50, wanting to make a huge change, lack of support from family - your thoughts?

[jackr]

I would not even entertain the thoughts of my parents if there was one hint of selfishness behind not wanting me to go. Using the you need to care for your son line to keep you there is just sad, imo. In fact, the mum sounds a tad narcissistic, such that an 'I'm off' together with the finger would not be inappropriate--though not recommended if there is inheritance on the line.

Bottom-line: you are 50, have worked your ass off, your son is an adult, your folks don't want for much. Do yourself a favour... if it doesn't work out or something goes wrong back home, it's only a flight away.

[h90]

With 50 you are old enough to make some decision yourself.

[jmccarty]

I sold everything I owned and gave away what would not fit into my bag and moved to South East Asia in my early 20's. Very diferent timing but Los Angeles had already burned me out and I was not keen to continue to slog through the American nightmare. Had many ups and many downs in the past 26 years but no regret and no plans to ever go back there to live. I bring both of my parents to visit me here in Thailand every year or so, they love it. Father is now in late 70's and probably has had his last trip here so may need to go visit him next year.

Skype the old man twice a week, mom not as often but keep in touch. Seems to work.

And your PHD may just get you another principal job here at an international school. Money not that great, but you will get by and have less stress than at a US public school.

[anon210]

And for the OP, maybe the best advice comes as a poem:

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Maybe Mary Oliver's words have a particular echo to those who are at crossroads in their lives.

[poanoi]

". I am intent on living a more happier life, free from wanting to chase 'things'. "

I think you'll just find yourself chasing other 'things' when you get here,

and these 'things' tend to drain money

[zeichen]

"I think you'll just find yourself chasing other 'things' when you get here,
and these 'things' tend to drain money"

The OP is a woman and not a DOM. I doubt that she will be chasing the "things" that you do.

World Wide:

It is easy for everyone here to say do it, because they don't have to live with the repercussions. If the OP gives up her life and moves on a whim and doesn't like it, it may be hard for her to get back to where she is now. Working 10 more years and retiring at a normal age with a good pension isn't a bad idea.

The problem is that on a forum like this the majority of the posters did exactly what she is contemplating and of course you will defend those actions because you don't want to realize that you were selfish, and juvenile in your decisions.

Only a fool would give up a full pension and full SS benefits to retire 15 years early unless they had substantial savings which the OP clearly doesn't have.

If the OP was younger or didn't have children or parents, then yes it is easy to give up responsibilities. But it is clear by the OP's statements that she has a tight family and they probably are reliant on each other for community,and support. Which she will not have here in Thailand.

But to be honest if everyone tells you to go, it is my nature to say the opposite. If I were in your situation though, I wouldn't have moved here. However I love Thailand, I don't care about money, power, career or any of those things. I came here in my 20's and now am in my 40's. I built a life here that I could not have in the US. I work less, have more and have very little stress.

The person who said that you won't get paid very well at international schools is absolutely wrong. If you get hired abroad, you could easily make more than you are earning now. A lot of the top international schools here will pay more than 100k baht a month. I know someone making 250k baht a month as upper admin. With your credentials, and experience, you could get a very good job here, but then you are not retiring you are just working abroad. Not really sure just changing locations will help you get out of the rut.

[lomatopo]

Have you ever been to Thailand? What other countries are you considering?

I assume you are aware you would need some sort of visa to stay, for longer than 30 days?

Are you eligible for a sabbatical?

Maybe come to Thailand next summer to check things out, then maybe arrange a sabbatical or some sort of exchange program which would allow you to work in Thailand for a year, or longer but maintain your home district benefits?

I think you're crazy to walk away from what you've built up (seniority, pension, 401K, SocSec, increases in earnings) given that you can retire at 60, and enjoy a much better retirement, possibly in Thailand.

If you want to work here in "education", assuming you are an accredited teacher, you would be much better off getting recruited into an International School, or one of the ten or so decent Thinglish schools. Otherwise you will work harder, for less money, and be much more frustrated with both the administration(s) and the students.

I'd submit that you may be as unhappy here are you are in the U.S.; most here do "chase" the same things: income, housing, food, transportation, health, insurance, cars, travel, leisure activities.

[Lancelot]

My mom says that I'm not thinking of others - that I should continue to work to provide for my son after I die (he has nothing to worry about), that how dare I not use my doctorate that SHE paid for to help others, blah, blah...

I spent a good part of my life "Thinking of Others" and finally realized that "Others" were not really thinking of me.

I have never regreted my decision to live abroad. Life is short, go and do what makes you happy

[amykat]

I think many of us get these urges to "toss in the towel" when we have recently been through a divorce ?? If that is the case, I would say the feelings are understandable, but to actually do it, may turn out to be regrettable ...epsecially if the rest of your life is in decent order, which seems to be the case for the OP.

And I would add, that divorce or not, coming here to live as a 50 year old single, foreign woman, will probably be the most isolating/lonely thing you could do to yourself ...along the lines of a social death wish! And in case this isn't clear, I mean to include love life death wish too.

You may not feel it intially, so much, living as tourist, but you WILL feel it later, after you are all set up to stay. And after all your "new Thai good friends" have helped you spend all your money to get set up, and the potential commissions on every thing you bought/rented has dried up ...so will they. Unless of course you provide an endless opportunity for them to eat out and drink for them, and their 6 friends/family members, at their favorite places.

If you want to do something like this, I would suggest, NOT doing it in SE Asia.

[TheSpade]

50 years old and having to ask people on a forum whether doing what you want to do in life in spite of your parents is a good idea or not?

Come on.

I'm not even 30 yet and I'm living in Thailand and doing as I please. My parents wouldn't even dare try to tell me I couldn't or shouldn't do this.

My dad thinks it's the best idea ever in fact.

[JSixpack]

I would however choose New Zealand.

You can bike and hike the rest of your live without being worried of moronic behavior on roads, snakes in nature, incredible heat combined with high humidity etc.

New Zealand's wonderful but surely a lot more expensive than Thailand. And how's the work permit situation?

There's such thing as downsizing and hiding in plain sight, so to speak. I did a bit of this in the USA when I was intent on saving money and getting out of the rat race myself. I sold everything, even my car, and moved into a sleeping room in downtown San Francisco and walked to work. I made a good salary, so that meant a huge leap forward for my bank account. And, though the apt was tiny, the location was fantastic. Just a short walk thru Chinatown to North Beach! I could ride the bus most everywhere or take a taxi.

Great time to pick up cheap properties on the Gulf Coast of Florida. I ran across a little house there recently for only $30,000. Friend of mine bought one for $75,000 and is going to live there on her SSA benefit. You can buy a studio with a sea view at Daytona Beach for only $50,000. Easy to find part-time work, and you have all the advantages of civilization. Plus, you can pick up and travel.

Think about it.

[mca]

I think many of us get these urges to "toss in the towel" when we have recently been through a divorce

A rather poor choice of words.

Only a fool would give up a full pension and full SS benefits

What's that a natty uniform and MP 40 machine pistol?

Sorry mods........................

[lomatopo]

I think many of us get these urges to "toss in the towel" when we have recently been through a divorce

A rather poor choice of words.

Only a fool would give up a full pension and full SS benefits

What's that a natty uniform and MP 40 machine pistol?

Sorry mods........................

The phrase, "to throw in the towel" means to give up, concede defeat, presumably from the Sweet Science's practice of the losing corners' conceding a match. It doesn't mean anything more dramatic, or deadly, in case you were thinking it meant to take one's own life.

SS is short for Social Security, a U.S. Federal old-age, survivor and disability insurance program.

[kriswillems]

You are probably suffering from a burn-out or midlife crisis.

Many people end up in Thailand when this happens.

My opinion is that you're life in Thailand will not really improve if you go on in the education business. As a teacher in Thailand you'll have to work even more hours for much less money.

Only a complete change in lifestyle will get you out of this, this also means in my opinion choosing for a completely different kind of job.

If you're a woman, 50 years old and single, you'll feel lonely here. This is a place where old guys come to find young women. Most foreign guys will show not much interest for older farang women. Finding a farang partner here will be hard. Finding a Thai partner will be just as hard. So, your social life needs to be built on having friends... real friends are hard to find (anywhere in the world).

I think it's a good idea to take a one year break first and see how it goes.

I would not care about what my parents think, but somehow you've to expect some problems in the future if their health deteriorates with age.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

I do want to travel, I am in shape and can bike, hike, walk well. I'm wanting to travel as much as I can before old-age sets in and I'm not able to anymore. Hopefully by then, I'll have a partner who can be by my side and grow old together comfortably.

I like what you're saying about take a year to travel the country first, see if it's where I want to be and work for a while.

As a woman, you are unlikely to find a partner in Thailand (competition is strong from much younger ladies).

But if you like to bike and hike, there is a large community of like minded people living in Chiang Mai.

Serious exercise hiking 3 days a week, and a more relaxed hike every Sunday for the less insane.

You would be welcome to join us, we are nearly all in our 50s and 60s.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

You are going to be able to just take a year off and then go back? Won't the school have already replaced you by then?

The American educational system allows many educational professionals to take a sabbatical.

That's one year off without pay, and your job held open for your return.

They usually expect the sabbatical to have an educational element to it, learning Thai or learning about Thai culture would be an acceptable excuse.

[iskhppynss]

It's better to regret something you have done than regret something you haven't done - cliched but true.

I initially came here in the mid-nineties as a management trainee for one of the big league hotel chains. The choice was either here or the U.S. I'd been to the states before a few times and never been to LOS so I thought "Why not, it's only for a few months?"

I've been married for the best part of 16 years, have a wonderful wife and daughter and am now arranging what I think (I'm losing track ) is my 17th extension of stay.

To me a lot of what makes life good is the people you surround yourselves with. My Thai family and Thai and expat friends are the salt of the earth. I read some of the horror stories and f*cked up situations people on TVF get themselves into and, compared to my experiences, they might as well be taking about life on Mars.

So true, mca. I lost my daughter to brain cancer when she was 21, over 7 years ago. That experience taught me so much about living life to the fullest and to think about 'what-ifs' as things you should try or do.

[iskhppynss]

You are going to be able to just take a year off and then go back? Won't the school have already replaced you by then?

I can take a year of absence. There are strings attached...I don't believe I could have my exact job back, but then again, I haven't fully analyzed it. I just know I can.

[amykat]

Hey AOA,

Can you let me in on the hiking stuff/info?? I used to get a newsletter about some Sunday hikes, but couldn't really go because I have a kid and no babysitter. Although if they are easier hikes, sometimes, maybe now that she is getting older, she could go to?? She will be 8 in October. Or will that just irritate the others?

But if there are hikes during the week, maybe I could attend too?. I promise not to hit on any of you older men who love the young ladies!! I am well used to Thailand by now.

[iskhppynss]

"I think you'll just find yourself chasing other 'things' when you get here,

and these 'things' tend to drain money"

The OP is a woman and not a DOM. I doubt that she will be chasing the "things" that you do.

World Wide:

It is easy for everyone here to say do it, because they don't have to live with the repercussions. If the OP gives up her life and moves on a whim and doesn't like it, it may be hard for her to get back to where she is now. Working 10 more years and retiring at a normal age with a good pension isn't a bad idea.

The problem is that on a forum like this the majority of the posters did exactly what she is contemplating and of course you will defend those actions because you don't want to realize that you were selfish, and juvenile in your decisions.

Only a fool would give up a full pension and full SS benefits to retire 15 years early unless they had substantial savings which the OP clearly doesn't have.

If the OP was younger or didn't have children or parents, then yes it is easy to give up responsibilities. But it is clear by the OP's statements that she has a tight family and they probably are reliant on each other for community,and support. Which she will not have here in Thailand.

But to be honest if everyone tells you to go, it is my nature to say the opposite. If I were in your situation though, I wouldn't have moved here. However I love Thailand, I don't care about money, power, career or any of those things. I came here in my 20's and now am in my 40's. I built a life here that I could not have in the US. I work less, have more and have very little stress.

The person who said that you won't get paid very well at international schools is absolutely wrong. If you get hired abroad, you could easily make more than you are earning now. A lot of the top international schools here will pay more than 100k baht a month. I know someone making 250k baht a month as upper admin. With your credentials, and experience, you could get a very good job here, but then you are not retiring you are just working abroad. Not really sure just changing locations will help you get out of the rut.

I do have a retirement pension awaiting me, a year's salary that is a bit less than the median annual income for Americans in 2013 - but this measure is for a family of 4. I'd be just me.

[ETatBKK]

this is the reward your earned in the last 50 years, just take 1 year living in Thailand, and not necessary to commit on any future plan.

look at this, it is just a 2% investment of whatever you get :-)

[pomchop]

As tom cruise said in Risky Business....."sometimes you just have to say what the fxxk"

Actually your social security benefits may not go down all that much by retiring at 50. Benefits are determined by a formula based on your top 30 years of earnings adjusted to give more weight to your earlier years. I retired at 52 and calculated that IF I had worked another ten years my monthly check would have gone up only about fifty bucks a month...but I did have 30 pretty good years with good earnings long ago. There are all kinds of social security calculators that OP can use to determine what his/her (do we know the OP gender?) benefits will be under various earnings scenarios. Obviously OP should know how your state education pension works and how early retirement will impact that as well.

I suspect with a doctorate and years experience as an elementary principal that if your Thailand adventure doesn't turn out as you hope then you really won't have much problem finding a similar job / pay back in the USA. Somehow I don't think the OP is likey to do too many stupid things in Thailand like buying pig farms etc.

If you do decide to teach in Thailand you probably need to decide if you want to go for the big bucks or if you prefer a less stressful and maybe more rewarding job in a public rural school. Teaching at a private school in Bangkok is very very different from teaching a bunch of dirt poor kids in a province. You won't make a lot of money in a public school but as you have already said perhaps chasing money is not your priority now? I do some teaching/visiting for free at a rural school and have to say it is one of the most rewarding and enjoyable things I have ever done. There is rarely a day when I don't get a real kick out of something the kids say or do that causes me to laugh outloud. The kids I have are super polite and seem to be pretty amazed at having ANY falang around to stare at...especially if you can make it fun for them to attempt to speak a bit of English.

So lets say you decide to stay where you are for another ten years? Will you be physically able to do the travel you'd like to do?

If on the other hand you come to Thailand and have a hell of an adventure do you think you will ever look back and say.."gee I wish I hadn't done that?"

Up to you but I say go for it, break out of your 30 year routine and do something totally different. Nothing ventured nothing gained. There is more to life than seeing how many bucks or how many possessions you can have.

[kriswillems]

Money should not be your motivation. I know people that are extremely happy here with 30K B/month and I know people with 200K/month that are not happy at all. Having worked that many years in the USA, you should have enough retirement income waiting for you. In the mean time I am sure you can find ways to survive until your retirement.

[iskhppynss]

I think many of us get these urges to "toss in the towel" when we have recently been through a divorce ?? If that is the case, I would say the feelings are understandable, but to actually do it, may turn out to be regrettable ...epsecially if the rest of your life is in decent order, which seems to be the case for the OP.

And I would add, that divorce or not, coming here to live as a 50 year old single, foreign woman, will probably be the most isolating/lonely thing you could do to yourself ...along the lines of a social death wish! And in case this isn't clear, I mean to include love life death wish too.

You may not feel it intially, so much, living as tourist, but you WILL feel it later, after you are all set up to stay. And after all your "new Thai good friends" have helped you spend all your money to get set up, and the potential commissions on every thing you bought/rented has dried up ...so will they. Unless of course you provide an endless opportunity for them to eat out and drink for them, and their 6 friends/family members, at their favorite places.

If you want to do something like this, I would suggest, NOT doing it in SE Asia.

Wow. Very thought-provoking. Must be different for women than for men, eh?

[amykat]

I agree with Pomchop,

Sometimes it is okay to say what the <deleted>! But please, say that, and blow whatever you have to blow, on a place like Paris, France. Yes, it is more expensive to live there than here, but it offers a 9000 times better experience and things that will actually stimulate you, rather than drag you down and bore you to death, make you cynical and sad. Or go to Italy, or go to dozens of other places. OR, just save your money each year, and go on one fantasic vacation per year ...

Go to South Africa, go to France, Italy, Spain, come to Asia and tour around. Go everywhere you can! If you have a job that gives you a decent income AND some decent time off, take great advantage of that and go EVEYRWHERE! That is the biggest problem for Americans, we may have the money, but almost never have any time to seriously travel.

Don't waste your life and time in Thailand. Visit here once and move on! Rack up that retirement money and then do more and more, after you retire, with a lot of money. Find a partner along the way who likes the same things.

On another note, as far as retirement, if you only have enough to pay for ONE year of life, for the average family in the US, that isn't much and you should be having a very good financial retirement ahead of you, it you stick it out! Please read forums about early retirement ...like earlyretirement.org.

At your age you should have at least 5 times your annual income (before tax) saved ... if I remember correctly. Just to be considered doing okay, so far. There is a formula for this, that depends on your age/income. Most serious savers, retirement experts, suggest having about 35-40 times your annual expenses saved before retirement. If you plan to retire around 65.

I know you have a good pension plan, but not if you blow it early. I am a bit younger than you and have 14-16 times the average HOUSEHOLD US income saved already, and am saving an equal amount each year that I am here ...after I pay for my life and my US taxes. (i.e. I am saving around the average US income for a household, each year that I spend here.) I have 40 times, my annual costs here, saved for retirement, only in investable assets, not including paid off house, car, other crap, and no debt and I do have a pension coming when I am older, although it will be lower than the max. But that isn't enough for someone my age, which is why I am still saving.

Anyway, things to think about. It seems you COULD have a lot of options in life, so please look at it carefully and try to figure out the best way to get the most out of life. I think you could do awesome things with your situation. New places, for a long-ish period of time, year after year, seems very good to me!

[amykat]

I think many of us get these urges to "toss in the towel" when we have recently been through a divorce ?? If that is the case, I would say the feelings are understandable, but to actually do it, may turn out to be regrettable ...epsecially if the rest of your life is in decent order, which seems to be the case for the OP.

And I would add, that divorce or not, coming here to live as a 50 year old single, foreign woman, will probably be the most isolating/lonely thing you could do to yourself ...along the lines of a social death wish! And in case this isn't clear, I mean to include love life death wish too.

You may not feel it intially, so much, living as tourist, but you WILL feel it later, after you are all set up to stay. And after all your "new Thai good friends" have helped you spend all your money to get set up, and the potential commissions on every thing you bought/rented has dried up ...so will they. Unless of course you provide an endless opportunity for them to eat out and drink for them, and their 6 friends/family members, at their favorite places.

If you want to do something like this, I would suggest, NOT doing it in SE Asia.

Wow. Very thought-provoking. Must be different for women than for men, eh?

Hi OP,

Not sure what you mean, I can take this two ways ...but just to clarify ...I am one of the few single, farang women, who do live here. I have been here for 9 plus years.

[amykat]

And yes, I think it is VERY different for women here, especially single women!! Sorry, I am not sure what you mean, or if you guessed I was a woman too! So, not sure what to answer.

[mca]

I think many of us get these urges to "toss in the towel" when we have recently been through a divorce

A rather poor choice of words.

Only a fool would give up a full pension and full SS benefits

What's that a natty uniform and MP 40 machine pistol?

Sorry mods........................

The phrase, "to throw in the towel" means to give up, concede defeat, presumably from the Sweet Science's practice of the losing corners' conceding a match. It doesn't mean anything more dramatic, or deadly, in case you were thinking it meant to take one's own life.

SS is short for Social Security, a U.S. Federal old-age, survivor and disability insurance program.

My sincere apologies for my puerile sense of humour. I am well aware of the meaning of the phrase but in merry old England to "toss" also means to masturbate and given the context of the sentence...

Plus when I see SS the first thing that springs to mind isn't the American (or come to think of it British as well) system but those jolly bunch of fellows the Scutzstaffel.

Anyhow, an Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walk in to a pub...

[FritsSikkink]

your 50 yrs old and your still worried about what your parents think. Come on mate, grow a pair.

Hahha...I'm a woman. A first born, from a well-educated, stereo-typical American family. I was/am (?) a conformist, with a 'rebel' side. I totally get what you're saying though. It's tough because I was brought up this way.

Somebody who is 50 and is worried about that her parents don't approve with her lifestyle is NOT a rebel.

Your child is an adult so do what YOU want for a change.

Read read, A REBEL SIDE !!!!!!!! She wrote. Pfffffff

[maccaroni man]

Your post was about letting go of attachment which means letting go of your mom and dads approval too. IMO your timing is great as there is a window of opportunity in your field with the new ASEAN open boarder happening soon. There is nothing wrong with being selfish as a matter if fact when you move abroad it isost important to put one well being first. Good luck