How to deal with married men

[sustento]

Which brings me to my next point: Do you have a close male friend that is willing to masquerade as your date/ boyfriend?

This might put them off.

I have to ask why anyone (male or female) would think it acceptable to have to have someone pretend to be their boyfriend in order to rebuff the advances of men who don't understand what 'no' means.

[SinglePot]

it all sounds like a can of worms to me.

a while ago a 29 year old farang male was asking for advice about relationships with Thai women.

TVF judging panel come down with:

If you don't know by now, you will never know.

Safe to say, all the posters were male.

My wife has gone to get the kids from school. Good afternoon.

[sbk]

For some reason the topic has now taken a turn towards aggression, that's not what I read in the OP.

Perhaps because you're exhibiting the same attitude that the OP is complaining about?

Nonsense, it was another member that decided that the OP was dealing with aggressive behaviour, maybe it's time for the OP to come back and clarify if she is feeling physically intimidated.

It's one thing to feel pestered, something else again to feel intimidated.

I believe if you actually read up a few posts she does answer that but its curious that as a man you only equate aggression with physical intimidation. I think for most women this isn't true at all and not all aggression is physical

A man who wont' take no for answer for instance.

[SinglePot]

Walking on broken glass.

I'll just check with my wife in the morning.

Hold on....on second thoughts, I don't think I need to.

[howerde]

it all sounds like a can of worms to me.

a while ago a 29 year old farang male was asking for advice about relationships with Thai women.

TVF judging panel come down with:

If you don't know by now, you will never know.

Safe to say, all the posters were male.

My wife has gone to get the kids from school. Good afternoon.

Good go and get the dinner on, and set the table

[SinglePot]

it all sounds like a can of worms to me.

a while ago a 29 year old farang male was asking for advice about relationships with Thai women.

TVF judging panel come down with:

If you don't know by now, you will never know.

Safe to say, all the posters were male.

My wife has gone to get the kids from school. Good afternoon.

Good go and get the dinner on, and set the table

Man make money, woman look pretty?

[geriatrickid]

how about saying "I am not interested in a fling with a married man" now f*** off back to your wife.

And Kids.

Ask him if his kids would ok with dad doing that to their mum. Ok, I know not everyone has kids, but the 2 guys in our office hit on the girls had kids. In one case, the guy was a jerk to begin with and the other guy was told off by a couple of the younger guys in the office. Despite what some of the ladies may think, some people have mothers and think about that aspect of the equation. It's scummy, and you don't have to be polite about it.

[LadyHeather]

My experience has been that the truly shameless ones do not care if you mention their wives or children, they simply think that they are irresistible and as a woman I should be thrilled to bits to receive their attentions

I agree, that any man who refuses to accept no as an answer is behaving in an aggressive manner. It is a pity that some men cannot grasp that no does not mean yes, and that go away does not mean I am interested, but there it is. It does occur.

Thank you for the input and the suggestions and whilst I appreciate the idea of telling a man I have a boyfriend it seems to me that I should not have to say this in order for my "no" to be accepted. Sadly, that seems to be the fact.

[Misty]

My experience has been that the truly shameless ones do not care if you mention their wives or children, they simply think that they are irresistible and as a woman I should be thrilled to bits to receive their attentions

I agree, that any man who refuses to accept no as an answer is behaving in an aggressive manner. It is a pity that some men cannot grasp that no does not mean yes, and that go away does not mean I am interested, but there it is. It does occur.

Thank you for the input and the suggestions and whilst I appreciate the idea of telling a man I have a boyfriend it seems to me that I should not have to say this in order for my "no" to be accepted. Sadly, that seems to be the fact.

Hi LH, I've seen a bit of this - as background, I went to a college that was 90% men. Without going into detail, we lived in a co-ed situation and our room doors did not lock at night. Later I served in the US army, and later still worked in an industry that is male-dominated. Mostly, the men I worked with were great guys. I can also appreciate your desire to not alienate someone you see everyday. But as you might guess, at times I (and other women) did receive unwanted attention.

For what it's worth, the approach that seemed to work best was loud good nature. I.e., getting up in their face, smiling the whole time, and saying loudly and emphatically (so others could hear) something like:

" DUDE, you just DON'T GIVE UP! " (Big Smile) "NO means NO! " (use hands for emphasis). "SERIOUSLY, don't you have a WIFE or SOMETHING?" (Big Smile)

The loud voice & waving of hands draws others' attention. The smile and apparent good nature wins support from onlookers. The point is made, and you're in a stronger position than using "f=off" . Sometimes onlooking men help out after witnessing this. The guy backs off, and you can still work together afterwards.

Yes, it's true that the perception that you have a boyfriend (or husband) can also help. Even that isn't fool proof, especially when alcohol is involved. Loud humor, in my opinion, is your strongest card.

Cheers

[Boo]

a couple of posts have been removed.

if you aren't able to post witout being a anytinjg useful for the OP then don't post in here, m'kay.

[poanoi]

My libido usually goes down when a lady answer with a deep voice,

so you could try that.

Avoid eye contact also works, or pick up your phone if someone makes a move

[Nana Cowboy]

forgive me for being forward, but i must say, that if you look anything like your photo, i understand why the sad bastards try it on

the avatar is an actress

[plopmeister]

Which is why I've read this thread without commenting thus far.... It does make me wonder why when ladies show a preference to a female point of view do some men impose theirs which are o often way off the mark...

Beats me. Also beast me why on earth a man would think he'd be in a position to advise on this.

I'm white. I wouldn't dream of trying to give advice to a black person on dealing with rascism, since I realize this is a whole realm of experience that I have not personally had and that anything I might suggest would likely be wide of the mark.

You really don't think men can offer helpful advice about how to deal with aggressive men?

Just as women have a better understanding of other women, wouldn't men have a better understanding of other men?

I am confused too. The OP is about how to rebuke unwanted advances from married men...Surely a man would have some sort of valid opinion on what an effective solution would be.

I would just say" Leave me alone you're married, although god knows why your wife married a cheating asshol_e like you"

Why would I know???...because I was like that...and my exwife quite rightly divorced me!!!

...and by the way..not only is it a good thing for white people to give opinions on how to stop other whites from being racist; it is bloody imperative they do!!

Edited August 2, 2013 by plopmeister

[poanoi]

I think its much ado about nuffin,

if a girl show strong interest in me, i smile, and carry on whatever i was doing,

if she do it 2nd time, i smile a 2nd time, and carry on.

By the 5th time she will see the futile all by herself.

Edited August 2, 2013 by poanoi

[Boo]

the op is talking about more than being smiled at.

[sustento]

the op is talking about more than being smiled at.

If the OP has any gay male friends she could ask them to approach the guy who's giving her trouble in the same way that he's approaching her. When he starts kicking off she can point out that what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

[poanoi]

 

the op is talking about more than being smiled at.

 

Was it anything like this ?

Edited August 3, 2013 by poanoi

[SinglePot]

Ouch

[GirlDrinkDrunk]

Since you've clearly stated that Western men with Thai wives are the specific demographic that target you:

- Are you single? It could be your percieved 'availability' that is causing this persistent behavior.

I would find it surprising that married Western men would hit on taken Western women, esp. in Thailand.

I won't deny that maybe it happens, but it would be the exception, rather than the rule.

If your percieved 'relationship status' were to change / if they saw you with a companion they think is your date/partner, I think they will back off completely.

Which brings me to my next point: Do you have a close male friend that is willing to masquerade as your date/ boyfriend?

This might put them off.

Ridiculous knee-jerk verbal rebukes such as F-Off, will only add fuel to the fire, and most likely not work.

Good luck.

the crap that other people write and presumably believe never ceases to amaze me

[sustento]

 

the op is talking about more than being smiled at.

 

Was it anything like this ?

OP starts thread about pushy men who don't understand what the word 'no' means. Further down thread man posts picture of a pair of tits. Q.E.D.

[SinglePot]

 

the op is talking about more than being smiled at.

 

Was it anything like this ?

OP starts thread about pushy men who don't understand what the word 'no' means. Further down thread man posts picture of a pair of tits. Q.E.D.

Yep. You haven't got any idea what he is on about, have you.

QED

[sustento]

 

the op is talking about more than being smiled at.

 

Was it anything like this ?

OP starts thread about pushy men who don't understand what the word 'no' means. Further down thread man posts picture of a pair of tits. Q.E.D.

Yep. You haven't got any idea what he is on about, have you.

QED

Indeed I have but there are ways of expressing his opinions without gratuitous pictures of tits.

[SinglePot]

I thought the non sexual portrayal of the woman's breasts was Spot on.

[plopmeister]

I thought the non sexual portrayal of the woman's breasts was Spot on.

Yes it is important to show a balanced view........very well balanced..

[Boo]

and yet of no relevance to the topic at hand. Either contribute usefully or stay off the thread.

[kurnell]

I think too many women assume that blokes are trying to hit on them when they are just trying to have a chat. I said hello to my mate's daughter at a networking event and she carried on with the I've got a boyfriend saga until her dad came over to chat to me and then it was too late to make a polite apology.

[DraxNet]

I can relate in some way I guess; men are always hitting on me in bars and certain public places. Oddly, they're always wearing dresses and my wife finds it hilarious.

Notwithstanding, if they are being that persistent that such 'gentle' tactics as 'please leave me alone, I'm not interested and you're married/attached' don't work then, clearly I am naïve. To even talk to a woman in a public place for me is still particularly nerve racking in an informal capacity unless I already know them well so I guess I'm out of my depth here! Therefore the only real suggestion I can make is rather than pursuing the public embarrassment route (as one post mentioned may be inappropriate in certain environments and with Thai men) then stand your ground firmly but politely and decline the advances. Beyond that it starts to constitute harassment whereby I feel sure that someone else would step in (and without chivalry before I get lynched as being sexist by the feminist cause) to assist.

I am sorry this causes an issue for you though and without being emancipated I apologise for this section of my gender compromising your time here.

[douginbkk]

Since you've clearly stated that Western men with Thai wives are the specific demographic that target you:

 

- Are you single? It could be your percieved 'availability' that is causing this persistent behavior.

  I would find it surprising that married Western men would hit on taken Western women, esp. in Thailand.

  I won't deny that maybe it happens, but it would be the exception, rather than the rule.

  If your percieved 'relationship status' were to change / if they saw you with a companion they think is your date/partner, I think they will back off completely.

 

Which brings me to my next point: Do you have a close male friend that is willing to masquerade as your date/ boyfriend?

This might put them off.

 

Ridiculous knee-jerk verbal rebukes such as F-Off, will only add fuel to the fire, and most likely not work.

Good luck.

I agree with this approach, but there are insistent men out there that due to their size or assertiveness would merely think that if a woman was with say, a smaller man, would assume that what a woman is really attracted to is a man with muscles or superior looks. So, if the woman is with somewhat who looks "smaller" they probably wouldn't care. If the guy is with a friend then you might consider speaking with his friend and let his friend know that you are not interested. Friends can usually talk sense to friends. In many cases friends actually like to see their friends fail to get the girl. Human nature, I think. There's always a bit of competition amongst friends regardless the sex.

Sent from my i-STYLE Q4 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[monkeycountry]

I have always been under the impression that it was tough for white girls in Thailand because white guys were generally more interested in Thai girls, but after having read the first page or so, it seems you girls are being hit on left and right.

Seems to me that being hit on too much is better than not being hit on at all, so I am happy for you girls :-)

[Patsycat]

Oh dear, don't say it Pats. Leave the conversation now.

Woooooph,

I have travelled from Europe at least 6 times to holiday on the island of Koh Samui and have never had any problem finding a man to spend time with. Some Western chaps are not really into the oriental style ladies. Duh.