What would you do?

[kevvy]

if there was a group of decent members on tv then maybe the group could meet with him and have a talk with him one on one and maybe he will benefit from the group. I know I am just dreaming , I will go now.

You are not dreaming. There is just such a group that I belong to. It's a fellowship that meets numerous times a day in different locations, discusses our mutual problems, doesn't cost anything and supports each other in good times and bad. It has saved my life and many others.

Can you post me and tell me more

This too Shall Pass.

[movsrus]

Your friend appears to have painted himself into a corner. In all likelihood the house is an asset he cannot use. If it is in the wife's name he cannot force her to sell and she may just wait him out thinking that eventually he will leave and the house will be hers' unencumbered. He might try and sell the business and get what he can to use as a start in a new place.

As many have posted before, it is a risky business going all-in here. There are many pitfalls and your friend appears to have become a victim. Life is short and it may be best to cut his losses now, get what he can and move on. To continue to struggle in a poor relationship and get slowly bled to death is a folly.

Being caught up in the indecision is a poor use of time and energy. Best to decide on a plan, make the move and chalk up the loss to a very valuable lesson.

For what it's worth.

[johnlandy]

depends how old he is, does he have a pension?

I dont know specifically but I would say around 60, no company pension, would get state pension later.

No formal education or degree etc so teaching is out.

plenty of guys are teaching without credentials. he could rent in isaan pretty cheaply. some others here might have advice how he might get SOME equity out of the house, perhaps enough to front a non-o retirement thing. and of course he could go back to where he came from.

Find a high rise balcony, and then it's one way...

[kinmaew]

Glad you brought this up. Since working in Thailnd in 2000/01 and returning to my home countries (AUS/UK) to work, I spend just about every day contemplating this same thing. Money is the problem, I had to end it with my lovely TGF because simply she has too many problems. I am a professional here on 6 figures and the prospect of going back there at the mercy of Thais, not owning my own land is not appealing at all. For me if I leave this good gig I am on now, there is no way I could return to it in my home country, good jobs are hard to come by.

Still want to come back to TH but.... it will only happen when:

My flat is paid off - This will then return me enough to live on in Thailand even if I have no job there.

Never sell my place in my home country as I will need a place to come back to if all goes pear shaped. Only way I would buy a house/land in Thailand is if I become a passport holder and fluent in the language - yes its possible but hard.

So, I recon i have about another 5 years to make this a reality will be under 50 so still young enough. But that is the reality, quite bored at times in farang land but no way can I risk it all over there. Dont keep your eggs in one basket, always have an escapte plan/plan B.

Living over there from memory is great but also at times frustrating and essentially its a dirt poor country with no standards so unless you have tons of cash most of us are probably in the same boat.

In fact when I come back not even sure if I will bother with a TGF, it may be too hard at that age, and most only want money anyway so maybe better to be on "short term contracts" with the kitties and keep a sane mind. Anyway thats my 2 cents worth lads!!

[johnmcc6]

Friend of mine was in a similar situation, no way to stay here, no assets here or back home (UK). But he did the only thing he could which was to go back to the and let the government look after him. At 60 in the UK you get pension credit, a room/flat and help with bills and the NHS. A shock to the system maybe but better than being here with absolutely nothing that's for sure.

If he paid cash for the house he can sell it no worries. Make it cheap enough and I will buy it. That is of course if the wife agrees which sounds doubtful from your post. Or get a lawyer and go for his 50% share. When selling anything it always comes down to price.

[JeffreyWitty]

"You can't go home" - BS! You can always go home and start anew! Even without friends and family. Unless of course you (friend) is from a non-1st world nation with no safety nets.

"You can't go home" is an excuse people use who DO NOT WANT TO GO HOME.

Be honest.

Sure, it is disheartening to be forced to leave Thailand - but it happens, to MANY of us expats. No matter how old, you CAN go home and make of life what you will - reflect on the learning experience, and smile at the good times.

Make a "plan B". I always figure - worst possible case scenario - I pull my B400k outta the bank, go home, and live in a "van down by the river" while collecting free money from my government. Sure, not a great plan - but again - its the "nightmare scenario" option and better than suicide.

[Showbags]

I lived in the Philippines for 11 years and ran my own multi-million dollar real estate operation selling US properties to foreign investors around SE Asia. I married a Filipina hiso type and was living the lifestyle of the rich and famous until 1988 when I sold $70 million worth of real estate and got swindled out of $3 million in commission by a former Philippine government cabinet minister. My wife ran away with another man and took our two kids, and there I was all alone and 10,000 miles from home without a pot to piss in. I sold a few remaining things in my office to raise enough for a one-way ticket back to the States. I was forty years old at the time, and I returned to my roots with everything I owned in two suitcases and $900 to my name. I went to work in my oppressive father's factory sweeping floors for $7.50 an hour for the next 3 years until I finally cut the cord and went into the funeral home/cemetery industry where I managed properties for 13 years until taking an early retirement and moving to Thailand in 2010.

The moral of the story is that one can start over again, and prosper again over time, if he's willing to humble himself and start at the bottom if necessary. I imagine that this fellow in the OP's story is still trying to hold onto the dream and hasn't quite accepted the fact that he is going to have to downgrade his life in order to survive. The fancy house, cars and business is only "stuff" and can be replaced...and so can the wife! So, my advice would be to let it go and return home...pick yourself up by your bootstraps and get moving before the depression takes you to the edge of a balcony.

the above is a 'mans' way to deal with things....

the last bit of it is a cowards.

Deal with it

Hope he appreciated his Dad giving him such a gracious job within his company and business sweeping floors...or perhaps Daddy saw him for what he was, he must have lost a lot of money from all the previous business/deals to allow one deal let the whole lot tumble over....not even his real estate by the sounds.....just an agent.

Not just any agent Showbags, but one of the best to ever ply his trade in the international marketplace. How many "agents" do you know that can turn $70 million in one year? The problem with overnight success is one doesn't know what to do with all that money, and inevitably it gets invested in a lifestyle of drugs, alcohol and out of control sex. Sin will take you further than you want to go and make you stay longer than you want to stay. When I lost it all I turned my life over to Jesus Christ, and He was the one who set my feet back on the right path and restored unto me all that the devil had stolen from me. And my Daddy couldn't see me for what I was because he was so jealous of my success and so consumed by his hatred for God that all he knew to do was suppress me and oppress me. The devil tried to use him to destroy me, but when I left his business he went broke and one year later walked into his garage one evening and hung himself. Such is the end for the man who mocks God and tries to make ruin of those that belong to HIM.

So, you see Showbags...you should have kept your comments on topic 'cause you have no idea what you're talking about. Instead of slamming me for no reason at all, why don't you put your thinking cap on and come up with some constructive comments to help the OP's friend. You sound like the bitter old man that was my father...one who loves to tear down instead of build up!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyone that finds the lord at their lowest point in life instead of any other normal point during their life....is just using it as an excuse.

So you turn over 70mil and get 3mil commission in one year,,,yet you stated you were running this for 11 years successfully...what happened to all the money from the prior years before the loss of one years income sent you broke?...and not even your money, other peoples money in the real estate, you just got paid for doing the job, no investment sums from yourself...yet the loss of one years income broke you. I find that extraordinary and shows your complete lack of planning, competence and control. But, that all then relates back to why you found the lord and gave yourself up to him then and only then when you realise how weak and incompetent you were. Lets not forget the 2 kids you obviously did not plan or provide for properly. Awesome effort.

Lucky the lord forgives numpties and welcomes them all into his gullible flock.

[SDM0712]

I don't know how it works in other countries but if he's from the UK the best advice to him must be to go home. The state will give him money, accommodation and healthcare. Over here with limited money and presumably no health insurance he could end up becoming ill and worse.

It's a bitter pill to swallow, but that is what I would tell this chappy. It is what it is.

SDM

[David48]

CharlieH ... thanks for bringing us the problem to share.

If nothing else ... it's a timely reminder to 'take of business' no matter how much time we spend here.

Options ... you don't need to be deceitful to your Partner ... keep some options up your sleeve.

You've done well for your mate ...

.

[silent]

I'm not trolling I'm saying this honesty... Tell the guy to stop whining and get off his ass and do something about it. So ur dream life fell apart, welcome to the real world, shit happens. Fix it. Stay positive and figure it out. This could happen anywhere. Even in ur home country. The world is what u make it. He should have prepared but he didn't. So what. Who has it easy anyways?? Give him encouragement, be tough. Stop fuc_king crying. Use ur brain and get back on the horse, and stop blaming everything and everyone else. Figure it out pussy. That's what I would have said.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

"Figure it out pussy. That's what I would have said"

Yea man! everybody is a hero,just like you eh!.................not

Twenty- first century schhizoid man?

[johnmarhall]

if there was a group of decent members on tv then maybe the group could meet with him and have a talk with him one on one and maybe he will benefit from the group. I know I am just dreaming , I will go now.

There are decent members, just that nobody takes us seriously or they are all in Australia.

I remember going to the carnival once and buying some showbags , but they were full of shit.

[lounger]

Thailand can be a very cheap place to live. I started up country and moved to Pattaya. If I was broke and wanted to stay in Thailand I would for sure go back up country. Any place will do but the nearer you get to western lifestyles the more the price rises. rurally a claasic story is someone rents a run down house for 3,000 baht a month and lives on soup noodles etc for 100 baht a day say 3000 baht per month, water 50 baht per month elec free if you keep below some basic level ( not sure how to engineer the subsidised elec when farange is involved)

Rurally any number of slightly overweight girls would want to take care of you and share their lives and your soup without any other reward. The problems start when you start throwing money around and to quote the original case study build a house no thai could afford. All my rural colleagues have rural gf and they have hearts of gold you cannot imagine. ( the crappy ones are gold digging in pattaya etc)

[Showbags]

Thailand can be a very cheap place to live. I started up country and moved to Pattaya. If I was broke and wanted to stay in Thailand I would for sure go back up country. Any place will do but the nearer you get to western lifestyles the more the price rises. rurally a claasic story is someone rents a run down house for 3,000 baht a month and lives on soup noodles etc for 100 baht a day say 3000 baht per month, water 50 baht per month elec free if you keep below some basic level ( not sure how to engineer the subsidised elec when farange is involved)

Rurally any number of slightly overweight girls would want to take care of you and share their lives and your soup without any other reward. The problems start when you start throwing money around and to quote the original case study build a house no thai could afford. All my rural colleagues have rural gf and they have hearts of gold you cannot imagine. ( the crappy ones are gold digging in pattaya etc)

What is your definition of 'slightly' ?

[FiftyTwo]

What is your definition of 'slightly' ?

56Kg+

Edited November 8, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[robertson468]

At the age of 60 he is more than capable of thinking his way through the issues.

1. Is the decline of the relationship due to the decline of the business and lack of funds - often one leads to the other.

2. If both these have become a factor, then not unnaturally his view of Thailand will go down - let's face it, we never like to blame ourselves. It's the economy, it's the customers, it's the weather, it's they have re-routed the main road and so on and on and on. The fact is, it is the fault of the business owner. Why? Because they have failed to keep pace with business developments and have been inflexible.

So, my advice is, first look at what you can do to save your business, can you change it, start again, move it. If it is draining cash out of your account, you need to move quickly and positively. It is better to be earning no money than to be loosing money because it has become a bad investment. The house sounds like quite a large asset, so instead of just selling, why not rent it out and move into a smaller, less expensive property yourself. There are loads of websites that will advertise your property for you, including TV. So get to it and stop sliding down the slippery slope of failure and depression. Then look at your relationship. if it is redemable then you have some serious courting to do. If it is gone and you do not respect each other anymore and this is important, RESPECT. Then can it as quickly as you are able. If she has an investment in the house, then better to split the income rather than neither of you have anything by living in it. Finally, if you have managed to rescue both your income and relationship, you need to ask yourself, if your home Country more attractive than Thailand and if so why. Write a list of Pros and Cons giving each a level of importance from 1 to 10. Total each side and which ever has the highest score - wins!

If you have to return to the UK, then go. You will get plenty of support from the Government, but first, getting the grey matter working and see what you can rescue here. Good luck Old Son.

[norrona]

And i thought that intention of thread was to give advice to OP's acquintance. Now its becoming a topic about abortion, duicide and euthanasia ! Funny lot u !

where's your advice then?

[norrona]

So! they held some boring selfish commuters up for a while,who do the same journey everyday,big deal,it may have given them something else to think about,other than their own selfish crap! who kid themselves they are living,shuffling documents around,creaming off commissions,from other peoples efforts, F_cuk I think I would throw myself under a train too!

I don't care about other commuters..... only me!

and to go on a rant like the above about 'boring selfish commuters' just makes me chuckle, they are just going to work, to pay the bills and live their life.... why should someone elses problem and hang up affect them and their daily life.....

don't let me or anyone else stop you

[indyuk]

IMO Having been through a similar situation.

I was already receiving a Pension, though barely adequate at (720 GBP per month). I walked away from the wife and got another one. I was lucky because I had a small house elsewhere in Thailand that I had bought for cash years ago.

Your friend should walk, cut his losses and leave everything to his wife. (He may be pleasantly surprised at the actual outcome.

Since he has no income he should get himself an older postmenopausal Thai GF.

He should Make sure that she has her own home (or at least can qualify for one of the 'Thaksin new builds' on Bt2,500- Bt3,500 per month, depending on number of rooms and it's location.

Then he can Live together in her home, on modest means, until his pension comes along. He'll do fine.

I know an englishman that solved his problems this way (he was destitute). These last eight years he has lived with her in her house (She is now 63 he is 70). Now he has a government pension and, so far, continues to live happily with her.

I know that this advice shows me in a poor moral light. However I have lived in Thailand many years and in that time I have seen almost everything that does happen here.

My proposed solution is a Thai solution to his problem, and it works. For example:-

Next door to my house is a middle class Thai family, kid's in private school, new car every year and no husband. She has a Thai FB in residence. He was wiped out by and separated from his Thai wife (yes he's still married). He is absolutely 'potless'. He has no job, no pension and nor will he ever have. She is his source of everything.

[indyuk]

IMO Having been through a similar situation.

I was already receiving a Pension, though barely adequate at (720 GBP per month). I walked away from the wife and got another one. I was lucky because I had a small house elsewhere in Thailand that I had bought for cash years ago.

Your friend should walk, cut his losses and leave everything to his wife. (He may be pleasantly surprised at the actual outcome).

Since he has no income he should get himself an older postmenopausal Thai GF (PMTGF). And moved in with her.

He should Make sure that she has her own home (or at least can qualify for one of the 'Thaksin new builds' on Bt2,500- Bt3,500 per month, depending on number of rooms and it's location.

Then he can Live together in her home, on modest means, until his pension comes along. He'll do fine. His PMTGF may well be the <deleted>-k of his life, the truth is often stranger than fiction in Thailand.

I know an Englishman that solved his problems this way (he was destitute here in Thailand). He found his PMGF These last eight years he has lived with her in her house (She is now 63 he is 70). Now he has a government pension and, so far, continues to live happily with her.

I know that this advice shows me in a poor moral light. However I have lived in Thailand many years and in that time I have seen almost everything that can and does happen here.

My proposed solution is a Thai solution to his problem, and it works. For example:-

Next door to my house is a middle class Thai family, kid's in private school, new car every year and no husband. She has a Thai <deleted>-k Buddy (FB) in residence. He was wiped out by and separated from his Thai wife (yes he's still married). He is absolutely 'potless'. He has no job, no pension and nor will he ever have. She is his source of everything. She adores him!

[kingstonkid]

if there was a group of decent members on tv then maybe the group could meet with him and have a talk with him one on one and maybe he will benefit from the group. I know I am just dreaming , I will go now.

I think this would be a great idea, All we need is to know where he is so that people can figure out who would be best

[infinity11]

Friend of mine was in a similar situation, no way to stay here, no assets here or back home (UK). But he did the only thing he could which was to go back to the and let the government look after him. At 60 in the UK you get pension credit, a room/flat and help with bills and the NHS. A shock to the system maybe but better than being here with absolutely nothing that's for sure.

I find this extremely curious, with all that the govt/country does to take care of it citizens like this can someone please tell me why do the brits seem like a very unhappy lot in general?

sorry a bit off topic but it really makes me wonder

[advancebooking]

I wouldn't have bought a home for someone else (outright).

My mrs has a 25 year home loan, if we part not my problem.

The first rule for people who only have savings, don't spend the savings on something foolish.

(Like a house and business for someone else)

It can't happen to everyone, only someone fairly foolish.

His options, go home or go Pattaya balcony.

FiftyTwo you are a bad person and dont have a good heart. Maybe things will turn out for the worse for you later in life with your bad karma....

Nothing like a bit of hooker talk to big up your cred.

kharmic laws apply not only to ferals like you 52 but also to hookers and everyone...You should watch yourself pal

[Shayne123]

If he's married and divorces the Thai partner, he can legally claim half of all the estate

Does it only work if the partner is Thai or is that a genial rule? I am not familiar.

[Somsrisonphimai]

Oh, I feel so bad for him as I have no suggestion only the compassion. The man's story can be an eye-opening to some of the members here as they prepare for their life in Thailand. Thanks for sharing.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[eldragon]

Haven't read all the posts, but I'd say find a new gf or go home.

As you get older, a relationship becomes more about compatability. Even at 35 years old, the conept of love seems pretty juvenile. At 60 years old, it should be a no-brainer.

With regards to finances, Thailand is generally not a great place for foreigners to grow old unless they have a lot of money. Or at least enough to take care of themselves. All things considered, I think I'd feel better back home living at or near minimum wage than I would trying to survive here on 30,000 - 60,000 THB per month.

[oogster8]

depends how old he is, does he have a pension?

I dont know specifically but I would say around 60, no company pension, would get state pension later.

No formal education or degree etc so teaching is out.

Time to GET REAL. Stay away from putting everything in girls name. What is it with you peeple?

No compassion at all 4 guys like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all of his own doing. Dealing with Thai girls have consequences guys. Esp those of you who build them giant houses.....................lol.

Edited November 25, 2013 by oogster8