Waivering On A Decesion

[ray23]

Well I had a disappointment this week, we have a standing bowling date with a guy and his wife here. The same guy whose family I took care of when he was on a trip to the states for about six weeks, helped her write e-mail everyday and made sure her and her daughter were safe. I have been teaching the daughter and the wife english four times a week, getting them ready to move to the states. Something that he should probably should just be doing himself. But I can understand not wanting to try to teach your wife and the guy isn't overloaded with money. That was what he was doing in the states, trying to get job in California government. His friend worked there so he thought he would just walk in and get a job. I tried to explain that it wouldn't go that way, but he had a friend so it was no problem. I just shut up, then he was also going to check out the campus cop job at one of the major universties can't recall the name of it now, but about $17.00 an hour, plus benefits. The guy is a retired from the Fedral Governmennt, I tried to explain to him what kind of background was required to get those kind of security jobs, but he knew more then I did. So again I shutup and tried to help where I could.

The reason I was pressed into service was the friend now had him lined up for a temp job and it was a shoe in, had already made arrangements to share an apartment with the guy. So the plan was he was going over and then he would send for his family to be with him. Another shoe in because he had a friend who knew how to do this. Now everyone that I have met here has had to go through at least two years of frustration to pull that one off. But he had a friend again, so shut up again. I knew that I was probably looking a few years of helping his family until he got through the process. Hey I don't mind helping a friend. Well that like everything else fell through but yet the light still hasn't gone on. but I'm just keeping my mouth shut.

I watching this, here is this guy is hurting for money, puts a trip to the states together, not an inexpensive process to find a job, spends six weeks there. So what does he do while he is there, goes to the movies, goes bowling, visits friends who can put him up for nothing. But what he didn't do was go beat the bushes for a job. On his way back spent three days in Pattaya partying. Now this is more money then I have of course, I'm not a guy in his fifties that has mommy sending me money either. See a pattern here. He is waiting for everyone else to take care of him before he takes care of himself.

Well good honest, loyal friends here are very hard to come by. I know he is bowling with the guy who led me down the rosey path that resulted in a 400 K law suit. He knows how I feel about this indvidual, but he doesn't talk to me about that guys business, or at least I wasn't keying on it. So I assumed he wasn't talking about my business either. Since then I have thought it through and realize what he does is tell me when the guy is having problems. So I would have to accept that he probably does the same in the other direction. I'm sorry had to explain all this, or it would really seem like I had lost it.

Anyway on Monday he reschedules the bowling date, I didn't think anything about it but I couldn't make it on the day he wanted to go. So the wife and I go on the normal date and time and there is his wife and he bowling with the with the jerk and his wife. I was really disappointed to find out how much he valued my wifes and I's friendship. I guess he wasn't as loyal a friend as I thought he was.

Well the bowling is easy we will just play by ourselves and make new friends with time , but I'm a bit confused on how to handle the free language lessons, I always try to meet my obligations. But I'm not comfortable about this friendship any longer. I have no desire to act like I am. Can't get a handle on if I still owe this guy something or not. I really don't like having to deal with this stuff, I came here to avoid this crap not being stuck dealing with it.

My gut reaction is he can get someone else to teach his family for him, since he seems to have very little respect for my wifes and I's efforts and friendship.

What you think am I wrong to stop the classes.?

[ceewee]

YESYESYES, you should stop the class iinmediatly!!! Some people are not worth all the efforts you make for them. Try to find better (real) friends.

Greetz, Cees

[lordofdelusion]

Gad!!!? I'd help you hide the body.

[taxexile]

you would be taking your anger out on the wife , she has done nothing .

if the husband is such a pr1ck , tell him your feelings and how uncomfortable his behaviour makes you feel.

he will probably forbid his wife to learn with you after that.

dont let the behaviour of a jerk make you feel uncomfortable or stressed.

[bina]

two things:

1. u are a personality type that gives and expects to get back in return, doesnt like to be walked over etc.

2. u are a personality type that likes to give and doesnt expect too much in return because enjoys the giving regardless...

both types are ok... but each type handles the situation differently....

i wouldnt lend him money etc but if u still enjoy doing the lessons, etc than why not??... just dont expect the guy to ever help u in time of need, but dont worry, his 'karma' will catch up eventually, and so will yours... some where, someone else may help u and it might be linked to the help u give now... (a bit 'new agey' but i think its true, have seen this )

if the lessons are a drag etc... than cut loose!!!....

[TRIPxCORE]

Ray, I'm sorry, but I found your story a little hard to follow and I need to ask a question. What does this guy do all day while staying in Thailand with his wife? Does he work? Go to school? Do nothing?

I can understand you helping out his wife and whatnot while he was away. As soon as he returned though, the English lessons are his responsibility, not yours. Just politely tell them that your time is too important to you and you are declining to do it any longer.

[Misplaced]

I believe the gent is taking advantage of your generosity. You don't need a friend like that. Just explain to his wife how awkard it is for you, excuse yourself and cut all ties. Well, atleast thats what I would do.

[Pattayatony]

Ray,

This guy is just using you up. Now I dont know about you but I dont need people like this in my life.

I make my decision based on one thing "PEACE OF MIND" my peace of mind is very important to me.

[jdinasia]

Do you really need input ??

I mean really you need strangers to tell you how to deal with something that is intrinsicly personal on this level?

If so ... my advice is walk away ... walk away now and don't turn back

[Mighty Mouse]

Move on with dignity.

Life is too short to be concerned about the poor attitude/friendship of others.

[ray23]

No, no books a person has to understand his limitations.

No he doesn't work, has a retirement already. Seems to just go bowling.

Why on a public board input, sometimes when your to close something it is hard to see the real situation. I will eventually make my own desesion.

By the way my teaching ability is really limited only to speaking, not writing and I don't go there.

Thanks for the input

[Patex]

...No he doesn't work, has a retirement already. Seems to just go bowling...

Retired but looking for a job?? Bowling with your enemy?

Seduce the wife and the daughter... .

[Jeff1]

...No he doesn't work, has a retirement already. Seems to just go bowling...

Retired but looking for a job?? Bowling with your enemy?

Seduce the wife and the daughter... .

There ya go .

So what happened ? Did he come over and say hi ? Im sure he saw you there .

Anyway , loser friends are easy to get . Just because you had some good times before , does not make it a real friendship . If using each other is a mutual thing , than fine but it should not always be a one way street .

Edited April 1, 2006 by Jeff1