Is your Thai GF/Wife also your best friend?

[ThePinkPanther]

Yes Breadbin. The absolute truth. Just such a pity I only NOW get to read your advice hey. Much to late for me now. Anyway, thanks for sharing your insight into Thainess with all of us. I can but only HOPE everybody who are fortunate enough to read it here will take heed thereof and abide thereto you know.

I recently went through a breakup with my Thai GF, and Ive been missing her every day even though its probably better that we arent together any more. What I did not expect was not only missing her physically, but we also did almost everything together as constant companions and I realize that she was my best friend during our time together. Despite the fact that I felt it was more of a financial relationship, I still feel as though I have lost my best friend.

I didnt have a big number of friends to begin with, and losing her really took the wind out of my sails.

My ex gf decided that if I was no longer willing to support her, she was not going to have anything to do with me any more, which evidently meant she was really not my friend to begin with. Im shocked that although I did not care for her so much emotionally, I still feel like I have lost my best friend. Im will try to be careful the next time around, maybe not rely so much on one person, and try to make more friends in Thailand just in case my relationship in the future doesnt work out.

Is your Thai GF/wife also your best friend, and if you no longer had a relationship with her, do you think you would remain friends? Do you have any ex Thai gf that you remain friends with?

So, you admit that she was with you for money but your still missing her even though as I'm sure you'd agree that she was taking advantage if you. If you had no income or money she wouldn't have wanted to know.

My advice, get over get now, wise up, grow up and find someone decent out of a bar environment,

Do not ever offer any money for anything or buy anything other than a bunch of cheap flowers. Offer to pay 50/50 for dates.

If she keeps coming back then she may be a keeper. If she doesn't shed after money.

Heed this advice and you'll be ok.

[Southerndrawl]

Yes Breadbin. The absolute truth. Just such a pity I only NOW get to read your advice hey. Much to late for me now. Anyway, thanks for sharing your insight into Thainess with all of us. I can but only HOPE everybody who are fortunate enough to read it here will take heed thereof and abide thereto you know.

I recently went through a breakup with my Thai GF, and Ive been missing her every day even though its probably better that we arent together any more. What I did not expect was not only missing her physically, but we also did almost everything together as constant companions and I realize that she was my best friend during our time together. Despite the fact that I felt it was more of a financial relationship, I still feel as though I have lost my best friend.

I didnt have a big number of friends to begin with, and losing her really took the wind out of my sails.

My ex gf decided that if I was no longer willing to support her, she was not going to have anything to do with me any more, which evidently meant she was really not my friend to begin with. Im shocked that although I did not care for her so much emotionally, I still feel like I have lost my best friend. Im will try to be careful the next time around, maybe not rely so much on one person, and try to make more friends in Thailand just in case my relationship in the future doesnt work out.

Is your Thai GF/wife also your best friend, and if you no longer had a relationship with her, do you think you would remain friends? Do you have any ex Thai gf that you remain friends with?

So, you admit that she was with you for money but your still missing her even though as I'm sure you'd agree that she was taking advantage if you. If you had no income or money she wouldn't have wanted to know.

My advice, get over get now, wise up, grow up and find someone decent out of a bar environment,

Do not ever offer any money for anything or buy anything other than a bunch of cheap flowers. Offer to pay 50/50 for dates.

If she keeps coming back then she may be a keeper. If she doesn't shed after money.

Heed this advice and you'll be ok.

Yes she was with me for the money, no doubt about it. She was doing very well when she was with me in terms of what I gave her plus what she made at her normal job.

So, in your opinion, I should just go to a bar, and find someone decent, and then not pay her any money? Maybe this has worked for you, but I dont think any woman in her right mind is going to go with me for free from a bar environment. Im not young, Im fat, and Im not rich or handsome.

[SinglePot]

Man make money, woman look pretty.

Hence the Thai phrase: up to you.

We can all be unfaithful if we wish to.

All relationships are a form of contract. The trick is to understand the contract.

[Mightycabage]

Yes Breadbin. The absolute truth. Just such a pity I only NOW get to read your advice hey. Much to late for me now. Anyway, thanks for sharing your insight into Thainess with all of us. I can but only HOPE everybody who are fortunate enough to read it here will take heed thereof and abide thereto you know.

I recently went through a breakup with my Thai GF, and Ive been missing her every day even though its probably better that we arent together any more. What I did not expect was not only missing her physically, but we also did almost everything together as constant companions and I realize that she was my best friend during our time together. Despite the fact that I felt it was more of a financial relationship, I still feel as though I have lost my best friend.

I didnt have a big number of friends to begin with, and losing her really took the wind out of my sails.

My ex gf decided that if I was no longer willing to support her, she was not going to have anything to do with me any more, which evidently meant she was really not my friend to begin with. Im shocked that although I did not care for her so much emotionally, I still feel like I have lost my best friend. Im will try to be careful the next time around, maybe not rely so much on one person, and try to make more friends in Thailand just in case my relationship in the future doesnt work out.

Is your Thai GF/wife also your best friend, and if you no longer had a relationship with her, do you think you would remain friends? Do you have any ex Thai gf that you remain friends with?

So, you admit that she was with you for money but your still missing her even though as I'm sure you'd agree that she was taking advantage if you. If you had no income or money she wouldn't have wanted to know.

My advice, get over get now, wise up, grow up and find someone decent out of a bar environment,

Do not ever offer any money for anything or buy anything other than a bunch of cheap flowers. Offer to pay 50/50 for dates.

If she keeps coming back then she may be a keeper. If she doesn't shed after money.

Heed this advice and you'll be ok.

Yes she was with me for the money, no doubt about it. She was doing very well when she was with me in terms of what I gave her plus what she made at her normal job.

So, in your opinion, I should just go to a bar, and find someone decent, and then not pay her any money? Maybe this has worked for you, but I dont think any woman in her right mind is going to go with me for free from a bar environment. Im not young, Im fat, and Im not rich or handsome.

When he said "find someone decent out of a bar environment" I think he meant "find someone decent, who is not working in a bar environment". It's common knowledge that the girls in the bar environment will always only be after your money, especially if you're not young, rich, or handsome.

[SinglePot]

OP. ThIs is the bit that worries me about the contract:

" Im shocked that although I did not care for her so much emotionally........."

cos she will know.

Up to You.

[N47HAN]

To the OP. Had compassion with your story untill the point where you basically said you were paying for her time to be with you .

Its probably hurtfull but then the truth often is ,

Wake up and smell the roses and dont put yourself in that posisition again.

Wish you all the best

[ajarnmarc]

My best friend is still back in sweden. The gf i have now is very much on friendship, helping each other basis. I doubt that she would still be the same friend to me if we break up but to me it is always like that thai or not. People just goes different ways. It would be a great loss to me though loosing my gf since she is a goverment official and that is very convenient many times, i wish there was more love involved on both sides but i guess i can not have everything, at least not now.

To the OP. You should never have been supporting her in the first place. Helping her, yes, but actually supporting her, no way. When I decided I wanted to live in Thailand after a few holidays in the country, I admit that eventually, I started looking for a wife, I dated market girls, shop girls etc, before I met my wife. Any girl I married, had to be working and have her own money, there was no way I was going to support either her, her family, or her parents, help them from time to time financially, yes, but completely support them? No chance. I have been with my wife for eight years now, she has her money, and I have mine.

Well put, wish is was easy to achieve. Sometimes at first it is, then the misses gf's come by and they start to compare what each other have, get & don't have, get. Next thing I know, I'm hearing all about it during our pillow talk time. Thai ladies love to compete with each other, with who has or gets the most. This creates great distractions, where I have to go into repair mode, for her to see the true light of day...that is that most of what another thai girl states she's getting, she really isn't, and in the end what does it all matter? if we compare our lives to others, we will never be able to find our own happiness. Sometimes she listens, but most of the time she has to find out what I've said to be true on her own. Lucky for me it usually doesn't take long for the truth to vier it's head, so to speak. Thai's don't make great liars over time, they are great at it in the short term, for that's what they've practiced with...short term; and I don't mean short time. Thai ladies don't usually have long term relationships with thai men,

if they've had a relationship at all. But I also don't see thai ladies having long relationships with other ladies, jealousy plays to be a part in their friendship, that it drives the other away; eventually. IMO

[sirineou]

Sorry to hear about your situation, it is not easy loosing a friend

Apparently you were her best friend, but she was not yours. but that might not necessarily be the case, Thai farang relationships are some times more complicated than that.

It is possible that she misses you just as much as you miss her, but economics preclude her from being with you. It might be necessary for her to be in a long term , more financially stable relationship .

Just because you are no longer in a relationship, it does not mean that you can no longer be friends, I am divorced and remarried, bu I still remain good friends with my ex-wife,

but I am afraid Thais are not as liberal in their relationships as we are in the west. My Thai wife finds it difficult to accept my relationship with my ex-wife, even though I have a daughter with my ex, and I have to be in regular communications with my ex, to coordinate the well being of our daughter.

I think Thais are more inclined to move on ,

Don't despair, it is always darkest before the dawn.Things have a way of always working our.

Edited September 1, 2013 by sirineou

[AYJAYDEE]

were you living together? did she do all your cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc?

[ableguy]

I think, partners in Farang/Thai relationships in general spend much more time together that other non-mixed couples.

This is because, we Farangs are basically "lost", when we live in Thailand and the Thais are "lost" if they move to our country. We get dependent on each other i daily life, which automatically brings people closer.

So I think many Farang/Thai relationships are very close, which is good and bad at the same time. I also think many relationships stop, because the partners simply are too much together and things become too intense.

Quite a well said post, I maried a Thai well divorced she is now in the UK I retired here have a gf half my age and love her dearly, yes I support her monthly spending money and we travel a lot we are very happy together and she really looks after me 100 %, however we do spend too much time together and we both know this but as yet we do not know how to solve this

[Hunor]

Hence the Thai phrase: up to you.

Hi guys,

and sorry for off-topic with this question: this phrase, up to you, has some specific sense here, or? Some people say this all the time, and to tell true, it's very boring for me.

H

[Thai at Heart]

Hence the Thai phrase: up to you.

Hi guys,

and sorry for off-topic with this question: this phrase, up to you, has some specific sense here, or? Some people say this all the time, and to tell true, it's very boring for me.

H

It means, "if it goes wrong, it's your fault".

[chrisinth]

When you discover that your wife is indeed your best friend, then your marriage will likely succeed. There are things we talk about that we won't discuss with others. and things we do that is no business of others...............

But, there are things about my past that she still doesn't know, and things about hers that I don't know, however if asked either way, there would be no hiding it. That is what makes friendships; trust.

That said, we have only been married for 14 years, so there are still some secrets to be discussed on rainy nights if the TV is cr@p............. width=25 alt=thumbsup.gif>

IMEHO of course.

Good post chrisinth, but I believe what happened in my wifes past before she met me is none of my business, and vice versa. If I found out now that my wife was a bargirl, my attitude would be, it does not matter, it was in the past. We have had eight happy years together, that's what counts.

That is very true possum, and well noted.

The reason I put that line in my post was that we would rather find out from each other. Experience has shown, that in certain circumstances, the past can be used against you, often in jest or just with a slipped tongue, and the result turns out to be extremely un-funny............

Mistakes are often made trying to cover this up. We would rather hear it truthfully from each other if ever that sort of scenario arose. I do know most of my wife's background, and even if it had turned out she was a BG, it would matter not. Mrs. chrisinth also knows that I had a very colourful, drunken life for many years before meeting her and I am sure that anything mentioned about that chapter of my life would not faze her.

Hong Kong in '89, Manila in '91 & Indonesia in '94 meant I had to make my own coffee for a couple of days....................

Trust is the keyword.

[AYJAYDEE]

Yes Breadbin. The absolute truth. Just such a pity I only NOW get to read your advice hey. Much to late for me now. Anyway, thanks for sharing your insight into Thainess with all of us. I can but only HOPE everybody who are fortunate enough to read it here will take heed thereof and abide thereto you know.

I recently went through a breakup with my Thai GF, and Ive been missing her every day even though its probably better that we arent together any more. What I did not expect was not only missing her physically, but we also did almost everything together as constant companions and I realize that she was my best friend during our time together. Despite the fact that I felt it was more of a financial relationship, I still feel as though I have lost my best friend.

I didnt have a big number of friends to begin with, and losing her really took the wind out of my sails.

My ex gf decided that if I was no longer willing to support her, she was not going to have anything to do with me any more, which evidently meant she was really not my friend to begin with. Im shocked that although I did not care for her so much emotionally, I still feel like I have lost my best friend. Im will try to be careful the next time around, maybe not rely so much on one person, and try to make more friends in Thailand just in case my relationship in the future doesnt work out.

Is your Thai GF/wife also your best friend, and if you no longer had a relationship with her, do you think you would remain friends? Do you have any ex Thai gf that you remain friends with?

So, you admit that she was with you for money but your still missing her even though as I'm sure you'd agree that she was taking advantage if you. If you had no income or money she wouldn't have wanted to know.

My advice, get over get now, wise up, grow up and find someone decent out of a bar environment,

Do not ever offer any money for anything or buy anything other than a bunch of cheap flowers. Offer to pay 50/50 for dates.

If she keeps coming back then she may be a keeper. If she doesn't shed after money.

Heed this advice and you'll be ok.

Yes she was with me for the money, no doubt about it. She was doing very well when she was with me in terms of what I gave her plus what she made at her normal job.

So, in your opinion, I should just go to a bar, and find someone decent, and then not pay her any money? Maybe this has worked for you, but I dont think any woman in her right mind is going to go with me for free from a bar environment. Im not young, Im fat, and Im not rich or handsome.

what did she spend the money you gave her on?

[Anon999]

Yes I have a number ex g/f's who are still good friends. Generally speaking they are married as well. Why stop being good friends?

[chrisinth]

A (Thai) friend, 68 years, had a very good position in the police force.

He declared to me out of the bottom of his heart:

"In Thailand you have no friends, only people who act as friends as long as they have use of you"

My wife, also Thai, agrees woth him, and so do I

And yes, he is a friend, he has nothing to gain from me.

I think it depends greatly on your definition of a friend. in my life I have had probably thousands of acquaintances who, at certain times, I would call friends.

True friends, if I was honest, could probably be counted on both hands and the digits of one foot.

My definition of a true friend would be someone who would always have your back without a second thought, and someone you could call an idiot to their face, for being an idiot, without getting a smack in the mouth for your troubles...............

Situation 100% reversible.

[hawksway]

My Thai Wife is for sure my best friend also. Even after 26 years of marriage She shows me that not all Thai Women see their Spouses as meat on the table. Thank God for bringing us together all those years ago. Every day is a big bonus.

[Kronenbernicus]

My best friend is still back in sweden. The gf i have now is very much on friendship, helping each other basis. I doubt that she would still be the same friend to me if we break up but to me it is always like that thai or not. People just goes different ways. It would be a great loss to me though loosing my gf since she is a goverment official and that is very convenient many times, i wish there was more love involved on both sides but i guess i can not have everything, at least not now.

To the OP. You should never have been supporting her in the first place. Helping her, yes, but actually supporting her, no way. When I decided I wanted to live in Thailand after a few holidays in the country, I admit that eventually, I started looking for a wife, I dated market girls, shop girls etc, before I met my wife. Any girl I married, had to be working and have her own money, there was no way I was going to support either her, her family, or her parents, help them from time to time financially, yes, but completely support them? No chance. I have been with my wife for eight years now, she has her money, and I have mine.

She has her money and you have yours...but what is the percentage split on your assets? Sorry couldn't resist! good luck for you sir

[Southerndrawl]

When he said "find someone decent out of a bar environment" I think he meant "find someone decent, who is not working in a bar environment". It's common knowledge that the girls in the bar environment will always only be after your money, especially if you're not young, rich, or handsome.

So sorry! I misunderstood...

[Southerndrawl]

OP. ThIs is the bit that worries me about the contract:

" Im shocked that although I did not care for her so much emotionally........."

cos she will know.

Up to You.

I didnt care for her too much because she called me fat and old when we first met on a daily basis. But I stuck with her anyway. But after I got to know her more she chilled out alot. I knew she knew, but she started it! haha

[Southerndrawl]

To the OP. Had compassion with your story untill the point where you basically said you were paying for her time to be with you .

Its probably hurtfull but then the truth often is ,

Wake up and smell the roses and dont put yourself in that posisition again.

Wish you all the best

Yes I paid for her time to be with me but she worked for me and earned almost every penny.

[Southerndrawl]

Sorry to hear about your situation, it is not easy loosing a friend

Apparently you were her best friend, but she was not yours. but that might not necessarily be the case, Thai farang relationships are some times more complicated than that.

It is possible that she misses you just as much as you miss her, but economics preclude her from being with you. It might be necessary for her to be in a long term , more financially stable relationship .

Just because you are no longer in a relationship, it does not mean that you can no longer be friends, I am divorced and remarried, bu I still remain good friends with my ex-wife,

but I am afraid Thais are not as liberal in their relationships as we are in the west. My Thai wife finds it difficult to accept my relationship with my ex-wife, even though I have a daughter with my ex, and I have to be in regular communications with my ex, to coordinate the well being of our daughter.

I think Thais are more inclined to move on ,

Don't despair, it is always darkest before the dawn.Things have a way of always working our.

Thanks for that. Yes maybe she does miss me, including the financial part. She does not want to be friends with me any more because she fears what I will tell her new BF. She didnt even tell him about me until he found out. Then she backpedaled and lied about it and told him I just gave her money for her dying grandfather and that she never loved me. Oh that made me feel really bad!

And thanks for that last line about darkest before the dawn. I have been suffering with this for a long time now.

[Southerndrawl]

were you living together? did she do all your cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc?

Yes we were living together and she did alot of it... housekeeping and cooking, plus she had a full time job that I found for her and she worked for me part time as well. Busy girl.

[Southerndrawl]

what did she spend the money you gave her on?

She supported a school-aged sister, a son, and her jailbird dad. She was a hard worker and really did not piss any of her money away.

Edited September 1, 2013 by Southerndrawl

[Roadman]

You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person who you cannot live without .Sometimes I think my wife is so amazing that I don't know why she is with me. I don't know whether I'm good enough. But if I make her happy, then I'm everything I want to be. My wife is everything to me . Life is good with her.

I disagree with a lot of these old cliques. Before marriage should come the solving of the only person you cannot live without is the same person you can live with. It took me until I was well into my forties and two failed marriages to figure that out. Thankfully watching the second of our children maturing now, she is well through that process.

Same as I tell my children that I am not their friend I am their Dad (a Dad treats them with honesty not the bull crap that friends do), my wife is my soul mate but she is not my best friend.

Edited September 1, 2013 by Roadman

[sirineou]

Sorry to hear about your situation, it is not easy loosing a friend

Apparently you were her best friend, but she was not yours. but that might not necessarily be the case, Thai farang relationships are some times more complicated than that.

It is possible that she misses you just as much as you miss her, but economics preclude her from being with you. It might be necessary for her to be in a long term , more financially stable relationship .

Just because you are no longer in a relationship, it does not mean that you can no longer be friends, I am divorced and remarried, bu I still remain good friends with my ex-wife,

but I am afraid Thais are not as liberal in their relationships as we are in the west. My Thai wife finds it difficult to accept my relationship with my ex-wife, even though I have a daughter with my ex, and I have to be in regular communications with my ex, to coordinate the well being of our daughter.

I think Thais are more inclined to move on ,

Don't despair, it is always darkest before the dawn.Things have a way of always working our.

Thanks for that. Yes maybe she does miss me, including the financial part. She does not want to be friends with me any more because she fears what I will tell her new BF. She didnt even tell him about me until he found out. Then she backpedaled and lied about it and told him I just gave her money for her dying grandfather and that she never loved me. Oh that made me feel really bad!

And thanks for that last line about darkest before the dawn. I have been suffering with this for a long time now.

Difficult to be friends now, especially since she has a new boyfriend,If the boyfriend is Thai, he would certainly not accept it , and might be intimidated by you, IMO he would also feel his relationship with her threaten, if the BF is farang, then as you said , she might be afraid that you would reveal intimate details of your relationship with her that would also threaten her relationship, any way you look at it it is not easy to have a friendship with her at this point.

that being the case it does not make it hurt any less,

At some point in our lives we have all being there , the best thing to do in my opinion is to move on.

Plenty of girls in Thailand and in a sew months this will be just a memory, in fact you being with an other girl might help with your relationship with this one,

Once you are also in a relationship it will make you less of a threat and perhaps... only just perhaps ,, Then you can have a friendly relationship with this girl,

If that's what you want to.

also being with an other girl will make you infinitely more attractive, remember women want the most is what other women have.

If it would make you feel a little better I will tell you a story about a brake up I had when I was young,

I was in my first year of college , she was a four year older successful beauty salon owner, a gorgeous German lady , we had a close relationship for about two years, after while i guess she got tired of my sh#* and dumped me for an older more mature man.

in retrospect, I was pretty immature back then (not much better now )

she was one of my first serious relationships and I was devastated. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with that girl.

After a while I got over my self, decided that Mr hand wasn't cutting it any more , and I moved on to a different girl.

Fast forward about 10 years and I meet her at a gathering, I dont know what had happened to her,

but dude,

she must had being Two Hundred lbs I mean she was as big as a house, and unless you like that kind of thing.....

Moral of The story "things have a way of always working our"

Hung in there brother..

Edited September 1, 2013 by sirineou

[daveh]

Wow, what a great and personally apropos topic.

I've been married to a Thai woman for 8.5 years. I love her and she is my closest friend. She knows things about me that no one else on the planet knows. She was there years ago when a girlfriend from decades past contacted me and wanted me to apologize for "raping" her. I'm no rapist and never had been. I can only imagine that my ancient ex over the years adjusted her memory on what went down the night in question. Any how, it was an emotional blow to me and it was nice having someone I could confide in.

In recent years, I've felt we've drifted apart as husband and wife, yet remain close friends. This troubles me as I don't want to live with a close friend, but actually something more and this has led to my ultimately asking for divorce. It hurts me to hurt her because she is my close friend, although it seems she is taking it well at the moment. Part of the timing for me asking for divorce is that I have grown to care for another woman. I don't know how things will turn out in the long run with her, but I do want to opportunity to find out.

Ironically, since my wife is my closest friend, I find myself wanting to talk to her about this other woman (whom my wife does know about) to get her opinion and feedback.

Had my friendship with my wife waned, I would have asked for divorce earlier. But I thought, maybe this is what happens to older couples. They just become "only" friends and remain that way. In retrospect, I obviously wish I had divorced earlier before there was another woman in the picture.

Having said all of that, I'm not sure that I am or ever was my wife's closest friend. I don't know if there is anything I know about my wife that at least one of her other friends doesn't know.

[benalibina]

Nice topic to read. No discussions, no bashing and some respectfull sdvice to the OP. IT IS POSSIBLE to be friendly, open and vonourable. Eventhough relatively anonymus.

[Southerndrawl]

Difficult to be friends now, especially since she has a new boyfriend,If the boyfriend is Thai, he would certainly not accept it , and might be intimidated by you, IMO he would also feel his relationship with her threaten, if the BF is farang, then as you said , she might be afraid that you would reveal intimate details of your relationship with her that would also threaten her relationship, any way you look at it it is not easy to have a friendship with her at this point.

that being the case it does not make it hurt any less,

At some point in our lives we have all being there , the best thing to do in my opinion is to move on.

Plenty of girls in Thailand and in a sew months this will be just a memory, in fact you being with an other girl might help with your relationship with this one,

Once you are also in a relationship it will make you less of a threat and perhaps... only just perhaps ,, Then you can have a friendly relationship with this girl,

If that's what you want to.

also being with an other girl will make you infinitely more attractive, remember women want the most is what other women have.

If it would make you feel a little better I will tell you a story about a brake up I had when I was young,

I was in my first year of college , she was a four year older successful beauty salon owner, a gorgeous German lady , we had a close relationship for about two years, after while i guess she got tired of my sh#* and dumped me for an older more mature man.

in retrospect, I was pretty immature back then (not much better now )

she was one of my first serious relationships and I was devastated. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with that girl.

After a while I got over my self, decided that Mr hand wasn't cutting it any more , and I moved on to a different girl.

Fast forward about 10 years and I meet her at a gathering, I dont know what had happened to her,

but dude,

she must had being Two Hundred lbs I mean she was as big as a house, and unless you like that kind of thing.....

Moral of The story "things have a way of always working our"

Hung in there brother..

Thank you so much for this. You really have a great insight into what I am going through. Im sorry it happened to you with the older German lady, but as you said, you were lucky you did not remain with her.

Yes in a few months this will be just a memory, but for now Im living in a nightmare, regrets about how I treated her, wondering if its just going to happen again in my next relationship, and just lonely.

Yes I will try to meet a new GF, but I have learned some things from her that i will try not to repeat with a future GF. This girl was never really attracted to me (no surprise there) and she treated me disrespectfully and was just plain angry, mean and cruel to me alot of the time from the first day I met her. I will not let that happen again. If a girl is uninterested in me and insults me, I will just let her walk. I had to put up with that crap for months and I wont do it again. There must be a girl out there who doesnt find me repulsive, and I will find her and I hope she is pleasantly attractive and has friend/GF/wife potential.

For now, Im just going to lick my wounds and try to date some ladies. I havent been single for almost 6 years, I have always consistently had a GF, so its new to me to get out there again.

Once again thanks to everyone who replied to this topic, and special thanks to Sirineou for brightening my day.

[Southerndrawl]

Wow, what a great and personally apropos topic.

I've been married to a Thai woman for 8.5 years. I love her and she is my closest friend. She knows things about me that no one else on the planet knows. She was there years ago when a girlfriend from decades past contacted me and wanted me to apologize for "raping" her. I'm no rapist and never had been. I can only imagine that my ancient ex over the years adjusted her memory on what went down the night in question. Any how, it was an emotional blow to me and it was nice having someone I could confide in.

In recent years, I've felt we've drifted apart as husband and wife, yet remain close friends. This troubles me as I don't want to live with a close friend, but actually something more and this has led to my ultimately asking for divorce. It hurts me to hurt her because she is my close friend, although it seems she is taking it well at the moment. Part of the timing for me asking for divorce is that I have grown to care for another woman. I don't know how things will turn out in the long run with her, but I do want to opportunity to find out.

Ironically, since my wife is my closest friend, I find myself wanting to talk to her about this other woman (whom my wife does know about) to get her opinion and feedback.

Had my friendship with my wife waned, I would have asked for divorce earlier. But I thought, maybe this is what happens to older couples. They just become "only" friends and remain that way. In retrospect, I obviously wish I had divorced earlier before there was another woman in the picture.

Having said all of that, I'm not sure that I am or ever was my wife's closest friend. I don't know if there is anything I know about my wife that at least one of her other friends doesn't know.

Im sorry to hear about your situation and I hope things work out well for you. Hopefully you wont go through what I am going through if your divorce finally happens, the grief of losing a best friend because you will already have a new GF in the picture.