Why Do Some Thais Walk 20-30 Paces Behind Their Farang Partner?

[aechzen]

they only do it , when the farang patner looks very ugly or he not brush his teeth !!

[overherebc]

When out walking with 'hired company' grab their hand and tow them along.

Alternatively, if not all that in a rush to get them to the hotel, just walk off.

That's only the case if you've paid up front.

[DGIE]

Somebody might see her in another man again!

[rayong09]

I on the other hand do not like holding hands, partly because it gives sweaty palms, and partly because it is inconvenient when walking in a crowd.

I will not hold your hand because it is inconvenient, LOL.

[atyclb]

You really wouldn't want to be close to yourself either, think about it.

[Tatsujin]

According to my lady, this all goes back to a Thai proverb. Its nothing to do with being ashamed of who you are with etc.

The proverb very loosely translated says that the man is the front legs of the elephant, the woman the back legs of the elephant. What this means is that the woman accepts the man as the leader and "follows" behind and supports his decisions etc. Therefore its not unusual to see a Thai woman following the man in the street as he is "leading".

I leave it to you to debate.

[lomatopo]

The proverb very loosely translated says that the man is the front legs of the elephant, the woman the back legs of the elephant. What this means is that the woman accepts the man as the leader and "follows" behind and supports his decisions etc. Therefore its not unusual to see a Thai woman following the man in the street as he is "leading".

I guess people following the woman have to watch where they step?

Does your lady say that 20 - 30 paces behind is proverbially normal? That'd be one big-a$$ elephant.

I guess this is categorized as "respect", so common in many cultures?

[personchester]

Because the partner farts to much

If that were the case then the partner would have the same problem in their house / flat and could not escape from it.

Anyhow, this is not the reason at all, the reason being that farang's in general are striding quicker due to longer steps than the Thai's, hence their short separation distance when walking together.

Not perfect of course, but no problem either.

[indyuk]

One thing is for sure. If your Thai partner walks at a distance behind you when you are in town and you ask her why she will not answer you, or she will lie. However if your wife is a well adjusted human being as most are, she will walk arm in arm or hand in hand with you (If indeed you are comfortable with that). Yes some of us are a bit screwed-up too.

There are a variety of reasons why your wife or tilac will walk behind you based on Thai Traits as follows:-

Racial predudice, (the old Thai supremassy crap, which is simular to our own) Jealousy, fear of gossip, having a sence of being in a time warp (eyes glassed over empty), or alert and watching the expressions on the faces of oncomming women or men, as they pass you. She may well have very Low self esteem because her mother will never let her abandon you due to the fact that you are her Mum's primary source of income. (Some of you actually feel more loved by her Mum than she does, whilst others of you will be ignored by her Mum because her Mum does not want to share her daughters shame.

What ever your Thai partner's status, she or he, will always lie to you about some things. Most Thai people do not actually lie they just avoid telling the truth about certain things. In which case you have to consider your own cultural prejudices which give you so many needs that she or he does't have.

Whatever we think of Thai people we have to remember that Thai citizens have experienced centuries of supression, subordination and isolation in an information darkness that is as black as that surrounding the USA's Blackest Projects or rendition programs.

Never give up on love and happiness guys that's why many of us are here.

Edited June 8, 2013 by indyuk

[OldChinaHam]

Because the partner farts to much

If that were the case then the partner would have the same problem in their house / flat and could not escape from it.

Anyhow, this is not the reason at all, the reason being that farang's in general are striding quicker due to longer steps than the Thai's, hence their short separation distance when walking together.

Not perfect of course, but no problem either.

One of the fastest short legged animals known is the house cat

Easily travels at over 50 Kph in short bursts.

Cuddly too.

[rijb]

Bigger target for near-sighted snipers, sleepy bus drivers, soi dogs, mafia-in-uniforms, etc...

[ExoticMatter]

For god sakes guys its nothing to do with Thai's walking slower and it is a good point about Thai culture that a lot of foreigners simply don't understand or even notice (myself included!).

According to TW it originates from the King riding the front elephant and the Queen riding behind on the second elephant. Also it is that the man is boss of the house and shows respect for the man(and 'Gain Jai').

And the fact that traditionally the woman tends to stay in the house and the man is the leader, particularly in times of war (with the Burmese for example) where the man would fight on the front line and the women would stay back in the village only fighting if neccessary when the home borders had been breached.

TW says that their culture has been so westernized(but not so much in countryside) to the point where the daughters go out by themselves(to meet guys for example) whereas in the past they were only allowed to goto the market and do kitchen stuff- dating was definitely only allowed if permission from the parents was given(and usually for marriage and involving food gifts).

Hope this helps clarify

[IMHO]

According to my lady, this all goes back to a Thai proverb. Its nothing to do with being ashamed of who you are with etc.

The proverb very loosely translated says that the man is the front legs of the elephant, the woman the back legs of the elephant. What this means is that the woman accepts the man as the leader and "follows" behind and supports his decisions etc. Therefore its not unusual to see a Thai woman following the man in the street as he is "leading".

I leave it to you to debate.

I wonder what else she tells you. Actually, no I don't

[dao16]

I think there are a few possible explanations:

1. I do find that most Thais walk slower than me. Most f them, even in Bangkok. I am bored to death walking at that pace, even if I do sweat at my pace.

2. There is a possibility that the girl is getting odd looks just because she is with a foreigner. Thais love looking at the Thai girl who has snagged a falang as much more more as they like looking at the falang. I remember it used to freak me out when I was first with the (now) wife. She just said "ahh..they want to see who I am because I stay with a falang" and noted that it could be curiosity, or a good impression or a bad impression of her depending on the person.

3. Take a look at Thai couples around. I notice it with them, too. Husband walking in front as the head of the family and the wife, maybe kids,, walking behind. Even just as a couple, I have seen many people doing this. Think it is partially the woman "following" the man's lead. Please don't dig into me about sexism....I am not trying to say that Thai women are subservient......they sure as hell aren't when they don't want to be.....but things like this, they seem to like "following" their guy.

Anyway, that is my take.

[IMHO]

3. Take a look at Thai couples around. I notice it with them, too. Husband walking in front as the head of the family and the wife, maybe kids,, walking behind. Even just as a couple, I have seen many people doing this. Think it is partially the woman "following" the man's lead. Please don't dig into me about sexism....I am not trying to say that Thai women are subservient......they sure as hell aren't when they don't want to be.....but things like this, they seem to like "following" their guy.

Anyway, that is my take.

Yes, sometimes walking in a single file line makes sense, especially in crowded areas, but if my wife ever dropped back 20-30 paces, it's only because she just saw a bargain then stopped and I didn't know LOL.

Practically every Thai assumes a Thai girl noticeably younger than her farang partner is a prostitute. By walking 20-30 paces behind, she only proves it.

[dao16]

3. Take a look at Thai couples around. I notice it with them, too. Husband walking in front as the head of the family and the wife, maybe kids,, walking behind. Even just as a couple, I have seen many people doing this. Think it is partially the woman "following" the man's lead. Please don't dig into me about sexism....I am not trying to say that Thai women are subservient......they sure as hell aren't when they don't want to be.....but things like this, they seem to like "following" their guy.

Anyway, that is my take.

Yes, sometimes walking in a single file line makes sense, especially in crowded areas, but if my wife ever dropped back 20-30 paces, it's only because she just saw a bargain then stopped and I didn't know LOL.

Practically every Thai assumes a Thai girl noticeably younger than her farang partner is a prostitute. By walking 20-30 paces behind, she only proves it.

Well, my Thai wife and I (together for almost a decade...married for a lot of that time) are the same age.....still get the looks, hahahah.....Usually, though, I would say it is because she is shopping, but for the most part, she walks with me.

I have just seen Thai couples doing it, which is why I have stopped stressing about it. Anyway, yeah, everyone thinks I have found a very nice prostitute (and some even tell me as much). They do tend to get embarrassed when I tell them that we have lived abroad and been married for ages and that.....no.....I didn't pay my way in (not that way, anyway.....did pay for other family stuff, but you can't win them all).

[amykat]

Thanks for all the good and thoughful answers posted above. I am sure there is no ONE answer, depends on the person, the circumstances at that time, etc. It is often difficult to walk next to anyone here, that you mean to walk next to, due to the the layout of practically every street, sidewalk, market lane, so I am making allowance for that in my discussion/question.

I can't really say what Thai/Thai people do, because there are just too many of them, too often in groups of more than 2. I agree with a poster somewhere above who said, you cannot ask Thai people why they do that, because they will give you the answer they think you want to hear, i.e. a lie in most cases.

And to the posters who suggested that I just ask a Thai lady who is doing it, why are you doing that ...well that would be very rude obviously, and I would be sure not to get a real answer even if I tried that. I have asked people who do it to me, or more to the point, told them it bothers me, and like many things here, it seems not to matter.

I really can't understand, when there is the room and it is easy to walk next to a person (like it was in my OP example) ...what is the point really, in being with someone, out for a walk, an errand, shopping, enjoying nature, whatever, if you are actually alone? Most people like to make little comments or have questions .."hey that is a great dog, I used to have one like him" or "I really hate/love that t-shirt", "wow, did you see that bat fly by" you know, just general stupid conversation. If I can't do that, I might as well just be alone. If I have to wait 2-3 minutes for Thai person to catch up, and also realize they didn't just see the same things as I did, well no conversation is possible. I had the thought today, that this could be one of the motivations, they don't have to talk to us!

I think that holding hands isn't a good option if you live in Thailand, and some of us, namely me, am not in a romantic relationship with any people here, so that would be damn weird!

Anyway, I just felt sad the other day when I saw this particular couple. We know men come here for companionship, and sometimes I think they are nowhere near finding what they hope to find, based on just simple, "cultural?" things like this. I felt like taking the man's hand and saying "hey I'm 20 years younger than you too but I would be happy to share a walk and a talk, and I would not find you embarrassing, if that is the problem with the Thai lady ...and I like your BROWN suede shoes and nice outfit"...no they were not red or blue.

[Tatsujin]

3. Take a look at Thai couples around. I notice it with them, too. Husband walking in front as the head of the family and the wife, maybe kids,, walking behind. Even just as a couple, I have seen many people doing this. Think it is partially the woman "following" the man's lead. Please don't dig into me about sexism....I am not trying to say that Thai women are subservient......they sure as hell aren't when they don't want to be.....but things like this, they seem to like "following" their guy.

Anyway, that is my take.

Yes, sometimes walking in a single file line makes sense, especially in crowded areas, but if my wife ever dropped back 20-30 paces, it's only because she just saw a bargain then stopped and I didn't know LOL.

Practically every Thai assumes a Thai girl noticeably younger than her farang partner is a prostitute. By walking 20-30 paces behind, she only proves it.

Way to go to over generalize based on your limited experiences. Keep it up.

[lomatopo]

you cannot ask Thai people why they do that, because they will give you the answer they think you want to hear, i.e. a lie in most cases.

How do you know the answer you don't want to hear is a lie? BTW, I know that you're not saying that all Thais lie in most cases.

I just ask a Thai lady who is doing it, why are you doing that ...well that would be very rude obviously, and I would be sure not to get a real answer even if I tried that.

Why would it be rude?

I have asked people who do it to me, or more to the point, told them it bothers me, and like many things here, it seems not to matter.

What answer did they provide when you asked? Did you assume they were lying?

According to TW it originates...

What or who is TW?


I looked around in my neighborhood, Siam Paragon, Seacon, Ram 2 over the past few days. I didn't see a single male trailed by a female, other than on an escalator.

Edited June 8, 2013 by lomatopo

[uptheos]

If I were Thai, I wouldn't want to be associated with some of the farangs I've seen walking around the kingdom. It's really no effort to dress modestly and take a shower.

But they obviously DO want to be associated with the money don't they, washed or unwashed!

[OldChinaHam]

"on an escalator"

I trail behind.

[Payboy]

I think its because they have shorter legs..

It's not about how short or long the legs are, it's about how wide they can be spread.

For longer strides, yes.

[amykat]

How do you know the answer you don't want to hear is a lie? BTW, I know that you're not saying that all Thais lie in most cases.

I know you aren't new here, so I feel you are just trying to "stir the pot" so to speak, but whatever, I didn't say the answer I DON'T want to hear, first of all. But let us just suppose that in 50% of such situations, the truthful answer would be something a person does not want to hear, do you really think a Thai person would tell the truth? Or would the most common answer be "you walk too fast"???

I just ask a Thai lady who is doing it, why are you doing that ...well that would be very rude obviously, and I would be sure not to get a real answer even if I tried that.

Why would it be rude? REALLY, you don't know why??

What answer did they provide when you asked? Did you assume they were lying? The answers were not memorable enough for me to remember! I think I mostly concentrated on the positive behavior I would like to happen, same as when people are definitely with me, and jump ahead, open a door, and seem to slam it in my face. I try to explain that this is not okay with me, and I would appreciate them making some allowances for my cutlure, just like I don't stick my feet in their face, or wear shirts with a v-neck down to my bellybutton (not that I do that anywhere, but I make a bigger commitment here to never show the slightest crack of breast area.) Nobody had to ask me to do that!

I can't seem to answer all your questions because I am getting rejected for having "too many quotes, quoted". I tried to delete a lot, and still have it make sense, but not sure I can. Trying again now to post.

Edited June 8, 2013 by amykat

[barrybankruad]

Let me rephrase the OP's question:

Why do these people in a country far away from my home country not behave in the way my countrymen behave back half way round the world?

There. Feel better now?

In Thailand it seems to be the custom for the 'wife' to walk a few paces behind but in Cambodia and Laos I've heard the 'wife' walks a few paces in front. It's got nothing to do with custom, it's the land mines.

In Africa the woman also walks in front. There it's because if they should happen upon an angry lion the 'advance party' will be the first to get it. True...

[personchester]

"on an escalator"

I trail behind.

YES, this is male politeness, based on cultural mannerism.

[Songhua]

"on an escalator"

I trail behind.

YES, this is male politeness, based on cultural mannerism.

Or a fetish for his wife's rear end. It only works going up though.

[uptheos]

For god sakes guys its nothing to do with Thai's walking slower and it is a good point about Thai culture that a lot of foreigners simply don't understand or even notice (myself included!).

According to TW it originates from the King riding the front elephant and the Queen riding behind on the second elephant. Also it is that the man is boss of the house and shows respect for the man(and 'Gain Jai').

And the fact that traditionally the woman tends to stay in the house and the man is the leader, particularly in times of war (with the Burmese for example) where the man would fight on the front line and the women would stay back in the village only fighting if neccessary when the home borders had been breached.

TW says that their culture has been so westernized(but not so much in countryside) to the point where the daughters go out by themselves(to meet guys for example) whereas in the past they were only allowed to goto the market and do kitchen stuff- dating was definitely only allowed if permission from the parents was given(and usually for marriage and involving food gifts).

Hope this helps clarify

Is this passed around and read by all the young bar hookers?

[personchester]

I think its because they have shorter legs..

It's not about how short or long the legs are, it's about how wide they can be spread.

For longer strides, yes.

Short legs can not be spread very wide, they can be spread speedily, but they can not reach the same speed as the long legged walkers.

[dighambara]

20 to 30 paces behind. How could you even determine they were together?

Is this the only instance you've observed?

Could you simply ask the person why they're walking so far behind?

I can't recall ever noticing this but then maybe I'm not as observant as you?

Well, I was wating for my massage person to show up, so I was basically wasting time, walking around. NO THIS IS NOT THE ONLY INSTANCE I HAVE OBSERVED. I have lived here nearly 10 years, and have ALWAYS wondered why this happens. I saw they were clearly together, because I saw, when the man totally stopped walking, the woman would catch up and talk with him about whatever, and then they would gradually fall back into the situation I described. I could clearly also see him slowing down, half turning towards her, as if expecting her to catch up, and she would just slow down.

She wasn't shopping, it seemed to me she was just keeping her distance purposely. I know not all Thai ladies do this. I have had this happen to me, with various people, including men. No matter how many times I expressed that walking behind me, was not okay with me, as in, I might want to actually TALK to them....like I am PAYING them to work for me, and would like to be able to TALK, and being near by me, might be an advantage in that case, they still continue to walk so far behind. Is this a sign they are pissed off? I think it is. Personally, I think it is a sign to other Thais, that "I am just working for this fool" but maybe I am wrong??

Thailand is a caste based society. Folks of higher stature (or big face) must be treated with deference... My wife does this sometimes - usually when it is just the two of us walking. With the kids, I often let her lead and I follow.

However, I would agree with the Asian culture definition that it is tradition for the wife (or lower caste person) to follow behind.

[personchester]

"on an escalator"

I trail behind.

YES, this is male politeness, based on cultural mannerism.

Or a fetish for his wife's rear end. It only works going up though.

Correct, but it applies to new attractive females not to the wife.