The dreaded visitors " Home Guests "

[BB1955]

Ok is it just me??? Seems everytime I hear that one of the wifes friends or relatives are coming for a visit I just cringe . For one I treasure my privacy , which totally goes out the door the minute they come in . Second they will never tell you the date they will arrive...... well maybe a three or four day window , never know who they will bring with them in tow . First thing happens the TV is hijacked , when that gets boring the computer is next ..... I just feel like its an invasion . Once we had a friend of hers show up brought three more people we didn't know with her and two dogs .....

As far as when they are going home you never know that until the morning you see them leaving .... Im sure Im not the only one that has this issue ..... How do you handle it . Wife knows how much it pisses me off ... Her response is you know Thai people .... My response is you know farrangs ......

If you know a trick to stop this please clue me in .... I hate that I have three bedrooms ........

[TexasRanger]

If that did happen it would be the last time. I know if it was up to the Mrs that may be the case but both her and the in laws know Westerners do things differently. Of course family are welcome, but when it's convenient for me.

As for someone bringing dogs? Never.

[jackr]

How do you handle it

Wear the trousers and tell her straight. If you can't, divorce will do the trick. ;-)

[benalibina]

Ask her a question related to it where the likely answer she will give is; "up to you". Problem solved !

[TexasRanger]

Post got cut, the point for me was making my position clear, in nice polite terms but from the very outset. I also practice what I preach and never show up uninvited.

[canuckamuck]

Easy solution bro, one bedroom becomes the man cave. No one enters without permission.

i would be insane without mine.

[oogster8]

You should have built a 1- bedroom home......................lol.

[tim armstrong]

I was told that your house had ghosts, and a large 'tookay' in the bedroom? Failing that, you have 3 large and loud beer drinking friends from Thaivisa who want to stay for a week. They will bring their own tv and about 12 dozen boxes of Leo. They're coming tomorrow.

[Jasun]

Get naked.

[CharlieH]

My wife would ask me first, she would ask if it was ok and did I have any problem with it.

They would be welcome to visit, but NOT stay over, unless travelled a real distance in which case, come and go would be clearly defined so appropriate arrangements could be made.

Never ever had an issue with anyone taking over or invading, it seems like you are not perceived as the head of the household, SHE is, and you have only yourself to blame if being bypassed and seemingly ignored.

[kikoman]

Easy solution bro, one bedroom becomes the man cave. No one enters without permission.

i would be insane without mine.

That is what I use my computer, my TV, My air are all in my bedroom which is off limits to all in the house except my wife! anyone that chooses to talk, knocks first only because I enjoy my privacy.

We differ greatly on visitors, as I always enjoy my wife's family visits, and ask people to visit as much as they can, I also enjoy my wife's friends visits as we have a great big house, for the new year my brother and his family will visit, along with his sister-in-law and her family and his FIL, we are planning a big New Years party.

I do draw the line on dogs in the house, or dogs period as I do not keep any, If someone were to bring one without permission, it would stay in a fenced area in my back yard, no other options.

Cheers

[canman]

I had a similar situation when I we were first married. MIL and various others would visit and take over the house. I put up with it the first time. Second time before they showed up I explained; my house, I pay the bills, my rules, if they cannot respect that they can all f off. I pretty much used that phrasing and she was not a happy camper.

So they arrive and no change. I couldn't really kick them out so I packed a bag and told the wife to give me a call when my house was back under my control. I only got one night to myself and our visitors now act as civilised respectful guests when ever they stay with us.

[thailiketoo]

Everyone knows I have a dog who is not friendly. The dog likes me and my wife and that's it. If anyone comes they stay at a hotel. If they don't have enough money to stay at a hotel they can stay at the Wat. There is a good large restaurant close by that I will take the family and pay for dinner it's about 50 baht per person with water.

We live in a town of my choosing. No relatives close by. If the wife wants to travel she is free to go and I stay home to take care of the dog.

[ToddWeston]

My problem isn't the Thai side of the family it's the folks from back home that want a cheap holiday and stay for weeks........ I'll take the Thai side any day as they eat like birds vs the piggly wigglys from back home who don't even bring a decent single malt.

[lazygourmet]

Since we pretended to have turned our garden guests bungalow into a bed and breakfast business, we are not seeing so many people anymore...

And oversea visitors were the worst !!

[robblok]

Neither side tries this, would be death to them to try to come between me and my privacy.

Just had my family over for a holiday but we were in hotels in the south mostly so i could get my privacy. Even then at times I needed a bit more privacy I am even more of a loner as the rest of my family. Its just how I am so I would not stand for it that is for sure.

[willyumiii]

You are a lucky man!

Your wife's family actually comes and goes!

My wife's family, a large one, all live within a 1 km circle of my home.

Even when they are home, they at my home too.

In my yard yelling at 5 am each morning.

Eating my food.

Harvesting my fruit and vegetables.

Using anything and everything of mine they want.

Watching my every move.

I did find a way to stop them from walking int the house unannounced.

Lounge around the house naked.

The first time one walks in on you will be the last.

Everyone will be told that you are a crazy, perverted farang who wears no clothes!

It worked for me!

Seriously, consider yourself lucky that yours actually come and go!

[robblok]

Seems many don't know how to set boundaries here. Its your life don't let others rule it.

[Hardened Spanker]

Welcome to the Hotel California...How about growing a pair,I honestly can't believe people bring their smelly old dogs to sponge off you as well,could they be anymore disrespectful?

Just hilarious!

[beachproperty]

OP I like your post....its EXACTLY the same for me! One time (about 6 years ago) we went on a beach holiday for a few days....came home and there was her nephew, his wife and kid sitting on the doorstep . I asked my wife did she know they were coming .....answer, "No" .......AND then after a few days I asked her "When are they going home?" ....answer, "I don't know, ....they go home when they go home" .....Well a few more days of this nonsense and I said "Their going home tomorrow ....tell them"...She told them and that was that ...but I hated it...No call...just show up and expect us to take care of them ...at their beck and call...

Had a little talk with my wife after that ...hasn't happen since

[mmh8]

Simply start shouting at them, they will leave never to be seen again.

[DLock]

I like it when my wifes family comes to stay. Lets me go riding or do stuff that I normally don't do.

But I set very clear boundaries. No one touches my TV. They have a TV in their bedroom. Use that.

...and never, ever enter the mancave, touch my things or pat my dog. He bites and so do I.

By in large, they are respectful, but cross that line, and they will be left in no doubt never to do it again. There are family members that are banned for life.

You need to set boundaries and off-limit areas.

[tuky]

I built my house with my second wife after learning all these lessons from 1st wife. I got home from working abroad one time and there were 18 people living in my house. I kicked them all out but slowly over the next few days they trickeld back. There were bodies all over the place, sleeping on the floor, outside drinking etc etc.

It was all family members (there were no brothers).

6 years of that was a big factor leading to divorce.

Now, I built my home with this in mind. My house has a separate section that can be closed off.

Downstairs is my cinema/man cave/bar and upsatirs is my bedroom, bathroom and jacuzzi.

When the door is open my wife knows it is ok to enter, when it is closed only she can enter.

We have half the neighbourhood in our house each day. My wife loves having friends and so on around. The neighbourhood kids hang out at our place as we have the best toys.

So, with a little forethought we have the best of both worlds.

[Crossy]

Good solution Tuky.

We built our home Thai style, lounge and bedrooms upstairs with a large terrace (and a beer fridge). Area downstairs with the kitchen and large open space with a public use TV and computer.

Nearly all guests seem to respect the upstairs as private and will only enter with permission. We also have a front gate that is closed all the time, limits random arrivals too.

[evadgib]

Once I had established that a habitual offender had never been in an airoplane I purchased a one way ticket to Bkk. By the time he realised what I had actually done he was 500 miles away from my wallet

[bocceball1]

Had the same problem before.....sold the beach house (only 2 bedrooms...but visitors ...ALL the time)....

Bought land on the beach ...built a 1 bedroom beach house....Still have visitors but not as many as they have to sleep on the floor in the living room (doesn't seem to bother them though). EVERYBODY knows the bedroom upstairs is "off limits"

Am now building two separate wings with 2 one bedroom apartments each ...so we can rent them out and if visitors come they will have to pay....we'll see how many want to visit now....LOL

[tuky]

I know this all sounds a bit silly, but in the home is a place where the two cultures can really clash.

It is an important part of culture in many countries to be "communal" whereas other cultures are a more privacy based culture.

It is really important to get the balance right.

Closing the house off labels you, and your spouse as (in Indo the word is sombong) being elitist? being cheap, being unfriendly?

Opening the house means you lose your privacy.

Best to build two houses in one.

The two cultures can then co-exist rather than collide.

[Hardened Spanker]

I know this all sounds a bit silly, but in the home is a place where the two cultures can really clash.

It is an important part of culture in many countries to be "communal" whereas other cultures are a more privacy based culture.

It is really important to get the balance right.

Closing the house off labels you, and your spouse as (in Indo the word is sombong) being elitist? being cheap, being unfriendly?

Opening the house means you lose your privacy.

Best to build two houses in one.

The two cultures can then co-exist rather than collide.

Hardly,the owner of the house sets the rules.How many Thai wives pay for a house for their spouses?And who cares what a bunch of sponging relatives label you as anyway?

[kikoman]

Seems many don't know how to set boundaries here. Its your life don't let others rule it.

i beg to differ with you, some of us do not need boundaries in our live's. Having and enjoying visitors is something enjoyable to me, by simply being my guest in my home does not mean anyone other then me and my family rule it.

I also enjoy my privacy, and made my room off limits to all visitors as well as our girls, But I have no problem sharing what we have with our guest, as we have been blessed and have more than we can use!

Harden Spanker

The owners of the house set the rules, correct My wife and I are the owners, and we have no sponging relatives. Many expats simply do not like to share the wife with her family, plain and simply, and as a results views every one as outsiders, that threaten his unilateral ownership rights to all he considers his,

I as my wife's husband accepted her and became a part of her family and am so lucky that they turned out also to be my best friends.

Cheers

[robblok]

Seems many don't know how to set boundaries here. Its your life don't let others rule it.

i beg to differ with you, some of us do not need boundaries in our live's. Having and enjoying visitors is something enjoyable to me, by simply being my guest in my home does not mean anyone other then me and my family rule it.

I also enjoy my privacy, and made my room off limits to all visitors as well as our girls, But I have no problem sharing what we have with our guest, as we have been blessed and have more than we can use!

Cheers

You seem to have missed my point or i haven't formulated it good enough.

You seem to like what you are doing, i was talking about the ones that complain but don't change it. If you like how it goes the boundaries are set in a way you like it. If it does not go the way you like it and you complain but don't act then something is wrong.