parental alienation !

[benalibina]

Foud for thought is the video below. Even for couples living together with children it matters how 1 parent speaks about the other to the chil(ren).

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=share&v=n4MGBt9I5eI&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dn4MGBt9I5eI%26feature%3Dshare

[benalibina]

In the video, apart from ALWAYS the child, a father is suffering. It can be ofcourse be a mother as well who is on the receiving end of her wrongdoing/manipulative (ex) husband.

We as parents are responsible as well for the emotional wellbeing of our child(ren).

Personally, as a parent, i have witnessed the effects of this a while ago. I saw it, felt it but not really believed it. Blamed it on other factors. Myself !! By watching this video and others, reading about it on the internet i could really place it and knew that it was not me to blame.

I hope that watching this video will make parents more aware about how they communicate with their child(ren) about their (ex)spouse.

Edited August 2, 2013 by benalibina

[benalibina]

A couple of links about info on PAS and the consequenses for alienated parent and the child.

http://www.drreenasommer.com/PAS_effects.html

http://www.parental-alienation.info/publications/17-prosufbychiduetotheeffofparalisyn.htm

http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/102708p26.shtml

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201305/the-impact-parental-alienation-parents

[scott1999]

Good work Mr. P

This was going on for years in my case, they would say things like your Dad eats better food then you and I do not care for my daughter very well. I would just poo poo it. My mistake.

Remember this ! The alienating parent AP will not grow and will stay in that AP way. The targeted parent TP will learn and grow to understand this heinous crime against children. It is never the (best interest of the children) that is the concern of the AP .

[benalibina]

Good work Mr. P

This was going on for years in my case, they would say things like your Dad eats better food then you and I do not care for my daughter very well. I would just poo poo it. My mistake.

Remember this ! The alienating parent AP will not grow and will stay in that AP way. The targeted parent TP will learn and grow to understand this heinous crime against children. It is never the (best interest of the children) that is the concern of the AP .

I witnessed it for couple of weeks without knowing about PAS. Blamed it initially on myself. Reading about it and the fact that somebody added me to a group of PASvictims on FB, has given me alot of insights. I am truly sorry that you have had to undergo this for years, for your daughter as well. The effects of Parental Alienation are beyond anybody's understanding. It controls a big part of 1s life. The only life given to us with our children. In my situation i have as well a sister of my wife, present caretaker of them, who puts it into effect. All this in the name of LOVE !!!! Sad sad !

[benalibina]

Well, by gods grace i was allowed to speak with the kids. Only 1 kid, after being pushed somewhat, spoke with me. I asked her if she wanted that i come to see her. No, she replied. I asked her if i could speak with her sister and brother. They dont want to speak with you she replied. The SIL was sitting near her and sort of instructed my daughter.

Spoke as well with a familymember on the phone later. Whilst talking about who looks after the kids, she said that it is normal that kids follow the 1 who looks after them. She could not be more correct !

Immoral bottomfeeders !

[scott1999]

Hi Mr P

At least you know they are ok, you know from your research that your children would turn on a sixpence if they were with you.

[rgs2001uk]

Well, by gods grace i was allowed to speak with the kids. Only 1 kid, after being pushed somewhat, spoke with me. I asked her if she wanted that i come to see her. No, she replied. I asked her if i could speak with her sister and brother. They dont want to speak with you she replied. The SIL was sitting near her and sort of instructed my daughter.

Spoke as well with a familymember on the phone later. Whilst talking about who looks after the kids, she said that it is normal that kids follow the 1 who looks after them. She could not be more correct !

Immoral bottomfeeders !

I sat in a school administrators office, present were, myself, mrs, kid, administrator and the teacher concerned.

Kid clammed up, wouldnt say anything, administrator didnt have a clue.

I suggeseted, take the teacher out of the room, kid opened up after the fear factor was gone.

The best I got was, teacher has now "resigned", meaning she jumped before she was pushed.

I asked the administrator, what about this, photos of the bruises caused by said teacher, answer, there are no witnesses.

Immoral bottomfeeders !

Believe me, you dont know how true your statement is.

Me, me, me all the time, its all about self preservation.

[benalibina]

Well, by gods grace i was allowed to speak with the kids. Only 1 kid, after being pushed somewhat, spoke with me. I asked her if she wanted that i come to see her. No, she replied. I asked her if i could speak with her sister and brother. They dont want to speak with you she replied. The SIL was sitting near her and sort of instructed my daughter.

Spoke as well with a familymember on the phone later. Whilst talking about who looks after the kids, she said that it is normal that kids follow the 1 who looks after them. She could not be more correct !

Immoral bottomfeeders !

I sat in a school administrators office, present were, myself, mrs, kid, administrator and the teacher concerned.

Kid clammed up, wouldnt say anything, administrator didnt have a clue.

I suggeseted, take the teacher out of the room, kid opened up after the fear factor was gone.

The best I got was, teacher has now "resigned", meaning she jumped before she was pushed.

I asked the administrator, what about this, photos of the bruises caused by said teacher, answer, there are no witnesses.

Immoral bottomfeeders !

Believe me, you dont know how true your statement is.

Me, me, me all the time, its all about self preservation.

Sorry, i know how true it is. Well... maybe not entirely. That would be if i would ever find out that apart from they alienating the kids from me, they are fysically and emotionally abused themselves. Unlikely as i see it but TIT !

This subject brings out the anger in me.

Edited December 2, 2013 by benalibina

[evadgib]

Link of interest to any Brit Dads in a similar position:

www.fnf.org.uk

[benalibina]

Impact on children.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201304/the-impact-parental-alienation-children

[scott1999]

Super article Mr. P. You are learning very quickly about this subject.

I hope you are well and rested for your up and coming duties, relating to your children?

I am sure your children will have a better future because of your support and understanding of this situation.

[benalibina]

http://www.brainwashingchildren.com/

Very good link with info.

[benalibina]

Tips for dealing with an Alienating Parent!

Things That DO NOT WORK!

WAITING - That means waiting for things to get better, waiting for the alienating parent to get over his or her upset or to become more reasonable, or waiting for the children to come around on their own.

NEGOTIATING - Alienating parents are not interested in negotiating because they will not consider anything that deviates from their own agenda.

MEDIATION - The process of mediation can only work if the parties involved enter into the process in good faith and with the purpose of finding a mutually agreeable solution based on compromise. The alienating parent is not interested in compromise anymore than he or she is interested in negotiations.

ATTEMPTS TO REASON WITH THE ALIENATING PARENT - Many targeted parents invest tremendous energy and time in attempts to convince the alienating parent that what they are doing is harmful and unfair to the children and themselves. This is a complete waste and in most cases, it actually makes things worse because it provides more opportunities to create conflict.

ATTEMPTS TO APPEASE THE ALIENATING PARENT - This can never happen since the alienating parent is driven by a desire to destroy the targeted parent.

[benalibina]

In thailand now.....saw 1 daughter in evening...who reacted last year already very distant.........she scared of me....no hello or sawasdee khra....SIL not told her anything to say to me......very saddening to see this reaction.....when confronted SIL about her behaviour....drove away on mbike...evilness has no meaning for the alienators....when confronted wife with this, she is in patong beach btw, she said i should be happy that her sister looks after the kids....blamed me instead..... what a world what a mentality of these evil people....

[scott1999]

Tips for dealing with an Alienating Parent!

Things That DO NOT WORK!

WAITING - That means waiting for things to get better, waiting for the alienating parent to get over his or her upset or to become more reasonable, or waiting for the children to come around on their own.

NEGOTIATING - Alienating parents are not interested in negotiating because they will not consider anything that deviates from their own agenda.

MEDIATION - The process of mediation can only work if the parties involved enter into the process in good faith and with the purpose of finding a mutually agreeable solution based on compromise. The alienating parent is not interested in compromise anymore than he or she is interested in negotiations.

ATTEMPTS TO REASON WITH THE ALIENATING PARENT - Many targeted parents invest tremendous energy and time in attempts to convince the alienating parent that what they are doing is harmful and unfair to the children and themselves. This is a complete waste and in most cases, it actually makes things worse because it provides more opportunities to create conflict.

ATTEMPTS TO APPEASE THE ALIENATING PARENT - This can never happen since the alienating parent is driven by a desire to destroy the targeted parent.

Hi Mr. P.

Take your own advice, the AP words are meaningless and are only designed to slow you down. Good luck with your kids and try and have some fun with them.

[benalibina]

Seeing now the trics of alienators and effects on children by myself.

Daughters both heavily manipulated....they run away when they see me...klinging on to the SIL. When asked...they dont want to go with me. Even after the SIL speaks loud and impolite to me, whilst i talk with a normal voice...1 daughter right after tells me...i dont love pappa. When i ask why.....i dont love pappa is repeated. It is total emotional dependancy on the alienator.

At the school monday in the morning.....i asked a kid about my son...1 minute later...he came to sit next to me. Little bit like the life has been kicked out of him. Was very nice to see him...he showed me his classroom....Tuesday i was again at the school.....guess what ? He was not there....wife told me he was sick.....yeah yeah......he is a danger..to the alienators ...because he has allowed me near him....

Ik

Negative specifics of the thai culture enhances this problem....also the understanding of it by its people.

[wooloomooloo]

This can't be a totally one-sided story, surely.

To give this thread some balance - is not the father living in Europe and not seeing his kids for nearly a year parental alienation too?

[benalibina]

This can't be a totally one-sided story, surely.

To give this thread some balance - is not the father living in Europe and not seeing his kids for nearly a year parental alienation too?

I truly believe u have not read the links included in this topic. I appreciate though the principle thought of 2 sides on a story. I wished that my wife and sister would be able or be interested to comment on here 2.

Read the whole thread. Use ur brains and think.

Personally i know that if money was not an issue i would have never allowed it. It would thus have been difficult to happen.

I have not heard though from the other side claims that i am an alienator. That i have done bad to the children. Why do you think is that ?

PAS is not a thailand related thing....it happens alot worldwide. With devastating consequences for the kids and targeted parents involved.

Be happy u are ignorant about it.

[benalibina]

On wednesday i had my first 1 on 1 contact with 1 of my daughters at the school....a teacher took her out of the class...sat next to each other...before she sat down...the 1st she said ..i am not going with you to your country....no polite wai...nothing as a greeting.

In a conversation of around 1 hour....there was no emotion...no feeling...she didnt want a drink or something to eat...no empathy or emotional reaction at all. Only that she said she wanted to go back to the classroom and to the caretaker, SIL. A schoolofficial came to see her, i spoke with him the day before about the situation, incl PA, talked as well with her....no reaction from her...he was shocked....and confirmed on a way what i told him before. My other daughter came briefly for 2 times...but...i did not push it further.

A little later, school finished, the SIL came to pick up the 2ns. I asked her again to tell the kids to go with me.....on an impolite way she said loudly....ask them...in front of them. I blocked the mbike with my legs...hoping that she would give in in front of others. She fell.....by trying to go through me...result...i had to go today to the policestation today.The SIL was pafading my dahghters there with a big smile...they hugged her...stayed around her...ignoring me....running away when i approached them....1 woman asked me...why are your daughters scared of you ? She tried to talk to them but no reaction....she shook her head. To be honest i underwent it with calm and ease but u can imagine what i feel towards the SIL.

My son however is reacting on a normal way to me. He went with me to the hotel...played some compgames, we swum in the pool together and went to Central. Today rather similar with him.

I suspect that he aint a target for the SIL or that he is strong enough to withstand the alienation. I am very proud of him. He said by himself that his sisters are afraid of me. As he is only 7 years old...the why..he could not tell me.

Shocking to witness what manipulation can do to children. These alienators afe true evil people. The 1s who dont live it will not be able to understand it.

[amykat]

Hi Benalibina,

I have been following your posts lately. Good job for keeping going and trying! I hope you aren't feeling too depressed, as some of us might.

Keep trying, do the work, do your best, and see what happens.

Reach out to those friends you have made with similar problems, and ask for help?

Some of us, like me, are really cheering for you and wishing you the best. I have been thinking about you every day and am sorry things are not going as you hoped for.

I hope you can turn it around and have an enjoyable trip.

Best Regards ...Amykat

[benalibina]

Sadly enough i cant turn it around. This topic is already difficult enough to understand for western people so let alone thai people.

As i wrote before...if u havent lived it...u dont understand the impact it has on a targeted parent and more so for the childs development later on in life.

The thai culture in respect that it is quite common to raise others children in the family and the total lack of critical thinking and empathy is not helping either. Kids have just not the same meaning here as in the west. I am only the farang...and the kids are lovely.....why would that be 2 ? They just dont think through it.

I am alone here....with love and decency trying to do the right thing.....but i am getting blamed.....

When i try to explain people, thais, about this subject.....its headache and boring for them....i should be happy that SIL looks after the kids.....she is a main cause of all this happening....unbreakable wall for me......huge consequences for the kids though.....

My son of 7 knows on his way 2 that it is strange that his younger sisters are scared of me.....now i need to rely on him when i go back......hopefully he is not the next target.....tried to explain him about many things....hopefully he stays strong......fearing though.....

Its a sad sad situation....

[benalibina]

http://www.slideshare.net/mobile/jenimawter/moving-on-from-narcissistic-abuse-due-to-narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd-compiled-by-jeni-mawter

http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/red-flags-to-narcissistic-personality-disorder-compiled-by-jeni-mawter

[benalibina]

[scott1999]

I like this one Mr. P. Similar to yours.

[stix9]

In my case, The Family Court of Australia and the Family Law Act enabled the barbaric practice of parental alienation (by the PhD psychologist mother) by refusing to admit evidence of her parental alienation practices at the Interim Hearing stage ,thereby allowing this alienator parent another 12 months (rule of thumb) before the Final hearing to reinforce and embed her alienation agenda.

Not un-coincidently feminists permeate the family law industry in (third world) Australia.

In (first world) Brazil one phone call to the Police finishes the alienator who is liable to summary fine and imprisonment if the practice is repeated.

[benalibina]

In my case, The Family Court of Australia and the Family Law Act enabled the barbaric practice of parental alienation (by the PhD psychologist mother) by refusing to admit evidence of her parental alienation practices at the Interim Hearing stage ,thereby allowing this alienator parent another 12 months (rule of thumb) before the Final hearing to reinforce and embed her alienation agenda.

Not un-coincidently feminists permeate the family law industry in (third world) Australia.

In (first world) Brazil one phone call to the Police finishes the alienator who is liable to summary fine and imprisonment if the practice is repeated.

What was the reason the court refused to admit the presented evidence and what evidence was provided ?

[benalibina]

http://www.brainwashingchildren.com/category/brainwashing/

[soihok]

Ohh.

Not nice, eternal turmoil.

[benalibina]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2599069/What-beautiful-child-Bob-Geldof-pays-emotional-tribute-wildest-funniest-cleverest-daughter-Peaches.html

http://singledadshittymom.wordpress.com/2013/03/25/bob-geldof-on-fathers/

Interesting documentary....As Parental Alienation is being done by a parent on a personal level, in this documentary it shows that the Family Law systems in the UK, and in most likely alot more countries, are not acting in tne best interest of the children.

Edited April 8, 2014 by benalibina