Sin Sod

[JeffreyWitty]

OP,

You should not have to pay Sin Sod. If they expect it, bring up the fact:

1 She has been married before.

2. It's not your culture. Why do you have to respect their wedding traditions whey they cannot respect yours?

To make things go easy, I recommend (and did) this:

1. Pay for the whole wedding and party out of your pocket.

2. Make a Sin Sod plate of money and gold that the future in-laws can use to show off to their friends BUT with the understanding it comes back to you - all of it - the next day. This way, they save face and you save money.

[Kerryd]

I keep telling the girls that they had to pay Sin Sot for me ! I usually demand no less than a new house (3 bedroom, detached, on a couple rai of land at least) as well as gold, cash and 2 buffalo, 'cause I'm not a greedy kind of guy.

Tell them that you were born and raised in India and that in your culture, the girls parents have to pay dowry !

[gopis108]

Only a fool would pay anything for a prize that has already been enjoyed by who knows how many-you would have to be totally daft to even think about that.As has been said many times-why buy the cow when milk is cheap.Do like this-since you are paying for everything then maybe in a few months-years-she is gone with your house and car-so tell her if she is still with you after ten years of serving you faithfully-then you will think about rewarding her.Only a fool pays THE ENTIRE BILL FOR ANY SERVICE-THEN YOU KNOW YOU WILL AUTOMATICALLY BE PLACED AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LIST AND WAIT-BECAUSE THEY ALREADY HAVE YOUR MONEY. CHEErS AND WAKE UP AND DONT BE ENTHRALLED with THE FIRST GIRL WHO SMILES AT YOU IN Thailand-THERe ARE MANY OTHERS SO BE VERY CERTAIN WHO YOU ARE DEALING WITH.iF THEY IMMEDIately come with the money demands run away fast.

[Tatsujin]

Sin Sod . . . don't do it . . . especially if she's been married twice before.

Why? You're not Thai. Besides (for me) it's against my religion.

[ronthai]

Don't listen to the negative people here about marriage.

Listen to the realistic ones, like me.

DON'T MARRY

[planetdweller]

She may be playing you for the long game. Careful, the road to Love and Happy Endings in Thailand is littered with casualties. That sin sod baloney is all part of the game.

[myluckythai]

You pay a price if it is felt you take away a helping hand from the parents. if the woman provides and helps in the house... the amount is up to the wealth of the family. i payed 99.999 bath, because it is concidered bad luck to pay a round number. For all marriages i've seen here i isaan it was an amount between 100 K and 1mln bath. but Always a 999 number!

regardless all other statements here. this is what i've learnd and seen over and over again

this being if she is sincere to you and is being an asset to the Household. If she is already a wealthy woman herself. DON"T pay anything, because it is not needed and probably concidered free money to spent on something else than providing for the parents

good luck to you

Edited October 17, 2013 by myluckythai

[Thormaturge]

Couple large Changs should cover it !

Do you have any idea of the price of elephants?

At best, just one small one.

[inzman]

Twice divorced, 3 kids, 40 yo, wow she should pay you! Gotta be a wind up!

[Zodaka]

If you need to ask on this forum then you're not ready to marry her.

[stopthegreed]

having lived in Thailand for over 16 years, I feel fairly well informed about a lot of things.

The whole idea of a Sin Sod, is when someone takes a girl from the family, thus removing a potential family earner.

Then the family have to be compensated.

This used to only apply (years and years ago) if the girl was a virgin.

If a girl has children, or has been married before. Then there should be no Sin Sod.

That is why many families send thier daughters away, once they know they are pregnant, and return home after the child has been put for adoption.

Thus freeing up a potential Sin Sod.

However, now days, they will try to get money from you no matter what the circumstances, married, children, over 40, it doesnt matter now, they just see it as another excuse to part you from your money.

If she has cildren, or married before, simply refuse to pay anything. At first anyway, then depending on your finances, mabe later make a token gesture of say 50,000 - 100,000 baht. But no more.

[HUAHIN62]

Traditionally if a Thai woman has been married before no sin sod is paid with a second marriage. If its asked its a danger sign.

[tezzainoz]

when I married my Thai wife, I used a company the brought 2 million baht to the wedding

placed it all around in a nice circle

security man to make sure it did not grown legs

after the guests had left, gathered it all up and took it back to the bank

the whole thing cost me $1000 baht

[Dellie]

When I got married it never even came up. But my wife and her parents all lived in europe for over 30 years though and only moved back to thailand about 4 years ago so Im not sure they would be considered real "thais" by most people here.

[arminbkk]

I can comment quite a bit on this but I will stick to:

In Thailand an older woman already divorced with kids, so a single mother, will have very little chance to marry again with a Thai.

Unless she is rich and beautiful. Thai men usually don't want older women, let alone a woman that already has kids.

Some Thais have even told me that if a Thai woman was married to a farang before, she is even more 'damaged goods'.

This woman has basically done it all, so according to Thai system/rules whatever you want to call it, sin sot is out of the question for her.

But of course, who is (has the balls) to tell all this at the family meeting, to the gf and parents, when sitting all nice in a circle??

Occasionally there will be a news story on television of a hi-so or rich couple getting married where 100's of millions of Baht are paid as sin sot.

I think last time was last week or the week before.

What I usually hear from Thais is that for regular people that are not well-off, the money is usually returned the next day.

[rotorbreeze]

Why buy the milk company when ya can go to the 7-11 and get fresh milk? Ya should heed the advise on the forum, ... best ya get out of your situation and come to Pattaya, meet some foreigniers in your culture and listen to their ventures of marrIage and get educated...but ya must go through the fire and hell to see heaven, I did...up to you. Good luck but make the deal in your best interest....

[jimky]

There's an insane amount of ridiculous advice in this thread. OP lets start with where in Thailand is she from? From my experience in Issan very close to Lao border, if there is a wedding ceremony, sinsod is always paid, as in 100% of the time. Parents with male children, and I'm talking poor farmers and the ones not addicted to lottery but rather good parents, actually budget for this over their sons childhood as they are the ones that will someday pay it. Now, the parents are not really paying for it second and third times. And likewise, many of the ceremonies for someone who has already had a large one are smaller and sinsod is less too. But, if there is a ceremony, there is always sinsod. People with no stake involved discuss and talk about it too.

As for the expectations. Of course someone who makes more is sort of expected to pay more. It similar to the whole an engagement ring should cost 1 month salary in Western culture as opposed to it should cost an exact amount. But some other points to understand. Sure there are many scams. And yes it is done different in other areas. Only you can answer how much to pay, is it a scam, what's appropriate in her culture etc. If that doesn't work discuss whatever is appropriate in yours. Maybe you would rather buy her a diamond costing 1 month salary or whatever it is that fits.

[thaisabai]

Great Picture

matches exactly my experience of the past!

thaisabai

[rotorbreeze]

Pictures say a thousand words...I will print this out along with the rules of pay-as you go to new friends whom visit me..this simular to pictures in America thou conceal with court costs and land settlements (house) at a much higher value than Thailand...

[Samaaw]

Probably yes you will pay for the rest of your life.... good luck

[flyingdoc]

Sounds like a total minefield to me!

Negotiation and trust seem to be needed in buckets !

[oldsailor35]

Couple large Changs should cover it !

WOW! is she still a virgin ?

[bangkokstick]

I will never understand these foreigners who marry a local when you can have her for free... And if she is old already she is the one who should pay you !

[Misterwhisper]

Why do you ask us? Ask HER, and ask HER PARENTS if they expect anything and how much that would be.

If the parents quote an unreasonable amount, turn the issue around and say: "In my country it is customary that the parents of a woman who's already been married twice before pay the future husband a token of gratitude for taking her off their hands a third time. And by the way, my fee is exactly double of what you have just quoted me. So, when can I expect the money?"

If I were you, I also would inquire about the demise of her previous farang husband. If she claims, "he fell off the condo balcony" or "my first Thai husband didn't like him", run as fast as you can!

[slipperylobster]

OP....probably best to start out by having this discussion with your fiancee. Have you asked her how she feels about it?

Feels about what? Not paying sin sot? What in the world do you think she is going to say?..."No thank you, I love you even without the money?"

[landslide]

My wife was 33 and never married, no children, when we married in 2011. I gave my wife a 1ct diamond ring and I did pay Sin Sod of 5 baht gold and 100,000 Baht, of which 75,000 baht was returned to us. Her parents were both deceased, and her only close relative was her 75 year old grandmother, who raised my wife along with her grandfather, who passed away two years before. The 25,000 baht went to her, though she attempted to return it, as well. I paid for the wedding, conducted at her uncle's house. The cost of the wedding ceremony and party was about 200,000 baht all in for 150 attendees, extremely cheap by western standards. I know the uncle paid for a number of items in the wedding, though I don't know how much, and many members of the village helped with decorating and preparations. This was definitely not a greedy, grasping family. The uncle treated my wife like his daughter, and was exceptionally nice to me, both before and after. This family is not wealthy, but is comfortable. I read as much as I could about Thai wedding tradition, and consider the amount paid well worth it. We do support the grandmother, who lives with the uncle, but in two years, it has averaged 5000 baht a month.

As far as the OP's position, I cannot see paying Sin Sod in their situation. I do agree with paying for the wedding and rings, but Sin Sod, I would politely decline to pay.

[slipperylobster]

Why do you ask us? Ask HER, and ask HER PARENTS if they expect anything and how much that would be.

If the parents quote an unreasonable amount, turn the issue around and say: "In my country it is customary that the parents of a woman who's already been married twice before pay the future husband a token of gratitude for taking her off their hands a third time. And by the way, my fee is exactly double of what you have just quoted me. So, when can I expect the money?"

If I were you, I also would inquire about the demise of her previous farang husband. If she claims, "he fell off the condo balcony" or "my first Thai husband didn't like him", run as fast as you can!

I suppose you could find out how much number 1 and number 2 husband paid. Frankly..you might be the only Farang in Thailand willing to be number 3 husband and still pay sin sot.

[hellodolly]

Zip.

Nada.

Diddley.

Zero.

There, saved you all that "research."

Think of all the countries where the bride's family has to pay the dowry, and for the wedding.

Not a dime..

Not a cent...

Not a satang....

Would you be prepared to pay the asking price for a shirt with a sleeve missing, or one that is stained... "no, so why would you pay for a used shop soiled woman" She has a lot of miles on the clock, she is not a pristine virgin"

If it becomes an issue just say sayonara and cast the net out again. (in fact for me the damage has already been done by the mere fact that they have even entertained the idea)

Well I am getting the feeling that you think the gentleman is marring below him.

I will not pay one I call her my wife and am excepted into her Thai family and I interact with them as if we were married. We are faithful to each other and have been together for 7 years. If I thought it would in any way improve the situation down too the city hall or where ever. By that I mean if they up the finical requirements to a point I would need the lower amount of money or It would get her a visa to the states and Canada.

The other day her 10 year old granddaughter was asking how to say grandfather in English.

[oldsailor35]

Any idea how much the first two payed ?

[Frank James]

Every time this subject comes up, the most embittered comments come forth. It's ugly. You're getting married, taking another chance on love. Congratulations to you. It's a private matter between you and her, nobody else.

Well, I guess you did ask, so, this is what comes of that. Lot of hard cases on here.