You want to move back to Thailand, but your family doesn't want to?

[tubehero]

Dear all,

Could you pls advise?

After 10 years living in the UK, I really want to move back to my home country, Thailand, as I no longer feel happy in the UK.

However my parents in Bangkok do not want this. And I am concerned for my children's education. I believe that they will enjoy a superior education in the UK.

So it seems to me that it is hard for me to find happiness in life. If it were you, what would you do?

Thank you

[beachproperty]

Not knowing the specifics of your life in England ....what makes you think you'd be happier in Thailand?

If you are unhappy now, running away from it and to a new place (or back home for you) probably will not change much AND your family will be unhappy then. IMO you sometimes have to put family before yourself ...it really can't be that bad that a move in location is going to magically change everything.

Your children, for sure, are much better off in England....better education, more secure country, established friends etc..

Why not just take a holiday for a short while to Thailand, re-energize so to speak....

Good luck whatever you choose! .

Edited January 6, 2014 by beachproperty

[khunpa]

If I was you, I would do what I really wanted and not let others dictate my life.

Both UK and Thailand have their good and bad. I would not let that decide for me.

[CraigSchuler]

In the same spot as OP.......Can't be of any help, if I knew I'd be doing it!

[geriatrickid]

Ok, apparently you are Thai. You say you want to move back "home". How old are the "children" and what do they want? Do you have a spouse/domestic partner? What are her/his/its exact views. Is this person Thai as well? Why do you want to move back? Is it because of the candy covered memories that you have of Thailand? How would you support yourself and the family in Thailand? If your parens are saying don't come, there must be a reason. No Thai parent wants the son to be far away unless; 1. The son is a loser, or 2. The parents can see the big picture and know what is best for their son.

On the other hand, if you still inists, you could do what some other tvfers have done; Abandon their families and move to Thailand. Find a bargirl and start a family again at the ripe old age of 70+ because you are feeling lonely.

[hellodolly]

We all have different values. For my self my kids would be my primary concern.

They are only in are care for so long then they are on their own. It behooves me to do the best job I can taking care of them.

If my dislike of where I am is so bad that it affects my ability to take care of them and offer them a happy life yes move.

You did not mention time or your parents reasoning. Maybe they are just concerned with the present situation in Bangkok. Not familiar with Bangkok but I am sure there are lots of areas where life goes on not even touched by the current protestors and the projected ones from the North.

Also they may be afraid that they will be the ones to raise the kids. Kids they have not really known.

I can understand that. I have 4 grand daughters that I hardly ever saw when they were growing up. Or even now me living here in Thailand and them in British Columbia. I wouldn't know how or have the desire to change my whole life for them. they if needed would receive plenty of quality care from their Grand Mother my ex wife.

[rotary]

Move back to Thailand and do a bit of Home School learning on the side. Then be happy

[Ulic]

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Your memories from 10 years

ago can play tricks on you. No place is perfect. As advised take a vacation back to Bangkok

to energize but don't just experience it as a tourist. Do it as a local.

[brit1984]

choose a school with long holidays for your kids (i used to have 10-11 weeks off in summer)

visit thailand regularly for a top-up of happiness or whatever you feel you are missing in the uk

[thailiketoo]

Move to California. A million Thais live there. Nice weather and Thai food and good cheap education. Plus you have the benefits of the Treaty of Amity.

[donmuang37]

More info would help get better replies, but I agree that the first step is to take a trip back for a month or so, and live as you would if you returned. Bring the kids and really listen to them. Same for your spouse or partner, if you have one. Are your kids half falang or all Thai? How old are they? Can they speak/read Thai fluently? Those factors make a big difference.

Thai culture is very strong and many Thais can't really adjust to life in a foreign country, which may be a factor for you. My wife lived in Germany and the US, and she loved them both. Now that she is back in Thailand, she sometimes gets very upset about the corruption, inefficiency, selfish driving and frequent lack of honesty. She is almost finished her Ph.D. and then we'll decide what to do.

Finally, I agree with other replies that what is best for the kids is important. But your happiness is also important, so the key is to find a balance. Best of luck.

[how241]

If I was you, I would do what I really wanted and not let others dictate my life.

Both UK and Thailand have their good and bad. I would not let that decide for me.

+1....Your life, do what you think in best. Have no regrets later.

[David48]

OP, are you male or female?

How old are the children?

Do your children speak, read and write Thai and what level?

If you aren't financially independent, what work would you do in Thailand?

[David48]

Ok, apparently you are Thai. You say you want to move back "home". How old are the "children" and what do they want? Do you have a spouse/domestic partner? What are her/his/its exact views. Is this person Thai as well? Why do you want to move back? Is it because of the candy covered memories that you have of Thailand? How would you support yourself and the family in Thailand?

+1

On the other hand, if you still inists, you could do what some other tvfers have done; Abandon their families and move to Thailand. Find a bargirl and start a family again at the ripe old age of 70+ because you are feeling lonely.

-1

[wym]

I have sacrificed a large degree of my own happiness for a dozen years or so to make sure my kids get a decent education, and IMO it would be irresponsible to have them schooled in Thailand unless I had the money for one of the (<10) decent true international schools here.

I would definitely ignore my own parents' wishes though. . .

[brit1984]

i think the solution depends on the underlying problem...

if there something you particularly miss about thailand, more regular holidays (or more focus on connecting with other thais in uk) should suffice

if there is something you particularly dislike about the uk, you could move to a different country (without that problem) with good schools

if you are just homesick, you should probably move back to thailand or at least south east asia to stop yourself from getting really depressed

[NoshowJones]

If I was you, I would do what I really wanted and not let others dictate my life.

Both UK and Thailand have their good and bad. I would not let that decide for me.

The good in Thailand outweighs the bad. The UK is the exact opposite, no wonder the OP wants to go home. Taxes,taxes and more taxes, the same can be said of Emigrants.

[tubehero]

Thank you for all your kind replies. Let me describe my situation a bit clearer so that you could give me your further thought.

My wife and I are in the early 30s. To a large extent, I can say we are having a comfortable life in the UK. Both my wife and I have good jobs. We are not rich but can say we are close to the ‘middle class’ level (the label may be controversial, but for the sake of simplification, pls allow me to use this word).

However, I get tired of my current job and would like to explore other opportunities in my home country. At the moment I have an offer in Bangkok, with a monthly salary of $3,000.

My wife and my parents do not want me to come back to Thailand. As I have said, we have a good life in the UK. For our children, the education option is also simpler in the UK: free education, and a good state school. (If you try hard and be lucky and your children are bright enough, you may strive for a top state school or a grammar school.) Coming back to Thailand, the education option seems more expensive and we are not sure whether we can afford an international school. We are not even sure if an international school is as good as a state school in London.

My wife also thinks that while she would have few problems to find a good job in Bangkok, the job would be likely to be more stressful than her current job.

There are also some lesser concerns like health care and public safety. But the main concerns are children’s education and to a large extent, whether we can fit in the job culture here in Thailand afer many years abroad.

[brit1984]

if you come to thailand, you would be better off being an entrepreneur than working as a full-time employee for ~100,000 baht/month

but from what you've said so far it sounds more like you just want a change of scenery than desperately needing to return to thailand

have you considered moving to another developed country with good job opportunities and good schools for the kids (e.g. singapore)...?

[geriatrickid]

You answered your own question with the last post. Remain in the UK a few years more. Build up your savings, give your kids the benefit of the fundamentals of a good education so that they are able to learn on their own when older. Remember, that you will have less time for your family in Thailand as work hours are longer. Yes, there are some advantages for some people, but for a young family starting out where health care, education and general services are at their peak usage, Thailand isn't the place to be unless one has money.

With the current political situation and the likelihood of a strong market correction in Thailand, your timing is not right. Come visit and wait at least a year. Wait and see what happens with the election and the impact upon the economy. Asian markets haven't been adjusted as they have in the west and soon Asia's turn will come. You don't want to be in Thailand when that happens. I don't think the government is prepared for the adjustment and debt levels are too high. When the adjustment occurs, you may find it easier to move should you and your spouse so choose.

[wym]

Thank you for all your kind replies. Let me describe my situation a bit clearer so that you could give me your further thought.

My wife and I are in the early 30s. To a large extent, I can say we are having a comfortable life in the UK. Both my wife and I have good jobs. We are not rich but can say we are close to the middle class level (the label may be controversial, but for the sake of simplification, pls allow me to use this word).

However, I get tired of my current job and would like to explore other opportunities in my home country. At the moment I have an offer in Bangkok, with a monthly salary of $3,000.

My wife and my parents do not want me to come back to Thailand. As I have said, we have a good life in the UK. For our children, the education option is also simpler in the UK: free education, and a good state school. (If you try hard and be lucky and your children are bright enough, you may strive for a top state school or a grammar school.) Coming back to Thailand, the education option seems more expensive and we are not sure whether we can afford an international school. We are not even sure if an international school is as good as a state school in London.

My wife also thinks that while she would have few problems to find a good job in Bangkok, the job would be likely to be more stressful than her current job.

There are also some lesser concerns like health care and public safety. But the main concerns are childrens education and to a large extent, whether we can fit in the job culture here in Thailand afer many years abroad.

The grass may look greener, but you will have to be more specific about why you think you'd like being back in Thailand, if you're just tired of your job much less disruptive and risky to land a better one there isn't it?

The huge one is indeed education, and having taught at several of the best international schools in Thailand I may be able to clarify things for you there.

The ONLY schools in Thailand that are as good as normal government schools in the developed world are those true international schools where a large proportion of the student body and ALL the administration is from the developed world. In my opinion there are well under a dozen of these in Thailand, nearly all around Bangkok and costing 600-800,000 THB per child per year, plus entrance fees, extra costs for school trips, food transportation etc.

Minor exceptions (that prove the rule) would be small new places in the process of starting up, Montessori style places for early years etc, but without exception they are founded and run by foreigners, I would be very very skeptical of any place where farang teachers have to report to Thai administrators at any level below the principal dealing with the board of directors.

These schools are for the most part much better than the average government school back in farangland, especially the English-speaking world where education has been declining over the past few decades. However there isn't a continuous curve degradation as you go down the scale to the "wannabe" international schools here, they very quickly become truly terrible to the point where I would consider a foreign parent irresponsible if they have the opportunity to give their kids a better education by staying out of Thailand.

So bottom line IMO if you can't afford the tuition stated above, don't consider coming back for that one reason. Of course as they get older you will need to be sure to spend time with them doing your best to counteract the downsides to British youth culture (rebellious drug use & violence) compared to those of Asian locations.

Also regarding the "job culture" in Thailand, I suspect after many years in the UK you will be very very frustrated by that aspect, I'm sure you're aware of Thai business culture's failings with regard to transparent performance-based reward systems as opposed to sucking up to the boss, treatment standards of employees etc.

The suggestion to consider seeking a job with a MNC in a more developed location in Asia - Singapore, Hong Kong Shanghai - is a good one. You can then cheaply and easily pop over to get your Thailand fix on holidays, while your kids will get an excellent education with the wonderful opportunity to get exposure to Chinese language and culture, which of course will be at least as advantageous to their career prospects as their British background in years to come.

Hope this helps!

Edited January 8, 2014 by wym

[tubehero]

Thank you so much for your latest replies, especially the reply about international schools in Bangkok.

I agree the timing can be tricky at the moment.

We have looked at Singapore, but the costs of living seem too much higher than in the UK: the accommodation cost, or even the purchase of a car. Even my wife said she would prefer to come back to Thailand, if things are right, than living in Singapore.

[wym]

Thank you so much for your latest replies, especially the reply about international schools in Bangkok.

I agree the timing can be tricky at the moment.

We have looked at Singapore, but the costs of living seem too much higher than in the UK: the accommodation cost, or even the purchase of a car. Even my wife said she would prefer to come back to Thailand, if things are right, than living in Singapore.

Yes but your kids would be getting a world-class education at the free government schools, much better than those in any English-speaking country, IMO only some of the Germanic and Scandinavian countries do better, notably Finland.

So take (your number of children) * 800,000 THB per year which is what (maybe) comparable education would cost in Bangkok, and add that to the credit side of the ledger when figuring your cost of living in Singapore.

Just as you have to add the cost of saving for your old age as opposed to the national pension scheme on the debit side when comparing other places to Britain. Tertiary education costs, health/disability/unemployment insurance, kind of tricky taking all these into account to truly get apples-to-apples.

In any case, that suggestion was made simply as a third alternative, assuming more-frequent visits to Thailand would satisfy whatever lack you're feeling there causing your unhappiness - which you haven't clarified.

Note Shanghai's government schools have gotten amazing results in recent years, and I imagine it's possible to live there relatively inexpensively.

Edited January 8, 2014 by wym

[tubehero]

Dear wym,

Thank you. I'm intrigued when you said free government schools in Singapore can be better than any good schools in the UK. I will need to look more into this important issue.

As I'm still in mid-30s, I feel that if I want to change my career path, I need to move now rather than waiting for another 5 or 10 years, when I myself would be reluctant to relocate (unless I am forced to).

[wym]

Dear wym,

Thank you. I'm intrigued when you said free government schools in Singapore can be better than any good schools in the UK. I will need to look more into this important issue.

As I'm still in mid-30s, I feel that if I want to change my career path, I need to move now rather than waiting for another 5 or 10 years, when I myself would be reluctant to relocate (unless I am forced to).

My comparison was between **government** schools only, I doubt if many schools in Singapore even private ones measure up to the quality education bestowed by Eton Harrow Shrewsbury et al in the UK.

You keep conflating "career" issues with geographical ones, so I'm still confused about what specifically you hope to gain personally by being in Thailand. For me the attraction is the women, if something like that is the case with yourself face up to it and admit it's a pretty piss-poor reason to uproot your family and threaten your kids' future?

If career issues are really the issue, sounds to me like you should strive to get on board with a major MNC that will give you the opportunity to relocate down the road, and of course that sort of package will include moving subsidies, tickets back to the UK, tuition at top schools for the kids, extra housing allowance, paid car etc.

Start working on that goal while still living in the UK, and then at some point down the road you may find yourself being offered the best of both worlds. Which of course you'd be free to turn down.

Just heading out yourself is a tough row to hoe, and the offer you were talking about (100K THB salary in Thailand) certainly doesn't come close to making the grade AFAIC.

[Thai at Heart]

I have sacrificed a large degree of my own happiness for a dozen years or so to make sure my kids get a decent education, and IMO it would be irresponsible to have them schooled in Thailand unless I had the money for one of the (<10) decent true international schools here.

I would definitely ignore my own parents' wishes though. . .

+10

This is the nub of the problem.

[wym]

I have sacrificed a large degree of my own happiness for a dozen years or so to make sure my kids get a decent education, and IMO it would be irresponsible to have them schooled in Thailand unless I had the money for one of the (<10) decent true international schools here.

I would definitely ignore my own parents' wishes though. . .

+10

This is the nub of the problem.

Home schooling is a definite alternative for those with the time and confidence, but of course as they get older you need to make strenuous efforts to provide them with equivalent opportunities for peer socialization.

[Thai at Heart]

I have sacrificed a large degree of my own happiness for a dozen years or so to make sure my kids get a decent education, and IMO it would be irresponsible to have them schooled in Thailand unless I had the money for one of the (<10) decent true international schools here.

I would definitely ignore my own parents' wishes though. . .

+10

This is the nub of the problem.

Home schooling is a definite alternative for those with the time and confidence, but of course as they get older you need to make strenuous efforts to provide them with equivalent opportunities for peer socialization.

Well I was working full time, so wasn't able to look at home schooling. My kids did well in thailand in private bilingual school not international.

I have friends who have their kids in international and the atmosphere in those places can be a little bizarre too. It is a long way from boarding or private school in the uk.

I'm glad I brought the kids home. The cultural difference in school attitude is enormous. My son is still getting his mind around attempting to provide an opinion.

[wym]

http://www.buzzfeed.com/search?q=signs+you+were+an+international+school+kid

http://www.buzzfeed.com/aneris/21-ways-you-know-youre-an-international-student-f8ca

http://www.buzzfeed.com/regajha/31-signs-youre-a-third-culture-kid

Edited January 9, 2014 by wym

[farang000999]

All you have to do is read Thai Visa and think these are the people who will be teaching my child for 400k baht a year. Scary.