Do's and Dont's when meeting a thai girls family for the first time?

[ryro88]

Any tips would be much appreciated guys.

[Dr Robert]

Be respectful, but be yourself.

[Puyai]

All depends, if there Hi-so half Chinese Thai then you'd better be on you best behavior, but if there rural farmer isan type, you could probably take the old man a bottle of whiskey and sit down for the night.

Some more information about your girlfriends family might help you get some constructive replies..

[ryro88]

They live in the countryside in ubon ratchatani and from what I can take from the pics I have seen they are not overly wealthy.

[Gsxrnz]

[MrZM]

Be yourself and let them take care of you.

Take spoke prepared food for yourself, make sure your girlfriend explains why. But also try there food.

Ps: keep your wallet at home.

[ryro88]

Is there anything that I should remember not do that would be perfectly normal in the western world tho maybe disrectful to a thai?

[GreenSnapper]

Take off your shoes when in the house.

[benalibina]

Pointing your feet to them whilst sitting down !

[theblether]

I am not taking the p*ss..............

Do..............reduce your expectations, it's not the same as meet the parents back home. You may well end up feeling like a side liked oddity wondering why you are being ignored. I witnessed it happening to a guy this year and it ended up with a cringe worthy moment when the guy complained, his lady passed on the complaint, and the master of the house ( who had been ignoring him ) said "What's wrong with you, can you not relax in my house?".

Deer in the headlights stuff. Take into account that if you cannot converse with them then they may retire embarrassed, and you may even intimidate them a bit as they worry that their home is not good enough for you. It's a common worry among Thais when they know a farang is coming.

Don't..........make any financial promises whatsoever, whatever you promise will be taken as fact. If you don't deliver on said promise your lady will Lose Face and then you are on a magic roundabout of hurt.

If you can get out of this neutral then that is a fantastic result.

[FiftyTwo]

Avoid meeting them, don't visit their home, nothing there for a foreigner.

Are you seriously agreeing to marry the girl?

Because that's what meeting the parents means in a Thai village.

The meeting is called 'promise to marry'.

Edited September 13, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[ryro88]

There's no plans to marry lol it's more or less just a trip to ubon to take a look around and a stop over in her house for a night or two on the way back to Bangkok. I just don't want to insult the family and not knowing I'm doing it that's why any tips would be great. Like the poster above posted about the feet thing I wouldn't have known to do that.

[Ricardo]

In no particular order :-

Take a bottle of J.W. (but not a single-malt, unless you like to drink it with soda) for her father, and give her a budget, to buy appropriate gifts for Mama and the rest of the family.

Speak softly and don't get over-excited or angry.

Don't try to impress them with your wealth, underplay your money, if you have any.

Dress reasonably-smartly, and wear a shirt.

Be prepared for a squatter, not a sit-upon loo.

Smile a lot, especially at your tirak.

[FiftyTwo]

There's no plans to marry lol it's more or less just a trip to ubon to take a look around and a stop over in her house for a night or two on the way back to Bangkok. I just don't want to insult the family and not knowing I'm doing it that's why any tips would be great. Like the poster above posted about the feet thing I wouldn't have known to do that.

If you are staying in her parents house you are definitely making the 'promise to marry'.

You asked about 'things to avoid', I have made the correct cultural reply.

In Thailand, you don't take boyfriends home to meet your parents, only husbands (prospective).

Edited September 13, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[David48]

Better to stay in the Bangkok near the Go Go Bars

You will spend less and have a much more enjoyable time ...

But, if we can't dissuade you ...

Have a good read through the Issan Forum.

Particularly ... (clickable links)

going-to-esaan-to-meet-the-family

village-life-experiences

.

Edited September 13, 2013 by David48

[Songhua]

Do not show affection ie hug, fondle or even hold hands in their presence (at this stage) - particularly in front of her father - it's very bad form.

[jackr]

Do's and Dont's when meeting a thai girls family for the first time?

Don't.

[arthurwait]

Show that you are interested in all things Thai so do your best elephant impression.

[tuky]

It is ok to point your feet at things, no problems.

If you drop some money pick it up with your toes.

When you see someone asleep on the floor it is ok to just step over them.

It is traditional to pat people on the head, it is akin to western handshake.

Feet up on the coffee table is just fine.

When first meeting the parents give them a big hug.

No sniff kissing, must be lip kisses.

It is ok eat with your shirt off.

When sitting around on the floor, make sure you sit in the higher position.

Wai everyone you see, especially the kids, it teaches them good manners.

After eating take the dishes away and start cleaning them yourself.

Never, I repeat never put ice in your beer, they are trying to trick you.

Eat food with your left hand.

These are the simple things I remembered to do when I met my ex-wifes family, it wasn't my fault they were racist and didn't like me.

[khunpa]

Just pay all the expenses (food, whiskey, monk gifts etc.) and remember to smile while spending. Then you will be acting exactly like they want you to and everything will be perfect... Wearing a T-shirt saying "I am your new ATM" also works well.

Oh and if you can eat rice with your fingers and say like a pig while doing it, then you also score some good points.

Have a great trip! :-)

Edited September 13, 2013 by khunpa

[chrisinth]

Be yourself and let them take care of you.

Take spoke prepared food for yourself, make sure your girlfriend explains why. But also try there food.

Ps: keep your wallet at home.

On the food note, make sure you get their religion right, not all are Buddhist.

In certain cases, it may not be appropriate to turn up with bacon sandwiches or pork scratchings................

[Morakot]

Don't try to hold in your breath!

Be polite and enjoy the food offered.

Edited September 13, 2013 by Morakot

[Mighty Mouse]

She is taking you home to meet her parents. That could mean that she has chosen you as 'the one.'

If you regard her as your steady girl and if you have plans to take her home to farangland, then meeting her parents is a must. If and when you apply for a spouse visa, your embassy will want to know how well you know her family. So, take photographs with them.

It would be most unlikely that they can speak English. I hope you are good with sign language. If not, just smile and laugh a lot...but not when they tell you how sick their water buffalo is.

Show some genuine interest in their house and fixtures. If they are proud people they would have done their best to make the premises presentable for your visit.

If you are only visiting for a day, you won't need to plan anything. No need to take them all out to a restaurant and no need to get them all drunk. If it is a hot day, maybe go to the local shop and buy them all an ice cream or ice block.

If you stay overnight, or a few days, they will feed you during your stay. At the end of your stay, a kind gesture on your part would be to hand the mother an envelope containing some money to cover your costs. It won't be asked for but it will be appreciated.

If by some chance they do ask for money, or ask a lot of questions (through their daughter) regarding your financial position, be very concerned.....and start looking for a replacement for your 'steady girl.'

[ToddWeston]

Memorise the word -aroy (even if the food is muck say aroy with a big smile when eating) worked for me and I'm still eating the sh*te the MIL cooks 20 years on.

edit : don't touch the kids on the head like we do in the west big no no for some

Edited September 13, 2013 by ToddWeston

[Morakot]

They are people of very high moral and high standards. The perfect in-laws to have!

[itchybum]

Be yourself and let them take care of you.

Take spoke prepared food for yourself, make sure your girlfriend explains why. But also try there food.

Ps: keep your wallet at home.

Yeah, take your own food and bring out to eat when they are chowing down on whatever, or better sit outside alone and eat it.....great way to impress.

Is there anything that I should remember not do that would be perfectly normal in the western world tho maybe disrectful to a thai?

Dont leave the toilet seat up.

And according to some, dont wear shorts....but that is only if you like to grovel and cannot stand the thought of ever upsetting their sensitive souls.

Dont pick your teeth with your fingers....nor fart at the table...or floor.

[metisdead]

A post has been removed as the reply was made within the quoted post. Even though different colored font was used, still modified the quoted post and in violation of this forum rule:

30) Do not modify someone else's post in your quoted reply, either with font or color changes, added emoticons, or altered wording.

[khunpa]

There's no plans to marry lol it's more or less just a trip to ubon to take a look around and a stop over in her house for a night or two on the way back to Bangkok. I just don't want to insult the family and not knowing I'm doing it that's why any tips would be great. Like the poster above posted about the feet thing I wouldn't have known to do that.

Look at this from their side...

When everybody in the village sees you, they all know what your GF has been doing in the city. Mom and Dad are exposed as the pimps they are - and your GF as a prostitute (which she most likely was).

There is much more at stake than you think, for both the family and your GF. If you think the visit is just "a simple visit", then you are wrong.

And you should actually be worried about the parents and not your GF. Because the parents have full control over the woman you love and they can have her do anything to satisfy their needs.

Your GF, no matter how much she loves you, will always do what her mom and dad tells her to do. Do not take the visit lightly. Analyze her parents and stay there for more than just a couple of days if possible. Try to get to know them and see if they are mainly interested in your money or their daughters happiness. Because the parents will in the end be the ones, who decide if you get scammed or it ends as a happy relationship/marriage.

Edited September 13, 2013 by khunpa

[ryro88]

Just for the record Iam 27 years old and have no big pension nor do I have loads of money in the bank my thai friend knows this. So the suggestion from some that she is planning on marring etc is wrong Imo.

[ryro88]

... I genuinely just think its a vist to see her family and to have a look around ubon nothing more.