I’m meeting the gf’s parents on Sunday. They are worried that I don’t have a job

[wprime]

I also heard one case where f-i-l was entrusted with 1M in sot, on the way to the wedding he passed a car dealearship and bought himself a merced b. He was the life of the party. The son-in-law couldnt bring himself to have poppa lose face so he went along with the whole scam. Poppa even said s-in -l could use the car every now and then............lol.

Marriage didnt last very long!

Bought a Benz for Bht 1 million.

The Benz must of been older than the daughter.

Probably a deposit.

[donniereadit]

I have some sympathy for these type posts when they are by guys in their 20s or very early 30s. But someone in their 40s should be a little more worldly, I think. Sometimes, these things have the sound of a fourteen year old girl out on her first date. Sorry, like I say, I have sympathy for these type messages but not in this instance. Far too fishy.

It does seem like an odd question for anyone over 30. However, in your 40's you either should be employed in the prime earning years saving for retirement or well enough off to not care about working anymore. Anything less and you are in risky territory financially. Sounds like he is ok, but just marginally, not enough to really kiss it off altogether or enough to be comfrotable demonstrating that money don't matter any longer.

So that's a valid worry for the parents. Can he hang on and support a family with what he has? They may not be able to bail him out either when he's sitting there with 8 kids.

Edited January 19, 2014 by donniereadit

[oogster8]

how do you guys know how much money op has. All he says is he have passive income. Passive income stream could be huge or tiny or anything inbetween.

What worries most of us is the 2-3 months . The girl is pushing hard- why is that? Desperation?

Mark Cuban was a young guy w/o a job. He sold his business for billions, or something.........................lol.

Edited January 19, 2014 by oogster8

[crazyguyinthailand]

Hi. Have your gf told her parents about you earlier. how you are etc?I met the parents for approx 2 weeks ago in South Thailand: http://crazyguyinthailand.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=447&action=edit (hope you can click on it, it didn't went that good for me the first 3 days(I hope you can learn something from my miss-takes) a tip: don't think cuz they look strange at you or something that you know what they are thinking about you and go well dressed and if they know a bit about you, just be your self, don't be shy or nervous smile and show you are happy) then happiness will go 2 ways in the end I met real Thai culture, couldn't have come to a better family. perfection in it purest form

[wym]

True this may not be an issue of how much he has in the bank or secure income coming in.

Fact is there is almost no such thing anymore as "secure" passive income, so if you are still capable of working and aren't yet truly financially secure according to a decent investment adviser + conservative lifetime estimate according to the actuarial tables, then slacking off and "enjoying life" for years at a time during productive years could be seen as irresponsible by conservative hard-working people of whatever nationality.

[bendejo]

If you were back in your home country how would you take it if you proposed to a girl and she responded that she needed proof of income/financial stability?

No offense meant, nothing personal as I've never met the people involved, but it sounds like a million baht con. They'll return the million baht sinsot? Is papa prepared to put that in writing? The suggestion would be taken as an insult, as insulting as it is to you to show proof of your own finances.

What is the age difference between you and this girl?

[wym]

Very common for Asian parents to get objective verification of a suitor's financial status before allowing the daughter to consider him as a suitor.

Including "back home".

And very sensible if you ask me.

If you don't like it, feel free to go get yourself a farang girl. . .

[wooloomooloo]

It's Sunday and I'm waiting patiently for the update.

[farang000999]

I can't imagine ever coming to TV for relationship advice.

[wym]

I can't imagine every coming back after reading the answers.

[meatboy]

It's Sunday and I'm waiting patiently for the update.

its not its Monday unless your in oz.

dai01 will be along shortly he's still meeting his future extended family uncles,aunties,cousins,and not forgetting the friends from the village.

I wonder if her brother will turn up?

[Showbags]

Take some weed...roll a spliff.....sit back, have some laughs......Daddy will love ya and you'll be invited around every weekend, your gf will get jealous, arguments will start, you spend more time with him than me....you'll both laugh out loud at her as she scowls off to her bedroom.

[speedtripler]

1 million baht alt=cheesy.gif pagespeed_url_hash=3951237149 width=32 height=20> Commom that is way too much Even weathly dont expect that. 400,000 or 500,00o tops And to tell you the truth

You are falang and really should pay nothing for sin sod. But keep the faith. They see farang as rich in comparison to Thai and will take advantage of it regardless of the Education

I am with a Thai lady now for 6 years and she has a university degree No sin sod and I was married to a Thai lady for 12 years now divorced and no sin sod

You are giving her a great opportunity to marry you and her parents know this. They know you will make a good husband for their daughter.

I know she wants a million but cut it in half Not realistic my friend and I have lived here for 14 years and speak Thai and know what they woman do here

Be realistic and think with your head

(between your shoulders)

1 million baht !

Should be no problem for an independently wealthy, retired ,40+ year old "consultant" !

Can anyone please clarify that being a "consultant" in UK / europe means being a medical doctor ??? I have met some so called consultants from europe that had told me thats what doctors are called there.

thankx

you can be a consultant anything ,it doesnt have to have anyhing to do with being in the medicine business

the people who work finding jobs for those on social welfare are jemloyment consultants and thats a fairly low

paid job

the lower partners of a billioniare investment firm maybe also be know as " financial consultants ' etc

[steven100]

It's monday now , what happen at the big pow wow !!

Did you end up getting sloshed with mama ? Is pappa happy with the 1 mill ? does he want more from your passive income ?

what the heck happened , i'm in suspense waiting !!

[Gentmartin]

Sinsot would be 1m but he would pay that back to me ? When ? Anyone else been told Sinsot would be paid back and it wasnt ?

[wym]

Most of mine it's only been a portion, usually majority.

Always got what they promised, in some cases more.

And most recently the inlaws lent me money and helped feed us when we went through a bad patch.

[mmh8]

other posters have made a good point, explain to future father in law that you plan to use money from marriage to finance your lifestyle,

[atyclb]

Anyone else ever get the feeling some forum topics are created intentionally as a way to draw a lot of attention for internet ,marketing/advertising purposes? Some topics seem to have high relevance, interest, and connection to the demographic of tv forum. Some topics seem to express a keen interest by the op, yet with minimal subsequent involvement.

I researched this theory and it turns out there actually are ghostwriters for internet discussion forums.

[Showbags]

Anyone else ever get the feeling some forum topics are created intentionally as a way to draw a lot of attention for internet ,marketing/advertising purposes? Some topics seem to have high relevance, interest, and connection to the demographic of tv forum. Some topics seem to express a keen interest by the op, yet with minimal subsequent involvement.

I researched this theory and it turns out there actually are ghostwriters for internet discussion forums.

Of course there are.

To think otherwise is just gullible....especially here.

Somoen that can talk a lot, or blether much, might for example...make a good employed ghostwriter.

[oogster8]

im sure isan parents have standards. im sure they dont want riff raff marrying their daughters................lol.

[F4UCorsair]

I'm surprised this thread still has legs. Some of us concluded a while back that he's a troll. This is all too silly.

[GOLDBUGGY]

a million seems steep... are you sure she's being straight with you?

as for meeting the parents, be yourself - assuming you're not a drunken slob...

the worrying thing is third party advice; thai's a renown for listening to and taking on board friends and family advice that can be given more put of jealousy or spite than a genuine desire to be constructive and helpful. the only hope you have is that your GF is independently minded enough to make her own decisions. good luck.

Agree that One Million seems steep for me to. My Wife is University Educated as well and I paid 200,000 Baht, which I could afford. Her younger sister just got married to a Thai and hers was the same as mine. But I think they offered them more Gold as well.

To help solve your unemployment problem, invest in a Good Gold Ring and then Watch, if you can afford both. Thais see Gold as the same as seeing Money. So as long as they see your Gold Ring, they will know you have money and not worry anymore. Believe Me! They will be more impressed with your Gold Ring than a bunch of Diploma's from a Man who isn't working.

gold plated then ? if hes not a jeweller he wont know the difference and its a nice insurance policy if they are trying to

fleece another stupid farang

No! Real Gold! I think 98.50% is about 23K, or is it 96.50%? But anyway this is about as high and pure as you can get in jewellery. The Gold Ring is for Him, and not for her or their family. So no matter what happens this will belong to him. True they all may not know the difference on appearance, but if anyone wants to see it up close the weight will give the cheaper ring away. As will the writing on the inside of the Ring. Like 23K (Real) or No writing (which means Worthless!).

From reading many posts, there may be some confusion on this young mans mind as to visiting the Parents and Sin Sod. Many say it is too early. Many say it is not. The truth is, they would both be right. The reason for this is that you must make at least 2 visits to her Parents Place.The first visit is for them to meet you and see what kind of person you are like. Thai's in general are not judgemental on anyone, which means you don't have to show up in a new Mercedes and you need help getting out of your Sports Car as you as so weighted down by all the Gold you are wearing. But I can't say that by doing this, that this will hurt your cause either.

I don't agree that all you should do is "Be Yourself". I Hate that expression because it is so full of it! You are going to meet her Parents for the first time! If "Being Yourself" is sitting around most of the day in your Underwear, and wearing "I Love Sigha Beer!" T-shirts, like me, and probably you to later, it is not a good idea to show up this way. Although again, Thai's are not judgemental.

Wear nice clean comfortable clothes and after shower ASAP. Thai's are perhaps the cleanest people on earth. My Thai Wife will shower at least 3 or 4 times a day everyday and her family not much different. They will tolerate a man with many drinks under his belt before a sober one, with dirty clothes and hadn't showered for a week.

Whether you like it or not, you are going to this first visit to get the Parents Approval. You can read many people here that will agreed to this, or disagree. Some here that their first visit was a disaster. But the bottom line here Son, is that without her Parents Approval of you, your life with her will become more difficult.

Thai Daughters are also far different than Western Daughters. My Western Teenage Daughter told me one time to "F-Off" because she was only 14 Years Old and I would not let her go to a "Drinking Party" full of 18 Year Old Men. Well, actually it was 1 time for me she said this and 2 times for her. Because it was her First and also the Last Time she ever did that to me!

While Thai Daughters will never say that to their Fathers at any age! I have never heard of a case here in my life. So the approval she is seeking is from the Head of the House and Her Father. But Thai Men are also heavily influenced by their wives. I guess in this regard they are a lot like us. They would sooner agree with their wife than argue with her. So her Mother's Approval is probably the most important.

The gifts these guys here suggest for this first visit were all very good. I brought some very good Whiskey for her Father. I probably would have brought Flowers for her Mother but my first visit to them was because of a Funeral, and the loss of my Wife's Mother's Brother. So I did not think flowers would be acceptable at a time like that.

Had I had another shot at it I would have also brought chocolates for the kids. It seems all Thais come from extended families. So don't be surprised if you see a bunch of kids running around even on your first visit. More importantly if you see your GF pick up this child and hug and kiss him like her own, then it isn't hers from another man. All Thais Love Kids! The True Father & Mother are the ones who finally get their kids back, at the end of the day,to take home. So the Chocolate is for the kids and a way of saying that you care about children also. Even if you don't!

With this advice I am sure you will win their approval. You may then have many other visits after that time. They will treat you like family. But until you are married you are not family! But also consider this visit like a Job Interview. That you are not only their to get the Job (Your GF) but also their to see what Job (GF & Family) you might be accepting later. Won't waist of time or space telling you about my first visit except to say it went quite well. Probably drank too much for my first time, but it was okay because I brought the Whiskey, including my own, and it was a Funeral, which most Thai's Drink a lot then to.

But what I am trying to say is that this was also the first time for me to see how my GF (then) interacted with her family. To see where she fits in position in her family. For me to see how they respected her, and thus me. It also gave them time to see how she treated me with love and kindness and how she looked after me. But if things go well, you then move on to Sin-sod!

I read a lot of post here about that. For and against! Most posts stated why and this being a Thai Custom for Centuries. I like that great poster here who said that Sin-sod" is mostly for show. How true that is! Also laughed about the ones being a "Cheap Charlie" and telling you that you only pay this for "Virgins". The term "Sod" in "Sin-sod"

Now you seem like a practical and sensible man. Where the Hell are you going to find a Virgin in her Mid 20's besides maybe an Arab Country? Laughed harder when someone wanted to know why she was not married yet. If that was my GF, and she was 25 Years Old, I would be more concerned that she was still a Virgin and would be double checking all the equipment down their, then if she was married or not. Do you know what I mean Son?

Sin-sod! To Pay or Not to Pay? I am in total agreement to pay this! It is a "Thai Tradition!". My only advice to "Everyone" is if you come here to change Thai Women, Thai's, or Thai Tradition, then stay home! I will even hook you up with my Western X-Wife their who screwed me worst than any story I every read here about Thai Women and Farangs. Maybe it is only worst as it happened to them later in life. But I bet they had more than $50 in their wallet when it happened here.

Someone said that Sin-sod is only for show, which I agreed. But I also see this as little different compared to the West. Let me tell you about my Oldest Daughters Wedding in Canada in 1994. She was marrying into a Well-to-do Family. Of course she wanted to look her best like any woman their would on this Special Day. It was her right to pick out her Wedding Dress.

Against my better judgement and after days and mountains of tears, I gave in to my daughter and agreed to buy the dress she wanted. I still remember it. All Lacy, Silk, and Velvet, with even some Pearls at the Neck Line. I paid $6,000+ for that dress back then, which now I figure with inflation is about $8,500, or about 255,000 Baht.

Now to all you guys out there who would do the same as I did in the West, and give into your daughters wishes, if you could afford it,(or not) and loved her like I did, can you please tell me why a dress she will wear for only one day is so important to everyone? Especially Her! Could it be for "Show Only?" Of Course it is!

But yet for so many here, they are against Sin-sod! Even when they are willing to spend the same amount of money for one Wedding Dress back home. Then after buying this dress giving that money to total strangers, instead of giving it to a Thai Family who will be your family to, which you hope for the rest of your life. Who will make much better use of this money then for some stupid over-priced Wedding Dress, put in some box some place, and long forgotten about.

To add to this story, this same daughter is recently divorced and like most people going through divorce she is in need of money, for lawyers and such. Now had I given my daughter for her wedding $6,000 in Gold, instead of that Wedding Dress, which if I recall Gold was selling really low then, and around $200-$300, it would be worth 4 times that now. Which means she could easily sell it for $24,000, covering all her expenses now and when she needs it most. What is an Old Wedding Dress worth anyway these days, that is 20 Years Old now, and in which she might sell at some yard sale?

Do you see my point now about this whole Sin-sod idea? Just because it is "Different", then what you are used to....it doesn't make it worst! It only makes it "Different!" I also don't care how long any of you have lived here! Some people will never change and can't adjust to something "Different" at any age, or how long they call Thailand there home! You read that proof here everyday!

But the truth is, a Weddings back home will always cost you far more then here, which in most cases with Sin-sod included. So you are actually saving money by getting married here. And that is always a Good Idea! Who do you think is going to buy your New Wife that Wedding Dress back home, if you got married in your country? Her Parents? No Chance! Or the Flight Tickets, Hotels Room, and Expenses, to bring over part of her Family at least? As I already said, Sin-sod also makes a Hell of a lot more sense to me then buying some silly dress that can only be worn for one day, for show, then becomes useless .

So Son, if you are still with me this far and agreement with me about paying the Sin-sod, the next step is "How Much?". The very Best Advice I can give you on this is what many people here already told you. It is too early to talk about Sin-sod! You hardly know this woman! If you jump on-board too quick, you will almost certainly be abandoning this ship sooner than later. It is always easier to get on then get off, which I am guessing you know this already at your age, and divorced once by now.

But your circumstances also sound a bit different than most posters here. Your GF lives with her Family, and I highly doubt they would let her move in with you if you live in the same city, and not married. Maybe not ever, or until after marriage. I don't know. But if you can give it some time it is best to do that. A lot of things can happen to you and her, in a year or two, including Financial. All Families will understand that you want to wait a bit to get married to organize your lives and set up your financial support (a job). They would prefer that anyway. This also gives them a chance to get to know you better, and see how you treat their daughter, which should lower this Sin-sod price also.

But if you want the answer to Sin-sod now, to get some idea for the future, or don't want to wait, here is my 2 Pennies Worth. You are not expected to go to this Sin-sod meeting with her Parents. This is expected to be done by an older member in your family, or preferred your Parents. This is the time they negotiate the price, which if you are not involved you will not be offended later.

In your case, like mine, this may not be possible. In that case let your future wife handle this. She may not know your true finances, even then, but if you live in a Rented Million Baht per Month Condo in Bangkok, this will give them some idea of what you can afford.....and should pay. If you have other financial obligations, like a child from a previous marriage, let them know that and that you are supporting them now to. You will gain a lot of respect for saying this and doing this.

The truth is that it was my Daughter from another marriage who smoothed the way for me. Who I brought to Thailand for the Summer who my GF's (then) Parents met just after they met me. They fell into love with this Blond Hair Blue Eyed Giant Kid and I take her to see them every summer. But it was her that actually smoothed the way with all of them. This is because if I was willing to share my daughter with them, then they were willing to share everything with me to. Which they have done.

As stated early, I don't like this 1 Million Baht Sin-sod deal. It is simply far too much to pay. Mostly because I also don't like the idea that they will give you back this money, as this is NOT the true Thai Tradition of Sin-sod. To me it is like renting a Wedding Dress, then tearing it out of your daughters hands the next day, to return it to the store. We do it with the Tux, but guys are different. Also, and as far as they are concerned, their daughter may be a Virgin, as mother and daughter never discuss that here, and before marriage. Unless you are living together a long time that is, which you have not.

Nobody can really say how much you should offer, as nobody here really knows your true finances. But your future wife will. I would much rather give them 200,000 Baht, or 300,000 Baht Maximum to keep, and some Gold for Father and Mother, which is adding another 30,000 to 60,000 more Baht, then 1 Million they say they will give back. It is for show but to me it is still not honest. Lies have short legs! To me this suggestion just puts up the warning lights in my mind.

Honest People are Honest People! Thieves and Crooks are not! From other Posters it has worked out fine this way in the past. I have no doubt! I am only saying I would not do it this way. If they really want to give the money back they still can and will, no matter how much you give them. But what I do know for sure is there is no shame in giving 300,000 to 500,000 Baht and Gold to the Parents to the winner of Miss Thai Beauty Pageant or a Thai Soap Opera Movie Star. Okay! For Miss Beauty Pageant, maybe a little more. But that is it!

For sure it is a very serious time Son, and not to be taken lightly. My Wife's Little Sister recently got married to a Thai Guy working Over-seas and almost didn't get married because of this. His Family offered 90,000 Baht and some gold and my Wife's Family turned them down. Which in Thailand means No Marriage. Without a settlement neither family would except the other, or their children. They finally came back and upped the offer to 200,000 Baht and some Gold, and what I paid. All was happy after that.

In closing I just want to mention my favorite post here from a guy who refused to pay any Sin-sod, then was delighted that her Parents started finally talking to him again, after 3 MONTHS! Is that the way you really want to start you knew life with your new wife, and her family? Over the price of a Wedding Dress? Man this one killed me and I really was LOL. I bet he doesn't know that my Mother Hated my First Wife, but only talked to her when she had to, to keep the piece, as we were married. Never said one word to her after the divorce.

But as they say in Thailand, "Up To You!".

Oh Ya! You won't understand a word they say on your first visit, or her extended family at least, but just keep smiling. This is the Land of Smiles!

[jackr]

^^ Stroll on . Server storage is not free, you know!

[Tmymaimee]

Put yourself in the parents position. If the girl is in her late 20's she is nearing the end of her eligibility. Thai guys rarely marry anyone over 30 unless they want her money. And once in a serious relationship with a farang, she is spoiled goods for most Thai men.

Her parents, no doubt want the best for her. So if you had a daughter that brought home a guy in his early 40's with no visible means of support, what would you think? I have 2 daughters and I would be very concerned. Never get between your Thai wife/girlfriend and her family - you'll lose every time. Find a way around the issue.

As someone said, what do you plan to do with your time? I was fully retired for 3 years after working for 50 years. I enjoyed the time off, licked my wounds, and traveled around Thailand with my wife. But after 3 years, I got bored. I don't have to work, either, because I have 3 retirements, but needed to keep busy and be useful. So I've be teaching English for 8 years now - and I'm 76. No plans to retire as long as I can work. I don't want to become like some of the drunken farang bums that I see who are a waste of oxygen!

I recommend that you go to your embassy and get a statement from them indicating a suitable level of income. The American embassy has a form letter used for marriage visas which would suffice if you are American. If not, your embassy may be able to provide it. It is an official notarized form accepted by the Thai Government so it should work for the parents. You can state less than your actual income if you wish, but I would show at least 100,000 baht per month. And show them your university transcripts. They spent a lot to educate their daughter and certainly want her to be with an educated gentleman.

Worry about the dowry later. No need to discuss on the first meeting. Agree with the others; about interference from her "friends" and relatives. Can be a deal breaker.

Best of luck

Is this honestly true? And once in a serious relationship with a farang, she is spoiled goods for most Thai men.

I'm not arguing; I just want a rational explanation why this would be the case? I have never heard this statement before. If the farang was a famous movie star of half-Thai, would she still be spoiled goods?

And where during the conversation between a Thai girl and her prospective Thai partner is this subject raised regarding the nationalities of previous boyfriends?

[Brevity]

I'm surprised this thread still has legs. Some of us concluded a while back that he's a troll. This is all too silly.

I think that many of us suspected that was the case but don't care if it's a troll thread.

We just enjoy engaging in a discussion among ourselves without directing posts specifically at the OP. We still get to share and compare our opinions and experiencing regardless if the OP was sincere or not, and that's fine.

[Showbags]

a million seems steep... are you sure she's being straight with you?

as for meeting the parents, be yourself - assuming you're not a drunken slob...

the worrying thing is third party advice; thai's a renown for listening to and taking on board friends and family advice that can be given more put of jealousy or spite than a genuine desire to be constructive and helpful. the only hope you have is that your GF is independently minded enough to make her own decisions. good luck.

Agree that One Million seems steep for me to. My Wife is University Educated as well and I paid 200,000 Baht, which I could afford. Her younger sister just got married to a Thai and hers was the same as mine. But I think they offered them more Gold as well.

To help solve your unemployment problem, invest in a Good Gold Ring and then Watch, if you can afford both. Thais see Gold as the same as seeing Money. So as long as they see your Gold Ring, they will know you have money and not worry anymore. Believe Me! They will be more impressed with your Gold Ring than a bunch of Diploma's from a Man who isn't working.

gold plated then ? if hes not a jeweller he wont know the difference and its a nice insurance policy if they are trying to

fleece another stupid farang

No! Real Gold! I think 98.50% is about 23K, or is it 96.50%? But anyway this is about as high and pure as you can get in jewellery. The Gold Ring is for Him, and not for her or their family. So no matter what happens this will belong to him. True they all may not know the difference on appearance, but if anyone wants to see it up close the weight will give the cheaper ring away. As will the writing on the inside of the Ring. Like 23K (Real) or No writing (which means Worthless!).

From reading many posts, there may be some confusion on this young mans mind as to visiting the Parents and Sin Sod. Many say it is too early. Many say it is not. The truth is, they would both be right. The reason for this is that you must make at least 2 visits to her Parents Place.The first visit is for them to meet you and see what kind of person you are like. Thai's in general are not judgemental on anyone, which means you don't have to show up in a new Mercedes and you need help getting out of your Sports Car as you as so weighted down by all the Gold you are wearing. But I can't say that by doing this, that this will hurt your cause either.

I don't agree that all you should do is "Be Yourself". I Hate that expression because it is so full of it! You are going to meet her Parents for the first time! If "Being Yourself" is sitting around most of the day in your Underwear, and wearing "I Love Sigha Beer!" T-shirts, like me, and probably you to later, it is not a good idea to show up this way. Although again, Thai's are not judgemental.

Wear nice clean comfortable clothes and after shower ASAP. Thai's are perhaps the cleanest people on earth. My Thai Wife will shower at least 3 or 4 times a day everyday and her family not much different. They will tolerate a man with many drinks under his belt before a sober one, with dirty clothes and hadn't showered for a week.

Whether you like it or not, you are going to this first visit to get the Parents Approval. You can read many people here that will agreed to this, or disagree. Some here that their first visit was a disaster. But the bottom line here Son, is that without her Parents Approval of you, your life with her will become more difficult.

Thai Daughters are also far different than Western Daughters. My Western Teenage Daughter told me one time to "F-Off" because she was only 14 Years Old and I would not let her go to a "Drinking Party" full of 18 Year Old Men. Well, actually it was 1 time for me she said this and 2 times for her. Because it was her First and also the Last Time she ever did that to me!

While Thai Daughters will never say that to their Fathers at any age! I have never heard of a case here in my life. So the approval she is seeking is from the Head of the House and Her Father. But Thai Men are also heavily influenced by their wives. I guess in this regard they are a lot like us. They would sooner agree with their wife than argue with her. So her Mother's Approval is probably the most important.

The gifts these guys here suggest for this first visit were all very good. I brought some very good Whiskey for her Father. I probably would have brought Flowers for her Mother but my first visit to them was because of a Funeral, and the loss of my Wife's Mother's Brother. So I did not think flowers would be acceptable at a time like that.

Had I had another shot at it I would have also brought chocolates for the kids. It seems all Thais come from extended families. So don't be surprised if you see a bunch of kids running around even on your first visit. More importantly if you see your GF pick up this child and hug and kiss him like her own, then it isn't hers from another man. All Thais Love Kids! The True Father & Mother are the ones who finally get their kids back, at the end of the day,to take home. So the Chocolate is for the kids and a way of saying that you care about children also. Even if you don't!

With this advice I am sure you will win their approval. You may then have many other visits after that time. They will treat you like family. But until you are married you are not family! But also consider this visit like a Job Interview. That you are not only their to get the Job (Your GF) but also their to see what Job (GF & Family) you might be accepting later. Won't waist of time or space telling you about my first visit except to say it went quite well. Probably drank too much for my first time, but it was okay because I brought the Whiskey, including my own, and it was a Funeral, which most Thai's Drink a lot then to.

But what I am trying to say is that this was also the first time for me to see how my GF (then) interacted with her family. To see where she fits in position in her family. For me to see how they respected her, and thus me. It also gave them time to see how she treated me with love and kindness and how she looked after me. But if things go well, you then move on to Sin-sod!

I read a lot of post here about that. For and against! Most posts stated why and this being a Thai Custom for Centuries. I like that great poster here who said that Sin-sod" is mostly for show. How true that is! Also laughed about the ones being a "Cheap Charlie" and telling you that you only pay this for "Virgins". The term "Sod" in "Sin-sod"

Now you seem like a practical and sensible man. Where the Hell are you going to find a Virgin in her Mid 20's besides maybe an Arab Country? Laughed harder when someone wanted to know why she was not married yet. If that was my GF, and she was 25 Years Old, I would be more concerned that she was still a Virgin and would be double checking all the equipment down their, then if she was married or not. Do you know what I mean Son?

Sin-sod! To Pay or Not to Pay? I am in total agreement to pay this! It is a "Thai Tradition!". My only advice to "Everyone" is if you come here to change Thai Women, Thai's, or Thai Tradition, then stay home! I will even hook you up with my Western X-Wife their who screwed me worst than any story I every read here about Thai Women and Farangs. Maybe it is only worst as it happened to them later in life. But I bet they had more than $50 in their wallet when it happened here.

Someone said that Sin-sod is only for show, which I agreed. But I also see this as little different compared to the West. Let me tell you about my Oldest Daughters Wedding in Canada in 1994. She was marrying into a Well-to-do Family. Of course she wanted to look her best like any woman their would on this Special Day. It was her right to pick out her Wedding Dress.

Against my better judgement and after days and mountains of tears, I gave in to my daughter and agreed to buy the dress she wanted. I still remember it. All Lacy, Silk, and Velvet, with even some Pearls at the Neck Line. I paid $6,000+ for that dress back then, which now I figure with inflation is about $8,500, or about 255,000 Baht.

Now to all you guys out there who would do the same as I did in the West, and give into your daughters wishes, if you could afford it,(or not) and loved her like I did, can you please tell me why a dress she will wear for only one day is so important to everyone? Especially Her! Could it be for "Show Only?" Of Course it is!

But yet for so many here, they are against Sin-sod! Even when they are willing to spend the same amount of money for one Wedding Dress back home. Then after buying this dress giving that money to total strangers, instead of giving it to a Thai Family who will be your family to, which you hope for the rest of your life. Who will make much better use of this money then for some stupid over-priced Wedding Dress, put in some box some place, and long forgotten about.

To add to this story, this same daughter is recently divorced and like most people going through divorce she is in need of money, for lawyers and such. Now had I given my daughter for her wedding $6,000 in Gold, instead of that Wedding Dress, which if I recall Gold was selling really low then, and around $200-$300, it would be worth 4 times that now. Which means she could easily sell it for $24,000, covering all her expenses now and when she needs it most. What is an Old Wedding Dress worth anyway these days, that is 20 Years Old now, and in which she might sell at some yard sale?

Do you see my point now about this whole Sin-sod idea? Just because it is "Different", then what you are used to....it doesn't make it worst! It only makes it "Different!" I also don't care how long any of you have lived here! Some people will never change and can't adjust to something "Different" at any age, or how long they call Thailand there home! You read that proof here everyday!

But the truth is, a Weddings back home will always cost you far more then here, which in most cases with Sin-sod included. So you are actually saving money by getting married here. And that is always a Good Idea! Who do you think is going to buy your New Wife that Wedding Dress back home, if you got married in your country? Her Parents? No Chance! Or the Flight Tickets, Hotels Room, and Expenses, to bring over part of her Family at least? As I already said, Sin-sod also makes a Hell of a lot more sense to me then buying some silly dress that can only be worn for one day, for show, then becomes useless .

So Son, if you are still with me this far and agreement with me about paying the Sin-sod, the next step is "How Much?". The very Best Advice I can give you on this is what many people here already told you. It is too early to talk about Sin-sod! You hardly know this woman! If you jump on-board too quick, you will almost certainly be abandoning this ship sooner than later. It is always easier to get on then get off, which I am guessing you know this already at your age, and divorced once by now.

But your circumstances also sound a bit different than most posters here. Your GF lives with her Family, and I highly doubt they would let her move in with you if you live in the same city, and not married. Maybe not ever, or until after marriage. I don't know. But if you can give it some time it is best to do that. A lot of things can happen to you and her, in a year or two, including Financial. All Families will understand that you want to wait a bit to get married to organize your lives and set up your financial support (a job). They would prefer that anyway. This also gives them a chance to get to know you better, and see how you treat their daughter, which should lower this Sin-sod price also.

But if you want the answer to Sin-sod now, to get some idea for the future, or don't want to wait, here is my 2 Pennies Worth. You are not expected to go to this Sin-sod meeting with her Parents. This is expected to be done by an older member in your family, or preferred your Parents. This is the time they negotiate the price, which if you are not involved you will not be offended later.

In your case, like mine, this may not be possible. In that case let your future wife handle this. She may not know your true finances, even then, but if you live in a Rented Million Baht per Month Condo in Bangkok, this will give them some idea of what you can afford.....and should pay. If you have other financial obligations, like a child from a previous marriage, let them know that and that you are supporting them now to. You will gain a lot of respect for saying this and doing this.

The truth is that it was my Daughter from another marriage who smoothed the way for me. Who I brought to Thailand for the Summer who my GF's (then) Parents met just after they met me. They fell into love with this Blond Hair Blue Eyed Giant Kid and I take her to see them every summer. But it was her that actually smoothed the way with all of them. This is because if I was willing to share my daughter with them, then they were willing to share everything with me to. Which they have done.

As stated early, I don't like this 1 Million Baht Sin-sod deal. It is simply far too much to pay. Mostly because I also don't like the idea that they will give you back this money, as this is NOT the true Thai Tradition of Sin-sod. To me it is like renting a Wedding Dress, then tearing it out of your daughters hands the next day, to return it to the store. We do it with the Tux, but guys are different. Also, and as far as they are concerned, their daughter may be a Virgin, as mother and daughter never discuss that here, and before marriage. Unless you are living together a long time that is, which you have not.

Nobody can really say how much you should offer, as nobody here really knows your true finances. But your future wife will. I would much rather give them 200,000 Baht, or 300,000 Baht Maximum to keep, and some Gold for Father and Mother, which is adding another 30,000 to 60,000 more Baht, then 1 Million they say they will give back. It is for show but to me it is still not honest. Lies have short legs! To me this suggestion just puts up the warning lights in my mind.

Honest People are Honest People! Thieves and Crooks are not! From other Posters it has worked out fine this way in the past. I have no doubt! I am only saying I would not do it this way. If they really want to give the money back they still can and will, no matter how much you give them. But what I do know for sure is there is no shame in giving 300,000 to 500,000 Baht and Gold to the Parents to the winner of Miss Thai Beauty Pageant or a Thai Soap Opera Movie Star. Okay! For Miss Beauty Pageant, maybe a little more. But that is it!

For sure it is a very serious time Son, and not to be taken lightly. My Wife's Little Sister recently got married to a Thai Guy working Over-seas and almost didn't get married because of this. His Family offered 90,000 Baht and some gold and my Wife's Family turned them down. Which in Thailand means No Marriage. Without a settlement neither family would except the other, or their children. They finally came back and upped the offer to 200,000 Baht and some Gold, and what I paid. All was happy after that.

In closing I just want to mention my favorite post here from a guy who refused to pay any Sin-sod, then was delighted that her Parents started finally talking to him again, after 3 MONTHS! Is that the way you really want to start you knew life with your new wife, and her family? Over the price of a Wedding Dress? Man this one killed me and I really was LOL. I bet he doesn't know that my Mother Hated my First Wife, but only talked to her when she had to, to keep the piece, as we were married. Never said one word to her after the divorce.

But as they say in Thailand, "Up To You!".

Oh Ya! You won't understand a word they say on your first visit, or her extended family at least, but just keep smiling. This is the Land of Smiles!

Can you abbreviate this to 3 words or less please ?

[atyclb]

Anyone else ever get the feeling some forum topics are created intentionally as a way to draw a lot of attention for internet ,marketing/advertising purposes? Some topics seem to have high relevance, interest, and connection to the demographic of tv forum. Some topics seem to express a keen interest by the op, yet with minimal subsequent involvement.

I researched this theory and it turns out there actually are ghostwriters for internet discussion forums.

Of course there are.

To think otherwise is just gullible....especially here.

Somoen that can talk a lot, or blether much, might for example...make a good employed ghostwriter.

So in actuality the OP could be a tattoo ridden morbidly obese ex convict high school dropout that devotes life to low end beer bars in pattaya with the ability to come up with fictional stories of high interest yield.

that could explain why my 2 cordially polite pm's did not receive so much as a simple acknowledgment and were later vacated from the conversation.

Edited January 20, 2014 by atyclb

[oogster8]

Put yourself in the parents position. If the girl is in her late 20's she is nearing the end of her eligibility. Thai guys rarely marry anyone over 30 unless they want her money. And once in a serious relationship with a farang, she is spoiled goods for most Thai men.

Her parents, no doubt want the best for her. So if you had a daughter that brought home a guy in his early 40's with no visible means of support, what would you think? I have 2 daughters and I would be very concerned. Never get between your Thai wife/girlfriend and her family - you'll lose every time. Find a way around the issue.

As someone said, what do you plan to do with your time? I was fully retired for 3 years after working for 50 years. I enjoyed the time off, licked my wounds, and traveled around Thailand with my wife. But after 3 years, I got bored. I don't have to work, either, because I have 3 retirements, but needed to keep busy and be useful. So I've be teaching English for 8 years now - and I'm 76. No plans to retire as long as I can work. I don't want to become like some of the drunken farang bums that I see who are a waste of oxygen!

I recommend that you go to your embassy and get a statement from them indicating a suitable level of income. The American embassy has a form letter used for marriage visas which would suffice if you are American. If not, your embassy may be able to provide it. It is an official notarized form accepted by the Thai Government so it should work for the parents. You can state less than your actual income if you wish, but I would show at least 100,000 baht per month. And show them your university transcripts. They spent a lot to educate their daughter and certainly want her to be with an educated gentleman.

Worry about the dowry later. No need to discuss on the first meeting. Agree with the others; about interference from her "friends" and relatives. Can be a deal breaker.

Best of luck

Is this honestly true? And once in a serious relationship with a farang, she is spoiled goods for most Thai men.

I'm not arguing; I just want a rational explanation why this would be the case? I have never heard this statement before. If the farang was a famous movie star of half-Thai, would she still be spoiled goods?

And where during the conversation between a Thai girl and her prospective Thai partner is this subject raised regarding the nationalities of previous boyfriends?

Yes . Contrary to what many think. Farangs do dameage peoples repeutations here. Or look at it this way.............Farangs bascially get the girls the hot thai booys dont want.

In fact many village boys dont want the girls the farang ends up with..................lol. They have been SOILED by many many moons of white man debauchary......................lol.

Again Thailand doesnt attract a whole lot of good quality husband types. We here for bargirls....the thais know it.

Perfect analogy is las vegas. A town based on fun isnt attracting single men who make good husbands and fathers. The non native -based men who cum cum for sex drugs and rock and roll.

Edited January 20, 2014 by oogster8

[Tmymaimee]

So if a Thai girl who previously dated a farang goes out to a club and meets a Thai man and they click, all is well unless she divulges the nationality of her ex-boyfriend? What is he was half-Thai? Or half-Chinese? Suppose they were dating for a year and hopeless in love and one day he spots an old photo of her with a farang…he would just walk away because she is "spoiled goods"?

Not looking to make an argument but trying to apply the boundaries where a Thai girl becomes "spoiled goods" the any prospective Thai partners. And at what point does a Thai girl become "spoiled goods" to a prospective farang partner based on her choice of ex-boyfriends?

[Showbags]

So if a Thai girl who previously dated a farang goes out to a club and meets a Thai man and they click, all is well unless she divulges the nationality of her ex-boyfriend? What is he was half-Thai? Or half-Chinese? Suppose they were dating for a year and hopeless in love and one day he spots an old photo of her with a farang…he would just walk away because she is "spoiled goods"?

Not looking to make an argument but trying to apply the boundaries where a Thai girl becomes "spoiled goods" the any prospective Thai partners. And at what point does a Thai girl become "spoiled goods" to a prospective farang partner based on her choice of ex-boyfriends?

If my missus had an ex Scottish bf, then i'd pretty much call it quits.