Sinsod from a poor man

[loong]

Assuming that you are living in your home country although you don't make that totally clear.

Are you intending to move to Thailand and find a job?

Have you considered the costs of having to keep leaving Thailand to get new visas?

If you must pay sinsod, pay it when you get married, not before.

IMO, the following is 99% likely to be true.....

You may or may not have explained your financial situation, it doesn't matter because she will not believe you. She will think that you are just testing her to be sure that she is not with you for the money. Nearly all Thais believe that a white face automatically means RICH.

When you move in together, the demands will start. If you don't buy her what she wants, you will be Keeneow.

When she finally accepts that you really don't have any money, then you will be out of there.

But honestly, if you struggle to scrape together 100,000 Bt, you cannot afford to move to Thailand.

[Adventure1]

When I married my tg from isaan I paid 100,000 baht sinsod and for food and drinks about 30,000 baht and I never Bought any gold,actually my wife helped pay for it because she was already living with me in Australia and working,I'm 34 and she is 32

[rotary]

Sorry to say but sounds like the start of trouble to me. Sinsod, big wedding that is high cost, her setting up a business to support both of you,etc. At best you might end up with her having full control over you, at worst well lets not think about that. I would give this a real good think before diving in.

[1020]

who would want their daughter marrying into debt and poverty?

I imagine that many Thais would if it means they are publically given a suitcase of cash and gold in front of everyone.

[lucjoker]

At the moment we are doing a long distance relationship.

Have you met this gf or is this a online relationship?

Yes

We have spend time together in my country and in thailand.

Could never get engage with one i have never met.

So it must be real love !

she saw you are not rich as all the other farangs are and she did not run away !

remember u need a lot of money to live in thailand ,a lot !

If paying for the mariage is allready difficult,you better forget the whole idea ,stay where you are and take care of your

children (if you are able to?),dont chase dreams that are too high for you.

Be happy with what you have ,or be stubborn and dive in the deepest shitpile you can ever imagine .

Sounds scary ,but it is .

\

[roiethome]

Don't listen to all the doom and gloom sayers on this forum, they try to put down everyone.

My experience(married twice to Thai girls) is that the Thai's don't really have concept of engagement as we do in the west.

Buy her a simple but not expensive necklace and amulet.

The Sinsod is only "paid" when you have the buddhist ceremony usually at her house.

You should have time to save a bit more if you are not having the ceremony right away.

As suggested many often borrow cash to show for the Sinsod and then it is given back by the parents in law, mine did.

Buy cheap thai whisky for the party, after a while everyone forgets what they are drinking.

Good luck and have a happy life together

[misterphil]

And yup, what is the rush to get married?

I've always told my GF's that I will only consider getting married after 5 years of living together. My wive actually cut that short as we were living together for 4 years before we decided to.

BTW, the longer you are here, the more Alien the society and culture gets as you begin to understand more and more.

Go slowly... very slowly, trust me, that is sage advise to a 'poor man' thinking of selling his things to pay for Sinsod.

I never mention marriage, i mention engagement and sinsod.

Marriage should come if we are both comfortable being engage and we both are wiling to move on and get married.

Thus meaning in a few years.

Let me get this right. You are going to pay sin sod to a girl that you are wanting to get engaged to. You pay sinsod to the girl when you marry her, not for engagements.

Ok so you pay the sin sod and get engaged, her and her family piss up the the sin sod money and have non left. You then have no money and no wife. <deleted>?

[rct99q]

Ah the macho brigade.....we are in charge not them! In the last 200 years or so things have changed...slightly but they have changed. Believe it or not we are not to beat people anymore, Yes I know hard for many of you to believe. And, hold on I am only going to give one more example, do not want to get everybody in a big tizzy, marriages are no longer 50/50, that's right. Sometimes one of the partners supplies a bit more maybe a 60/40 split. AND sometimes it is the female partner.........f&*k off I hear you saying".....I am the man, I am the boss, grow some humhums Richard!

Bah.......OP I think this is a send up but it is okay as long as you are honest with the girlfriend. Do not lead her on.....and I don.t mean sitting down and having a chat. My wife was told at the beginning I had/have no money (i work full time and earn a good pay cheque) but am not sitting on a couple of million baht(couple 100,000 but not millions). Told the family the same thing, answer "no problem". (ps - my wife is sitting on the millions and land)

To all the doom and gloom guys, I am sorry you have been burned, does it happen, absolutely so you do have to be careful. BUT it is a two way street, you expect certain things from the relationship so does your Thai wife or girlfriend....we are now living in the late 1900's (thai time)....

[BahBahBoBo]

Don't worry, problem solved, your friend mine you here to help you

Thailand, land of happy smiles

Thailand, everything goes,

Your friend me you tell you great idea,

Not have to sell furniture!

No No, it ok no need thanks to your friend you me.

Idea very simple...

Thailand everybody happy and like be 'happy'

So... thailand everything good idea and everything is ok.

So... you shave legs and wear mini-skirt work outside Nana Plaza 2 am.

Many man pay you good good and nice kind to you not hurt too much

No No it ok, no need to thanking my great idea,

my friend your freind you me :D

Good luck!

[1020]

(ps - my wife is sitting on the millions and land)

Sino-Thai, no doubt. Chula grad, M.A. from the States.

Well done for not marrying a $2 bargirl with kids like the rest of us.

[slipperylobster]

Easy Peasy,

I will not argue as to whether Sinsod is becoming outdated or not, it is obvious that many of us farangs are being asked to adhere to this custom. My personal belief is that marriage is 50/50 and that her family will be way ahead of the game in future arrears to come from you and yours....maybe even some property! My girl and I are in the same boat as you and yours. I do not have a great amount of reserves to buy my face with (and those faces which belong to her family). Practicality if the word of the day. It seems that two of my gal's sisters had eloped with Thai men...but nobody is concerned about loss of face or money. They had kids, got married, grew up...and are successful.....so it worked out. Nobody was angry and its quite a laugh. In our case, I am obtaining a fiancee visa and will get married in my own country. After a few years, my wife will have saved enough (more than SinSod) to buy property in Thailand and throw some cash around. In return, I will save my money and put a down payment on a house in my own country. Its community property, so we will both own half (Unlike here). In effect....she gets one and a half properties instead of Sin Sod. ,,,,and everyone comes out smelling like a rose. Print out a big paper check with the value of these properties and tape it up on the wall at your wedding in Thailand (yes..i will do a buddha wedding after we do one in my country). Throw a huge she-bang and brag about your generosity....you deserve it.

[1020]

BTW guys, for those struggling to meet the demands, the simple solution is to do what many thai couples do.

The wife's family get a 2 day loan of the amount, have it presented as Sinsod to get their pathetic face, then it is returned with a little bit of interest 2 days later to the money lender or bank.

Very, very common. Face for the family and everyone is happy, unless they are using you for money. God forbid.

Edited June 29, 2013 by 1020

[Colabamumbai]

Don't be concerned about the parents. Don't be concerned about money. There will always be someone to take your place. Come and live in Thailand, date her for a year..Where does the money go? If you are intent on saving money do it for yourself, not another person. You may need it if your left SOL in Thailand.

[Just1Voice]

"Well done for not marrying a $2 bargirl with kids like the rest of us."

I hope that statement was written tongue-in-cheek, but if not, then it's a very insulting comment to many here, and only shows your own ignorance. I agree that there are many men who do fall into that grouping, but there are also many, myself and all of my known farang friends included, who do not. All of us are around 60, and our wives are within 10 years of our age, and they all had good jobs or successful business ventures going when we met them.

And I hate to burst the bubbles of some of you, but whether you believe it or not, there actually are Thai women who consider other factors as more important than money, especially the older ones. Before meeting me, my wife had the chance to marry an Aussie who really was a millionaire business man who could have given her everything except the one thing she wanted - to stay and live in Thailand where her son of 24 was. When I came along, I explained my finances to her, explaining what 100% military disability is, and how much it comes to. She told me that was fine, and that we could live very happily on that, but that the one thing that mattered most to her was that I actually wanted to live with her IN Thailand. My best friend here was "selected" by his Thai wife because he was the "most polite and respectful" to her of the men she had experience with, even though she also could have had her pick of much "wealthier" men.

As for the OP, I suggest you follow the suggestions of a few others here - Come here, live with her for a couple of years, let the family get to know who you are, and yes, explain to them about your finances. If they really want their daughter to be happy, and aren't gold diggers, they will help you find ways to give the all important "face" to things when it actually comes time for marriage. Talk to your future wife, and her family, and find out if the sin sod WILL be returned to you, and if so, then have g/f or her family borrow it for a couple of days, then repay it with small "interest" as has been suggested by others. I know of a couple of situations where that was done.

One thing to remember is that marrying a Thai woman presents a whole different set of "problems" and "challenges" that you will have to learn how to accept and deal with, but at the same time, don't surrender your own identity and beliefs in the process. The first time I head the comment: "You don't understand Thainess," I just smiled and replied: "You're right, I don't. But on the other hand, you, as a Thai, don't have any concept of anything outside of Thailand, and have no clue about "farangness"."

If you really love this girl, and you're sure she loves you, the two of you will find ways to work things out in a manner that is acceptable to all. Communication is the most important "tool" you have. Use it.

[Kananga]

Here is the solution.

If her parents insist on a sin sod because you have to respect their traditions and culture explain nicely (through your wife if necessary) that it is only fair that her family respect your culture and traditions as well. And in your culture it is traditional for the father of the bride to pay for the wedding.

You will be surprised how quickly all demands will be suddenly dropped.

Works every time.

[brewsterbudgen]

Here is the solution.

If her parents insist on a sin sod because you have to respect their traditions and culture explain nicely (through your wife if necessary) that it is only fair that her family respect your culture and traditions as well. And in your culture it is traditional for the father of the bride to pay for the wedding.

You will be surprised how quickly all demands will be suddenly dropped.

Works every time.

But presumably you have chosen to marry a Thai woman and moved to Thailand and you are getting married in Thailand? Why wouldn't you want to respect the traditions of the person you have chosen to marry? Just to save yourself some money?

With an attitude like this, it would be better to stick to your own kind.

[Dellie]

You can't scrape together a 100 000baht even by selling your furniture. Why are you even considering moving to Thailand?

Even if your intended wife will support you, you never know what will happen in the future. What will you do if she throws you out on the street?

[Kananga]

Here is the solution.

If her parents insist on a sin sod because you have to respect their traditions and culture explain nicely (through your wife if necessary) that it is only fair that her family respect your culture and traditions as well. And in your culture it is traditional for the father of the bride to pay for the wedding.

You will be surprised how quickly all demands will be suddenly dropped.

Works every time.

But presumably you have chosen to marry a Thai woman and moved to Thailand and you are getting married in Thailand? Why wouldn't you want to respect the traditions of the person you have chosen to marry? Just to save yourself some money?

With an attitude like this, it would be better to stick to your own kind.

I'll give you two reasons why he wouldn't.

1 - Sin sod used to have a place in society when taking away a daughter would have a financial impact on the family. It has no place in the modern world. It is now just an excuse for grubby inlaws to try and get their hands on some free cash they dont deserve under the guise of 'tradition'.

2 - He obviously can't afford it.

Anyway, whats wrong with the father of the bride paying for the wedding if traditions are being expected? Either everyone plays along or all bets are off.

[Pinot]

You're putting the cart before the horse. I can't imagine getting married to anyone that I hadn't lived with for, I don't know...a year? Sin sot, wedding costs this is crazy stuff. Come and live here (if you can afford it). I would bet the farm this relationship isn't going to last long. Sex is easy, relationships are hard.

[blazes]

Don't worry, problem solved, your friend mine you here to help you

Thailand, land of happy smiles

Thailand, everything goes,

Your friend me you tell you great idea,

Not have to sell furniture!

No No, it ok no need thanks to your friend you me.

Idea very simple...

Thailand everybody happy and like be 'happy'

So... thailand everything good idea and everything is ok.

So... you shave legs and wear mini-skirt work outside Nana Plaza 2 am.

Many man pay you good good and nice kind to you not hurt too much

No No it ok, no need to thanking my great idea,

my friend your freind you me

Good luck!

I see you are an "advanced" member. This contribution casts a whole new light on the meaning of "advanced"

[kevvy]

so you have to pay for love that is free to get?. I did not pay for the sin sod, as i married for love. If you cannot afford it , tell them that and put the ball in their court and see what happens. Love should not have a price on it .I know sin sod is Thai custom .Customs are not law. Also if she has been married before and has children then there is no need to pay it. After all you are marring her and if you don't have the money , dont worry about it as love is the most important issue ....not the sin sod.

[blazes]

I find the OP's questions so naive as to be questionable. Surely, this is just trolling?

At the very least, give the thread some idea of your age (and hers). It will shape the answers you will get. You sound as if you are about 21-25. (Some seem to be assuming you are 60, but surely someone aged 60 would not have to scrape the barrel to get together a measly 100k baht.?)

Pray tell us your age, approximately.

[1020]

When I came along, I explained my finances to her, explaining what 100% military disability is, and how much it comes to. She told me that was fine, and that we could live very happily on that, but that the one thing that mattered most to her was that I actually wanted to live with her IN Thailand.

What mattered most to her wasn't her actually being in love with you (or not) then.

An elderly Westerner, with income, willing to live with her and support her and her son.

Don't get me wrong, these sorts of relations are extremely common between elderly Westernmen and Thai women, and the 'relationships' often last a long time as both are happy with the agreement. Like full-time maid and employer.

[Just1Voice]

When I came along, I explained my finances to her, explaining what 100% military disability is, and how much it comes to. She told me that was fine, and that we could live very happily on that, but that the one thing that mattered most to her was that I actually wanted to live with her IN Thailand.

What mattered most to her wasn't her actually being in love with you (or not) then.

An elderly Westerner, with income, willing to live with her and support her and her son.

Don't get me wrong, these sorts of relations are extremely common between elderly Westernmen and Thai women, and the 'relationships' often last a long time as both are happy with the agreement. Like full-time maid and employer.

I agree with you in general, but you're slightly off base in my situation. First, my wife did not need me to support her or her son. She had a very good job and had no problems taking care of herself or her son. Second, her son is a Government Teacher, with all the benefits that go along with that. We dated for over a year before finally deciding to marry, and it was based on mutual trust, mutual respect, and love. Money never was, and never has, been an issue. We live very comfortable with our combined incomes, and follow a strict budget.

[David48]

I'll give you two reasons why he wouldn't.

1 - Sin sod used to have a place in society when taking away a daughter would have a financial impact on the family. It has no place in the modern world. It is now just an excuse for grubby inlaws to try and get their hands on some free cash they dont deserve under the guise of 'tradition'.

Not everyone's mileage is the same.

I have to disagree with the universal statement above.

My other half is MissFarmGirl who lives on the Farm with her family.

She was the only one the family they could afford to put through University.

With her education she was able to secure a job locally within a International Firm and according, received a decent salary.

Taking her contribution away from the Farm income would have a significant effect.

You are welcome to email and ask her that question.

As MissFarmGirl often remind me ... not all Thai same ...

So Kananga, while SinSot may or maynot be applicable in your circumstance, it is still relevant in Thai Society.

.

.

[1020]

First, my wife did not need me to support her or her son. She had a very good job and had no problems taking care of herself or her son.

Odd for you to be buying him scooters then.

[Kananga]

I'll give you two reasons why he wouldn't.

1 - Sin sod used to have a place in society when taking away a daughter would have a financial impact on the family. It has no place in the modern world. It is now just an excuse for grubby inlaws to try and get their hands on some free cash they dont deserve under the guise of 'tradition'.

Not everyone's mileage is the same.

I have to disagree with the universal statement above.

My other half is MissFarmGirl who lives on the Farm with her family.

She was the only one the family they could afford to put through University.

With her education she was able to secure a job locally within a International Firm and according, received a decent salary.

Taking her contribution away from the Farm income would have a significant effect.

You are welcome to email and ask her that question.

As MissFarmGirl often remind me ... not all Thai same ...

So Kananga, while SinSot may or maynot be applicable in your circumstance, it is still relevant in Thai Society.

.

.

Its still not relevant. If your wife feels the need to continue to support her family then she can send them a portion of her pay check every month, like I assume she is doing now. Still no reason for you to give her inlaws any money. Unless you are buying off her monthly contribution with one payment. Which in my opinion is a bad idea as they will most likely spend the money in a heartbeat and then start asking for monthly handouts again which your wife will be obliged to pay.

[Baerboxer]

I had my Thai wedding my way.

Cost 10k baht in total.

Lots of food and JWB for those we care about. Had a great ol' day and night. Probably less than 10 adults there in total.

Idiots spending more than that on people they don't know or care about is just silly.

After a few years here you think you should do it big so they can all get face off wasted money. After a few more years here you realize how silly it is, and you're also more in control of your testicles. You call the shots, not them.

<deleted> - not everyone is a cheap charlie looking to spend as little on the wedding or future wife!!

I would have wanted a nice wedding, regardless of the nationality of my future wife. We had a nice ceremony, nice evening reception and a great time. It was not that expensive when compared to other things in life. I want my wife to have have nice things - not look for the cheapest all the time.

10k THB - wow you really pushed the boat out you devil you!

Each to their own.

[HeavyDrinker]

I'll give you two reasons why he wouldn't.

1 - Sin sod used to have a place in society when taking away a daughter would have a financial impact on the family. It has no place in the modern world. It is now just an excuse for grubby inlaws to try and get their hands on some free cash they dont deserve under the guise of 'tradition'.

Not everyone's mileage is the same.

I have to disagree with the universal statement above.

My other half is MissFarmGirl who lives on the Farm with her family.

She was the only one the family they could afford to put through University.

With her education she was able to secure a job locally within a International Firm and according, received a decent salary.

Taking her contribution away from the Farm income would have a significant effect.

You are welcome to email and ask her that question.

As MissFarmGirl often remind me ... not all Thai same ...

So Kananga, while SinSot may or maynot be applicable in your circumstance, it is still relevant in Thai Society.

.

.

Your post is not particularly clear.

Your wife already left the farm once to work for a multi nat who in turn (via a salary) recompensed the family for their loss of a 'worker' if you will?

Now you say she still remains on the farm, yet you still paid a sin sod?

Could you just clear that up old bean?

[HeavyDrinker]

I just took a 'straw poll' of the neighbours asking how much sin sod they paid. They just laughed at me and called me a silly arse and if I ever shout over their fence again they'll shoot me...