Eight Years Together - Is The End Near?

[LeCharivari]

I'm not sure if you're saying that you were both already having casual sex with others or not, but if so I think that you've been tempting providence and its only been a matter of time until he found someone else who was not only better sex but better company as well and who may be taking him more seriously. Its all part of the whole and you can't separate and ignore any one aspect , and sex plays a part just as anything else does.

(edited)

No, I am not saying that we both did have casual sex with others. What I was trying to say is that if it would have been just a sexual encounter never to be repeated again, it would be easier to put behind and try to save our relationship. When infatuation or love is involved, it makes things worse - from my point of view, anyway.

"No, I am not saying that we both did have casual sex with others. What I was trying to say is that if it would have been just a sexual encounter never to be repeated again, it would be easier to put behind and try to save our relationship. When infatuation or love is involved, it makes things worse - from my point of view, anyway."

In that case I'm glad I said "if"!

Although I can escape with that caveat, as my post didn't apply to you, I still apoligize if I caused you any offence - but I don't retract my views in any way as they may apply to others reading this thread.

Just a few thoughts on your post, though ....

1. He met the guy and was besotted by his speaking, wealth, position, profession and the nice way he made him feel important and valuable .....

Its all too easy to take people for-granted if you've known them a long time, however comfortable you are together, but my Partner makes me feel "important and valuable" every day after more than a decade and I make a conscious effort to try to do the same.

3. They have developed feelings through him talking nice and filling my partners head with all sort of BS. Only Thais can manage in this way with another Thai. .....

Not sure I'd agree with you there. I've come across a lot of Thais who can BS farangs, particularly if there's some direct or in-direct commercial aspect to the relationship, but I've also come across the reverse - farangs who can and do BS Thais (particularly if there's some direct or in-direct commercial aspect to the relationship!). These things work both ways, and in my experience I'm sad to say that farangs are just as good (or bad) at it as Thais.

4. ...... The guy is wealthy, in good position and I just can't see him taking a lover (my bf) 7 years older to support him. Not to mention that if things get to that point, he has his mother and our adopted daughter to think about. Would a Thai guy support someone else's family to that point? I wonder...them suddenly living together is not an image I see as going very far.

Why not? There's a 7 year difference in your ages and you're happy with it! I know a number of Thai gay relationships where there's a considerable age difference and no commercial considerations.

As for "support", if he can afford it there's no reason why not - again, you did. "Sponsorship" is a Thai tradition (far more than it is to farangs), even though times are changing, and so is "adopting" other people's children.

..... and why do you think they would necessarily all be "living together" anyway? Maybe your b/f doesn't want to live with his mother any more and he wants his own life with his mother and "step-"daughter being taken care of separately, which is what could now be on the cards.

I'm not trying to be a wet blanket, but I think you ought to realise your "competitor"'s strengths. Maybe you should be a bit more pro-active, if you're not being so already: pay your b/f a visit at his work, with some flowers/chocolates/doughnuts, etc; phone him regularly (at least every day) and make sure to say how much he means to you (and get his mother and step-daughter to do the same); pay him some compliments. Basically, make him feel "important and valuable" - if you don't, your competitor probably will instead.

[onthemoon]

I'm not sure if you're saying that you were both already having casual sex with others or not, but if so I think that you've been tempting providence and its only been a matter of time until he found someone else who was not only better sex but better company as well and who may be taking him more seriously. Its all part of the whole and you can't separate and ignore any one aspect , and sex plays a part just as anything else does.

No, I am not saying that we both did have casual sex with others. What I was trying to say is that if it would have been just a sexual encounter never to be repeated again, it would be easier to put behind and try to save our relationship. When infatuation or love is involved, it makes things worse - from my point of view, anyway.

Since he is Thai and possibly pretty ashamed of his confusing feelings, it has been quite difficult to get to the bottom of things. However, bit by bit I have finally got the trurh out of him. Maybe he was scared that I go mad and get violent (which I never have, angry yes but never physical) so I got confession in parts. Now I believe there is no more secrets between us. Things unraveled so far:

(snip)

I will keep you guys posted if there are any changes. Maybe not the most professional place to open up but didn't want to turn to family before it really is the time to do so. So thanks for any opinions and advice. It helps to talk - or write one's tangled thoughts. We will take a day off with my bf this week and go away to surroundings that don't remind us about our problems. I hope this little distance to things will make things a bit more easy to go on.

Interesting new facts (which I snipped).

Another way to deal with it (easier said than done) is to tell him to go ahead and give it a try with this rich Thai guy, rather than discouraging him. Tell him he can come back at any time - with a knowing smile -, but of course you will also seek out other companions in the meantime.

This will take the security away. Right now, he has security with you, but he doesn't know whether he has security with the Thai guy. From your reports (and we haven't heard the other side), that guy impresses with externalities.

Just thinking aloud. I don't know whether it would work, because I neither know you nor your boyfriend. Or the third party.

[LeCharivari]

I think it is worth opening a separate thread for this. Please do.

Umm ... it's up and running (and fairly described as "interesting" !).

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/687176-gays-and-promiscuity/

[LeCharivari]

I'm not sure if you're saying that you were both already having casual sex with others or not, but if so I think that you've been tempting providence and its only been a matter of time until he found someone else who was not only better sex but better company as well and who may be taking him more seriously. Its all part of the whole and you can't separate and ignore any one aspect , and sex plays a part just as anything else does.

No, I am not saying that we both did have casual sex with others. What I was trying to say is that if it would have been just a sexual encounter never to be repeated again, it would be easier to put behind and try to save our relationship. When infatuation or love is involved, it makes things worse - from my point of view, anyway.

Since he is Thai and possibly pretty ashamed of his confusing feelings, it has been quite difficult to get to the bottom of things. However, bit by bit I have finally got the trurh out of him. Maybe he was scared that I go mad and get violent (which I never have, angry yes but never physical) so I got confession in parts. Now I believe there is no more secrets between us. Things unraveled so far:

(snip)

I will keep you guys posted if there are any changes. Maybe not the most professional place to open up but didn't want to turn to family before it really is the time to do so. So thanks for any opinions and advice. It helps to talk - or write one's tangled thoughts. We will take a day off with my bf this week and go away to surroundings that don't remind us about our problems. I hope this little distance to things will make things a bit more easy to go on.

Interesting new facts (which I snipped).

Another way to deal with it (easier said than done) is to tell him to go ahead and give it a try with this rich Thai guy, rather than discouraging him. Tell him he can come back at any time - with a knowing smile -, but of course you will also seek out other companions in the meantime.

This will take the security away. Right now, he has security with you, but he doesn't know whether he has security with the Thai guy. From your reports (and we haven't heard the other side), that guy impresses with externalities.

Just thinking aloud. I don't know whether it would work, because I neither know you nor your boyfriend. Or the third party.

That could be one way of doing it ..... but if I was one of onni4me's real-life friends (instead of someone on the internet he doesn't know from Adam) and as a result of his taking my advice to "tell him to go ahead and give it a try with this rich Thai guy" his b/f left him and settled down with the other guy, I'd be running for cover as onni4me would have every right to want my head on a plate.

To me, assuming that the relationship is based on emotional ties/love and not "security"/money, onni4me should be doing everything he can to strengthen their relationship, to show his b/f how important and irreplaceable he is, not telling him that he's welcome to go and he's going to be replaced while he's away.

As you say, though, none of us know those involved .....

[onthemoon]

I think it is worth opening a separate thread for this. Please do.

Umm ... it's up and running (and fairly described as "interesting" !).

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/687176-gays-and-promiscuity/

Thanks.

[onni4me]

Well Charivari...in my own way I have tried to show my appreciation an done a lot for my boyfriend. I've bought him gifts, cheap and expensive. I have remembered him on his birthday. I have put him through expensive education, I have put up a small and relatively successful business for him and I have told him almost every day that I love him with a kiss.

And then I wonder if I have been actually too easy and been taken for granted?

And how about me? I actually a couple of weeks ago thought that I was quite happy and contented what I have and looked the future ahead with trusting feeling. And then it hit me...the Thai X-factor.

I recently read a sentence that somehow touches the feeling that I have about my situation:

Then the propensity for self destruction that seems to be a fundamental part of the Thai psyche kicked in.

If I am walking, what's left of his future? Charivari suggests that it is very easy to just two Thai guys fall in love and be together forever under the loving pink sunshine. I think not. They are in an early stage that where is no telling where it will go or if it will go anywhere. At the same time I am deeply hurt and my bf doesn't seem to realize that this is not some God damned soap opera we are going through.

I have put everything on company name that he has no access to. All that is in his name is a car on monthly installments and his business which he makes an average Thai salary on his field - far from paying everything that he enjoys at the moment. When I am talking about future he just shrugs it off like he actually doesn't believe that I could choose to leave. YES! He actually seems to believe that I will stay and still somehow support him even he hurts me where it really feels.

To be honest, I don't blame the other Thai guy. As much as I know he probably doesn't even know that I exist and it's not his fault that he is what he is. Do I like the guy? No. I wish a lightning would struck. If not him, it could have been somebody else. I feel that somehow we ended up in the middle of our hectic last 4 months into a situation that I wasn't paying enough attention and he was getting tired. But is that excuse big enough to go into a new thing when not even hinting me anything? I think not. If a person is suffering or feels neglected in a relationship, one needs to talk before engaging in a new thing. That's what I think anyway.

Quite unlike to Charivaris advice, I am giving a bit of cold shoulder at the moment. Very unlike my usual ways of calling and paying attention to his feelings. Now he can have a bit of time to feel what it is when someone doesn't care.

And what comes to some advice having sex or "fun" since he did what he did, I am not amused. I could have sex anyday at any given time but this thread is not about getting even in fornication, it is about my and my boyfriends life and future. I would appreciate keeping that kind of thoughts to yourselves. Thanks.

[Sceptict11]

WOW !

Drama Queen(s) !

Best stay well clear

[LeCharivari]

(edited)

Well Charivari...in my own way I have tried to show my appreciation an done a lot for my boyfriend. I've bought him gifts, cheap and expensive. I have remembered him on his birthday. I have put him through expensive education, I have put up a small and relatively successful business for him and I have told him almost every day that I love him with a kiss.

.....

If I am walking, what's left of his future? Charivari suggests that it is very easy to just two Thai guys fall in love and be together forever under the loving pink sunshine. I think not.

.....

I have put everything on company name that he has no access to. All that is in his name is a car on monthly installments and his business which he makes an average Thai salary on his field - far from paying everything that he enjoys at the moment. When I am talking about future he just shrugs it off like he actually doesn't believe that I could choose to leave. YES! He actually seems to believe that I will stay and still somehow support him even he hurts me where it really feels.

.....

Quite unlike to Charivaris advice, I am giving a bit of cold shoulder at the moment. Very unlike my usual ways of calling and paying attention to his feelings. Now he can have a bit of time to feel what it is when someone doesn't care.

.....

And what comes to some advice having sex or "fun" since he did what he did, I am not amused. I could have sex anyday at any given time but this thread is not about getting even in fornication, it is about my and my boyfriends life and future. I would appreciate keeping that kind of thoughts to yourselves. Thanks.

A few final thoughts / "friendly advice", even if it's not to be followed.

"I've bought him gifts, cheap and expensive. I have remembered him on his birthday. I have put him through expensive education, I have put up a small and relatively successful business for him and I have told him almost every day that I love him with a kiss. ..... If I am walking, what's left of his future? ..... When I am talking about future he just shrugs it off like he actually doesn't believe that I could choose to leave. YES! He actually seems to believe that I will stay and still somehow support him even he hurts me where it really feels"

You said from the start that you "do not wish to get replies that suggest ..... that he acts like some prostitute." Well, to paraphrase Pretty Woman, that seems increasingly to be how you not only see him but how you want him to act.

" Charivari suggests that it is very easy to just two Thai guys fall in love and be together forever under the loving pink sunshine. I think not."

I didn't "suggest" anything of the sort. Some Thai relationships work, some don't - just like any Thai/farang relationships, or any others.

"Quite unlike to Charivaris advice, I am giving a bit of cold shoulder at the moment. Very unlike my usual ways of calling and paying attention to his feelings. Now he can have a bit of time to feel what it is when someone doesn't care."

"Up to you", as some say. Maybe you've missed the possibility that if "love" is involved at all, now is the time when he'll notice most who's there for him (and it doesn't sound like its going to be you).

"And what comes to some advice having sex or "fun" since he did what he did, I am not amused. I could have sex anyday at any given time but this thread is not about getting even in fornication, it is about my and my boyfriends life and future. I would appreciate keeping that kind of thoughts to yourselves."

Although you haven't said it (and may not have meant it) I feel that as I have been named three times in your post I should emphasise that this was NOT my advice (and is actually the reverse of my advice).

I'm beginning to think that Fookhaht got it right from day one: "I would suggest you just count it as a lesson learned and apply it to your next relationship." Good advice.

[sustento]

WOW !

Drama Queen(s) !

Best stay well clear

If you don't like the fact that someone is trying to sort his life out by asking for help in here then it's probably a good idea if you keep your snide remarks to yourself and go elsewhere.

[onni4me]

A few final thoughts / "friendly advice", even if it's not to be followed.

"I've bought him gifts, cheap and expensive. I have remembered him on his birthday. I have put him through expensive education, I have put up a small and relatively successful business for him and I have told him almost every day that I love him with a kiss. ..... If I am walking, what's left of his future? ..... When I am talking about future he just shrugs it off like he actually doesn't believe that I could choose to leave. YES! He actually seems to believe that I will stay and still somehow support him even he hurts me where it really feels"

You said from the start that you "do not wish to get replies that suggest ..... that he acts like some prostitute." Well, to paraphrase Pretty Woman, that seems increasingly to be how you not only see him but how you want him to act.

Thanks...sometimes people's conclusions amaze me...

I was simply trying to reply that I have tried to be part of his life and remembered him in his special occasions whether it was a little lunch in Japanese restaurant or a bigger gift when appropriate. I have been sending messages, talked nice, hugged, kisses, tried to explain my thoughts on little matters, tried to give sound advice and tried to improve his chances in life. So your final sentence about 'How you not only see him but how you want him to act' is really over the top.

We have been together over eight years and I see no difference taking care someone financially and emotionally (best I can) what I would do somewhere else. I might expect that from him as well when needed. When I said about not suggesting him being a prostitute I meant that so many see helping Thais just to be walking ATMs.

I have been more happy than anything else these years. I have seen us moving forward. If and when I sound confusing it might be the fact that also he sounds confusing in my ears. At one moment it is all kind of plans for future with excitement and the other it is about Buddhist principles and fast forward about how difficult I am followed by acknowledgement that he actually cares and still loves me but not sure how much or which way. Then proceeding saying that he doesn't want anything and maybe wants to go Bangkok (where he has colleagues) and I am asking how he is going to finance the Big Move is answered that he will manage somehow.

What I am trying to say is that it is not easy to make head and tail about all this. Emotions run high and even I am trying not to seem like a drama queen, I still admit that there is drama present to a certain degree.

I see you Charivari reading much more to my post that I ever meant to be - even between the lines. Try to imagine that this would happen to you. Yes! I also would have said that it would never happen and we happy and blah blah blah. If you are having a functioning relationship it doesn't mean that I have done anything more wrong than you ever have.

I'm beginning to think that Fookhaht got it right from day one: "I would suggest you just count it as a lesson learned and apply it to your next relationship." Good advice.

I hope you can proceed with such an ease if it ever hits you. It is easy to throw opinions and sort of see no value in others relationships and lives from the pinnacle of one's perspective. Good advice is hard to give. Words are cheap.

Edited December 9, 2013 by onni4me

[Scott]

You can be assured that there are many of us who do empathize with you and probably a number of posters who have been through similar experiences. You seem like a very nice person and despite his infidelities, you have been as kind and as supportive as possible.

Please try to take care of yourself and do keep us updated.

[onni4me]

It seems interesting somehow that my character is under scrutiny and very little speculation regarding my partner. I assume it's because I am writing here and most replies come from men that love Thai guys also.

I read the whole thread again. Last night I woke up thinking of all this again early morning despite having some mild sleeping tablets. Here are some excerpts. They might be a bit out of context but I still try to answer them:

"...your harshness..."

Yep, I might be harsh if needed and something would upset me. On the other hand I forgive easily and will not remember next day or will talk nicely and constructively about it. I am a feelings person. It is part of my artists profession as well where I need to use my feelings and instincts as well.

"...someone who is not in control of your temper..."

I admire the stiff upper lip greatly. Yes, you can see me angry if there is need or reason but I suppose it goes with the situation and I am not creating emotional temper tantrums for my own fun. When I have someone, I don't hide my feelings or thoughts. I talk to my partner like I would speak to myself. Recommendable or not, I don't like long-term relationship that I need to play some sort of game him not leaving me because I speak my mind. I am terrible playing games.

...or you just want someone to coddle in your misconception that you can violate basic cultural mores...

Hmm...not really. I have also a degree in Art history and probably am well aware after these years what is supposed to be 'Thai culture'. Also, who intentionally goes violating cultural mores? I think that private exchanges of heated words and reconciliation afterwards both sides forgiving each others is not what should be a very big problem in relationship. I still don't believe in relationship that two people NEVER fight. Thinking about it, we have fought less and less over the years and more come to a situation that we actually can disagree without too much feelings. Maybe that makes relationship boring?

Everyone has affairs in Thailand.... Go and have one yourself.

Affairs? Flings? Or just pure lust and sex? I think that in this situation it would do more harm than good. And since I am emotionally exhausted, I am not sure I could get my willy up and very likely would not enjoy it one bit. I am not thinking of having sex.

I can confess that during our early stage when I was working in Bangkok and we were not yet very committed, I was lonely in hotel room evenings and had sometimes some guy come up to fill my feeling of emptiness. It was straight forward business no feelings attached. As said before, sex to me without a loving partner is merely carnal activity. When in love, it goes to another level where one can say that it is 'making love'.

Later I have either become old or just him is enough for me.

...a house is a home, not a prison...

Agreed. I have given him freedom and allowed him to have his own place for reasons of comfort - no need to drive 60 km in the dark after 12 hours working day. Maybe this backfired?

Your personal approach runs gross-grain to the culture.

Okay...so shut up and leave? Going gross-grain 8 years has made me more aware of this so called 'culture' that in my view is merely a miss match of different things and not really some consistent approach to everyday life. Thais tend to pick a thing from there and here that they like and when it strenghthens their own beliefs or wills - or just looks or feels nice. I see no logic in everyday Thai culture. They pick a thing here and a thing there.

[LeCharivari]

A few final thoughts / "friendly advice", even if it's not to be followed.

"I've bought him gifts, cheap and expensive. I have remembered him on his birthday. I have put him through expensive education, I have put up a small and relatively successful business for him and I have told him almost every day that I love him with a kiss. ..... If I am walking, what's left of his future? ..... When I am talking about future he just shrugs it off like he actually doesn't believe that I could choose to leave. YES! He actually seems to believe that I will stay and still somehow support him even he hurts me where it really feels"

You said from the start that you "do not wish to get replies that suggest ..... that he acts like some prostitute." Well, to paraphrase Pretty Woman, that seems increasingly to be how you not only see him but how you want him to act.

Thanks...sometimes people's conclusions amaze me...

I was simply trying to reply that I have tried to be part of his life and remembered him in his special occasions whether it was a little lunch in Japanese restaurant or a bigger gift when appropriate. I have been sending messages, talked nice, hugged, kisses, tried to explain my thoughts on little matters, tried to give sound advice and tried to improve his chances in life. So your final sentence about 'How you not only see him but how you want him to act' is really over the top.

We have been together over eight years and I see no difference taking care someone financially and emotionally (best I can) what I would do somewhere else. I might expect that from him as well when needed. When I said about not suggesting him being a prostitute I meant that so many see helping Thais just to be walking ATMs.

I have been more happy than anything else these years. I have seen us moving forward. If and when I sound confusing it might be the fact that also he sounds confusing in my ears. At one moment it is all kind of plans for future with excitement and the other it is about Buddhist principles and fast forward about how difficult I am followed by acknowledgement that he actually cares and still loves me but not sure how much or which way. Then proceeding saying that he doesn't want anything and maybe wants to go Bangkok (where he has colleagues) and I am asking how he is going to finance the Big Move is answered that he will manage somehow.

What I am trying to say is that it is not easy to make head and tail about all this. Emotions run high and even I am trying not to seem like a drama queen, I still admit that there is drama present to a certain degree.

I see you Charivari reading much more to my post that I ever meant to be - even between the lines. Try to imagine that this would happen to you. Yes! I also would have said that it would never happen and we happy and blah blah blah. If you are having a functioning relationship it doesn't mean that I have done anything more wrong than you ever have.

I'm beginning to think that Fookhaht got it right from day one: "I would suggest you just count it as a lesson learned and apply it to your next relationship." Good advice.

I hope you can proceed with such an ease if it ever hits you. It is easy to throw opinions and sort of see no value in others relationships and lives from the pinnacle of one's perspective. Good advice is hard to give. Words are cheap.

"Try to imagine that this would happen to you. .... If you are having a functioning relationship it doesn't mean that I have done anything more wrong than you ever have. ..... I hope you can proceed with such an ease if it ever hits you."

I don't need to "imagine" - this has happened to me and I realised my mistakes, that I was as responsible for the failure of that doomed "relationship" as my erstwhile partner, and that I was doing plenty that was "wrong", and I learnt from it. You don't seem to want to do that or to be interested in any of the "friendly advice" you asked for.

"It is easy to throw opinions and sort of see no value in others relationships and lives from the pinnacle of one's perspective. Good advice is hard to give. Words are cheap."

I have never derided your relationship or anyone else's - at the most I have simply said that all relationships are different.

Advice is often harder to accept than it is to give, and if all you wanted was sympathy maybe that's what you should have asked for - it's far easier to give and to accept than advice.

[LeCharivari]

(edited)

I talk to my partner like I would speak to myself.

THAT'S THE WHOLE PROBLEM.

He isn't you, and you don't seem able to see anything from his perspective, only yours.

(..... just my view ..... and my advice)

[Chupup]

Move on, you will never forget or trust again, you might say that you can but when he comes home late or stays out all night

YOU are going to think he's at it again

[onni4me]

Seems that I would need a new translator, I seem to be misunderstood somehow. English is not my native language so maybe there are some hick ups between my writing and understanding it.

Like this...

He isn't you, and you don't seem able to see anything from his perspective, only yours.

I totally disagree. Remember that I know him from a very long period of time.

When I say that I speak to him as I would speak to myself, it differs from the usual banter with people, I speak VERY honestly and direct when with someone so close to me. I don't decorate my ideas with the usual load of rubbish or neither I keep secrets or tell lies. I expect someone so close to deserve a view to my inner thoughts.

I like to thank the ones that have tried for their support.

There was already couple PMs and they were very supportive.

I do this writing to keep myself sane. When I don't work or try to look TV (Ha!) my mind just starts to go around and around the same thing. I read somewhere that what comes to stress levels divorce comes second to the death of a spouse and I have no doubt about it.

Irrespective what people answer or how they see it, I am not bothered. When they suggest something silly as going to have sex, I just completely ignore it. Here we have much bigger things in question.

I had a long talk with my bf and we are sort of still in good relations. The difficulty while having a conversation is that I am lost with my feelings. My feelings really go up and down. However, the bright side is that we have now talked about almost all aspects of the event and seem to agree that he has feelings for this other guy and it takes time to sort them out. In the meantime I asked a friend to move in as for now and he will come with his stuff on Thursday. So I will have someone from outside to talk to.

Tomorrow we will go movies with bf and try to sort things out. Luckily, I experience no animosity from his side while facing him with the reality. Sometimes Thais loose it when they must face what they have actually done (loss of face, I suppose). He is actually very apologetic. He says that he didn't mean to hurt me and I do believe that.

As said, there are other things to consider from the family aspect but I suppose I am willing to continue here even if we would not be an item. I actually hope that nobody gets more hurt in this process.

Anyway, thanks for all for your input. I am feeling slightly better and even some replies are not always most welcome, they give me something to think about anyway. Seems that it's a bit same as when someone is asking about overstay, some take it as an open invitation to come up with their insults.

Only future will tell.

[onni4me]

To those interested, we are still together.

After many discussions and days, we decided to stick together. It seems it was infatuation rather than love. I personally believe that it was difficult to my boyfriend to come up with the truth about having an affair and he sort of expected our relationship to end like in worst Thai soap operas.

Instead, we talked and interacted and went through quite a bit emotions. It has not been easy but after few hurdles he says that he wants to be with me.

This has been exhausting time but I think on some level we are stronger than we were before. Life changes and so do we.

Thanks for everyone for their input.

[Scott]

I am glad that things are moving along for you and I want to wish both of you the best.

[robertthebruce]

Glad it all worked out, well done for being there for him, and not walking away, ...

I dont know how i would of handled that situation....

anyway all the best, and i wish you both ''Well''

Cheers

Robert

[onthemoon]

Happy to hear, and thanks for posting this.

[onni4me]

I was a bit vary of posting all this at first but got the thing off my chest and there has been number of private messages of support and empathy I thank for them.

I think one of our problems with my bf is that we are very alike. Meaning that when I am happy he is happy, when I am angry he is angry and so on.

I personally think that he is worth it all. I felt gutted at first but also realized that I had not paid enough attention maintaining our relationship. There has been so many changes and pressure past year from construction to renewing our shophouse etc. Enormous work load caused enormous pressure to our relationship as well.

Now things have eased and we have taken one day a week just for us two to be together. We do long walks, little lunches, talking etc. It is not always the big things, sometimes just that the significant other is there.

Anyway, an experience richer and I feel that we are now stronger together.