Sinsod maybe the end

[nongsangcity]

Time to get real my friend I have thai friends who went to university and work for global companies and they earn 300 bht a day for 8 hours work, some work 12 hour days and are lucky to get over time payments boosting their pay to 500 bht a day...Thai men in my village who have to go to Bangkok to work with 2or 3 kids and a wife to feed who are left behind in the family home send an average of 3-4000 bht a month home.......your sending $1500 a month ????..believe me this is a huge amount of money for a bog standard thai family............be very careful I have seen many things in my 10 years plus in Thailand.....they will take your very last cent and when you have nothing left...you will be cast a side.....this might be painful for you to read....but I have seen with my own eyes...good lads getting turned over big style....I should really write a book about it............if your girl loves you she will understand..........I got married at the local office its all legal and its approved by your own government etc and its free.........and we didn't even have a party for the family.....and we are still going as strong as ever 10 years on....take care of your self first......

[amccbkk]

I'd rethink your marriage plans. This woman and her mother only have one thing on their mind. Thai women are great actresses.

[Emster23]

"But I know my fiancé will listen to mom." And she will listen even more as I would bet she agrees with mom 100%, but pretends she is on your side. Wake up! "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree": she probably has same values as mom, she just can't show you that side (yet). Anyone can act loving for two weeks. You are being played! You only spent TWO WEEKS with her. Would you marry a woman after only 2 weeks together in your home country? I hope not. So why do it here where culture values "telling other what they want to hear more than what is true"? And economic issue is far bigger than it would be in home country I would guess. If you ignore the combined wisdom of TVers, then perhaps you should change user name to Will B. Moore-Broke.

Edited January 8, 2014 by Emster23

[kuifje]

Run, run, run...

Only maybe 5% of the whole population of Thailand earns more than 45,000-50,000 baht/month

95 % of the population earns less than $ 1,500/month.

Are you crazy or what ?!

[ericthai]

I guess I found this topic a bit too late as I saw you've already made decision.

But I'd like to share my opinion about this and a little bit of my story...

I'm a Thai woman. My mom and step dad live in Bangkok. My family is poor but my parents always work hard for a few amount of money each month.

I've been working since I was in high school and supported myself until I graduated and got a good job.

Now, I'm in relationship with a very lovely guy from Austria. We live together and love each other deeply.

We've met each other's parents and both of us received a lot of love from them.

He and his family always want to help me about financial stuff but I always refuse because I'd like to support my family by myself

and I don't want him to think that he's an ATM like some other Thai girls think about foreigners. I never let him pay anything for me. We always share.

My mother is kinda old-fashioned mom too and I know that she would ask for sinsod as it's a tradition.

I told my bf about that 'cause we planned to marry someday (but not soon) and if that day comes, I'll pay for the sinsod myself (I'm collecting money). It's my country's tradition, not his so he doesn't have to take the burden. He doesn't have to do anything except loving me and take good care our own family, only two things I would ask for.

Well, I just wanted to say there is no need to give away your money every month for that. If she really loves you, she will still loves you even if you're broke.

I've seen so many people I know who have bad experiences about Thai girls. They came here rich but went back broke because

they think it's normal to give money to their gf and gf's families every month. They think they should give them money every time they want.

It's not true at all, not for Thai guys either. Thai girls are very good at taking care of their partners, doesn't matter they love you or not.

You have to be careful.

But if you're totally sure you gf loves you and you would like to help them that way. Then, it's your choice. You have the right to do that.

Wish you good luck with your decisions and a happy married life with you beloved one

Your a Thai Girl?? BS your English writing skills are way too good. My wife speaks good English but writes very bad. I have been in Thailand for 20 years and have had allot of Thai workers. I have had University girls that don't even wright this good. I have only had one Thai girl employee that wrote good and she was a mix. You are using works like: kinda, knowing the difference between to and too, no way I dont believe you are a poor thai girl, you are a troll. If you are really a Thai then you need to get a job with the news paper, the journalist in Thailand are not even this good!

[Colabamumbai]

If she truly loves you she will tell her mother where to go and not expect anymore than what you are already contributing.

As I posted some time ago a Chaing Mai lady with a child wanted , 500,000 Baht to marry me, we had never met, only on the net. Two months later she married a Thai man.

When I asked if he paid the money she said no, it was not important.

Do unto foreigners what you would not to unto Thais.

[godden]

i think the mother is taking the piss big time, i also think the girlfriend is in on the scam aswell, other wise she would tell mum to butt out as she could be jeperdizing the grand daughters chance of a good father and a good education.

[Martstar]

There is a lot of good advice on here about it. This will be the mother and probably some relatives that you haven't met pulling the strings. You can pay something to the family, a sort of sin sod if you like for appearances sake, but not the number that her mother is asking. After that, it is not your responsibility to support the mother, thats the daughters responsibility.

Having had a similar experience with a sin sod debacle, put it on the line... nice wedding, a little bit of money and nice facing = daughter and grandchild well looked after and mother receiving appropriate longer term support... maximum 10,000 baht per month... especially in CM as thing a lot cheaper there.

If the mother doesn't like that, then you are going to have massive problems for the entire time your involved with this family.... and my advice is to walk away.

[epicstuff]

Sounds like a bullshit family shoulnn't have top pay sin-sot in those circumstances .. she might convince you its the Thai way not to argue about this with the parents but if its true love she has to respect that you are marrying her, not her family.. this is the 21st century and even the most backward areas the woman are aware and capable of bucking the traditions. but you are likely to find out money may have been the driving force all along .. these girls can be dam convincing and great at faking love.. but pull back and see what happens .. Is there some major reason to rush things anyway????

[falangadang]

IMHO you're being played for a mug by the mother and the daughter (your fiance) is going along with it.

Your fiance has been married before and has a child so theoretically the first husband would have paid the sin sod.

You've been supporting the family with 45,000baht per month <deleted> and yet she has the nerve to insist upon a sin sod.

She (the mother) should be happy that you've come along to rescue the daughter and look after the family.

Talk to you fiance and tell her straight that there will be no sin sod or in the event that one needs to be used for "face" at the wedding ceremony that you will be given it back.

When I married my Issaan wife 10 years ago (her first marriage and no kids) we gave a gift of some gold to the parents ( a nice necklace and a ring which they've still got) and there was wad of 300,000baht cash for the ceremony which my wife's mother gave back to my wife at the end of the ceremony back at the hotel as was previously discussed and agreed. Since then we have paid for a moderate kitchen and bathroom renovation for them because we wanted to and because we had a bit of spare cash at the time. It was not expected of us.

We send money occasionally but it not expected and always appreciated.

They are happy that their daughter found a nice farang husband who loves her and provides for her very well and respects the family,... that's good enough for any decent folks that don't have an ulterior selfish motive!

[HOOD Robin]

The whole Sinsod thing IMO is just a show to friends. Look what we got........

Jeeeeeess... wake up lad !! This has NOTHING to do with "love" ! (this word does NOT excist in Thailand when falang is involved! )

Be a MAN and dumb them all, "mom" in first place ! THOUSANDS of others to pick one out.... But be warned !

[NBD]

And what did this family do before your "fiance" spent 2 weeks with you and you started sending her multiples of a decent Thai salary?

Sorry my friend but you are being thoroughly ripped off. If I read the OP right you have visited her twice, supported her in grand style and are now lining up to be shafted even further. And that's without even getting in to the likelihood of her having mutliple other men in the same trap.

[toonii]

Uptheos

I'm not a troll.

Sdshaman is back already! Incredible.

[marioc]

From what I read if she has been married before and has kids you should not have to pay anything.

In addition to all the "likes" this post has got I can just add:

when the words "money" and "gold" come around too often...when sinsod becomes an essential issue for a happy marriage.... when the gf's family gets involved too much and too often to deal with paying money.... well, stay away!!!!!

We all falangs living in LOS know and respect Thai culture and traditions, but in my opinion money can't be the real issue in a happy marriage, the only indispensable factor for a happy relationship is love, loyalty, sincere mutual care....then for the sake of the couple who has more money will help(usually falangs have), but money cannot and must not be the most important part in a marriage.

[FlorenceM]

I guess I found this topic a bit too late as I saw you've already made decision.

But I'd like to share my opinion about this and a little bit of my story...

I'm a Thai woman. My mom and step dad live in Bangkok. My family is poor but my parents always work hard for a few amount of money each month.

I've been working since I was in high school and supported myself until I graduated and got a good job.

Now, I'm in relationship with a very lovely guy from Austria. We live together and love each other deeply.

We've met each other's parents and both of us received a lot of love from them.

He and his family always want to help me about financial stuff but I always refuse because I'd like to support my family by myself

and I don't want him to think that he's an ATM like some other Thai girls think about foreigners. I never let him pay anything for me. We always share.

My mother is kinda old-fashioned mom too and I know that she would ask for sinsod as it's a tradition.

I told my bf about that 'cause we planned to marry someday (but not soon) and if that day comes, I'll pay for the sinsod myself (I'm collecting money). It's my country's tradition, not his so he doesn't have to take the burden. He doesn't have to do anything except loving me and take good care our own family, only two things I would ask for.

Well, I just wanted to say there is no need to give away your money every month for that. If she really loves you, she will still loves you even if you're broke.

I've seen so many people I know who have bad experiences about Thai girls. They came here rich but went back broke because

they think it's normal to give money to their gf and gf's families every month. They think they should give them money every time they want.

It's not true at all, not for Thai guys either. Thai girls are very good at taking care of their partners, doesn't matter they love you or not.

You have to be careful.

But if you're totally sure you gf loves you and you would like to help them that way. Then, it's your choice. You have the right to do that.

Wish you good luck with your decisions and a happy married life with you beloved one

Your a Thai Girl?? BS your English writing skills are way too good. My wife speaks good English but writes very bad. I have been in Thailand for 20 years and have had allot of Thai workers. I have had University girls that don't even wright this good. I have only had one Thai girl employee that wrote good and she was a mix. You are using works like: kinda, knowing the difference between to and too, no way I dont believe you are a poor thai girl, you are a troll. If you are really a Thai then you need to get a job with the news paper, the journalist in Thailand are not even this good!

Haha maybe you've never talked to Thai girls who speak and write good English. I'm not a troll. I can speak and write well cos I've got Bachelor's Degree of Arts in English and I gotta use English in my job everyday. That's why. If I couldn't write in this level, I would never pass all the tests and exams.

Not everyone who claims he/she is Thai and speaks good English is troll.

Anyway, thank you for the compliment

Edited January 8, 2014 by FlorenceM

[jomcondo]

Uptheos

I'm not a troll.

Sdshaman is back already! Incredible.

Haha I was just thing the same

[ozyjon]

Listen to all above..

It's the ones who live here and have gone through the motions that give good advice and you should listen closely.

I know the girl you mention and so do hundreds of other men, if she is on line don't think you are the only one.

They are a dime a dozen on many dating sites, free ones and paid ones, they are fishing and you are hooked,

well and truly hooked,, my friend take the LOVE out of the equation and what do you have,, think about it, Thai

men and women don't LOVE this is a western thing, we LOVE they enter into an agreement SINSOT, you are in

a blurred state of mind, western culture v's Thai culture, if you were to understand Thai culture fully you would be in

stitches on the floor reading your post because Thai men would never do what you did, do you realize you send that family

nearly 50,000 baht every month when the average wage is 4,000 Baht (if you are lucky) as many get much less than that or

nothing at all.

My advice to you is, put her and her family to the test, everyone does it,, tell her like this.

Darling my work no good, i have no money, at that point if she is still on the line say, what i can do, you can help me, then

if she is still on the line tell her, i can not send money to you, you should see her true colours from then on, remember you

are a bank of which much money flows out, she probably won't care much because she will have others in waiting.

Good luck, use your head not your penis (can i say that)

OK and read Private Dancer

[Docno]

Personally, I'm not going to even consider taking the plunge until my gf's younger sister (age 27) goes first. She has a Thai bf who intends to marry her and who is supposedly saving money for sinsod, but they work together in a department store and don't make much. But he's the sister's first/only bf. My gf is older (31) and I'm not the first bf (though she doesn't have kids). So in theory, I shouldn't pay as much (or any at all, since she lived with her previous bf?). But I'll benchmark against what he pays and add some for 'face' (yeah, I am probably seen as the 'rich farang' so I expect the family would like to display some benefit). But I've helped the family out in the past (when I've been shown paperwork), so I'm not a complete jerk

[ehw200]

it's been said before

Run Forrest Run

[belg]

I know it's a lot. She has a car and a failed business to pay for.

I'm just not sure how to deal with this other than what I've done. Say I'm not sending anymore til after married.

maybe on top a sick buffalo, a brother that needs an operation, an uncle ....

is this not just another troll ... CM story from a few days ago ... 5 - 6 year old kid...

same guy trying for different ending ?

[ginglee]

she's already been married ..therefore her mother can't sell her again...you made a 'rod for your own back' by paying her such a large amount everymonth...Evidently they think you are a 'buffalo', and will take what they can from you...

[slipperylobster]

That was one one of the last things I said. Go apply for a marriage visa and we will marry here.

Just stupid that Sinsod is becoming an issue.

I understand the purpose of it, but I'm not taking help or an income away.

I am the income.

Get a visa to marry her in your country, and make up for it later.

or just do what alot of the thais do...get married anyway.

Its not her first time....don't sweat the mom.

[slipperylobster]

IMHO you're being played for a mug by the mother and the daughter (your fiance) is going along with it.

Your fiance has been married before and has a child so theoretically the first husband would have paid the sin sod.

You've been supporting the family with 45,000baht per month <deleted> and yet she has the nerve to insist upon a sin sod.

She (the mother) should be happy that you've come along to rescue the daughter and look after the family.

Talk to you fiance and tell her straight that there will be no sin sod or in the event that one needs to be used for "face" at the wedding ceremony that you will be given it back.

When I married my Issaan wife 10 years ago (her first marriage and no kids) we gave a gift of some gold to the parents ( a nice necklace and a ring which they've still got) and there was wad of 300,000baht cash for the ceremony which my wife's mother gave back to my wife at the end of the ceremony back at the hotel as was previously discussed and agreed. Since then we have paid for a moderate kitchen and bathroom renovation for them because we wanted to and because we had a bit of spare cash at the time. It was not expected of us.

We send money occasionally but it not expected and always appreciated.

They are happy that their daughter found a nice farang husband who loves her and provides for her very well and respects the family,... that's good enough for any decent folks that don't have an ulterior selfish motive!

You are an exception. The money just does not always come back....Read previous posts relating.

[rotary]

Better move on and find a better potential spouse. You will getting lots of headaches and bank withdrawals from this one.

[atyclb]

Sinsod is only paid for virgins.

Does anal virginity count?

I dont know, thus I seek enlightenment from the TV relationship experts

[Brevity]

 

I'm afraid I will have to disagree with most everyone that has responded. I myself am getting married tomorrow, before the holidays we went to Bangkok and were legally married. I didn't mention sinsot and neither did my wife. A traditional wedding or marriage is a whole different story. I like yourself support not only my wife and her daughter but one way or another I support the entire family, when we buy food to take and eat at home, we have to buy enough for the entire family, when someone gets sick to where a hospital visit is needed? They turn to me to help out with a "loan". I don't like it but that's the way it is, however, when I need something the family will bend over backwards to help me out. Point being I also wasn't happy about paying sinsot but as I understand it it is a face thing, my wife's aunt married a Thai man last year and he refused to pay sinsot, we'll guess what? He caught crap from her family and his. I negotiated with my mother in law, it wasn't much of a negotiation as I told her I would pay baht 45,000 and she said ok. Everyone's happy now but me, I'll get over it, I have the best woman that I've ever met and she treats me like a king so if it cost me a couple days pay to keep the peace I figure it's well worth it. Just my opinion but what do I know, I live out in the sticks with the country bumpkins but they are good people.

 

This forum is hilarious with its ridiculous posts.

You're saying that you don't agree with us who have warned this guy he's being taken. So, you give two examples involving sin sod. First the Thai guy who refused to pay and "caught crap from her family and his". In other words, people weren't happy but the wedding still went forward. Next is your own situation, where you gave the MIL 45,000, which is equal to 2 days pay for you ("it cost me a couple days pay to keep the peace"). Well, that means you make a little under 12,000,000 baht a year or about US$ 350,000 to 400,000 a year. Good god man, and you admit that that you weren't happy about parting with what is a tiny speck of money compared to the vast wealth your incredibly generous employer or customers pay you every year. And somehow you disagree with people saying this guy shouldn't be giving 1/3 to 1/2 of his income to the family.

Your post is a strange and confusing one.

I love this forum -- such entertaining fiction, for the most part.

[ericthai]

I guess I found this topic a bit too late as I saw you've already made decision.

But I'd like to share my opinion about this and a little bit of my story...

I'm a Thai woman. My mom and step dad live in Bangkok. My family is poor but my parents always work hard for a few amount of money each month.

I've been working since I was in high school and supported myself until I graduated and got a good job.

Now, I'm in relationship with a very lovely guy from Austria. We live together and love each other deeply.

We've met each other's parents and both of us received a lot of love from them.

He and his family always want to help me about financial stuff but I always refuse because I'd like to support my family by myself

and I don't want him to think that he's an ATM like some other Thai girls think about foreigners. I never let him pay anything for me. We always share.

My mother is kinda old-fashioned mom too and I know that she would ask for sinsod as it's a tradition.

I told my bf about that 'cause we planned to marry someday (but not soon) and if that day comes, I'll pay for the sinsod myself (I'm collecting money). It's my country's tradition, not his so he doesn't have to take the burden. He doesn't have to do anything except loving me and take good care our own family, only two things I would ask for.

Well, I just wanted to say there is no need to give away your money every month for that. If she really loves you, she will still loves you even if you're broke.

I've seen so many people I know who have bad experiences about Thai girls. They came here rich but went back broke because

they think it's normal to give money to their gf and gf's families every month. They think they should give them money every time they want.

It's not true at all, not for Thai guys either. Thai girls are very good at taking care of their partners, doesn't matter they love you or not.

You have to be careful.

But if you're totally sure you gf loves you and you would like to help them that way. Then, it's your choice. You have the right to do that.

Wish you good luck with your decisions and a happy married life with you beloved one

Your a Thai Girl?? BS your English writing skills are way too good. My wife speaks good English but writes very bad. I have been in Thailand for 20 years and have had allot of Thai workers. I have had University girls that don't even wright this good. I have only had one Thai girl employee that wrote good and she was a mix. You are using works like: kinda, knowing the difference between to and too, no way I dont believe you are a poor thai girl, you are a troll. If you are really a Thai then you need to get a job with the news paper, the journalist in Thailand are not even this good!

Haha maybe you've never talked to Thai girls who speak and write good English. I'm not a troll. I can speak and write well cos I've got Bachelor's Degree of Arts in English and I gotta use English in my job everyday. That's why. If I couldn't write in this level, I would never pass all the tests and exams.

Not everyone who claims he/she is Thai and speaks good English is troll.

Anyway, thank you for the compliment

Well very good I applaud you on your English skills! As stated I have hired a few girls with university degrees and none of them writing skills even close to yours. However their degrees were in marketing and not in English. Hell you are even better and Yingluck, I still don't see how Yinkluck was able to go to school in the US with her poor English skills. I have met allot of Thai's with excellent speaking but very poor writing skills. Seriously you should check into getting a job with one the English newspapers.

[atyclb]

all humor aside, while isaan women may have a reputation for scamming western guys, chiang mai gals have that gold digging reputation amongst thai men. a thai female friend that did an advanced degree in usa and spent 7 years years there shared this with me. this knowledge was not gained in a beer bar.

[BB1955]

Run Forrest Run .... If what your telling us true you need to move on and not look back . Your life will be miserable trust me ... Once the cash cow is giving milk it will only want more and more . Everything your saying is not the way things are ... No sin sod for a woman with child or ex husband ... The mother knows this your just being taken advantage of .... $1500 a month is a lot of money here . They are rich now ,,,,,,

[Nemesis7]

I'm sorry mate, I firmly believe you are being taken for granted and considered as cash cow.

1500 USD per month!! That's really awfully a lot money to support a thai family. Just curious did she ever led that sort of life where she on her own spent 1500 usd per month to look after family???

Sinsod!!!! Is only for women in Thailand who were ever married and n top she has a kid. You are being more than kind in every possible way.

Mate get out of the scene while you can. Seems its a greedy family.

And if she truly loves you she will take a stand for you. But she said she can't go against her mom??

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