Good Thai Foreigner relationships

[northernjohn]

First I would like to state my wife has old time family values.

I recently under went a hip replacement. I am married to a Thai women and have been for seven years,

I posted about the experience on the Chiang Mai forum and was amazed at the response I got when I mentioned that my wife had spent the nights in the room with me her choice not mine or the hospitals

One poster suggested that the hospitals were putting pressure on Thai Families to spend the night with them so as to save on staff. Now I had never thought of it but I will concede that it is a possibility given the condition of the Medical services in Thailand. Larger population centers I am sure have hospitals well equipped with staff but some of the smaller ones might not. Particularly in the smaller villages. I have seen small hospitals in Canada with only a Registered Nurse.

At any rate I would like to hear from some of the successful relationships and the differences you experience from Western Successful relationships.

Money is not an object in mine I have a guaranteed income that is more than sufficient for the bear bones existence Not enough to do any thing I want but enough to do more than exist. I pay my wife enough that she takes care of her mother and the occasional hand to other family members. She surprised me when she came up with 7,000 baht out of her own savings so her son could complete his two years of schooling in electrical engineering. She makes all my clothes for me she puts my shoes on for me and thankfully does little cooking. (she is not a good cook) she does all the washing and cleaning as well as preparation and making sure I take my pills. I am 71 she is 56.

There are times I have to hold her back as it can be a bit to much. If we walk down the street she will point out places I might trip on. There is no way in hell I can explain to her so what I am clumsy and it has been happening all my life. I am an expert at falling. Before my hip problem she was always trying to slow me down as I walked faster than her.

On the other hand there are times I would wish she would not do things but it would be insulting her to not let her do them. I like her putting my shoes on and off and it is OK when I button my shirt up and find another pair of hands there. How ever I can and will pull my pants up.

I have been a bit long winded here but I could and will go on with some of the unexpected joys if this thread takes off.

My question is how do others in successful mixed relation ships get along? Does the idea of Family insisting there is one of them with you at all times when you are in the hospital surprise you. In my case it was not needed but it definatly would have hurt my wife's feelings if I had made her go home.

Yes I am well aware that there are many cases where the man is ripped off. But I would like to hear the other side for a while. I know I am not the only one on it and I am very sure there are many many more.

Edited October 2, 2013 by northernjohn

[Banzai99]

You are gonna get some real cynical answers in this forum.

Edited October 2, 2013 by Banzai99

[northernjohn]

You are gonna get some real cynical answers in this forum.

It would not be Thai Visa if there was not some probably a lot of cynical answers and I have already discounted them and am hoping for some positive ones.

[David48]

I read the post as if it was written by my Grandpa.

Good luck to him ... and his wife.

He's happy, his wife cares about his needs.

Sure, it seems like a symbiotic relationship ... but many successful ones are.

northernjohn ...

.

[jocko]

My Thai wife worries about me more than i do myself and before it starts it's not about money.

Good enough for me.

[sms747]

Don't see the point of the post, bloke is married, wife happy with the payments, they get along-so what?

[cpofc]

Old Time (Thaim) Values.

How to be a good wife – By Sunthorn Phu

Sunthorn Phu lived in Thailand from 1786 to 1856 AD, so his life spanned all the first four reigns of the present Chakri Dynasty in Thailand. Here is Sunthorn Phu’s advice on how to be a goodwife. It is titled “Supasit Sorn Ying,” or translated “Maxims for Teaching Women.”

If your husband loves you, don’t be stubborn; honour him every day; do not be wilful. When it gets dark, you should not stray away but light the lamp, go and see to the bedroom, make and clean the bed, sweep away dust. And every night when he retires to bed crouch at his feet and pay him homage. Never forget! If he is stiff with aches and cramps, ease them with soothing massage. When you go to sleep, be decorous; don’t let your hands and feet stray over him while you are asleep. If you sleep thus your goodness will shine forth.

Don’t go on sleeping till the sun is high; you should get up before your husband, and prepare water for him to wash his face. Then do the cooking and prepare the tray of dishes to give a beautiful effect, along with the spittoon, polished and shining. Make sure no dust is in the drinking water.

And if you know he has to go somewhere but find that he has not yet woken up, then gently get him up without delay to eat his food. Sit near him while he eats, in case anything lacks; don’t give him cause to shout for it. Pay careful heed until he’s finished eating. Then you yourself may eat. Don’t eat before he does; it is not seemly, and he won’t like it.

If your husband is in the Royal service and must go in and out the Royal Palace, then you must prepare his carrying-case with betel and tobacco. Always try to wait on him, serve him, as a friend would do. If you thus serve your husband without fail, then you will prosper and rise in others’ esteem. A true-born lady always shows her nature; don‘t throw your good behaviour to the winds. It is not good to be half-man, half-woman, and no one will admire you for that.

And if your husband should rise up in anger, you should abase yourself to quench his wrath. Do not allow yourself to raise your voice and answer back. If he is fire, you should be as water sprinkled on him. If both of you are aflame, the fire will spread anger which then can never be suppressed. Your private conjugal feelings will escape, to become known to all the world outside. What neighbours didn’t know, they now will know. So therefore, don’t indulge in your own wrath.

Be pleasing to your husband; he will love you dearly. Never fail to do the household chores. And if he should fall ill, do not disturb him but smile, console, be pleasing as before; talk to him only when he’s well again; tend to his needs and pander to his mood. Whatever he doesn’t like, you shouldn’t do. Guard your speech, and don’t be talkative; keep your own counsel don’t show your feelings outside.

All the bad things forbidden by your husband you should avoid; your manners should be thus. Do not be stubborn and neglectful; speak only with sweetness.

But if you have a quarrel with your husband, don’t spread tales of the quarrel behind his back. Always suppress your own emotion and keep it to yourself, don’t let the quarrel linger on; banish its shadow. Then you will be called one who uses her brains and knows how to conceal all evil things.

Do this, and those who know you will admire you and think you clever. And your husband will be pleased.

[soi41]

Don't see the point of the post, bloke is married, wife happy with the payments, they get along-so what?

What a thread killer!!

This is the kind of tread where a mean poster like soi41 would post something like: "Sounds more like a nurse than a wife" or "how much is the rent??

And then all the nice posters will come along and tell him, what a bitter and twisted old man he is! And tell about all the nice small things their partners do for them!

That is the way it is supposed to be, until you came along with your "spoil-the-party" post!

[GuestHouse]

If you've found love, companionship, happiness and someone who shares your values - Do them and yourself a favour.

Do not introduce them into a discussion here on TVF.

[David48]

If you've found love, companionship, happiness and someone who shares your values - Do them and yourself a favour.

Do not introduce them into a discussion here on TVF.

... well, maybe not in the General Forum.

I share your sentiments though GH.

My Lassie and I are 2 peas in the pod ... TWINS you might call us ... fight though sometimes like two cats in a hessian sack ... but that's OK.

Wouldn't be without her ... love of my life she is ...

.

Edited October 2, 2013 by David48

[richard_smith237]

My best mate is Thai and possibly one of the reasons I have stayed in Thailand as long as I have. Through him I've met my Wife and many more friends. My Western friends are also now his friends and vice-versa...

Good Thai / Foreigner relationships... Not only with a significant other but with genuine friends - I'm sure there are many in a similar situation.

[Mr Average]

I pay my wife enough

Better to say that you give her an allowance.

Better still to say that you let her manage the household expenses.

Even better is simply not to discuss your financial arrangements.

Edited October 2, 2013 by Mr Average

[northernjohn]

I pay my wife enough

Better to say that you give her an allowance.

Better still to say that you let her manage the household expenses.

Even better is simply not to discuss your financial arrangements.

I have said she really takes care of me to the point where I have had to say no. I am basically a low maintenance person.

I had mentioned rewards one of them is seeing her happy. It goes with out saying what ever is going on in my life I know there is some one who really cares for me and worries about me.

So far the responses have been better than expected but I had hoped to hear of more good relationships and some of the reasons/benefits from them.

We will see where it goes so far mild cynicism could be worse.

[mrtoad]

This thread so fr as been far to pleasant, none of the usual cynicism.

Good luck to the OP, sounds like he is happy. I am sure there are plenty more happy people around,although TV does bring out the miserable gifts.

[simple1]

OP: So far as Thai wife / family staying with you in hospital this is very normal in Thailand, I would say it it would be unusual not to occur. My wifes brother required a major emergency operation & he was in an open ward. Family members took it in turn to sit next to him, feed him etc for more than a week. One time in Australia I required a few nights stay in hospital & my wife insisted that she stay next to me.

On the other matters such as guiding you when walking, from my experience it's an expression of love and devotion - be happy...

Edited October 2, 2013 by simple1

[bocceball1]

OP ....great to hear life here in Thailand is good to you...."Happy wife....Happy Life"

I am also lucky that I found a great Thai woman....married ten years! Last year she got sick (nothing bad just dehydration ....) and they wanted her to stay for a few nights.....had a couch in the room so I spent two nights with her while she got better. Happy to be there for her as she has always been there for me...That's what a happy union is all about ...isn't it.

[Bcgardener]

What a change ... A positive thread on Thai/Farang relationships. Keep them coming. 16 years and counting for me. I would be lying to say its all been smooth sailing but I wouldn' t have missed a day of it, well maybe 1 or 2 and yes she worries more about me than I worry about myself. She has had free access to all our money for many years and it is normally her that tells me I'm spending too much.

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[i claudius]

20 years ,gone by so quickly ,son in university ,it was only yesterday i was holding his hand to cross the road , we have lived in the UK and here in Thailand ,i doubt i will get another 20 years but how i wish i could as i know she will break her heart when i die

, as would i if she did ,my one consalation is that she will never have to worry about being alone or poor as her familly are not to badly off and they are all very close with her ,as they are with me..

[x0r1987]

I can only go off personal experience, but my GF is easily the most loving, hardest working, girl I have ever been with... We get into fights over the fact I would like her to relax after working from 9am-10pm, but she refuses to do relax until she can cook me food. (odd eating that late i know.. i suffer crones)...

I doubt I could get her to leave my hospital bed... She already hits me up most days about my next doctor appnt (She knows I tend to miss them, forget, ect)..

this is just personal experience, but my mrs is pretty perfect in my eyes. haha. bit lame, but she is .. the fact she earns more and supported us for a few months does not hurt the argument..

[northernjohn]

Really great stuff here I like them all. Some of them serve to remind me of how lucky I am. I picked the General forum as on the Chiang Mai one there was a thread about best hospitals and several of the posts there were shocked that my wife would insist on staying with me just because she cares. It reminded me of the change I have made here being in a relationship with a Thai who has the old time family values. It is so easy to feel alone with all the tales of woe one hears. Even acquaintances always warning that I could lose it all.

They have no idea. I am trying to figure a way that she can have it all if I pass. Every thing here in Thailand is easy but investments back in Canada need working on. I am glad she can not read the method of taking care of your husband from around the year 1800 she would balk at the bed time bit.

Well off to try to do my yearly tomorrow she has every thing copied. I will probably show up to late to have it done tomorrow but she has a reserve plan. We will go to Makro for a shopping trip. Then come in early Friday morning. She will be rite there with me to make sure things get done rite as I can easily misconstrue some thing told me in Thai. Besides she knows as much about the duplicates as they do.

Keep the good stuff coming. Even the not so good so myself and others can remind are selves how lucky we are. Then again I think we all have the one thing in common of respecting are loved ones.

[Munger]

Don't see the point of the post, bloke is married, wife happy with the payments, they get along-so what?

What a thread killer!!

This is the kind of tread where a mean poster like soi41 would post something like: "Sounds more like a nurse than a wife" or "how much is the rent??

And then all the nice posters will come along and tell him, what a bitter and twisted old man he is!

Wrong, "soi 41" is a thai apologist. Why would he say anything negative ? Wise up.

[cpofc]

Really great stuff here I like them all. Some of them serve to remind me of how lucky I am. I picked the General forum as on the Chiang Mai one there was a thread about best hospitals and several of the posts there were shocked that my wife would insist on staying with me just because she cares. It reminded me of the change I have made here being in a relationship with a Thai who has the old time family values. It is so easy to feel alone with all the tales of woe one hears. Even acquaintances always warning that I could lose it all.

They have no idea. I am trying to figure a way that she can have it all if I pass. Every thing here in Thailand is easy but investments back in Canada need working on. I am glad she can not read the method of taking care of your husband from around the year 1800 she would balk at the bed time bit.

Well off to try to do my yearly tomorrow she has every thing copied. I will probably show up to late to have it done tomorrow but she has a reserve plan. We will go to Makro for a shopping trip. Then come in early Friday morning. She will be rite there with me to make sure things get done rite as I can easily misconstrue some thing told me in Thai. Besides she knows as much about the duplicates as they do.

Keep the good stuff coming. Even the not so good so myself and others can remind are selves how lucky we are. Then again I think we all have the one thing in common of respecting are loved ones.

Wasn't long ago I posted in another thread that sometimes I feel as if I am living in a parallel universe sometimes. My wife turned up quite unexpectantly from Oz this week, along with her young sister who is also married to an Australian and lives permanenly in Australia. Plus my other young sister in law from the States. I also have another young sister in law who lives in Bangkok too. All ours/their kids are grown up now and all stayed home this time. So it is just an all sisters Mini-Reunion without husband or kids. (except for me of course, because I'm here). They have been visiting rellies, revisiting their old haunts from their childhood and basically having a sister 'bonding session'.

My Sister in Law from the States needed to do some paper work in order to protect me and ensure my safety and security of tenure here, where I live. The house that I don't own, if you get my drift. It cost her a tidy sum to do it too. There are few people in this world I trust more than her. She is 50+ now, with three groen up kids, and we have been friends since she first started Uni in Bangkok. At a family meeting the other day, one which I was not present, I was the subject of discussion apparently. They were asking my Mother In Law (we live in the same Moo Baan) How was I doing here. Did I have any problems. Was I happy. Etc Etc. Apparently my mother in law got a bit excited. Reckoned if anybody messed with me then they had better watch their back. Very protective she was, so I am lead to believe, The girls were all having a good laugh about it. But then. After all, she is the grandmother of my 26 year old son.

They are all off to the local hospital today to have full medical checks etc. Alot easier and cheapper than to do it at home in Oz and the USA.

My mother in Oz, now 85, has visted Thailand many times as far back as the early 80s. There was even a time when I could, and did, take her on a night out in Patpong. She has visted my Mother in Laws house here in this very Moo Baan on multiple occasions. My mother in law, in turn has been to Australia and the States multiple times, as my father in law has.

I walked away from everything in Oz. Alot actually. Had a gutful.

I don't miss it.

My mother in Oz often reminds me, I am one lucky bastard. Not many people in this world get to do what they want.

mai me pan ha krab.

another story....

The other day they took my Mother In Law (78YO) over to Banbuathong where she was a baby and grew up under the care of her Grandmother. Of course things had changed so much she recognised very little and the day was proving to be a bit of a disappointment. They were stopped on the side of the road and saw a very old woman sitting there. So my Wife and sisters decided to ask her a few questions. Cut a long story short. Turns out she is related (blood) to my Mother In Law! Can you believe that? Made her day.

[InsideOut]

You are gonna get some real cynical answers in this forum.

Thaivvisa forum definitely attracts the bitter and cynical foreigners here in Thailand.

[Alwyn]

I have a question; Are you one of the Waltons?.... Good luck to you mate!

[abrahamzvi]

My Thai wife worries about me more than i do myself and before it starts it's not about money.

Good enough for me.

The same goes for me and we have been married for nearly 25 years. We got married in Europe, lived there for some 10 years and then came to Thailand. My Thai wife adapted herself to some valuable western customs, and at the same time retained some of the Thai customs. The same applies to me and that works extremely well. We have two grown up daughters and the same applies to them. They are, of course, tr lingual, Thai, English and the language of the country they were born in and where they grew up.

[Samaaw]

You have already been married 7 years - you know each other by now and you should know if she cares from for the right reasons.. if you are happy and love each other then don't worry about the things that seem meaningless - live for that happiness you have !

Get well soon !

[Businessman]

11 years married. 15 years together. Best wife. She fits the bill. Educated, vibrant, dedicated.

Life is good.

I do feel sorry for the victimized short-time hubbies. But not evey girl is a scammer. Many nice ones too. Choose carefully

[Kathy2014]

Simple word.....love and taking care each other....it's call love....you are lucky in the hand of a woman who loves you ....and hoping you do love her too.

From a thai woman who loves her husband with all her heart for almost 30 years of marriage and plus 12 years of penpal, since I was a teenager. There are still couple left, who loves and adoring each other for almost half century. I am a thai woman who likes to learn new things, adapt easily in other situation, other perspective, love different culturals and so many more.

YOu too are lucky to have one thai who loves you. In Thailand it's normal to stay in a hospital to taking care their loves one, but if you feel uneasy, you should easily tell her, to rest or coming every second day, but the nurse would need someone to feed you instead of her to do the job.

[AngelsLariat]

I think that both in bar rooms and on ThaiVisa, people greatly underestimate how many Thai-Farang relationships are successful.

[albro]

Thanks for a positive topic, it is greatly appreciated around here. I have been with my Thai wife for 7 years, we met in grad school overseas and I followed her back. Couldn't imagine myself happier with anyone, she'd be a gem in any country. If you found someone who fits that bill for you, then good on you, mate.

Don't be stupid or complacent about any relationship, but also don't assume that every mixed relationship ends up in the 'depressed Pattaya drunk lamenting runaway bar girl' model.