Do you live in LOS? Does your family back home judge you....

[Beetlejuice]

Many years ago when I decided to leave the motherland and work abroad, followed by later basing myself in Thailand, my parents and siblings took it as a personal affront against them, the attitude being that I had a duty to stay within easy reach of my family.

My sister never spoke or communicated with me again. When my father died, my mother described me as a bastard and accused me of causing his death by the stress I apparently caused him when I went abroad, although Dad was 89 when he died 3 years ago. My daughter from a previous marriage, now in the UK won`t have nothing to do with me.

Slowly but surely my old friends ceased communicating with me, unless I contacted them first, and then their replies were brief.

I have received emails on occasions from certain family members and old friends explaining to me what miserable and stressful lives they lead and how much I am living it up in Thailand, it`s as if they bare a grudge. All this has only made me even more determined to make my lifestyle a success in Thailand, because I believe that if I failed and all went pear shaped, my plight would only become as entertainment for those who hold covetous feelings against me.

In my opinion it is their loss not mine. I have my own family and friends here now and consider myself lucky that I am completely independent, self-supporting and have no need for these people, even sadly, some of those of my immediate family.

We all have our lives, our ambitions and our own destinies. People either take us for what we do and who we are or they don`t. It`s their choice and if they cannot accept that, then it`s as the wise man says; don`t worry about it, just continue on and look forward to the future.

Edited July 2, 2013 by Beetlejuice

[Scottythai]

Wow reading this thread make me see 2 things clearly. 1) I am lucky to have such a cool family who only want to use it as an excuse to visit and travel around Asia. 2) Of these familys who would say if they were in a different Asian country the reactions would be different?

[MichelBangkok]

glad the OP has opened this thread... to be honest I thought I was the only one with an unsupportive family. all the farang I have met here have had nothing but support from there family...

I didnt speak to mother dearest for 10 years after I married wifee... right from the start she made it clear that she didnt want to know about it (the relationship)... anyway, so I decided then that if thats how you feel about it, I`ll not let you know. but i`m buggered if i`m stopping for you. your not controlling MY life lady..

BUT, evntually our child was born and I was going off to work in the middle east so I told the old dear she had a grand daughter. she hung up the phone... we didnt speak for 10 years...

... eventually I tried to patch things up with the old bag through feelings of guilt and for the sake of her grand kids but she couldn`t handle it... 'how can I tell my friends my son married a thai...' .. OMG!...

oh <deleted> off you nauseating old hag!... I did visit the women in the summers of 2011 & 2012... first time I thought she had come around to the idea but 2nd time we were just back to square one again... I got up and walked out and told her as I left that she would never see me again... and thats the end of it....

all I feel now is relief....

23 years and counting enjoying the land of not-so-eternal smiles, learned to fluently speak and read, learned the ways to do (or not to do) business here, got a master's degree in Bangkok, married a native and live here, now retired - enough credentials ! As for the main topic : at "home", friends and family initially were doubting, then jealous, then adapted. Only the old man decided that he did not agree and found ways to express it. Same "relief" as for Kristophon, as I decided that cutting the link with him was the only solution - six years ago. Very unlikely that I will ever return living "home", as home is in Thailand now...for 23 years, and counting !

[bra]

Here's my story:

I have a relatively conservative family. I have a full-time engineering job, a flat of myself, and almost everything I wanted once. Visited Thailand 3 times during the last year and it changed everything I thought about the meaning of life and happiness and these stuff. In my home country, Iran, most of the people think of Thailand as a big sex tourism center! Poor people! They don't know nothing about LOS.

And now here I am moving to Thailand in two months from now on a student visa to learn the smile language and live in Thailand. I'm giving up everything I built up here for Thailand. I believe although I have everything many of my friends wish for, I'm not really happy here. I live in a different world than their world! Anyways other than a couple of open-minded friends everyone else gave me thumbs down for this move! The interesting thing is that most of them don't even live a happy life!

So I thought nevermind, I'll do it. I just hope that I find a job in Thailand soon... I don't wanna end up just eating from my pocket for a long time!

Such a shame about the veils and such in Iran. Persian women are some of the most beautiful in the world. I've met quite a few in Sweden where they're not covering up. Actually, I quite like Iranians/persians in general, at least those who've I've met in Europe. Smart people mostly and not trying to force their way of life on anyone.

Thanks MrHammer!

It's really good to hear you came across Iranians in Sweden (I have lots of friends who moved to Sweden) and saw that we are normal people like others. Unfortunately you're right about the situations in Iran. That is the government, people are something else!

Actually one of the reasons I'm moving to Thailand is social freedom. IMO LOS is one of the best countries in Asia in this context. I hope I can make lots of friends there, not only Thais but also farangs! I hope I can show the true face of Iranians to my friends, not all sort of horrible things that news propaganda make of us! We speak English, we drink beer, we dance, we watch movies, we work, we travel, we have gays and lesbians, we use internet (a lot actually), ...

Good luck with your adventure. Now don't think badly of westerners if you meet a couple of bad apples as well

Slightly off topic but I was in a taxi in Busan South Korea a couple of years ago and as the driver was obviously not Korean I asked him where he came from. It was Iran of all places, and he had been a film producer and director there but had to leave. A very interesting man and I could only hope for a better life for him.

I once worked for a US company and attended numerous International conferences and exhibitions for them. The Iranian delegations would always visit out booth and were very friendly switched on and interested in buying our (non defence) technology - but the sanctions prevented this. As other comments to this topic have said the people in most countries are usually friendly and keen to do business - its only the politicians in most countries who have problems.

[ABCer]

I do live here.

I don't have 'back home'.

I don't have family 'back home'.

Some will say I'm lucky. Some will say I'm unlucky.

I don't have anybody to judge me. If somebody does - I don't care.

[enyaw]

Well what do all expect, you go over there shag their women and drink all their beer live in a relatively good climate in affordable housing paying little or any taxes, bloody emigrants!

Edited July 3, 2013 by enyaw

[Berkshire]

Here's my story:

I have a relatively conservative family. I have a full-time engineering job, a flat of myself, and almost everything I wanted once. Visited Thailand 3 times during the last year and it changed everything I thought about the meaning of life and happiness and these stuff. In my home country, Iran, most of the people think of Thailand as a big sex tourism center! Poor people! They don't know nothing about LOS.

And now here I am moving to Thailand in two months from now on a student visa to learn the smile language and live in Thailand. I'm giving up everything I built up here for Thailand. I believe although I have everything many of my friends wish for, I'm not really happy here. I live in a different world than their world! Anyways other than a couple of open-minded friends everyone else gave me thumbs down for this move! The interesting thing is that most of them don't even live a happy life!

So I thought nevermind, I'll do it. I just hope that I find a job in Thailand soon... I don't wanna end up just eating from my pocket for a long time!

Such a shame about the veils and such in Iran. Persian women are some of the most beautiful in the world. I've met quite a few in Sweden where they're not covering up. Actually, I quite like Iranians/persians in general, at least those who've I've met in Europe. Smart people mostly and not trying to force their way of life on anyone.

Thanks MrHammer!

It's really good to hear you came across Iranians in Sweden (I have lots of friends who moved to Sweden) and saw that we are normal people like others. Unfortunately you're right about the situations in Iran. That is the government, people are something else!

Actually one of the reasons I'm moving to Thailand is social freedom. IMO LOS is one of the best countries in Asia in this context. I hope I can make lots of friends there, not only Thais but also farangs! I hope I can show the true face of Iranians to my friends, not all sort of horrible things that news propaganda make of us! We speak English, we drink beer, we dance, we watch movies, we work, we travel, we have gays and lesbians, we use internet (a lot actually), ...

You have a good attitude. Good luck to you. I hope you can change the hearts and minds of those that you meet. Because you're right, the media does make you out to be the bad guy (Muslims, I mean). I've got a few farang friends who are not real enamored by Muslims and Islam in general. By the way, do you consider yourself a devout Muslim? I mean prayer five times a day, Halal food, etc.

[mjef]

Thanks MrHammer!

It's really good to hear you came across Iranians in Sweden (I have lots of friends who moved to Sweden) and saw that we are normal people like others. Unfortunately you're right about the situations in Iran. That is the government, people are something else!

Actually one of the reasons I'm moving to Thailand is social freedom. IMO LOS is one of the best countries in Asia in this context. I hope I can make lots of friends there, not only Thais but also farangs! I hope I can show the true face of Iranians to my friends, not all sort of horrible things that news propaganda make of us! We speak English, we drink beer, we dance, we watch movies, we work, we travel, we have gays and lesbians, we use internet (a lot actually), ...

You have a good attitude. Good luck to you. I hope you can change the hearts and minds of those that you meet. Because you're right, the media does make you out to be the bad guy (Muslims, I mean). I've got a few farang friends who are not real enamored by Muslims and Islam in general. By the way, do you consider yourself a devout Muslim? I mean prayer five times a day, Halal food, etc.

It might be hard to believe but I have only a few friends who pray 3 times a day (as suggested in Shia Islam) and we don't need to hide it to protect ourselves or something like that! The thing is that the government wants to keep the appearance, but in reality it's very different here than Arab countries. Many things have changed here!

If I wanna call myself "devoted", of course it would be to Buddhism. I believe it's not a religion, but a lifestyle. And mostly I eat vegetarian food here. But in Thailand I enjoyed seafood as well!

And as I said before:

We speak English, we drink beer, we dance, we watch movies, we work, we travel, we have gays and lesbians, we use internet (a lot actually), ...

Muslims don't drink alcohol, don't have gays and lesbians!

[iancnx]

Some one says:

Quote://

Muslims don't drink alcohol, don't have gays and lesbians!

//

This is a biss take right? I mean you don't honestly believe that?

[Espen]

Some one says:

Muslims don't drink alcohol, don't have gays and lesbians!

//

This is a biss take right? I mean you don't honestly believe that?

I believe he meant that those are some of the religious guidelines they have.

[mjef]

Some one says:

Muslims don't drink alcohol, don't have gays and lesbians!

//

This is a biss take right? I mean you don't honestly believe that?

It's not about what I believe cause I'm not a Muslim. It's about the facts. Drinking alcohol and having same-sex relation is extremely prohibited in Islam. But everything's possible these days!

Oh by the way I'm curious, what does a "biss take" mean? I couldn't find its meaning in google or in my dictionary.

[Espen]

Some one says:

Muslims don't drink alcohol, don't have gays and lesbians!

//

This is a biss take right? I mean you don't honestly believe that?

It's not about what I believe cause I'm not a Muslim. It's about the facts. Drinking alcohol and having same-sex relation is extremely prohibited in Islam. But everything's possible these days!

Oh by the way I'm curious, what does a "biss take" mean? I couldn't find its meaning in google or in my dictionary.

I believe he meant: "Taking the piss(out of someone.)" Meaning a joke, make fun, sarcasm or something similar.

I`m on a roll today.

[edwinchester]

Family and friends all sit in judgement of my life in Thailand and every single one of them says I am so lucky!

Sent from my GT-I9003 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Neeranam]

It depends what you are doing here. I am doing nothing for my friends or family to make jokes about.

My mum and dad have been visiting us every year since 2000. My siblings and their families visit, my aunts/uncles, cousins. My Grandmother even came a couple of years back. She did think, however that Thai people lived in mud huts when I first came here.

Edited July 3, 2013 by Neeranam

[cgphuket]

To a few I am a rock star. To the rest I am dead already.

[gpdjohn]

Typical discussion in the US of A...

They: So, where did you go for vacation?

Me: Thailand

They: Really... I met someone from Taiwan once !

Those that are aware of the actual country of Thailand usually have their opinions jaded by the media who rarely report anything about Thailand unless it's the predictable expose on TV which is always about either the tourist sex industry or child sex trafficking

5555.. I get this all the time about Taiwan.

[dontejo]

About 10 years ago I went to Thailand. My old mother was very worried.

She tought Thailand is a dangerous country.

In 2006 I met a girl on the airport and I fell in love. We get merried. My

mother didnot like that, because I am 35 years older. We get a son and

a daugter. I took my wife and children on holidays to Holland, to meet

my family. My mother fell in love with my wife too. She is crazy about her

now. She said sorry to her because she made the mistake to judge her

before she met.. My mother is 90 years now. she phones every week

and send each 2 weeks a letter.

About my other family and friends back in Holland. They wish me all

the best and say they are (a little bit) jelous.

Sometimes friends or family come over to visit us and they see how

beautiful and exciting Thailand can be.

My story!

I reserve the right to be wrong, to mispell words, to type badly, leave

words out in sentences because my mind works faster then my fingers.

[Eesat]

Ten years ago I took my wife to visit my old country. Very well recieved by most of the family, who had cooked lovely Thai food and were really welcoming to the wife.

Next day I called my mother, who lives a few miles from the rest of the family, telling her, we were planning to visit. And her answer: "You are welcome, but no need to bring your socalled wife"

Haven't spoken to her since!

And I am still married to my "socalled wife" !

Are you from Yorkshire?

[stickylies]

I don't care what family thinks. I have nothing in common with them ever since I was a teenager. Family are people one didn't chose to be "related" with. Since they are not my friends I haven't seen/spoken most of them in many many years. No hard feelings, just no connection whatsoever.

[deesquared]

What is LOS?

[mjef]

What is LOS?

Really? Land Of Smiles

[deesquared]

What is LOS?

Really? Land Of Smiles

Thanks. I've lived here for 5 years, been coming here for 10 years, and that one escaped me. I know the phrase but didn't catch the acronym. Thanks for humoring me.

Edited July 4, 2013 by deesquared

[Rust Never Sleeps]

My family thought that my G/F was a gold-digger but at a family function they discussed our relationship and they came to the conclusion that i am a poor bastard and that there must be more to our relationship than money.

My family have come to the conclusion if I am happy, they wish us the best.

[krisb]

Thats a bit sad op. If you feel the need, send them a pic of you lying on a nice warm beach sipping a cocktail. Make sure you give em a wave to say hi!

[onionluke]

My wife gets flowers from Scotland on her birthday .My family have been to visit us in Thailand , Hong Kong and Macau over the past 9 years . As time has passed we have all grown closer as a family .

[JLCrab]

Now that I live in Thailand, I have family and friends that want to have nothing to do with me ... Of course, they wanted to have nothing to do with me before I moved to Thailand as well.

[jmccarty]

I have been overseas for 26 years away from my home country and last visit home was in 2003. Never really had anyone ask why I do this or felt any negative feedback on it. I do agree with Mr Toad about my home landers that will complain bitterly about the homeland but never will they get off their backside and move for far too many reasons. My own family likes to come visit me here which is fine and I have a great time showing them around. Never have had any of my old friends from the military or school come for a visit though and have all but last track of all but 1 and only get a Christmas email exchange from that 1.

[4evermaat]

This whole thread is like a detachment-in-practice article. I had to double-check to see if I was in the Buddhism forum.

My family overall was positive or neutral about the move. Some always ask when I'm coming back. I don't really know yet. Is there something other than the usual family drama/soap opera from decades old divorces or other family feuds to look forward to? They keep doing the same things over and over expecting a different result. Keeping up with the Jones, struggling in debt, looking like they are doing something with their lives.

I don't knock the home country at all; to each their own. Life is about balance, and talking about freedom and actually living it truly are two different things. I would have done this sooner, but I didn't have all the wisdom yet at the time to take the risk. Ironically when I was in the military, not much talk at all about Thailand as a desired destination. That could have been where I was stationed, or maybe I wasn't paying attention. I think that idea that we will die way in the distant future sometimes prevents us from taking the steps necessary towards our happiness.

add: To those people that do judge you (negatively), do they ever offer any other practical alternative to live? My experience says no. They open their mouth to curse and blame, but to use the same energy for something more constructive seems to be beyond their ability for some reason. But there seems to be a bunch of people like that: teaching about concepts or place they cannot (or are unwilling to) produce or visit themselves. If they were so committed about being happy (measurably), they would have the steps clearly laid out. They would be doing it themselves, wouldn't they?

Edited July 7, 2013 by 4evermaat

[TheSpade]

I find it really strange that some guys have been disowned by their families over where they choose to live.

[4evermaat]

I find it really strange that some guys have been disowned by their families over where they choose to live. 

Once you see clearly the war of control that exist in human relationships, particularly in the West, it's not that surprising at all.

It's one of those mind-over-matter things. If you dont mind, then it doesnt matter

"...the 2nd best time to plant a tree is today." Sent from ThaiVisa app (Galaxy Note 2).