country during the few weeks when conception occurred.

Obviously the relationship needs some work, assuming you want that to continue. When you say that:

"Our relationship is rocky for some time. It is now mostly just her sitting in a corner chattng on facebook to whoever she chats with, and her yelling at the top of her lungs at me for hours (literally) on end."

it makes me think she is unhappy, or has emerging psychological challenges which may have gone unnoticed previously.

Does she have regular, normal Thai friends? Maybe they can help mend the relationship? Are any of your friends able to help, even if only to listen?

Does she have any interests, hobbies, or could she possibly seek some sort of employment which might help her to become a bit more independent? Sitting around an apartment, day in, day out - quite possibly alone when you are away, can't be healthy?

[Mighty Mouse]

Consider having a surgical termination via vacuum method without anaesthetic or any pain killers beyond an aspirin!!!!

Whatever method of abortion she has, there is sure to be some pain involved. Psychological pain will probably exceed physical pain but a degree of physical pain is a given.

You both will feel some pain. Look upon the pain aspect as a good lesson learned.

The important thing at this stage is to get the termination done professionally. Worry about the pain later on.

[Sheryl]

OK folks, please calm down. My GF and I have been together for many years, and there is nothing she doesn't know about who I am. Also, I don't appreciate the "spineless" comments, I don't think they are warranted.

In the mean time, normality has been resumed (minus any tantrums) and we are actively seeking a termination on medical grounds (there is history from the first completed pregnancy which I won't go into). She has had a dose of reality and returned to normal, with luck it will stay that way.

We went toalk to the PDA clinic for a chat. Jesus H. Christ - while they offer a service which while safe and doubtless professionally executed, is barbaric and I would not offer it to my worst enemy. I guess for people with limited resources, it is the only viable alternative until the hormonal drugs for termination become legal. Consider having a surgical termination via vacuum method without anaesthetic or any pain killers beyond an aspirin!!!!

Completely normal and done all the time, including in the west.

It is a 5 minute procedure, no incisions involved, and there are a few minutes (at most) of cramping similiar to bad menstrual cramps. Talk to any woman who has undergone this and the pain during the procedure is brief and not that bad (though the overall experience is indeed, pretty traumatic). Probably more daunting to a woman who has never had routine gyn care (as is the case for many Thai women), otherwise it is like getting a gyn exam/pap smear plus a minute or two of menstrual cramps.

The risks of general anesthesia vastly outweigh the risks of the procedure. And, of course, would not be safe in a clinic setting.

This is exactly what the many abortion clinics in the US and Europe do.

It is possible to inject a local anesthetic into the cervix (cervical block) but the injection itself is as or more painful than the procedure so really no point to it.

[commande]

abortion is not illegal. unless you are married you are not considered the legal father. I would personally send her back home witha budget of a few thousand baht a month & once baby is born do a paternity test & make a decision from there. fyi child support in thailand is 3k baht a month per child. there is no such concept as alimony.

There are some places in Bangkok that will perform the abortion, cost 15k baht same day in and out. Friend of mine just paid to have this done (his girlfriend already had 2 kids they couldn't support any additional) about a month ago; she traveled from Phuket to Bangkok. If you don't want the child which it sounds could turn into a a disaster for both of you if she had it, start calling the hospitals etc. to find out who will do it and under what reasons they will accept.

By the way the vacuum method of abortions is the most accepted procedure in the western medical world, they don't do surgical abortions (similar to a C-Section) unless the vacuum method won't work for whatever medical reasons which is very rare. Time to full recovery is about 5 days with vacuum method, surgical procedure could be a month or more due to longer periods of healing and higher risk of infection..

Edited May 22, 2013 by commande

[kaorop]

So its all sweetness and love now?

I'd say you rolled over, as your already paying for moma, dekdek and her,

[Phronesis]

Organise alternative accommodation for yourself...and obscure room somewhere.

Fit the facility to put a padlock on your current accommodation.

When she leaves the apartment put all of her stuff in some plastic bags or boxes and put in your car.

Lock your current apartment and move to your new digs.

Leave her stuff at a secure location.

Text her the details of the location where she can collect her stuff.