Recommended reading. If only I had read it first.

[aussiejon1604]

Hi all.

During my recent break up with my Thai wife, a friend of mine recommended a book to read. I have been coming to Thailand since 2002 before taking the plunge and moving here permanently in 2012. Thinking I thought I understood enough, this book made me realise just how short of the mark I still continued to be. Whilst it isn't my story exactly, it does scarily have its similarities. My first trip to Thailand I stayed at the Dynasty Inn in Nanna Plaza.

The book is called Private Dancer by Stephen Leather. The cover has the back of a woman with long black hair holding a cut throat razor. It's an easy read. I found an electronic version on Kobo but I am sure you will find it on what ever electronic book site you use. You might like to read it or know someone who might be in need of it.

Cheers

P.S. If you have read it, don't be an arse and post the story. Let people read it.

Edited November 18, 2013 by aussiejon1604

[noikrit]

Another must read to help BOTH parties understand each others countries cultural differences is Thai Fever ... I tnink ?? Yellow book with one page in thai and translation in English on the other , written by a Thai AND Falang... ... Great read !!

[aussiejon1604]

Another must read to help BOTH parties understand each others countries cultural differences is Thai Fever ... I tnink ?? Yellow book with one page in thai and translation in English on the other , written by a Thai AND Falang... ... Great read !!

Yes I have read that too in an attempt to grasp our differences in cultural expectations. It is worth reading.

Edited November 18, 2013 by aussiejon1604

[richard_smith237]

Its a good book... A somewhat myopic view of Thailand.... If you are planning on hanging around bars, bar girls and involving yourself in the more colourful aspects of Thailand then Private Dancer may be considered by some 'critical reading'...

If however you are a normal person who doesn't fall in love with the first bar girl they meet, if you are patient and take your time to meet and befriend genuine people in mutually respectful relationships then this book is simply an entertaining read. It does help the 'normal' person understand those who fall into these narcissistic social sinkholes...

[MrRed]

You can read all the books in the World but there is nothing like the feeling of getting duped yourself to really understand the cultural differences.

In my experience being warned of eventualities makes one more prone to fall into them knowingly,the fact is how many times have you told friends to not do this and that on there first visit to Thailand......but they always seem to do the opposite.

Better to write your own path and hope luck and the judgement's you make are on your side.

In Thailand the saying should be "face" is stranger than fiction!

[i claudius]

Many years ago i read all these books regarding Thailand ,while enjoying them all ,to be honest if you marry an ordinary woman who works in a normal job here in Thailand and court here for a long time like you do in the west then they are fun but irrelevant , but if you jump off a plane ,hang around Nana plaza all the time and marry the first girl that calls you a hansom man ,then they are a must read.

[aussiejon1604]

Its a good book... A somewhat myopic view of Thailand.... If you are planning on hanging around bars, bar girls and involving yourself in the more colourful aspects of Thailand then Private Dancer may be considered by some 'critical reading'...

If however you are a normal person who doesn't fall in love with the first bar girl they meet, if you are patient and take your time to meet and befriend genuine people in mutually respectful relationships then this book is simply an entertaining read. It does help the 'normal' person understand those who fall into these narcissistic social sinkholes...

I like your reply. Very true. I posted the book as a read. It was never intended to be a do or don't scripture. Nor am I trying to tar everyone with the same brush by suggesting it. My marriage didn't start in a bar relationship so hopefully I fall into your normal category. We can all appreciate that good supportive partners can be found and at the same time we can also appreciate that regardless of cultures marriages do fail. I just found a few similarities in it and thought others might be interested. After all it is listed as fictional but after reading it, that could be somewhat debatable.

[aussiejon1604]

Many years ago i read all these books regarding Thailand ,while enjoying them all ,to be honest if you marry an ordinary woman who works in a normal job here in Thailand and court here for a long time like you do in the west then they are fun but irrelevant , but if you jump off a plane ,hang around Nana plaza all the time and marry the first girl that calls you a hansom man ,then they are a must read.

I hear you. I courted my ex-wife for quite sometime. I have to agree though. I have never known so many single hansom men to be in one place at anyone time. Suddenly the place is crawling with George Clunny's

[aussiejon1604]

You can read all the books in the World but there is nothing like the feeling of getting duped yourself to really understand the cultural differences.

In my experience being warned of eventualities makes one more prone to fall into them knowingly,the fact is how many times have you told friends to not do this and that on there first visit to Thailand......but they always seem to do the opposite.

Better to write your own path and hope luck and the judgement's you make are on your side.

In Thailand the saying should be "face" is stranger than fiction!

Exactly. "Face". Enough said!

[Scottythai]

I lean to this one more. It shows all different angles.

[BB1955]

I read it but really wasnt impressed that much . Sure you can get jammed up here if your not about your whitts and think with you smaller brain . I really think its all about how gullable you are as to how bad you can be taken and ripped off . Some guys dont care ,,, Oh well

[kikoman]

You can read all the books you want, it still will not guarantee that you will side step the pitfalls of living and loving in another culture, you only learn that by living it and learning how to deal with situations outside of your learned experience.

Take some time to get to know your chosen partner, the old American saying has some truth to it, ​"Marry in haste, repent in leisure" adult males acting like school boys when they feel the attention of a young good looking women. Regardless of what some think a difference in age is not an indicator that a marriage will fail.

In my family my youngest brother married an 21 year old American girl at age 44, 10 years later the marriage is still growing strong, my son at 41 years of age married a 20 year old Nepalese immigrant to America and after 5 years and two children his marriage seems to be very strong and my son went out of his way to learn and embrace Nepalese food, ways and culture. Those marriage are in the US.

If you marry a Thai women and try to separate her from her culture and family, you will end up most likely with a failed marriage, if you can not meet your wife half way do yourself and her a favor and not marry her. If you fail to integrate into her families life as you would expect her to do with your family in your home country, do her a favor do not marry her!

Marriage is no different in Thailand as it is in your home country, the bride will have the same expectations as a western women would have? Why do males feel they can get the women and not her culture and family, because no matter what positive you can add to her life, soon the negatives will out weight the positives in your relationship.

Not to mention those on this forum who are married to Thai's yet are very critical of everything about Thai people and Thailand?????

Just my opinion!

Cheers:

[seajae]

If you marry a thai and live in Thailand you have to accept the thai culture, it doesnt mean losing all your western values but you have to be able to accept their values for it to work. It isnt easy as a lot of what you do is ingrained as part of your life before you come here but saying that if you love your wife you will change and she will also accept you and your culture, you have to meet half way for any marriage to work so this is no different. If on the other hand you dislike thais and what/who they are it will never work because of your bias, if you are genuinely in love then you will have no problem accepting the thai ways. Doesnt mean you cant bag thais out occasionally for doing stupid things etc, just means you are accepting of your wife, her family and their customs. If you cannot accept any of this then you simply should even consider living here long term.

[OZEMADE]

Many years ago i read all these books regarding Thailand ,while enjoying them all ,to be honest if you marry an ordinary woman who works in a normal job here in Thailand and court here for a long time like you do in the west then they are fun but irrelevant , but if you jump off a plane ,hang around Nana plaza all the time and marry the first girl that calls you a hansom man ,then they are a must read.

I hear you. I courted my ex-wife for quite sometime. I have to agree though. I have never known so many single hansom men to be in one place at anyone time. Suddenly the place is crawling with George Clunny's

Well at my age when I go to a bar, I quite often get called hansom man. But all that means to me is it's low season and all the youngies have had to go back to work, which makes me

[sustento]

Culture Shock Thailand - Robert and Nanthapa Cooper

Thailand Fever - Pirazzi and Vasant

Wondering into Thai Culture - Mort Redmond

Those three will get you started.

[canman]

Read it!

Sometimes i get the impression half the TV posters are living it.

[phuketjock]

I think a much more appropriate read for anyone coming to Thailand and indeed for

many who live and some who have lived here for many years is "Thai Ways" and

"More Thai Ways" by Denis Segaller. I see disgraceful displays of disrespect for this

country not just by tourists but long and short term residents!!!! You chose to live/visit

here please make at least some effort to respect the country and its' people.

[welsh1]

Talking about good reads In Thailand

The Damage done,, Is a mighty fine read

[chonabot]

It's very readable, set around the Jools Bar aka Fatso's.

Stephen is a great author and I'm proud to know him, but he has written far more accomplished books in the crime/thriller genre.

I would suggest that reading this book before coming to Thailand on a 'singles' holiday may put a few people off

[HeavyDrinker]

Frankly its an amalgam of bar room horror stories...only a cretin would use this dribble as a template for their real life and would deserve everything that came their way....

One huge problem is that so many blokes think that just because she is a Thai then there will me some magic solution which requires minimal effort from them., after a lifetime of failed relationships in the West, followed by a few months of being fawned over by money-hungry bargirls, they start to think they are a genuine catch then once married as when compared to the competition, the pension and life savings make them a viable match in the eyes of some women but when that starts to dry up, they lose their appeal in the eyes of the crumpet...

[ajs500]

"Wondering into Thai Culture" by Mont Redmond is a great help in explaining exactly that.

Particular interest to me is why it seems so much communication is an open loop from my end and why there is never any attempt to explain/apologise for missed appointments, and to ask why is even worse.

Reminds me..Expat is picked up from business trip by his driver. After asking all the normal polite questions, they arrived at his home, which had been burnt to the ground.

"Why didn't you tell me ?"

"You never asked".

[rott]

Its a good book... A somewhat myopic view of Thailand.... If you are planning on hanging around bars, bar girls and involving yourself in the more colourful aspects of Thailand then Private Dancer may be considered by some 'critical reading'...

If however you are a normal person who doesn't fall in love with the first bar girl they meet, if you are patient and take your time to meet and befriend genuine people in mutually respectful relationships then this book is simply an entertaining read. It does help the 'normal' person understand those who fall into these narcissistic social sinkholes...

Does "normal person" equate to "sanctimonious git"?

[richard_smith237]

Its a good book... A somewhat myopic view of Thailand.... If you are planning on hanging around bars, bar girls and involving yourself in the more colourful aspects of Thailand then Private Dancer may be considered by some 'critical reading'...

If however you are a normal person who doesn't fall in love with the first bar girl they meet, if you are patient and take your time to meet and befriend genuine people in mutually respectful relationships then this book is simply an entertaining read. It does help the 'normal' person understand those who fall into these narcissistic social sinkholes...

Does "normal person" equate to "sanctimonious git"?

Or a smug-git without a thesaurus...

..............How much did she take you for ?

Edited November 18, 2013 by richard_smith237

[swissie]

Many books covering this subject. Mostly to be read by farangs "after the damage is done".

How many Farangs could lead a life free of worries in Thailand by sticking to "short-time-stuff" only. But then, sooner or later the "love makes blind" factor comes into play. = Farang's vision get's somewhat blurred while the goals and ambitions of the Thai-Lady stay on focus with the reliability of a gyroscope. Amen.

Cheers.

[Travel2003]

Have read most of those books, as I always used to pick one for easy reading at the air port (and during flights).

One normally finish off one of those books in no time.

Not really many books which reflect Thailand in an objective way.

I bet 99% of the books one find in the books stores at the airports are extremely subjective, based upon some experiences, but mostly stories told in (GoGo) bars.

More so, the writing in itself is very simple, in order to make sure we all understand it.

Personally, I agree with Post #17 and post #21,

I found it that many things described in those books turned out to be fact.

[Stradavarius37]

Frankly its an amalgam of bar room horror stories...only a cretin would use this dribble as a template for their real life and would deserve everything that came their way....

 

One huge problem is that so many blokes think that just because she is a Thai then there will me some magic solution which requires minimal effort from them., after a lifetime of failed relationships in the West, followed by a few months of being fawned over by money-hungry bargirls, they start to think they are a genuine catch then once married as when compared to the competition, the pension and life savings make them a viable match in the eyes of some women but when that starts to dry up, they lose their appeal in the eyes of the crumpet...

Isn't TV an amalgam of bar room horror stories?

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[Travel2003]

Although a but outdated now (as most Thai related books).

Genders & Sexualities in Modern Thailand, by Peter A. Jackson & Nerida M. Cook.

A collection by scholars from around the world.

Published 1999

At least one get an idea why it is as it is now.

[Brasilouro]

Its not a bad read but It's very repetitive ie idiot keeps going back for more !!!

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[Kinate]

Thanks for sharing, I'll read

[sustento]

"Letters to Uncle Go" by Peter Jackson is quite a good read too...