My lovely Thai wife of 12 years began showing mild symptoms of anxiety and depression in January, she initially sought psychiatric help a few times and would get a handful of pills, mainly to help her sleep. In the past month she has take a sharp turn for the worse, displaying obvious signs of paranoia, severe depression, hallucinations, increasingly violent outbursts, and most worryingly, regularly talking about killing herself. She is 37 years old, has no history of mental illness, and she has always lived a happy and charmed life, this literally came out of the blue.

She now refuses to go to her doctor. She suspects certain electronic devices are recording her. She believes a black magic spell has been cast on us, further she believes I have been drugging her to make her crazy. Her family fully support and protect her and refuse to acknowledge that she is mentally ill and will not take her to the doctor. At this time, they now consider me to be a very bad person.

Her doctor told me to call the police to come over and take her to the hospital. They came, but she convinced the cops that actually I was the one who was crazy and that she was the victim of domestic violence. Fortunately the cops did not pursue this, however they also refused to take her away, claiming that it looked to them like a simple domestic dispute and that we should try to work it out.

I've recently moved out of the house, hopeful that it may reduce her paranoia. Her family is staying with her now, so she is relatively safe.

I'm lost and at my wits end. It seems that I've hit a brick wall and I'm totally unable to get her any professional help. She's so sick and it's killing me to see her suffer.

Can anyone help us? Is there a legal process in Thailand for a husband to have his wife committed? What other options do I have?

So sorry to learn about your situation.

From what you say there does not seem to be much doubt about your wife's need for help.

I presume your wife's family all live locally to you both.

If this is the case and the family are supporting her despite what you describe as obvious signs of illness there may ,in fact , be very little , if anything , which can be done.

Psychiatric illness is not widely accepted in Thai culture, particularly in rural areas where "help" is more likely to be sought from the local "herbalist" or Temple than from a Doctor.

If your wife has articulated a belief that you are in some way responsible for her condition I believe you are wise to have removed yourself from the situation.

Whilst not wishing to be alarmist you must ensure your own continued safety.

I admire your courage and dedication to your wife in her time of need.

I's suggest taking a family member with you to the Doctor and requesting a sedative that would be administered by the relative. It may seem overboard but the trauma of a physical removal by the police could have a long term affect on your relationship and her anger would be towards you and what you've done. This course of action is becoming more common with Alzheimer patients being moved into a care facility.

You are doing the right thing seeking medical attention. Please feel free to PM me if the need arises to discuss a sedative.

Stay strong.

I admire your courage and dedication to your wife in her time of need.

I's suggest taking a family member with you to the Doctor and requesting a sedative that would be administered by the relative. It may seem overboard but the trauma of a physical removal by the police could have a long term affect on your relationship and her anger would be towards you and what you've done. This course of action is becoming more common with Alzheimer patients being moved into a care facility.

You are doing the right thing seeking medical attention. Please feel free to PM me if the need arises to discuss a sedative.

Stay strong.

I would suggest you re read the OP's post in which he suggests the wife's relatives are not well disposed toward him !

I admire your courage and dedication to your wife in her time of need.

I's suggest taking a family member with you to the Doctor and requesting a sedative that would be administered by the relative. It may seem overboard but the trauma of a physical removal by the police could have a long term affect on your relationship and her anger would be towards you and what you've done. This course of action is becoming more common with Alzheimer patients being moved into a care facility.

You are doing the right thing seeking medical attention. Please feel free to PM me if the need arises to discuss a sedative.

Stay strong.

I would suggest you re read the OP's post in which he suggests the wife's relatives are not well disposed toward him !

I did see that and probably should have added that taking a member of her family along may help them better understand the issue - family tend to listen to the person in the white lab coat. I assumed there could be one in the family that he could contact.

Sorry to hear about your situation. It must be a very difficult time for you.

I think the family (and that includes you) is the key. Immediate family members would be the prime factor in initiating/ supporting involuntary admission here in Thailand. It would be almost impossible if there is no support from (or disagreement among) family members to hospitalise some against their will in this country.

The question however is whether admission would be necessary; if other people are continually around your wife, danger to herself (and to others) might be minimal. This of course would not address her deteriorating condition, and indeed not the underlying causes. Removing yourself for the situation is understandable, but leaves you in the difficult situation of not having any influence any more to control the dilemma. If you're able to get back, I'd suggest to be pragmatic. Take the family member's belief system (about the wife being possessed by bad spirits) as given and work with it, regardless of your own belief. It may help to re-establish trust and allow to be actively involved. At the same time, if possible, seek advice from a medical practitioner (i.e. psychiatrist, general practitioners may not have the capacity and expertise to deal with this) or a clinical psychologist, as to what extent your suspicion that your wife is severally mentally ill is founded, and than how you can support her and how to deal with the immense burden of being a carer.

All the best!

Removed off-topic post about origin of funds for house purchase.

One of the symptoms you mention especially raises concern.......hallucinations.

Several symptoms especially this suggest true psychosis, so proper evaluation is essential.

It is not impossible it can be an extension of bipolar or depressive illness or even have an unrelated medical cause but a schizophrenic type illness may also explain the symptoms (is there any history of this? Is it possible there's a history you haven't heard about?). The good news about schizophrenia is there is her level of condition is probably very improvable with medication.

You are quite right to be very concerned, but when you say you are eaten up by not being able to take action and about the relatives always remember the difference between our sphere of concern and our sphere of influence.....we have to accept with equanimity when they don't overlap.

Be steady.

Best of luck!

While there are procedures for the involuntary institutionalization of mentally ill people who are a danger to themselves or others, I am afraid that realistically it will be very, very hard for you to get her committed over the objections of her family. While in theory as her husband you are the nearest relative, in practice the authorities are likely to give more weight to her Thai relations than to a foreign husband. (Just as the police did).

You could try getting a lawyer's opinion, though. Would her doctor be prepared to testify (jn person or on paper) to her condition?

I had exactly this happen with my wife in the UK.

She came to believe I was wanting to harm her, nothing I did helped.

In the end I moved to Thailand, to get away from her accusations to the police.

Yep, her friends and relatives all sided with her, I was the bad man too.

Paranoia from a loved one, when you become the subject, is almost impossible to deal with.

Sorry this isn't what you want to hear.

Once they start accusing you of domestic violence, I can't see any way back.

Leave her alone and see what happens is all you can do in this situation.

Unfortuately this presents as a very difficult thing to achieve. Especially here in Thailand. She would have to have been observed, most probably by a fellow Thai, that she is an imminent danger to herself or another before she can be forcefully admitted to hospital. Stigma towards mental health issues are a global thing however much more so in Thai society. Hence the family are in denial.

I can't begin to image how hard this must be for you but I would be letting it play out the way her family want it to. And assist only when asks. Husband / wife relationships here in Thailand will always play second fiddle to blood relatives. Particularly when the spouse is a foriegner.

One final thing. Don't forget about yourself !

Thanks everyone for the kind words and advice. I feel relieved that my decision to separate myself from my wife is probably best for everyone involved, even though it's very painful. I'll patiently wait for her to get to the hospital and hope she doesn't harm herself in the meantime. Her family knows how to contact me should they need to. I've lived here for many years so I can look after myself without any major issues. Sadly, my wife has gone back to the police and apparently filed some quite serious (and false) claims about me which may jeapordize my freedom in Thailand so I'll be contacting a lawyer asap

Thanks everyone for the kind words and advice. I feel relieved that my decision to separate myself from my wife is probably best for everyone involved, even though it's very painful. I'll patiently wait for her to get to the hospital and hope she doesn't harm herself in the meantime. Her family knows how to contact me should they need to. I've lived here for many years so I can look after myself without any major issues. Sadly, my wife has gone back to the police and apparently filed some quite serious (and false) claims about me which may jeapordize my freedom in Thailand so I'll be contacting a lawyer asap

Sorry to hear that, luckily the Thai police aren't all that interested in domestic violence accusations.

Wouldn't worry about that lawyer just yet.

Practise saying "I wasn't there, so it wasn't me".

My lawyer always said, "It's a bugger proving you were there, if you admit to being there, then they have you half way to guilty".

His advice was bang on!

Thanks everyone for the kind words and advice. I feel relieved that my decision to separate myself from my wife is probably best for everyone involved, even though it's very painful. I'll patiently wait for her to get to the hospital and hope she doesn't harm herself in the meantime. Her family knows how to contact me should they need to. I've lived here for many years so I can look after myself without any major issues. Sadly, my wife has gone back to the police and apparently filed some quite serious (and false) claims about me which may jeapordize my freedom in Thailand so I'll be contacting a lawyer asap

In addition to contacting a lawyer it may be wise to give your Embassies Consulate the "heads up" in relation to the situation.

Thanks everyone for the kind words and advice. I feel relieved that my decision to separate myself from my wife is probably best for everyone involved, even though it's very painful. I'll patiently wait for her to get to the hospital and hope she doesn't harm herself in the meantime. Her family knows how to contact me should they need to. I've lived here for many years so I can look after myself without any major issues. Sadly, my wife has gone back to the police and apparently filed some quite serious (and false) claims about me which may jeapordize my freedom in Thailand so I'll be contacting a lawyer asap

You may be compounding your problems by involving a lawyer.. I would move out of Thailand and observe from a distance.. I believe we are all treading on eggshells here..

What was the outcome of this?

7 year old thread revived ..............

30 minutes ago, 2009 said:

What was the outcome of this?

She put him in the home. ????

5 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

7 year old thread revived ..............

The boredom of lock-down setting in!

Would it be far fetched to say it was planned to get him out the house and the family in?..

On 5/4/2021 at 5:42 PM, 2009 said:

What was the outcome of this?

12 years later...as my Dad used to say: "Better late than never". I have a BSc in Psychology. Not that it matters but for all of those who are in a similar situation, if the relationship/marriage is harmful to you in any way, exit as fast as possible. No one will accuse you of negligence or abandonment unless the accusers are daft. My first wife suffered severe self-induced paranoia schizophrenia due to her drug and alcohol abuse. I divorced her. My second wife was involved in a severe car accident followed by cancer. Both events and the resulting hormonal fluctuations post surgery caused severe depression. None of these people took their illnesses, which were diagnosed, seriously. Their family's initially sided with them until I got a call and requests for help post divorce. My third wife (we are now in our sixties) just admitted to me that she's had mental health issues since long before we met. She always claimed that she was free of any mental health issues. But that was a lie - obviously. I know a mentally unstable person when I get to know them. As with all people that I know that are ill, they all believed that they can control it. In reality, they can't, especially when the illness progresses. Around 2013, my brother tried to force my mother to undergo gruesome facial surgery that would have left her wearing a mask. The judge told my brother that you can't force a person to do things they refuse to do, even if it means their own death.  Thai law may be different. I have no idea, but I doubt that it would be in any mentally ill person's interest to force them to take medication, lock them up or have them submit to gruesome surgery against their will. As selfish as it may sound, your responsibilities are limited. Your powers are limited. Treatment options are limited. I will not divorce or abandon my third wife. Her condition is mild. I'm hoping she can indeed control it until one of us passes away. But for those in the one-way street of torture, it's OK to bail.