Good Thai Foreigner relationships

[kikoman]

I have been married to my wife for 8 years and have been extremely happy. She is not only my wife she is my very best friend, constant companion, 120% care giver. and the love of my life!

I can not imagine living my life without her, she does everything for me and has learned to be a great cook of Mexican food. She handles all the family finances and has done so for 8 years, I built our home for her and she will receive everything that I own, when my time has come to part.

Not only have I been blessed with the best wife in the world, I also married into a good, loving and caring Thai family.

The best decision I ever made was to more to Amazing Thailand, and make my home in such a great country.

Cheers:

[SeabagsFull]

Perhaps the first mostly positive thread I've read on ThaiVisa since I first started visiting the site in 2004.

As with Richardsmith237 post #11, my best friend is also a Thai, a pilot I met when serving in a UN mission in 1994. After retiring from the Navy in 1999 & undertaking 11 months of treatment for an illness, I settled down to "couch potato" status as I watched my daughter graduate from college & leave home. I'd get up, jog. shower, eat, spend most of the day on the computer, eat again, watch TV, & go to bed. I sometimes visited a local Taekwondo school to help out the instructor, but I lost the energetic excitement I had for the art since having to cease practicing during my medical treatments. I continued my mail & email relationship throughout, with my friend continually saying, "come to Thailand!". But I felt old & "comfortable" in my rut & didn't relish all the hoops I'd have to jump to actually leave.

One day in 2003, my daughter said, "Dad, why not sell the house & go see your friend in Thailand. So on a whim, I put my house on the market in Fresno. A week later, I closed for twice the price I'd paid five years earlier!

I met my wife in Thailand shortly after & married her in 2004. Nine years later & we've had our first child together, a daughter. My life has been amazing this entire time.

While in Thailand, I built my wife a house in Udon Thani in her name with no protective documentation for myself, where we lived for seven years. My best friend said to me, "if I trust her she will trust me." As with other posters, we had our cultural differences. Recommended by a friend, early on I had read a book called Thailand Fever that helped me to understand Thai ways & nuances much better. All our Thai bank accounts have been joint. When we sold our house in 2010, she wired 3.8M baht to my U.S. bank account. Talk about trust! Shortly after, we moved to NW Washington state in the U.S.

As with many other posters, I too had major surgery (i.e., back) in Thailand. A nurse friend of ours working at the local government hospital referred me to a Neurosurgeon she knew. He performed the surgery on me at Udon Thani Hospital; total cost for a six-hour surgery, materials (set of 8 titanium screws), & six nights stay was about $120K baht. To pay for the operation, my wife put up her diamond-based jewelry as collateral for 100K baht & sold her 3 baht gold necklace; this action by my wife brought tears to my eyes. Once I was reimbursed by the VA under the FMP, we retrieved the jewelry. Of course, my wife & her grandmother spent the entire six days by my side.

To Buriramres post #42, I believe you can get quality surgery in Thailand for any condition, but you do have to do a little research. According to friends, the good doctors are the ones who have successful clinics with hospital admitting priviledges. Most of these will also have western-school graduation certificates hanging on their walls. It's also true that if money is not an issue, you can pick one of the more expensive hospitals such as Bumrungrad in Bangkok, but it is not necessary if you're willing to do your homework.

Now for the kicker. I am 25 years older than my wife & met her in a bar . She's a free spirit who chose to break the shackles thrown around her neck by tradition & culture. I love my wife dearly, & I'm very happy to hear that I'm not the only one saying, "yes, it can be done!".

Edited October 4, 2013 by SeabagsFull

[David48]

Now for the kicker. I am 25 years older than my wife & met her in a bar . She's a free spirit who chose to break the shackles thrown around her neck by tradition & culture. I love my wife dearly, & I'm very happy to hear that I'm not the only one saying, "yes, it can be done!".

I like stories with happy endings.

May I ask, what the age of your partner when you met her?

.

[SeabagsFull]

Now for the kicker. I am 25 years older than my wife & met her in a bar . She's a free spirit who chose to break the shackles thrown around her neck by tradition & culture. I love my wife dearly, & I'm very happy to hear that I'm not the only one saying, "yes, it can be done!".

I like stories with happy endings.

May I ask, what the age of your partner when you met her?

.

To David48 post #63: Then in May 2004, she was 23 & I was 48. Now she's 33 & I'm almost 58. Interestingly, I think it is my age that makes her appreciate her youthfulness more.

[Naam]

I cannot understand why people give their wives a regular income to provide for their parents and other family members. Do these family members not work or want to work? I have no objections to my wife giving financial help to her parents as she earns her own money, as that is the done thing in Thailand, but there is no way I would ever give financial help to anyone other than my own wife or kids.

you mean even you could financially afford some support you wouldn't mind that your wife's parents, respectively the grandparents of your children (if any), live in misery? i am not referring to any other "family members"!

Naam, you never heard about the phrase : you can't choose you own family, but you can choose your family in law.

that is not only irrelevant as far as my question is concerned but also totally wrong. one does not choose a wife based on her family background.

that is of course my personal view. mileages of others may differ.

[NoshowJones]

I cannot understand why people give their wives a regular income to provide for their parents and other family members. Do these family members not work or want to work? I have no objections to my wife giving financial help to her parents as she earns her own money, as that is the done thing in Thailand, but there is no way I would ever give financial help to anyone other than my own wife or kids.

you mean even you could financially afford some support you wouldn't mind that your wife's parents, respectively the grandparents of your children (if any), live in misery? i am not referring to any other "family members"!

Naam, you never heard about the phrase : you can't choose you own family, but you can choose your family in law.

that is not only irrelevant as far as my question is concerned but also totally wrong. one does not choose a wife based on her family background.

that is of course my personal view. mileages of others may differ.

Mr Naam, that was Jbrains quote, not mine.

[Bcgardener]

Great stories and have enjoyed reading all of them. There had to be good marriages out there.

I guess it's like most things the minority with an issue are more motivated to get out there and comment than the ones living a comfortable and contented life. Like any marriage I am sure everyone has had their good and bad moments but it would be very boring for both parties if there wasn't some heated "discussion" or disagreements on some issues. It's usually after some disagreement between my wife and myself, and the subsequent reconciliation and apologies , that you realise how much your life partner means to you, and how empty you life would be without them.

Keep the good stuff coming. I doubt we can overwhelm the negative posters but at least we can put up a good fight.

[cpofc]

Old Time (Thaim) Values.

How to be a good wife – By Sunthorn Phu

Sunthorn Phu lived in Thailand from 1786 to 1856 AD, so his life spanned all the first four reigns of the present Chakri Dynasty in Thailand. Here is Sunthorn Phu’s advice on how to be a goodwife. It is titled “Supasit Sorn Ying,” or translated “Maxims for Teaching Women.”

If your husband loves you, don’t be stubborn; honour him every day; do not be wilful. When it gets dark, you should not stray away but light the lamp, go and see to the bedroom, make and clean the bed, sweep away dust. And every night when he retires to bed crouch at his feet and pay him homage. Never forget! If he is stiff with aches and cramps, ease them with soothing massage. When you go to sleep, be decorous; don’t let your hands and feet stray over him while you are asleep. If you sleep thus your goodness will shine forth.

Don’t go on sleeping till the sun is high; you should get up before your husband, and prepare water for him to wash his face. Then do the cooking and prepare the tray of dishes to give a beautiful effect, along with the spittoon, polished and shining. Make sure no dust is in the drinking water.

And if you know he has to go somewhere but find that he has not yet woken up, then gently get him up without delay to eat his food. Sit near him while he eats, in case anything lacks; don’t give him cause to shout for it. Pay careful heed until he’s finished eating. Then you yourself may eat. Don’t eat before he does; it is not seemly, and he won’t like it.

If your husband is in the Royal service and must go in and out the Royal Palace, then you must prepare his carrying-case with betel and tobacco. Always try to wait on him, serve him, as a friend would do. If you thus serve your husband without fail, then you will prosper and rise in others’ esteem. A true-born lady always shows her nature; don‘t throw your good behaviour to the winds. It is not good to be half-man, half-woman, and no one will admire you for that.

And if your husband should rise up in anger, you should abase yourself to quench his wrath. Do not allow yourself to raise your voice and answer back. If he is fire, you should be as water sprinkled on him. If both of you are aflame, the fire will spread anger which then can never be suppressed. Your private conjugal feelings will escape, to become known to all the world outside. What neighbours didn’t know, they now will know. So therefore, don’t indulge in your own wrath.

Be pleasing to your husband; he will love you dearly. Never fail to do the household chores. And if he should fall ill, do not disturb him but smile, console, be pleasing as before; talk to him only when he’s well again; tend to his needs and pander to his mood. Whatever he doesn’t like, you shouldn’t do. Guard your speech, and don’t be talkative; keep your own counsel don’t show your feelings outside.

All the bad things forbidden by your husband you should avoid; your manners should be thus. Do not be stubborn and neglectful; speak only with sweetness.

But if you have a quarrel with your husband, don’t spread tales of the quarrel behind his back. Always suppress your own emotion and keep it to yourself, don’t let the quarrel linger on; banish its shadow. Then you will be called one who uses her brains and knows how to conceal all evil things.

Do this, and those who know you will admire you and think you clever. And your husband will be pleased.

Although I consider myself open minded, progressive, and not overly in accord with the feminist movement, I think I will side with them (feminists) in respect to the above article on how a woman should treat her husband. I guess some like living under feudal society mores.

An 'Article'? yes it made all the newspapers of the day LOL

So pleased to hear you are open minded and progressive and I do apologise, had I known people like yourself would take it seriously I would have refrained from posting it.

It was formally known as 'Women's Suffrage'. Not the 'Feminist Movement'

Thailand was the first country in the world in which women received suffrage at the same time as men without any controversy. Women received legal suffrage in 1897, long before women in the United States or most other western countries. Save for NZ in 1893. Australia followed next a few years later.

http://learnthaiwithmod.com/2013/06/sunthorn-phu-day/

Sunthorn Phu ( 1786–1855) is Thailand's best-known poet. His most popular single work is the 30,000-line epic Phra Aphai Mani. His common name is from a part of his Royal given name Phra Sunthorn Vohara , combined with his birth name, Phu.

A commoner, Sunthorn Phu broke from tradition by writing in more ordinary language and about less-elevated topics than previous writers.

He was born in the riegn of King Bhuddha Yodfa Chulaloke. On June 26 1786, he was behind the palace where the Bangkok-Noi train station was located. His father was from Rayong province. His mother was from another province. Sunthorn Phu was born after Bangkok city was established. His father and his mother divorced, and then his father became a monk at Bangrum temple. where he was originally from and his mother went to serve princess as a wet nurse. Sunthorn Phu had an opportunity to work in the palace with his mother. Sunthorn Phu felt in love with a lady in the palace. Her name was Jun who was related to the Royal family. They were punished and arrested because their relationship violated the traditional social order. When the king died they were pardoned. Following the pardon, Sunthorn Phu went to visit his father who lived in Rayong province. While he was returning to Rayong he wrote a poem called “Nirat Muang Grang " which became one of his most famous poems . The poem described his journey with great detail. He wrote the poem for his fiancé, Jun. After he returned to the palace in Bangkok he married Jun and they had a son named "Pat" and appointed court poet, before becoming an alcoholic, being left by his wife, and, around 1821, being jailed after a fight. The couple was not married long. After Sunthorn Phu's love affair with another woman, the couple divorced and went their separate ways. This was the first of many marriages ending in divorce. The wife whom he loves the most was Jun.

During Rama II era, the king was very pleased with Sunthorn Phu. The king was so pleased with Sunthorn Phu, in fact, that he was promoted to be Khun Sunthorn Voharn. In King Rama III monanchy, Sunthorn Phu made one detrimental mistake by correcting the king's poem in the presence of the king and King's officers. Sunthorn Phu was stripped of his farmer title as punishment. He entered the Buddhist priesthood but eventually left the priesthood to become a merchant. King Rama IV's princess read his poems called “Phra Apai Manee ". She was very pleased and she asked him to finish the poem. The King Rama IV promoted him to Phra Sunthorn Voharn. He spent the rest of life at peace until he died in 1855. He left behind a legacy of poems that have become famous over time because they describe Thai history. Thai people now study his poems to learn about the history of their country. His poetic works were honored by UNESCO.

He began the epic poem, Phra Aphai Mani in prison, and published it in installments over the next 20 years. The epic tale follows the title character, Prince Aphai Mani, a Byronic hero, in his romantic adventures throughout ancient Thailand.

Sunthorn's nine Nirats, which record his associations between memories and sites he visited, are also popular.

He was out of favor during the reign of Rama III (1824–1851), whose writings he had once criticized. At one point he was driven by poverty to become a monk.

[truckerjoe]

Met my wife over 10 years ago . Best thing that ever happened to me.

Had a family history of heart problems and was on a statin, blood pressure medicine and daily aspirin. Wife everyday asks me if I took my medicine....ALL the time. She also badgered me daily about going to see a doctor here in Thailand ,,,even though I saw my doctor in the States regularly (think she didn't believe me). I finally relented and told her I would get a heart scan ($150). Did and the doctors said really can't tell as it wasn't clear and that I needed a angiogram , at the time didn't know what one was but if the doctor said I should do one ...well...first I asked how much is it ...he told me $350 ...so I said OK.....When? tomorrow 8am ...OK Does the angiogram (wife spends the night with me) and I find out I have two blocked arteries and some smaller ones. Doctor then says "you want an angioplasty to put in two stents";;;I say "how much"...he says (150,000 baht)...I then ask him why is it so much and why he just didn't do when he had the camera's up my arteries...He said he couldn't with out my permission and that the stents alone (from USA) were 100000 baht.

Told him I would think about it. Went back to the States told my doctor I had two blocked arteries and wanted to see a Heart Specialist (have to be referred)...He said "'So whats the problem you have one good one!" ......make a long story shorter...finally saw the heart specialist who said the same thing but finally relented when I told them they wanted to do the angioplasty the next day in Thailand.

America's Cost .....$70,000.... Nothing to me as insurance paid for it all but sent me the bill anyway

Thailand Cost....$4,000

I know long boring story ....but the point was ...if it wasn't for my Thai wife badgering me about my health ...I would be dead today of a Heart Attack

Lucky I have her.

B150.000 is very good price for two stents, my pal in Pattaya paid B600.000 for the same operation at Bangkok-Pattaya hospital.

All the best to you.

[northernjohn]

(a) Did you have the op here in Thailand?

( How successful has it been?

© If you had it done in Thailand, what hospital & what was the overall cost?

(d) What sort of follow up care are you having?

I have been reluctant to investigate my next op here in Thailand as I have had a lot of horror stories from other people (not necessarily from the Thai practitioners).

As my psudaname suggests, I live in Sayuek (Buriram Provence).

Yes, I am in a successful 6-7 year marriage with my Thai wife.

Sorry for the delay yes it was done here in Chiang Mai at Rafavej Hospital. Very happy with the results cost $6,150 Canadian all in.

Plus 18,000 baht to get injections twice a day to replace the wharfin I had been taking. It is a super blood thinner can't have that in an operation. They even have you stop taking Aspirin three days before they operate.

edit

I sent you details in a PM see your inbox.

Edited October 5, 2013 by northernjohn

[frank1965]

I was almost worried that my marriage isn't normal, so many negative posts i read about relations with Thai woman. I also was brought to a hospital (Buriram), my wife found me in the living-room when i had a brain stroke. She also stayed with me while covering at the hospital, as her parents and other relatives paid much attention to me.

Caring, trust and loving, she invented it and make me feel as never before! We have shared accounts, she does my administration, cooks delicious food for me and even learned to prepare me a Dutch meal!

[Naam]

I cannot understand why people give their wives a regular income to provide for their parents and other family members. Do these family members not work or want to work? I have no objections to my wife giving financial help to her parents as she earns her own money, as that is the done thing in Thailand, but there is no way I would ever give financial help to anyone other than my own wife or kids.

you mean even you could financially afford some support you wouldn't mind that your wife's parents, respectively the grandparents of your children (if any), live in misery? i am not referring to any other "family members"!

Mr Naam, that was Jbrains quote, not mine.

this is your quote and my question. still waiting for your answer.

[NoshowJones]

I cannot understand why people give their wives a regular income to provide for their parents and other family members. Do these family members not work or want to work? I have no objections to my wife giving financial help to her parents as she earns her own money, as that is the done thing in Thailand, but there is no way I would ever give financial help to anyone other than my own wife or kids.

you mean even you could financially afford some support you wouldn't mind that your wife's parents, respectively the grandparents of your children (if any), live in misery? i am not referring to any other "family members"!

Mr Naam, that was Jbrains quote, not mine.

this is your quote and my question. still waiting for your answer.

OK Mr Naam, what exactly do you want an answer to?

[weegee]

Thanks to all the posters on this thread, there will be a great many readers who definitely will feel lifted by the posts of honesty raising it's head....good stuff.

But Kikoman should realize it is impossible to have the best wife in the world, she belongs to me and I don't share....

[geraldb]

From the number of my posts you can see I'm normally not responding to any posts.

But for this one I will make an exception. The reason is that too many posts I have been following were so negative, that I was thinking that I am not normal.

I met my wife 2004, married in Germany in 2006 and have been happy ever after.

She did and does everything for me. Followed me to a foreign country, learned the language, takes care of me, works to make the bank account grow,

So many times I had been warned about those bad Thai women just wanting to suck money out from the farang from all kind of people here and also by people living in Thailand with their wifes.

I never understood, why they warned me about something, they were doing themselves.

Once I was with a friend, whose mum was asking me about my then new realtionship.

She had heard about the comments of others and then said to me : Do you love her ? Do you think she loves you ? And if you do, would you spend money on her ?

I said yes to all three. So she answered : If you are having a good time now and possibly for some more years, what would you have lost ?

That money would have been well spent. The old lady was more than 80 years old then.

Now we are still happy together and live our life here, and even though she is now 27 and i'm almost 55, we are still hapy together and are working to be able to move to Thailand once we have

enough money as a basis to live there. Hpefully another 7 years to save and we are off.

For my old marriage I spent over the 22 years some ~200.000 € and after the divorce was left with my car and two suitcases containing all my belongings.

So what is the difference then between a demanding wife in Europe or in Thailand.

About the family I 'married' : They were never demanding anything from me, except what I was giving to them out of my own free decision.

My wife and I have come to the conclusion that we will support them with a yearly allowance which is around 120 € per month and what we take to Thailand on our yearly visit to the parents.

My wife told her father that if the money was used up in January and the rest of the year is left, there will be no more money coming. It was not my idea to set the limit as hard as she did.

My parents in law are poor farmers in the Isaan and would always have a demand for money, but they never asked me for it. They have accepted me as a member of the family and also with the rest of the family, I am quite happy, except two or three, but there are 'black sheep' in every family.

Thanks to the OP for this thread as it showed to me, that I don't need to be afraid to be betrayed, as there seem to be a lot of others, who managed to live a happy live in Thailand with their partners.

I want to close with the praise of my wife. She is the sun of my life who brought back the color to my life and makes my live a little bit more worth living it every day.

[Naam]

Possum

OK Mr Naam, what exactly do you want an answer to?

what part of my question

"you mean even [if] you could financially afford some support you wouldn't mind that your wife's parents, respectively the grandparents of your children (if any), live in misery?"

is it you don't understand?

[peebee]

My wife and I met at DM airport when we were both 28, got to know one another by writing letters - remember life before the internet and emails? - and married a year later. After 31 years together, we have retired so we can spend more time together enjoying life rather than spending more of our healthy years working for more money. We worked hard for all those years to get ahead and had some tough times but our commitment to each other and our happiness as a family never changed. We have 2 terrific adult sons who are well educated and making their own way in the world.

We spend part of each year living in Thailand and part in Australia. We enjoy both places and expect to continue sharing our years between both countries.

My family in Australia and her family in Thailand are great people and they have visited each other and get along well. My mother-in-law has also done the hard yards, raising 9 kids and running the family business after her husband died relatively young, so she is 'the boss' and takes no crap from anyone. But she gives me (and my wife) a hug every time we arrive and before I depart. Great MIL. Sisters-in-law also give us hugs. The rest of my in-laws - aunts, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, nephews and nieces - are all great and we get along very well. I suspect it helps things that most of my wife's family (apart from MIL) can understand and speak English quite well, some very well (while my Thai is limited but is a worthy contributor to family amusement), and that brothers and sisters (in both families) are similar ages, have similar education, similar work and business backgrounds, and no-one needs money from anyone else.

My wife also thinks the world of my family. I remember when she first arrived at Melbourne airport, my parents drove 7 hours that day just to meet and welcome her, so she knew she was part of my family too.

There are no foreigners in our families, just good, loving people.

We are no doubt fortunate, but I don't believe we are at all unusual.

[BuriramRes]

(a) Did you have the op here in Thailand?

( How successful has it been?

© If you had it done in Thailand, what hospital & what was the overall cost?

(d) What sort of follow up care are you having?

I have been reluctant to investigate my next op here in Thailand as I have had a lot of horror stories from other people (not necessarily from the Thai practitioners).

As my psudaname suggests, I live in Sayuek (Buriram Provence).

Yes, I am in a successful 6-7 year marriage with my Thai wife.

Sorry for the delay yes it was done here in Chiang Mai at Rafavej Hospital. Very happy with the results cost $6,150 Canadian all in.

Plus 18,000 baht to get injections twice a day to replace the wharfin I had been taking. It is a super blood thinner can't have that in an operation. They even have you stop taking Aspirin three days before they operate.

edit

I sent you details in a PM see your inbox.

Replied to your PM.

[Bpuumike]

Perhaps the first mostly positive thread I've read on ThaiVisa since I first started visiting the site in 2004.

As with Richardsmith237 post #11, my best friend is also a Thai, a pilot I met when serving in a UN mission in 1994. After retiring from the Navy in 1999 & undertaking 11 months of treatment for an illness, I settled down to "couch potato" status as I watched my daughter graduate from college & leave home. I'd get up, jog. shower, eat, spend most of the day on the computer, eat again, watch TV, & go to bed. I sometimes visited a local Taekwondo school to help out the instructor, but I lost the energetic excitement I had for the art since having to cease practicing during my medical treatments. I continued my mail & email relationship throughout, with my friend continually saying, "come to Thailand!". But I felt old & "comfortable" in my rut & didn't relish all the hoops I'd have to jump to actually leave.

One day in 2003, my daughter said, "Dad, why not sell the house & go see your friend in Thailand. So on a whim, I put my house on the market in Fresno. A week later, I closed for twice the price I'd paid five years earlier!

I met my wife in Thailand shortly after & married her in 2004. Nine years later & we've had our first child together, a daughter. My life has been amazing this entire time.

While in Thailand, I built my wife a house in Udon Thani in her name with no protective documentation for myself, where we lived for seven years. My best friend said to me, "if I trust her she will trust me." As with other posters, we had our cultural differences. Recommended by a friend, early on I had read a book called Thailand Fever that helped me to understand Thai ways & nuances much better. All our Thai bank accounts have been joint. When we sold our house in 2010, she wired 3.8M baht to my U.S. bank account. Talk about trust! Shortly after, we moved to NW Washington state in the U.S.

As with many other posters, I too had major surgery (i.e., back) in Thailand. A nurse friend of ours working at the local government hospital referred me to a Neurosurgeon she knew. He performed the surgery on me at Udon Thani Hospital; total cost for a six-hour surgery, materials (set of 8 titanium screws), & six nights stay was about $120K baht. To pay for the operation, my wife put up her diamond-based jewelry as collateral for 100K baht & sold her 3 baht gold necklace; this action by my wife brought tears to my eyes. Once I was reimbursed by the VA under the FMP, we retrieved the jewelry. Of course, my wife & her grandmother spent the entire six days by my side.

To Buriramres post #42, I believe you can get quality surgery in Thailand for any condition, but you do have to do a little research. According to friends, the good doctors are the ones who have successful clinics with hospital admitting priviledges. Most of these will also have western-school graduation certificates hanging on their walls. It's also true that if money is not an issue, you can pick one of the more expensive hospitals such as Bumrungrad in Bangkok, but it is not necessary if you're willing to do your homework.

Now for the kicker. I am 25 years older than my wife & met her in a bar . She's a free spirit who chose to break the shackles thrown around her neck by tradition & culture. I love my wife dearly, & I'm very happy to hear that I'm not the only one saying, "yes, it can be done!".

Nice post and wish you continuing good fortune