Do you think you would ever fit in back "home" if you returned?

[Thaifever]

I've been home 1 year after spending 4 there. I prefer Thailand by far, but family, responsibilities, and the fact that teaching English (TEFL) isn't a real job has me back home still. If you have a decent job in Thailand which earns you a western wage, you're doing good imo. If you can afford a trip or two back every year, then why stay in a place you hate? There are a lot of benefits to being back home, but slightly outweighed by the fun Thai girls and easy life of living in Thailand.

[Kananga]

Do you "fit in" here?

I believe I've fitted in very well in Thailand and I have over the years very much enjoyed my time there, many happy memories and many dear friends in Thailand who I plan to visit in the future.

But with respect to the OP's question.

Absolutely I think I would fit in - I've just spent a month back home in the UK - I had a wonderful time and not once did I feel the place rubbing me or making me wish I was not there.

I'd list all the good things about being home, but doing so upsets some members who are of the mind that we can't express any good sentiments about anywhere other than Thailand without by doing so be taking part in slagging Thailand off.

A good life in Thailand and a good life back home are not mutually exclusive.

I would wager that the vast majority of posters who ramble on about the West equating to nanny states, fat 50 year old women, rampant immigration and high taxes lived in some god forsaken industrial town on 40,000 pounds a year. If you have money the UK is a very nice place to live. For the same amount as an overpriced badly constructed Bangkok condo you can have a nice house with beautiful countryside on your doorstep, a BMW for the same price you would pay for a crapanese car in Thailand, excellent restaurants, proper farmers markets that dont sell pesticide laden leaves and proper butchers. If you did well back home and had a well paying job I cant for the life of me think why you would want to give that up to live in the outskirts of Naknon No-nose, or not be able to fit in back home when you see Thailand for what it really is.

[historyprof]

Do you "fit in" here?

I believe I've fitted in very well in Thailand and I have over the years very much enjoyed my time there, many happy memories and many dear friends in Thailand who I plan to visit in the future.

But with respect to the OP's question.

Absolutely I think I would fit in - I've just spent a month back home in the UK - I had a wonderful time and not once did I feel the place rubbing me or making me wish I was not there.

I'd list all the good things about being home, but doing so upsets some members who are of the mind that we can't express any good sentiments about anywhere other than Thailand without by doing so be taking part in slagging Thailand off.

A good life in Thailand and a good life back home are not mutually exclusive.

I would wager that the vast majority of posters who ramble on about the West equating to nanny states, fat 50 year old women, rampant immigration and high taxes lived in some god forsaken industrial town on 40,000 pounds a year. If you have money the UK is a very nice place to live. For the same amount as an overpriced badly constructed Bangkok condo you can have a nice house with beautiful countryside on your doorstep, a BMW for the same price you would pay for a crapanese car in Thailand, excellent restaurants, proper farmers markets that dont sell pesticide laden leaves and proper butchers. If you did well back home and had a well paying job I cant for the life of me think why you would want to give that up to live in the outskirts of Naknon No-nose, or not be able to fit in back home when you see Thailand for what it really is.

Another 180 degree post. Favorite words this time, "Crapanese Car, Proper farmers markets, Proper butchers, Naknon No-nose. What you are or have is a bad case of ethnocentrism. Commonly stated as, whinging. The topic is would you ever fit in back home not the things that are bad about Thailand.

[guzzi850m2]

Do you "fit in" here?

I believe I've fitted in very well in Thailand and I have over the years very much enjoyed my time there, many happy memories and many dear friends in Thailand who I plan to visit in the future.

But with respect to the OP's question.

Absolutely I think I would fit in - I've just spent a month back home in the UK - I had a wonderful time and not once did I feel the place rubbing me or making me wish I was not there.

I'd list all the good things about being home, but doing so upsets some members who are of the mind that we can't express any good sentiments about anywhere other than Thailand without by doing so be taking part in slagging Thailand off.

A good life in Thailand and a good life back home are not mutually exclusive.

I think you are right.

I hope in the future to spend anything from 1 to 3 month in Denmark every summer, a bit feed up with Thailand sometimes.

DK in the summer months is hard to beat, long days/ short nights, girls lightly dressed, food, hmm, not too bad.

The winters in Denmark I don't want anymore, cold, windy, rainy, even snow/ice sometimes, very short daylight, everybody hunkering down and waiting for the spring, fxxx me that is depressing.

If I was really well off, I would divide my time between the 2 places.

Thailand is not a paradise which some thinks/hope it is, no way, but not too bad either.

After + 10 years here, I know what is going on here, and it is not a rose garden and you have to watch your ass and keep a low profile and you will be fine.

[rct99q]

I have found my family and friends have not changed really. I see most in the same job (dr., lawyer, retail etc) but I have found them a little older, stressed, and seemingly just putting in time. For whatever reason I found living in Thailand (and other spots I have lived) rejuvinating!

Would I fit in? Certainly, but it is not a lifestyle I would enjoy. Albeit I do miss eating a "real" Chicago Deep Dish pepperoni/mushroom pizza.

[historyprof]

I'd list all the good things about being home, but doing so upsets some members who are of the mind that we can't express any good sentiments about anywhere other than Thailand without by doing so be taking part in slagging Thailand off.

I think that is a great idea. Why don't you find a forum about England and a thread about the good things in England and list them to your hearts content.

[manarak]

I go back regularly to Switzerland for some months to take care of some business and except when I have to go somewhere for business, I hardly go out of my apartment, just to buy stuff...

Anything else is so expensive anyway, I don't feel like spending 6000 baht+ on an evening out with friends, spending time in bars that are too crowded, too noisy, where the tables are too small, the drinks too expensive and the feminine patrons indifferent. yuckerz. better to stay at home and wait on the day of my flight home (Thailand).

Edited September 6, 2013 by manarak

[YeaBiGgiEs]

Certainly not. Never fit in before neither. I'm a free thinker, I do as I please and I won't pay taxes. The USA is full of sheep. When I do go for a 2 week - 1 month holiday back, I'm usually regretting it before I even leave the airport. I keep a registered, insured vehicle and a UPS Store mailbox that has a physical address for any mail. I no longer have an actual residence but still have many acquaintances and friends. I'll be going back in November for 7 weeks and taking a Thai national with me since I've managed to secured a 10year USA visa. So photo ops in Miami, Fort Lauderdale, Georgia, Philadelphia, New Jersey and NYC around Christmas time are on the agenda. Hopefully will see some snow too!

[Somnambulist]

My experience living here and not long (6 months but visit every year) is every foreigner here has a purpose: they love young boys, love the prostitutes, alcoholics, gay, drug attics, or running from the law... And That is the truth... Now if they go home to wherever they came from, they are not excepted or they are hiding the truth of what they prefer or not excepted in their own countries...

Obviously, you ran with a real classy crowd.

[Kananga]

Do you "fit in" here?

I believe I've fitted in very well in Thailand and I have over the years very much enjoyed my time there, many happy memories and many dear friends in Thailand who I plan to visit in the future.

But with respect to the OP's question.

Absolutely I think I would fit in - I've just spent a month back home in the UK - I had a wonderful time and not once did I feel the place rubbing me or making me wish I was not there.

I'd list all the good things about being home, but doing so upsets some members who are of the mind that we can't express any good sentiments about anywhere other than Thailand without by doing so be taking part in slagging Thailand off.

A good life in Thailand and a good life back home are not mutually exclusive.

I would wager that the vast majority of posters who ramble on about the West equating to nanny states, fat 50 year old women, rampant immigration and high taxes lived in some god forsaken industrial town on 40,000 pounds a year. If you have money the UK is a very nice place to live. For the same amount as an overpriced badly constructed Bangkok condo you can have a nice house with beautiful countryside on your doorstep, a BMW for the same price you would pay for a crapanese car in Thailand, excellent restaurants, proper farmers markets that dont sell pesticide laden leaves and proper butchers. If you did well back home and had a well paying job I cant for the life of me think why you would want to give that up to live in the outskirts of Naknon No-nose, or not be able to fit in back home when you see Thailand for what it really is.

Another 180 degree post. Favorite words this time, "Crapanese Car, Proper farmers markets, Proper butchers, Naknon No-nose. What you are or have is a bad case of ethnocentrism. Commonly stated as, whinging. The topic is would you ever fit in back home not the things that are bad about Thailand.

I'm not whinging. Just telling how it really is. Although I would go so far as to say you are whinging, about me. And I am not being ethnocentric, I have lived in 7 countries on 4 continents. I have a very varied range of experience to compare to Thailand's many shortcomings and ongoing decline from an expat's viewpoint.

Contrary to what you will admit to yourself, there are many things that are BETTER at home than Thailand which will make fitting in easier, or are you going to attempt to deny that too?

Edited September 6, 2013 by Kananga

[Ajaan]

Lived in Thailand for six years. Five years ago I moved back to the US (for work). I've been miserable ever since...but I need to stick it out until retirement before I return to Thailand. I make multiple trips back to Thailand per year, however, and I live for those trips.

I miss the hustle and bustle of Thailand, all the people. I feel so alone and isolated here...I just can't get over how there are no people out walking on the streets, ever.

I'm also sick of the PC liberals, and the obnoxious conservatives (I'm pretty far to the left myself, but I abhor dogmatism). Not that I'm enamored of Thai politics...but I think it's easier to ignore it when you're not a Thai.

I miss the respect one gets with age in Thailand, the general civility and attempt to maintain harmony that guides so much of social relations. People are so rude and aggressive here, and what do you get for your age? Certainly not respect. If you're over 30, and certainly over 40, you're basically a non-person and invisible. Worse even for women than for men.

I hate the way people are so serious about things here, like work...I really miss the Thais' love of leisure and FUN.

So...no, I "can't" go back. At least not for good.

[StreetCowboy]

I'd list all the good things about being home, but doing so upsets some members who are of the mind that we can't express any good sentiments about anywhere other than Thailand without by doing so be taking part in slagging Thailand off.

I think that is a great idea. Why don't you find a forum about England and a thread about the good things in England and list them to your hearts content.

I think I would miss the bitter and spiteful carping, but I suppose I could log on here from anywhere.

If I moved back, I wouldn't know where to go on holiday. I'd kind of miss my friends and contacts, and I'd need to start my career almost from scratch. As far as I can tell there's more competition there, so that wouldn't be good. I think it would be good for the family, though, as I think it would be good for them to fit in somewhere.

SC

[ozyjon]

Like most of everyone else, it seems we are all misfits and we don't belong anywhere but we are all here, we don't know each other but we share all our deepest thoughts and opinions, never thought i would ever sleep on the floor now i wouldn't think twice about it but here in Europe now i don't even leave the house except to go shopping or pay bills, can't wait to go back to LOS and just be like everyone else and not have to worry about many things,, now give me a big kiss and a hug.

[Kananga]

I'd list all the good things about being home, but doing so upsets some members who are of the mind that we can't express any good sentiments about anywhere other than Thailand without by doing so be taking part in slagging Thailand off.

I think that is a great idea. Why don't you find a forum about England and a thread about the good things in England and list them to your hearts content.

I think I would miss the bitter and spiteful carping, but I suppose I could log on here from anywhere.

If I moved back, I wouldn't know where to go on holiday. I'd kind of miss my friends and contacts, and I'd need to start my career almost from scratch. As far as I can tell there's more competition there, so that wouldn't be good. I think it would be good for the family, though, as I think it would be good for them to fit in somewhere.

SC

Thats a very good point. It would appear that many people on this forum clearly put their lifestyle before their family. Like all the ex-pats here who subject their children to the thai education system and convince themselves they will do ok in it so they dont feel guilty about living in Ubon and drinking leo on their porches every night while their kids spend their school days learning how to play games on cheap chinese tablets that dont work properly. But hey, they can live in a dusty village and walk down the street wearing a massive amulet and no one laughs at them, so who cares what the kids will be doing in 20 years time. And for the 'second time around' fathers they wont be around by then anyway so who cares!

[Kananga]

Like most of everyone else, it seems we are all misfits and we don't belong anywhere but we are all here, we don't know each other but we share all our deepest thoughts and opinions, never thought i would ever sleep on the floor now i wouldn't think twice about it but here in Europe now i don't even leave the house except to go shopping or pay bills, can't wait to go back to LOS and just be like everyone else and not have to worry about many things,, now give me a big kiss and a hug.

Is there any particular reason why you sleep on the floor?

[OldChinaHam]

"Look Homeward Angel"

"You Can't Go Home Again"

This says it all.

If Wolfe did not say it in his millions of words,

Then who am I to embellish on his themes.

I would rather chew on a matzah ball, for god's sake.

Happy Holiday to everyone during these days, by the way.

Novels, I cannot stomach them no longer, having been exposed to too many in my unchaste youth,

I see no reason to reread them now.

But can you go home again?

Honestly, I do believe that once you pass some magic number of days, how many I cannot say, then after this amount of time has elapsed, you actually really can never return.

It is just too damned depressing,

What you find when you go back.

Thomas Wolfe, I love thee, wherever you be.

I did spend my young impressionable days, many of them, reading his words.

I did it before 13, puberty,

When I was still a virgin, and just planning to leave home for a dormitory in New York, not really ever to return.

And that is why I like Thailand now, with island women, some of whom having rear ends that look like two basketballs.

Edited September 6, 2013 by OldChinaHam

[rayongchelsea]

I have met very few foreigners who actually fit in here and those that do, didn't come here because they didn't fit in at home, quite the reverse , well travelled, mostly well educated good jobs, not old etc..they have options.

If you didn't fit in at home why would you fit in here!

[Pui]

Do you "fit in" here?

I believe I've fitted in very well in Thailand and I have over the years very much enjoyed my time there, many happy memories and many dear friends in Thailand who I plan to visit in the future.

But with respect to the OP's question.

Absolutely I think I would fit in - I've just spent a month back home in the UK - I had a wonderful time and not once did I feel the place rubbing me or making me wish I was not there.

I'd list all the good things about being home, but doing so upsets some members who are of the mind that we can't express any good sentiments about anywhere other than Thailand without by doing so be taking part in slagging Thailand off.

A good life in Thailand and a good life back home are not mutually exclusive.

I would wager that the vast majority of posters who ramble on about the West equating to nanny states, fat 50 year old women, rampant immigration and high taxes lived in some god forsaken industrial town on 40,000 pounds a year. If you have money the UK is a very nice place to live. For the same amount as an overpriced badly constructed Bangkok condo you can have a nice house with beautiful countryside on your doorstep, a BMW for the same price you would pay for a crapanese car in Thailand, excellent restaurants, proper farmers markets that dont sell pesticide laden leaves and proper butchers. If you did well back home and had a well paying job I cant for the life of me think why you would want to give that up to live in the outskirts of Naknon No-nose, or not be able to fit in back home when you see Thailand for what it really is.

Another 180 degree post. Favorite words this time, "Crapanese Car, Proper farmers markets, Proper butchers, Naknon No-nose. What you are or have is a bad case of ethnocentrism. Commonly stated as, whinging. The topic is would you ever fit in back home not the things that are bad about Thailand.

Its seem perfectly relevant to compare the Pro's and Con's of both living here and moving back home. I agree with the poster, for me there are aspects of Thai life which are tough and going home is boring. There is no utopia after all.

Why don't you stop bashing people.

Its a very interesting subject for people that have lived here for any length of time. Please stop shutting people down with your 180 degree rhetoric.

[OldChinaHam]

I have met very few foreigners who actually fit in here and those that do, didn't come here because they didn't fit in at home, quite the reverse , well travelled, mostly well educated good jobs, not old etc..they have options.

If you didn't fit in at home why would you fit in here!

You mean you fit in if you are:

Young, but not old?

I did not fit in at home, because I preferred Asia.

I always hated milk and sugar on cold flakes of corn for breakfast.

It was just not civilized.

I always loved rice, and plenty of it.

I fit in here, maybe more than some.

I am not well educated though.

And I shun all jobs, due to my visa, which is Ed visa.

I am now going for my PhD, so that I may improve my mind, and someday be "well educated".

The cost of tuition is low enough so that I would be a fool not to get my degree this trip, and I guess I will need about another 3 years.

So if I do not fit in, as you say,

Then I am in deep do-do.

[MAJIC]

stay away too long and you dont have a home to go to. no one tells you that when you leave.

me i've fitted in to many places on the planet, but fitting into the slot i once called home, i doubt it still exists and not sure i would even want to. just a casual drifting away with longer and longer absences to the point of never returning.

Absolutely correct! stay away too long and it's like being dead,people adjust to living without you,and as you are not there to make a contribution to the conversation,it's only past memories,and only a matter of time before you are virtually forgotten. Some can go back and fit in reasonably well,but it's never the same again! one must accept the difference.

Life is all about changes,and nothing lasts forever,friends pass away or move on,it's inevitable, even though we are not there to see the changes back home,they are still happening.

[MAJIC]

I'm going back after 10 years. Really looking forward to it. Thailand has changed, and not for the better. The cons far outweigh the pros here now. Looking forward to feeling safe on the roads, being able to buy the land your house is built on, not seeing people literally get away with murder on a weekly basis, sidewalks you can actually walk on, less pollution, a police force that for the most part has the mindset they are there to protect and serve the people who pay their salaries, instead of sucking more money out of them, not having to pay out of your own pocket to put your children through any sort of acceptable education system, not worrying that if you have an accident that an ambulance will not turn up and if it did that people would actually get out of the way to let it through, 90 day visa hassles, taxis that will actually take you where you want to go and the drivers aren't drunk or carry weapons, balconies that dont seem to have an anti gravity device fitted to them that ejects people over the top, gridlock traffic 16 hours a day, seasons and long summer evenings etc etc.

That's a great 180 degree post. The topic was would you fit in back home and you have turned it into an Anti Thai Tirade of why almost no one could fit in in Thailand.

He's merely saying why he thinks he would probably fit in back home.

[Rumpole]

stay away too long and you dont have a home to go to. no one tells you that when you leave.

me i've fitted in to many places on the planet, but fitting into the slot i once called home, i doubt it still exists and not sure i would even want to. just a casual drifting away with longer and longer absences to the point of never returning.

Absolutely correct! stay away too long and it's like being dead,people adjust to living without you,and as you are not there to make a contribution to the conversation,it's only past memories,and only a matter of time before you are virtually forgotten. Some can go back and fit in reasonably well,but it's never the same again! one must accept the difference.

Life is all about changes,and nothing lasts forever,friends pass away or move on,it's inevitable, even though we are not there to see the changes back home,they are still happening.

I believe it was the Chinese sage, Mencious, who said that expatriation leads to perpetual disenchantment.

[GuestHouse]

I'd list all the good things about being home, but doing so upsets some members who are of the mind that we can't express any good sentiments about anywhere other than Thailand without by doing so be taking part in slagging Thailand off.

I think that is a great idea. Why don't you find a forum about England and a thread about the good things in England and list them to your hearts content.

Once again, a bit of selective editing to help you reaffirm your own prejudiced views of others who you don't know.

Let me remind you of the sentence that followed the quote you have given.

A good life in Thailand and a good life back home are not mutually exclusive.

[giggles]

is it possible some cant go back because they go back to empty lives ? they have no inner satisfaction and a happy heart which comes from doing things they really enjoy .

swilling Leo in a bar every night and playing blackball is all some guys want out of life so they could live anywhere .

sitting on the beach every day at Ko Samet will drive you crazy in no time.

i once took a thai gal there for a week ,and she was so bored after the first day she went back to BKK .

i looked out the bungalow window next day at the lovely beach and coconut trees and had to agree ,its boring as hell .

[Guest]

is it possible some cant go back because they go back to empty lives ? they have no inner satisfaction and a happy heart which comes from doing things they really enjoy .

swilling Leo in a bar every night and playing blackball is all some guys want out of life so they could live anywhere .

sitting on the beach every day at Ko Samet will drive you crazy in no time.

i once took a thai gal there for a week ,and she was so bored after the first day she went back to BKK .

i looked out the bungalow window next day at the lovely beach and coconut trees and had to agree ,its boring as hell .

Aren't you contradicting yourself?

You talk about lack of inner satisfaction, happy heart while doing something people love.. and boredom which you encountered yourself while being idle.

I would think that people who have inner satisfaction do not get bored while they are are sitting on a lonely beach all alone. They do not need external impulses and action to feel fulfilled. All they need is their own imagination and few ideas to grow.

[NeverSure]

Do you "fit in" here?

I believe I've fitted in very well in Thailand and I have over the years very much enjoyed my time there, many happy memories and many dear friends in Thailand who I plan to visit in the future.

But with respect to the OP's question.

Absolutely I think I would fit in - I've just spent a month back home in the UK - I had a wonderful time and not once did I feel the place rubbing me or making me wish I was not there.

I'd list all the good things about being home, but doing so upsets some members who are of the mind that we can't express any good sentiments about anywhere other than Thailand without by doing so be taking part in slagging Thailand off.

A good life in Thailand and a good life back home are not mutually exclusive.

I would wager that the vast majority of posters who ramble on about the West equating to nanny states, fat 50 year old women, rampant immigration and high taxes lived in some god forsaken industrial town on 40,000 pounds a year. If you have money the UK is a very nice place to live. For the same amount as an overpriced badly constructed Bangkok condo you can have a nice house with beautiful countryside on your doorstep, a BMW for the same price you would pay for a crapanese car in Thailand, excellent restaurants, proper farmers markets that dont sell pesticide laden leaves and proper butchers. If you did well back home and had a well paying job I cant for the life of me think why you would want to give that up to live in the outskirts of Naknon No-nose, or not be able to fit in back home when you see Thailand for what it really is.

Another 180 degree post. Favorite words this time, "Crapanese Car, Proper farmers markets, Proper butchers, Naknon No-nose. What you are or have is a bad case of ethnocentrism. Commonly stated as, whinging. The topic is would you ever fit in back home not the things that are bad about Thailand.

I respectfully disagree. Part of fitting in is mental and part is financial. What I'm trying to say is that it's easier to adjust and adapt to one thing if you really don't like or can't afford the alternative. Part of fitting in anywhere is attitude. If you really don't want to be somewhere, you probably won't fit in. You'll probably fit in better somewhere else.

So those who love, or even prefer Thailand will probably have a harder time fitting in back home than those who prefer home.

As for me, I feel comfortable in my home country and in Thailand so I switch back and forth as do others on this forum.

[allucero]

My experience living here and not long (6 months but visit every year) is every foreigner here has a purpose: they love young boys, love the prostitutes, alcoholics, gay, drug attics, or running from the law... And That is the truth... Now if they go home to wherever they came from, they are not excepted or they are hiding the truth of what they prefer or not excepted in their own countries...

Since you are a foreigner which are you, love young boys, love the prostitutes, alcoholics, gay, drug attics, or running from the law or are you different?

[allucero]

Historyprof... I you know how to read I said I lived there for six months.. That was enough for me. I guess what really affected me while living there was people like you calling yourselves professor and banging little boys. if you are defending that kind of living than stay there because that is where you belong and is likely not excepted in your homeland. Unless you end up in prison which is they other way around, if you know what I mean.. Now Mr. Professor Go Flush Your Head In The Nearest Toilet.

[Aussie Paul]

I didn't fit in before I left - for my whole life - so moot point

[OldChinaHam]

Lived in Thailand for six years. Five years ago I moved back to the US (for work). I've been miserable ever since...but I need to stick it out until retirement before I return to Thailand. I make multiple trips back to Thailand per year, however, and I live for those trips.

I miss the hustle and bustle of Thailand, all the people. I feel so alone and isolated here...I just can't get over how there are no people out walking on the streets, ever.

I'm also sick of the PC liberals, and the obnoxious conservatives (I'm pretty far to the left myself, but I abhor dogmatism). Not that I'm enamored of Thai politics...but I think it's easier to ignore it when you're not a Thai.

I miss the respect one gets with age in Thailand, the general civility and attempt to maintain harmony that guides so much of social relations. People are so rude and aggressive here, and what do you get for your age? Certainly not respect. If you're over 30, and certainly over 40, you're basically a non-person and invisible. Worse even for women than for men.

I hate the way people are so serious about things here, like work...I really miss the Thais' love of leisure and FUN.

So...no, I "can't" go back. At least not for good.

Sounds to me like you need to re-read Thoreau's "Walden". It will do you some good until you do retire and move here for good.

Maybe what you need, also, is a Dacha.

Every Russian worth his/her salt has a Dacha.

Does not cost much, because some of them are not much.

Just some place to retreat to when people get too rude and aggressive for you. (Where do you live, when not in Thailand, anyway? PNG?)

So, you are one after my own heart, and I agree with much of what you say.

Glad I am here, and not in PNG, that is for sure.

Now read your Walden and then build your Dacha.

Thoreau tells you how in his great book.