I'm Depressed.......acting Happy is a Lie!

[Rsquared]

I know why I am depressed.

I know how I can get out of my depression.

It does not involve thinking "happy thoughts" or listening to my favourite music, or just telling myself that "everything will be ok...just think positive and be happy."

I've tried that....and yes for a short time I have felt good. But being the realist that I am, in the back of my head there is the logical voice telling me "stop fibbing to yourself, because you are just trying to fool yourself into feeling good, when you know that you don't feel good."

Going for long walks, enjoying my surroundings also does not help......it just reminds me of the things that I cannot do.

My failure is that I'm broke!

I was the happiest I have been in my life when I first moved here in Thailand, now I am miserable. ( going back to work is not an option, for many reasons that would take too long to explain here.)

I am not asking for help or sympathy, I just need to get this off my chest......I have no-one to talk to, literally.....I live out in the sticks and my wife is the only person for miles that can speak english, I only make my wife more upset than myself which is not a good thing, and I've lost any enthusiasm for continuing to learn Thai or doing anything that I enjoy because it mainly needs money, which I don't have.

I've read books about meditation and self help (they didn't help)....but until I am once again financially comfortable, I just cannot put a smile on my face because it feels false.

I used to be happy, and I know that it is a good feeling.....but now when I try to get into that feeling, I know that I am lying to myself.

Anyway, I am used to keeping a low profile.....so that is my future until I win lotto...then look out!

Yeh...I know, in my dreams, but that's all I can do at the moment.

If you have read this far, thank you and I apologise for taking your time.

Life is precious and I want it to last forever.....I'm hoping this is just a speed hump, (more like a speed ditch at the moment).

Cheers.

[puukao]

Exactly. I can't offer you money, so this post may be worthless to you. I get that. And I'm not saying you want a handout.

What I have learned is that goals make life a little easier. For me, it's biking. I will race up a mountain, judge my effort, heart rate, time, etc... and compare it to the last session. i do this all the time, even up to 100 mile efforts. gets my mind on achieving something, and i'm happy, yes really happy, when i perform well.

or running. same thing. go out and run 1 mile. soon it will be 10. then 20.

or reading on a subject i've always wanted to learn about. say a good book on the American civil war. my mind is actually excited.

but then,yes, back to reality. no money. so all i am offering is a way to make the day a little better.

i'm not in your situation, but i understand it. to me, and this is easy to say.... i don't care about the money as much. i care much more about having a passion. money and no passion makes it all worthless to me.

and you can use youtube to learn a little thai.

one last note: you still have it better than billions on this planet. don't beat yourself up too bad.

[TeeKay]

Would you mind sharing how you got yourself in this predicament? Surely you must have seen it coming or was this an foreseen event.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa app

[rayongchelsea]

I sympathize with you and I think what you are expressing is not unique to you..the earlier sense of euphoria was never sustainable.

I absolutely think that you need money and a reasonable amount to live here, but it probably isn't the root cause of your depression..it is only the manifestation of it..

Good luck..but you need to change something or things will not get better..

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[kevvy]

I know why I am depressed.

 

I know how I can get out of my depression.

 

It does not involve thinking "happy thoughts" or listening to my favourite music, or just telling myself that "everything will be ok...just think positive and be happy."

 

I've tried that....and yes for a short time I have felt good. But being the realist that I am, in the back of my head there is the logical voice telling me "stop fibbing to yourself, because you are just trying to fool yourself into feeling good, when you know that you don't feel good."

 

Going for long walks, enjoying my surroundings also does not help......it just reminds me of the things that I cannot do.

 

My failure is that I'm broke!

 

I was the happiest I have been in my life when I first moved here in Thailand, now I am miserable. ( going back to work is not an option, for many reasons that would take too long to explain here.)

 

I am not asking for help or sympathy, I just need to get this off my chest......I have no-one to talk to, literally.....I live out in the sticks and my wife is the only person for miles that can speak english, I only make my wife more upset than myself which is not a good thing, and I've lost any enthusiasm for continuing to learn Thai or doing anything that I enjoy because it mainly needs money, which I don't have.

 

I've read books about meditation and self help (they didn't help)....but until I am once again financially comfortable, I just cannot put a smile on my face because it feels false.

 

I used to be happy, and I know that it is a good feeling.....but now when I try to get into that feeling, I know that I am lying to myself.

 

Anyway, I am used to keeping a low profile.....so that is my future until I win lotto...then look out!

 

Yeh...I know, in my dreams, but that's all I can do at the moment.

 

If you have read this far, thank you and I apologise for taking your time.

 

Life is precious and I want it to last forever.....I'm hoping this is just a speed hump, (more like a speed ditch at the moment).

 

Cheers. 

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Can you post me . I would love to come and see you just to say hello and have a drink with you . Coke or water or beer. Maybe my wife can make friends with yours . Love to take you both to dinner and have a good night . It is good to have friends

[Marcel1]

Great way of thinking Kevy

[ToddWeston]

I know why I am depressed.

I know how I can get out of my depression.

It does not involve thinking "happy thoughts" or listening to my favourite music, or just telling myself that "everything will be ok...just think positive and be happy."

I've tried that....and yes for a short time I have felt good. But being the realist that I am, in the back of my head there is the logical voice telling me "stop fibbing to yourself, because you are just trying to fool yourself into feeling good, when you know that you don't feel good."

Going for long walks, enjoying my surroundings also does not help......it just reminds me of the things that I cannot do.

My failure is that I'm broke!

I was the happiest I have been in my life when I first moved here in Thailand, now I am miserable. ( going back to work is not an option, for many reasons that would take too long to explain here.)

I am not asking for help or sympathy, I just need to get this off my chest......I have no-one to talk to, literally.....I live out in the sticks and my wife is the only person for miles that can speak english, I only make my wife more upset than myself which is not a good thing, and I've lost any enthusiasm for continuing to learn Thai or doing anything that I enjoy because it mainly needs money, which I don't have.

I've read books about meditation and self help (they didn't help)....but until I am once again financially comfortable, I just cannot put a smile on my face because it feels false.

I used to be happy, and I know that it is a good feeling.....but now when I try to get into that feeling, I know that I am lying to myself.

Anyway, I am used to keeping a low profile.....so that is my future until I win lotto...then look out!

Yeh...I know, in my dreams, but that's all I can do at the moment.

If you have read this far, thank you and I apologise for taking your time.

Life is precious and I want it to last forever.....I'm hoping this is just a speed hump, (more like a speed ditch at the moment).

Cheers.

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Can you post me . I would love to come and see you just to say hello and have a drink with you . Coke or water or beer. Maybe my wife can make friends with yours . Love to take you both to dinner and have a good night . It is good to have friends

OP take Kevvy up on his kind offer, just knowing there's a caring person on their way will lift your spirits and give you something to look forward to.

Kevvy I'm out of likes but you'd get 10 if I could.

[Rsquared]

Thank you all for the responses....I really did not expect that.

@ puukao, yes I do have goals and ambitions. I used to fly paragliders back in Oz, now I have discovered powered paragliding.....I really need to get into that sport. I have videos and even enquired about lessons. I also love golf, but have only managed 2 games this year....every thing costs money.

Yes I do remind myself that I am still way better off than millions of others....that really does help me keep going.

@ TeeKay, I thought I had planned ok that we had enough until mid 2016 when I can touch my superannuation. I let my guard down when my wife wanted to help her brother by opening a restaurant, have him and his wife run it, supervised by my wife. There was a falling out with my wife and SiL, so we were left with the restaurant which all but sucked us dry. Now I have had to start using the 400K which I require for my extension of stay based on marriage. When the time comes we are going to have to borrow from my wife's sister and nephew...who are hard working farmers with not much to themselves...very embarrassing, but I am lucky that my wife has some good family members.

@ Kevvy, thanks mate. Your offer is more than generous, but we really live way, way out in the sticks and there is no nightlife here, but the stars look great on a cloudless night.

Once again thank you all for responding....I am just going through a glitch at the moment. My wife is a champion and is soldiering on. I keep looking at my wife's family who work hard and don't have much, yet always seem to be happy.....I need to take a leaf out of their book.

I just needed to get this off my chest...thanks for "listening".

Cheers.

[MrWorldwide]

Kev, you're the man. Four thumbs up

[kevvy]

Thank you all for the responses....I really did not expect that.

 

@ puukao, yes I do have goals and ambitions. I used to fly paragliders back in Oz, now I have discovered powered paragliding.....I really need to get into that sport. I have videos and even enquired about lessons. I also love golf, but have only managed 2 games this year....every thing costs money.

 

Yes I do remind myself that I am still way better off than millions of others....that really does help me keep going.

 

@ TeeKay, I thought I had planned ok that we had enough until mid 2016 when I can touch my superannuation. I let my guard down when my wife wanted to help her brother by opening a restaurant, have him and his wife run it, supervised by my wife. There was a falling out with my wife and SiL, so we were left with the restaurant which all but sucked us dry. Now I have had to start using the 400K which I require for my extension of stay based on marriage. When the time comes we are going to have to borrow from my wife's sister and nephew...who are hard working farmers with not much to themselves...very embarrassing, but I am lucky that my wife has some good family members.

 

@ Kevvy, thanks mate. Your offer is more than generous, but we really live way, way out in the sticks and there is no nightlife here, but the stars look great on a cloudless night.

 

Once again thank you all for responding....I am just going through a glitch at the moment. My wife is a champion and is soldiering on. I keep looking at my wife's family who work hard and don't have much, yet always seem to be happy.....I need to take a leaf out of their book.

 

I just needed to get this off my chest...thanks for "listening".

 

Cheers.

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Heh i will be driving all sround thailand in december are you up for a barbie? No problems for my wife and I mate. I will bring the prawns and aussie beef. Come on it will be christmas then ho ho ho let me know.

[Rsquared]

Thanks Kevvy......you are a true champion, you have already cheered me up.

You and your wife are more than welcome at our place.....we live in a small town called Pong Krating about 60km west of the city Ratchaburi. PM me on your travels if you are in the area.

Cheers.

[kevvy]

Hi Mate

Will be down to see you around 18th or around that time . November , dont worry about anything and do not stress , we have it all covered. I will post you later. just remember you have friends out there. Just look for a big happy man and his wife to come and see you . Makes me happy and have a tear in my eye now . Great to be alive mate.

KEVVY

[MrMalarkey]

r2, where is ratchaburi exactly ? Down south, up north, give me a better direction from a major well known town or area.

I'll shout you a game of golf if you are near me, you'll most likely win so that'll cheer you up.

I read a lot of your posts and got a good impression from the start. What other things are you interested in that can take your mind off the current predicament. For example do you like gardening, if so, tons of things you could start and download info from the net for free to get going.

[AryanicAristocrat]

Coming from a person who has been so trough so much up and downs in my life while in Thailand and have been from down and out broke situation to super-rich status......my advice to you is to stop feeling depress and instead start being creative , You have an advantage in being in a remote area......quietness helps one to do a lot of inner soul searching plus gives you time to start thinking, being creative and innovative and start planning. I have this philosophy....work on 20 business plans or scenarios (and if you do not have any money....leave that aside and be positive but still work out on the 20 or more businessplans as one will eventually take off) you will be amazed with positiveness...what can happen. Also ask out to the Universe or whatever religion that you believe......for whatever you want.....send out the vibes and you will see what returns. I am a firm believer that you got to ask out for what you want and truly believe that it will happen as you will then be surprised as to what kind of small miracles can actually happen.

Forget about all the negativeness and also the wrong doings in the past and just plan for the future. It will all work out.

[HeijoshinCool]

You have a computer.

You have the internet for research.

You have a place full of peace and quiet.

You're articulate, and have a lifetime of experiences.

Sit down 3 hours a day and write a novel. Amazingly therapeutic.

PM if you want some suggestions on how to get started.

[CharlieH]

I truly admire you for having the balls to write what you did. That couldnt have been easy and many could not have done it publicly, but half way to solving a problem is being honest enough to know you have one and writing down and saying it out loud must have made you feel a little better.

I know one thing, reading your story and then seeing the positive non judgemental responses and the offes of friendship and support from complete strangers is heart warming and has actually made me feel a whole lot better and more positive, so thank you for that too.

[phompen]

not sure it concern you :

but problems with intestin = depression in 90% of the cases, even if you don't feel something weird with your intestin...

...eat fresh vegetable is the answer ! Stop sugar and alcool !

eat also omega3 pills (find this in any good pharmacy) 2 per day

take also B vitamins, magnesium...

in few days you should be better, less tired, less depressive, less brain fog, and more able to think to your future...

[greginthai]

You seem to be a good writer from your post so I'd recommend trying out some of the places online where you can get paid to write, I can recommend:

• Odesk.com
• Elance.com
• Online-writing-jobs.com (this site doesn't supply you with actual jobs but compiles all the jobs from all the different cities craigslist is in)
• Freelancer.com (you'll be competing with a lot of Indians here so a lot of the jobs are very low paying but could be worth a look)
• HireWriters.com (they only accept Native English speakers and the pay increases once you complete 5 articles)

Sites like Odesk and Elance also have a lot of other jobs like research and data entry.

You won't get rich doing this stuff, but if you're a decent writer you can easily earn $3-5 per hour which can give you a few extra bucks to do some things you enjoy and get you out of this funk.

[somtampet]

Great way of thinking Kevy

I agree, kevvy is a top man in my books.My guess will be there is going to be some numb nuts who will be nasty,only got to this post so a calculated guess,this is thaivisa remember.

[somtampet]

No bad posts so far,this makes me very happy that there is 100% support

[Bazt]

No bad posts so far,this makes me very happy that there is 100% support

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Totally agree with you , great to see the positive replies.

[JSixpack]

Why mess around? Get on anti-depressants! Seen 'em do wonders for a depressed couple I knew in the USA--and they had serious problems to be depressed about, too. Generic Prozac's dirt cheap in Thailand, legal at any pharmacy.

I'm obliged (before the mob jumps in) to add in the child safety warning: see a doctor (who has the full range at his/her disposal); read about uses, dosage, and side effects on the 'net.

Better living thru chemistry. Best o' luck.

[FiftyTwo]

I'm of the opinion that extreme exercise cures depression.

If you are out in the sticks, try 10-20Km hikes, costs nothing if you take a packed lunch.

If you have a camera, take photos of anything interesting you see.

Give it a go ..... it helps me.

[somtampet]

I'm of the opinion that extreme exercise cures depression.

If you are out in the sticks, try 10-20Km hikes, costs nothing if you take a packed lunch.

If you have a camera, take photos of anything interesting you see.

Give it a go ..... it helps me.

I AGREE,

Much better than popping pills which can be very addictive.

[Dancealot]

Like someone here said before: Life is just too short..

Get yourself organised and make a plan.

[Rsquared]

Thanks for the advice FiftyTwo, but if you have read my posts.....doing as you suggest does not help because I look at my surroundings...and imagine what it would look like from the air in a powered paraglider.....which then reminds me that I don't have the available cash to get said equipment.

Once again, thank you all for the positive input.....don't get me wrong, I am not suicidal, far from it.....I know life is precious, I am just down on myself for being so stupid and careless.

I do not intend to go the way of the pill either......I just needed to get it off my chest, thanks for caring.

Cheers.

[Sheryl]

It is not, in fact, the case that how you are feeling is completely inevitable given your specific life situation/problems. It seems so because you can't currently envision any other way of responding. But between the external situation and the reaction of depression there are a whole set of processes that go on. Put 3 people in the exact same situation and you will not have 3 identically depressed people...you'll have 3 unique reactions. And people can learn to change the way they respond. Changing the depression, in turn, makes it easier to find solutions to the precipitating problem. The terrible catch-22 of depression is that it makes it so much harder to do anything to solve the problems that set the depression in motion to begin with.

If you are open to it, a course in Vipassana meditation can help greatly and costs nothing. www.dhamma.org for general info and for course schedules click on Asia --> Thailand

[benalibina]

It is not, in fact, the case that how you are feeling is completely inevitable given your specific life situation/problems. It seems so because you can't currently envision any other way of responding. But between the external situation and the reaction of depression there are a whole set of processes that go on. Put 3 people in the exact same situation and you will not have 3 identically depressed people...you'll have 3 unique reactions. And people can learn to change the way they respond. Changing the depression, in turn, makes it easier to find solutions to the precipitating problem. The terrible catch-22 of depression is that it makes it so much harder to do anything to solve the problems that set the depression in motion to begin with.

If you are open to it, a course in Vipassana meditation can help greatly and costs nothing. www.dhamma.org for general info and for course schedules click on Asia --> Thailand

To solve the underlying problems that causes depression is the key you mean ?

Can 1 do that 1self ?

[Dancealot]

It is not, in fact, the case that how you are feeling is completely inevitable given your specific life situation/problems. It seems so because you can't currently envision any other way of responding. But between the external situation and the reaction of depression there are a whole set of processes that go on. Put 3 people in the exact same situation and you will not have 3 identically depressed people...you'll have 3 unique reactions. And people can learn to change the way they respond. Changing the depression, in turn, makes it easier to find solutions to the precipitating problem. The terrible catch-22 of depression is that it makes it so much harder to do anything to solve the problems that set the depression in motion to begin with.

If you are open to it, a course in Vipassana meditation can help greatly and costs nothing. www.dhamma.org for general info and for course schedules click on Asia --> Thailand

To solve the underlying problems that causes depression is the key you mean ?

Can 1 do that 1self ?

I think she means there is a way you can change your awareness of the depression by looking at it another way.

Re-evaluating the whole situation, I guess this can be very powerfull. The mind is very powerfull.

[Rsquared]

@ Sheryl, wow......I get the feeling you've been there, done that, ticked the box.....and bought the T-shirt.

That does make a lot of sense, I know I am focusing on one element of my whole situation and letting that spiral out of control "sucking" everything else into it.

It is difficult for me, as in my former life, my job was to plan ahead and have contingency plans for when things "didn't go according to plan"......hold the phone!

I think I am starting to open my eyes.....thank you Sheryl, I feel myself starting to think differently now....

.....and a BIG Thank You to all who contributed. I am feeling better, but I know I am not out of the woods....some roller-coaster ride. I do not recommend it.

Cheers.