Good Thai Foreigner relationships

[Globeman]

Don't see the point of the post, bloke is married, wife happy with the payments, they get along-so what?

The point is to stimulate some positive postings about mixed relationships on this forum to counterbalance the viewpoint so actively promoted by the more bitter individuals who take up far too much space here that the Thais were just put on this earth to rip off farangs.

If you don't like it, then bugger off to some other thread where you can reinforce your prejudices. Nobody is forcing you to read it.

[Colabamumbai]

You are a very fortunate man to have such a kind loving companion. I only wish the same for myself and all the foreigners spending their lives in Thailand. You mention Canada, am from also , teaching to cover my ass and save some of my small savings till pensionalbe 65.

I married a thai woman and bought her a ring 22K not 24 with stones, a wedding ring for life, after a month she pawned the ring for 2,000 Baht, instead of asking for some money. She got a tenth of the value. She lost me.

[Bpuumike]

You were lucky you only had the wife stay in hospital overnight.

I had to put up with sister-in-law plus hubby in the room overnight and many more during the days. They all meant well though so can't really complain.

Edited October 4, 2013 by Bpuumike

[NoshowJones]

I cannot understand why people give their wives a regular income to provide for their parents and other family members. Do these family members not work or want to work? I have no objections to my wife giving financial help to her parents as she earns her own money, as that is the done thing in Thailand, but there is no way I would ever give financial help to anyone other than my own wife or kids.

[dao16]

Yeah, the hospital thing. It i pretty common where I am here in Thailand. Someone has even a minor ailment and you MUST go visit them, even if they aren't close friends. She is doing the right thing according to Thai custom. Be happy that you have people like that around you. If they don't care about you, it will become apparent IMMEDIATELY as people won't give a rat's ass about what happens to you. It sounds like you have a positive situation.

[zyphodb]

I'm living in Isaan, in the village, built the house & due a baby in 2 weeks or so. Get on v.well with all the relatives, they never try to ponce off me, we are a little bit older though, she's 43 & I'm 51 we have 2 younger kids from previous relationships, bin together for two years, love each other to bits, completely given me a whole new purpose in life after the shit one I was living in the UK... long may it last & if I was to start to die tomorrow I wouldn't regret it for a second... sry to get a bit slushy but that's how I feel...

[Dr Robert]

happily cohabiting with the love of my life; left the west behind and regret nothing. love the people, love the lifestyle, love the attitude that family is first. My own slice of heaven...I only regret not having found this earlier in life.

timely post, thank you OP: some wonderful romantic decent people in here with us...nice feeling to share such joy.

[Naam]

I cannot understand why people give their wives a regular income to provide for their parents and other family members. Do these family members not work or want to work? I have no objections to my wife giving financial help to her parents as she earns her own money, as that is the done thing in Thailand, but there is no way I would ever give financial help to anyone other than my own wife or kids.

you mean even you could financially afford some support you wouldn't mind that your wife's parents, respectively the grandparents of your children (if any), live in misery? i am not referring to any other "family members"!

[truckerjoe]

After two failed marriages to Thai women over the last 30 years, my second marriage ending after my wife left me for

a guy with a much larger disposable income than i had, and in the process left me nearly broke after she claimed the house, car, and emptied the bank account

After that I had only feelings of extreme dislike for Thai women, I remained in Pattaya while trying to get some assets returned from my ex.

In January 2010 I suffered a burst appendix, all though I was very sick and could hardly walk I had no insurance or spare cash to get treatment,

Five days after I became ill I got a call from my first Thai ex Anna, informing me she was in Bangkok on a visit from the UK, , she asked if she could visit me

as she had heard i was having a hard time, and wanted to help.

When she arrived she took one look at me and insisted we visit a hospital immediately, Banglamung hospital in Pattaya confirmed that i needed urgent treatment

but had no doctor available, but would send me by ambulance to a hospital in Chonburi, I decided to grab some clothes from my apt and drive my Anna and I in her

rented car to Chonburi, when I arrived at the hospital they operated within the hour telling me i was close to death, I spent 6 days in a private room paid for by

my ex and she stayed at my bed side for 2 days, until her sister she had sent for arrived to take care of me, (she had to leave for 3 days to Chiang Mai),

on her return she paid the full bill for me and left to fly back to the UK, When I was leaving the hospital I bid farewell to her sister, she pushed an envelope in my hand

and told me it was a get well gift from Anna, It was B50.000 cash. that's when I realized i had been wrong tarring all Thais with the same brush, she owed me nothing

yet gave me so much, Then while I was still recovering at home another girl i had known for a while lent me her car until i returned to the UK in a few months , asking only that if and when she needed it we would swop for her moped, Two act of unsolicited kindness shown to me by Thai women with truly nothing to gain.

[bocceball1]

Met my wife over 10 years ago . Best thing that ever happened to me.

Had a family history of heart problems and was on a statin, blood pressure medicine and daily aspirin. Wife everyday asks me if I took my medicine....ALL the time. She also badgered me daily about going to see a doctor here in Thailand ,,,even though I saw my doctor in the States regularly (think she didn't believe me). I finally relented and told her I would get a heart scan ($150). Did and the doctors said really can't tell as it wasn't clear and that I needed a angiogram , at the time didn't know what one was but if the doctor said I should do one ...well...first I asked how much is it ...he told me $350 ...so I said OK.....When? tomorrow 8am ...OK Does the angiogram (wife spends the night with me) and I find out I have two blocked arteries and some smaller ones. Doctor then says "you want an angioplasty to put in two stents";;;I say "how much"...he says (150,000 baht)...I then ask him why is it so much and why he just didn't do when he had the camera's up my arteries...He said he couldn't with out my permission and that the stents alone (from USA) were 100000 baht.

Told him I would think about it. Went back to the States told my doctor I had two blocked arteries and wanted to see a Heart Specialist (have to be referred)...He said "'So whats the problem you have one good one!" ......make a long story shorter...finally saw the heart specialist who said the same thing but finally relented when I told them they wanted to do the angioplasty the next day in Thailand.

America's Cost .....$70,000.... Nothing to me as insurance paid for it all but sent me the bill anyway

Thailand Cost....$4,000

I know long boring story ....but the point was ...if it wasn't for my Thai wife badgering me about my health ...I would be dead today of a Heart Attack

Lucky I have her.

[Songhua]

Been together 23 years, married for 20 of them. I've stayed over at a hospital when my wife was ill, she's done the same for me and we've both stayed when the kids were sick. Isn't that what husbands and wives do?

We don't complicate the whole thing by viewing one another as the 'Thai wife' and the 'Farang husband' - we're just two people sharing our lives. Others can perceive us how they wish (much of the time they'll be wrong .... but that's their problem not ours).

[BuriramRes]

NorthernJohn, I would like to ask you, did you have your hip operation in Thailand or in your home country?

I am a little older than you. I had a hip operation8 years ago in Australia & it was very successful. The surgeon did me as a private patient in a public ward. He could do this because he does a lot of such operations for public patients there.

He operated on me accepting only the public health fee, being a pension recipient the government paid for the hip device. The most expensive fee I had was for the anaethasist which cost only $2,500 (from memory) & the 4 day hospital stay cost under $300.00. I was on my feet the day after the op & went home on the 4th day. The resulting hip has given me very little problem since (although you always know it is there). Here in Thailand I cycle between 20 & 30kms every second day.

Just over a year ago my other hip started giving me curry with deferred knee pain which gt very bad. After getting back on the bicycle I have managed to keep it at bay but I will have to get it done soon.

I am hoping to go back to AUS by next year to have that done.

My questions are:

(a) Did you have the op here in Thailand?

( How successful has it been?

© If you had it done in Thailand, what hospital & what was the overall cost?

(d) What sort of follow up care are you having?

I have been reluctant to investigate my next op here in Thailand as I have had a lot of horror stories from other people (not necessarily from the Thai practitioners).

As my psudaname suggests, I live in Sayuek (Buriram Provence).

Yes, I am in a successful 6-7 year marriage with my Thai wife.

[NanLaew]

After two failed marriages to Thai women over the last 30 years, my second marriage ending after my wife left me for a guy with a much larger disposable income than i had, and in the process left me nearly broke after she claimed the house, car, and emptied the bank account....

...on her return she paid the full bill for me and left to fly back to the UK, When I was leaving the hospital I bid farewell to her sister, she pushed an envelope in my hand and told me it was a get well gift from Anna, It was B50.000 cash. that's when I realized i had been wrong tarring all Thais with the same brush, she owed me nothing yet gave me so much, Then while I was still recovering at home another girl i had known for a while lent me her car until i returned to the UK in a few months , asking only that if and when she needed it we would swop for her moped, Two act of unsolicited kindness shown to me by Thai women with truly nothing to gain.

On the contrary, the first ex-wife gained immeasurably from taking care of you.

You mention the second ex-wife cleaned you out. That was the one that left you bitter on Pattaya beach. What about the one that preceded her? The one that helped you? Was that a rancorous separation?

Great story by the way. Some of the bitter, twisted and cynical need to take note.

[NanLaew]

Old Time (Thaim) Values.

How to be a good wife By Sunthorn Phu

Sunthorn Phu lived in Thailand from 1786 to 1856 AD, so his life spanned all the first four reigns of the present Chakri Dynasty in Thailand. Here is Sunthorn Phus advice on how to be a goodwife. It is titled Supasit Sorn Ying, or translated Maxims for Teaching Women.

If your husband loves you, dont be stubborn; honour him every day; do not be wilful. When it gets dark, you should not stray away but light the lamp, go and see to the bedroom, make and clean the bed, sweep away dust. And every night when he retires to bed crouch at his feet and pay him homage. Never forget! If he is stiff with aches and cramps, ease them with soothing massage. When you go to sleep, be decorous; dont let your hands and feet stray over him while you are asleep. If you sleep thus your goodness will shine forth.

.....

Do this, and those who know you will admire you and think you clever. And your husband will be pleased.

I am going to get this printed in original Thai script, stick it in a fancy, gilt frame... and hang it on the back of the dunny door.

[stickylies]

I live in total harmony with my neighbour. We eat together, share most of our stuff, etc. Very laidback. He forgives me my little "farang mistakes". I forgive him his "thai ignorance" (guy has never been abroad, doesn't speak english, has barely traveled his own country). He likes easy life and good heart (and boose). I like easy life and good heart (and food). We never complicate things. If it gets too difficult for one of us, we change the subject and smile (or go to sleep).

[burlap]

One more me-too note. I've been with my current Thai GF 7 years now. We have a lot of things going against us, but for some strange reason it's working out. I couldn't be happier, and she seems pretty happy too. I've recently developed Parkinson's disease and she's really made my life a lot easier. Thanks for the topic.

[NoshowJones]

I cannot understand why people give their wives a regular income to provide for their parents and other family members. Do these family members not work or want to work? I have no objections to my wife giving financial help to her parents as she earns her own money, as that is the done thing in Thailand, but there is no way I would ever give financial help to anyone other than my own wife or kids.

you mean even you could financially afford some support you wouldn't mind that your wife's parents, respectively the grandparents of your children (if any), live in misery? i am not referring to any other "family members"!

If my wifes parents are living in misery it is not my fault or responsibility. I made sure what sort of family my wife had before we got together. I was with a few Thai girls before I settled with the girl who is now Mrs Possum, and everyone of them was more interested in what they could get from me, rather than me myself. Mrs Possum was never like that, and that is why we are still together and very happy after eight years. She, her sister and brothers all look after her parents.

[visionchaser45]

Been married to my Thai wife for 10 years. She works in a restaurant and I don't "pay" her at all. I do, however, pay all of our bills and household expenses. She recently bought me 2 baht of gold, just because she wanted to give me something nice. We relate on a level I have never experienced with any other person. Our relationship is based on mature love and mutual respect. Sorry about all the horror stories I read about on this and similar forums, but my relationship is beyond excellent.

[Deerculler]

I have known my wife for 5 years and been together now for almost 4 years.

I was beginning to think that there was not many great relationships here. Thank you northernjohn for staring this thread and the others here who have the guts to stand up.

Sadly, most times we only hear about the bad experiences. My wife such is such a treasure that my only regret is that I never met her years before.

I hope more are not to shy to come foreward and tell us how happy you and your wife are.

Once again northerjohn, many thanks.

[smtolle]

IMO it's pretty simple... Ask yourself why you're here rather than Japan or South Korea. We have more money here, and we have the upper hand. Japanese girls, or South Korean girls can make their own money. They don't need us, if they want a man they can get a Japanese Man, Korean Man same money... Not true in Thailand.

I'll be leaving soon. "Regular" relationships the same as rape. If that's not true, why can't you get them in Korea, Japan or anywhere else you don't have the upper hand financially?

[bocceball1]

“A man approaching retirement called the retirement office to inquire about his pension. Afterward, he was asked if his wife worked. “She’s worked all her life making me happy”, he replied. “Yes sir, but has she earned money to receive her pension?” “When we got married we agreed on an arrangement”, he said. “I would earn the living, and she would make the living worthwhile”.

“Make the living worthwhile”…have we forgotten the very essence of that? Have we forgotten to live for someone else, that doing so IS what makes a living worthwhile?”
― Kelly Crawford

[jbrain]

I cannot understand why people give their wives a regular income to provide for their parents and other family members. Do these family members not work or want to work? I have no objections to my wife giving financial help to her parents as she earns her own money, as that is the done thing in Thailand, but there is no way I would ever give financial help to anyone other than my own wife or kids.

you mean even you could financially afford some support you wouldn't mind that your wife's parents, respectively the grandparents of your children (if any), live in misery? i am not referring to any other "family members"!

Naam, you never heard about the phrase : you can't choose you own family, but you can choose your family in law.

[sdanielmcev]

Thanks for the thread. Much better than the poor, poor, pitiful me ones. I am very happy with Su. Except I can rarely get in the kitchen. And I don't understand ironing T-shirts.

[manjara]

Been married about 11 years now. Have 3 wonderful daughters, one was part of the package, lived in several countries, helped the family improve their lives, bought thai property that I signed away, fought, loved, lived and watched my kids (and my wife) grow.

My wife doesn't cook, rarely cleans, rarely takes care of me, but I could not imagine life without her! there are parts I'd change, but she would also want to change me and that's not going to happen - so we have learned to live with each others faults.

Here's to another 11 years ( then maybe I'll trade her in!

Sent from Thaivisa app on Galaxy S3

[itchybum]

I have good relations.

Thanks for asking.

[northernjohn]

Thank you all for your replies. They reinforce with in me that I am not alone. The rewards for me have been far beyond the normal. Most of my life I lived as a hard man. A loner so to speak. I really lacked the ability to enjoy things that were small to me but big to some one else.

I lived a life of if you have a problem we will fix it. If I have a problem I will fix it. I can remember and never will forget it the amount of pain I went through with the death of a son of mine. I remember the boy friend of one of my room mates yelling at me you SOB you just wont let any one in. At that point I started to let people in a little bit. But it wasn't until 18 years later when I met my wife that I really opened the door to another human being. It is a fantastic experience for me.

To see her making clothes for me or sewing things for others a thing she really enjoys doing but never could because she as a single parent had to raise two children and was working two jobs when I met her. I paid for the sewing machine and lessons to learn to sew. Just to sit there and watch her taking the time to do some thing she enjoyed but never could have before. To see her embroidering some thing she had never had the time to do before. I bought her an I pad and to watch her playing with it and calling her sister in France on skype then the granddaughters come over and she lets them play with it. all these things bring me joy to watch and to know that until we got together these were things beyond her wildest dreams. A whole new me.

There was talk of money Yes I give her more money than she was making working two jobs. As I said she has family values and fully supports her mother money wise. If her sister needs help I am sure she has helped her. Her sister recently borrowed 15,000 baht from me to go to France and live with her boy friend and father of her daughter. She said she would pay me 10,000 baht in two months and then work on the rest when she can get set up in France and do Thai massages. I got the 10,000 as promised. Her brother borrowed 5,000 baht and repaid it 4 months later. I feel like I have a family. I am shall we say on the large size and her brother took a log and put it on a lathe and made a beautiful stool for me. I have a wrought iron chair he has made for me. I have no vehicle nor want one public transportation here in Chiang Mai is cheap and easy to get.

How ever now that her daughter and son in law have moved to Chiang Mai I almost have to sneak out of the house if I want to use a tuck tuck or Rodang sorry about the spelling. If one of the two are off shift she insists on them taking me. Two granddaughters. I have 4 of my own by one of my sons. they are in two different sets from two wife's. They were raised half a continent away from me. I had to ask my EX how to act around them it is a new and wonderful feeling for me.

With money I freely gave it to her daughter who now works as a trained nurses aide and her son as an electrical engineer. It is a good feeling to know that they will be able to have a better life and so will their children. It is not about money it is what I do with it. When I agreed to pay for two years of schooling for her son to become an electrical engineer I had a hole in my stomach. After receiving the request I told her I would do it. To see her reaction made the whole thing worth it. She tried to hide her face with her hands and started mumbling about the boys father would never do any thing for him. It was priceless. I do not regret one baht of it.

I thought this thread had died and did not look at it for a while then I saw it had come back and I read every one of the posts including the first 22 I had already read and tears started coming to my eyes. This is a new me that I like. It can be scarey at times like with the granddaughters but the rewards are great beyond any thing I had ever expected or hoped for in my life. I see as I type there is three four more posts I hope they keep coming. We all know there are sorry stories always some body willing to tell it but not that often do we here the rewarding ones we just sit aside thinking for the most part how lucky we are and if like me how alone I was with these feelings. As I said reading these posts tears were coming to my eyes. For some it is for the wonderful things that have happened in their life's and others for the things they are missing.

I really liked trucker Joe with his story of the two wife's. Reminds me of my first wife. we have been apart now for about 28 years and yet she is my best friend. We should never have married each other. She is truly a beautiful human being just not the one for me.

[northernjohn]

Forgot to mention if I had enough I likes I would give you all one,

[atyclb]

Old Time (Thaim) Values.

How to be a good wife – By Sunthorn Phu

Sunthorn Phu lived in Thailand from 1786 to 1856 AD, so his life spanned all the first four reigns of the present Chakri Dynasty in Thailand. Here is Sunthorn Phu’s advice on how to be a goodwife. It is titled “Supasit Sorn Ying,” or translated “Maxims for Teaching Women.”

If your husband loves you, don’t be stubborn; honour him every day; do not be wilful. When it gets dark, you should not stray away but light the lamp, go and see to the bedroom, make and clean the bed, sweep away dust. And every night when he retires to bed crouch at his feet and pay him homage. Never forget! If he is stiff with aches and cramps, ease them with soothing massage. When you go to sleep, be decorous; don’t let your hands and feet stray over him while you are asleep. If you sleep thus your goodness will shine forth.

Don’t go on sleeping till the sun is high; you should get up before your husband, and prepare water for him to wash his face. Then do the cooking and prepare the tray of dishes to give a beautiful effect, along with the spittoon, polished and shining. Make sure no dust is in the drinking water.

And if you know he has to go somewhere but find that he has not yet woken up, then gently get him up without delay to eat his food. Sit near him while he eats, in case anything lacks; don’t give him cause to shout for it. Pay careful heed until he’s finished eating. Then you yourself may eat. Don’t eat before he does; it is not seemly, and he won’t like it.

If your husband is in the Royal service and must go in and out the Royal Palace, then you must prepare his carrying-case with betel and tobacco. Always try to wait on him, serve him, as a friend would do. If you thus serve your husband without fail, then you will prosper and rise in others’ esteem. A true-born lady always shows her nature; don‘t throw your good behaviour to the winds. It is not good to be half-man, half-woman, and no one will admire you for that.

And if your husband should rise up in anger, you should abase yourself to quench his wrath. Do not allow yourself to raise your voice and answer back. If he is fire, you should be as water sprinkled on him. If both of you are aflame, the fire will spread anger which then can never be suppressed. Your private conjugal feelings will escape, to become known to all the world outside. What neighbours didn’t know, they now will know. So therefore, don’t indulge in your own wrath.

Be pleasing to your husband; he will love you dearly. Never fail to do the household chores. And if he should fall ill, do not disturb him but smile, console, be pleasing as before; talk to him only when he’s well again; tend to his needs and pander to his mood. Whatever he doesn’t like, you shouldn’t do. Guard your speech, and don’t be talkative; keep your own counsel don’t show your feelings outside.

All the bad things forbidden by your husband you should avoid; your manners should be thus. Do not be stubborn and neglectful; speak only with sweetness.

But if you have a quarrel with your husband, don’t spread tales of the quarrel behind his back. Always suppress your own emotion and keep it to yourself, don’t let the quarrel linger on; banish its shadow. Then you will be called one who uses her brains and knows how to conceal all evil things.

Do this, and those who know you will admire you and think you clever. And your husband will be pleased.

Although I consider myself open minded, progressive, and not overly in accord with the feminist movement, I think I will side with them (feminists) in respect to the above article on how a woman should treat her husband. I guess some like living under feudal society mores.

[burlap]

. "Regular" relationships the same as rape. If that's not true, why can't you get them in Korea, Japan or anywhere else you don't have the upper hand financially?

It's not rape if it's consensual. Even if there is a difference in economic background.

[Rumpole]

Heartening thread, this. Has certainly lifted my spirits.